Monday, July 28, 2008

ST - sensual training

i dont often go to this ff branch. quite far. about a few weeks ago, i happened to be in the area. So i was working out when i saw the trainer. he seemed to be checking me out. perhaps because i look new. he is cute. but there were cuter trainers there. but it was the look that made him more... appealing. then he broke into a smile and approached me. wow. very friendly. chatted for a moment while i was on the elliptical. a friend saw me talking to him and went closer. he told me that trainer was pa-hada to his clients. hmmm. interesting.

he passed my way again. i asked him if i could try his personal training for one session. sayang. he is booked, just waiting for the client to arrive. but he gave his number and told me to just text him if im in the area for session.

i was in the area earlier this afternoon. i scheduled a one-session pt with him. buti na lang available siya. by 4pm, we started with some stretches. "sexy ka na pala" as he tugged at my back, stretching me. and we began the work out. first exercise, tbar rowing. proper form has my butt sticking out as i lift the bar. tama ba namang sa likod ko pumusisyon to assist me. he was behind me, assisting my arms for the motion. buti na lang nahihirapan ako or else eh i'd have a boner na.

next movement... compound exercise: bicep curl becomes a shoulder press turns into a squat, a barbell row and a hyperextension. (sorry, technical). all the while he is spotting me right in front. and his face is a breath away. shit na eto.

almost after every set, he would 'limber me up', stretch me. best would be the stretch where he tries to bring my straight arms together from the back. i actually touch his waist as he brings my arms together. kainis.

he really stand so close to me as he spots me. and i smell his manly scent. and i am just going crazy. he tells stories of how he goes out with clients. and eventually said something like that "minsan labas tayo..."

"okay ba, sir? sabihin niyo na lang kung kailan natin ulitin." while flashing a killer smile.

that pt ended with me getting really worked up beyond my work out. i havent pursued this yet. but i just might next time.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Thoughts on a Sad Story

Young, Gay and Murdered

Kids are coming out younger, but are schools ready to handle the complex issues of identity and sexuality? For Larry King, the question had tragic implications.

Somebody forwarded to me this Newsweek article. I am deeply saddened by what happened. This young gay (15yo), a baklita in our barkada's lingo, was murdered in broad daylight inside a classroom. He was shot dead by a classmate.

It's a long article. And I am not happy with the way the story is slanted. Because the little gay was quite dysfunctional growing up, it's like as if he asked for it. Well, that is my take on the article.

But on another note, I do notice how kids are really coming out at a younger age, blatantly and even militantly. I always thought that such was a good thing. I hated having to go through the proverbial 'identity crisis' in my teens. I am even impressed that these young people have sorted this out early on. And they are waving the rainbow flag high. And that also means a lot of them are already sexually active. And falling in love and having relationships.

I was out in high school, but only within the school. I couldn't hide in the closet anyway, even if I wanted to. I was just so identified with the 'badings' of the school. And we had the privilege of being dated by our straight classmates. We led a charmed life. We found love.

But Larry King, the kid in the article, is the horror side of the same story. Instead of enjoying the freedom to be himself, he found hate. And death. I am inclined to dismiss this is as 'America is just so dysfunctional.' But who knows whether it is really just a matter of time when such incidents reach local shores? Is our matriarchal, 'tolerant' attitude really protecting us from such hate crimes? Or will further 'westernization' of our culture lead to breeding hate criminals?

Even as homosexuality has become more accepted, the prospect of being openly gay in middle school raises a troubling set of issues. Kids may want to express who they are, but they are playing grown-up without fully knowing what that means. At the same time, teachers and parents are often uncomfortable dealing with sexual issues in children so young. Schools are caught in between. How do you protect legitimate, personal expression while preventing inappropriate, sometimes harmful, behavior?

I quote this from the article. And I fully agree with the fact that sexual orientation is a very grown-up matter. Though our hormones rage early on, figuring out sexual preference takes maturity. Because such preferences have much responsibility and consequences. And this is what a lot of young people may not know early on. This naivete could actually be deadly.

So i pause for a short while from the escapades and realize that I am lucky. And that i take this life choice of mine seriously. And that this is an informed choice I have made. Though I often used to ask whether I really had a choice here, I have to own up to my lifestyle and my preferences and say that "I made them"! and because of that I am proud.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

ff buffet

last year, i wrote about the "buffet" at fitness first. as in, if you come at the right time, it's 'eat all you can'. this time, i will try to describe the different culinary delights served at the "buffet"...

siomai - let's start with chinese dim sum. the siomai is the long-staying patron of the wet & dry saunas. siomai's stay too long hoping to get some action or at least catch a preview. sa tagal nila sa sauna eh mistulang prunes na ang kanilang mga daliri.

sushi - in typical buffet restaurants, sushi is one of the main attractions. here in ff buffet, this is what is usually avoided. sila yung mga saksakan ng lansa. maski ilang calamansi at wasabi in kikkoman eh hindi maalis ang lansa.

dim sum cart - you know how it is in some chinese restaurants, the dim sum cart wanders around. well the dim sum cart is the wanderer of the ff buffet. isang minuto na sa dry. tapos na sa sauna. tapos na sa shower. balik sa dry. the dim sum cart is usually searching... frantically.

angus steak - prime beef. the Pièce de résistance of the buffet. not often served because of its rarity. this is the hunky, gorgeous gymrat who happens to be 'available' and also on the take. siyempre lang, may attitude. minsan over. and for this viand, that chance encounter is never enough. so there is the exchange of numbers ONLY if angus steak finds you deserving.

lemon meringue - we are at the dessert station. and there is this great looking piece of pie - the lemon meringue. looks wonderful on the outside - muscular, nice face. but when you bite into it... a sudden rush of sourness. ang asim pala. only because the pie just looks sweet and delicious eh malandi pa pala sa iyo.

so there you have it. a sampling of the variety available at all fitness first branches guaranteed! all day, everyday!


Sunday, July 13, 2008


im feeling like piolo today.

at 230pm, i was off to a mall near the international airport to meet up with my chinese-american friend of hk, my hike-buddy. he was on a 2-hour pitstop from anilao to hk. wow, he looked so much better! and he also had a mustache and a goatee. so we had a laugh seeing how both of us have grown this facial hair since we saw each other. it was a short 'hi and hello' over coffee. he seemed genuinely happy to see me. but i know that he's not into me. oh well.

then it was 5pm for an eb with a friendster hook-up. a painfully-shy 21yo, he had the typical insecurity of kids his age. we had some merienda (coffee again). and boy, was he quiet. he may not be drop-dead gorgeous but he had nice, big, soulful eyes. he showed me his phone's file of porn photos (downloaded from the net). and among the porn pics was my pic! (NO i dont have a porn pic. it was a shirt-off pic from my friendster.) i didnt show him i saw it but i was just so flattered.

i asked him what he wanted. he wanted a h-u-g (he spelled it out) so we went over to my place. and we hugged and hugged. he really felt like he needed this intimacy. one thing let to another. all the while, a lot of hugging and kissing. and staring at me with those eyes. and i brought him home after.

after dinner, i received an SMS from a cutie fitness first gymmate. cutie here literally means cutie - because he has the cutest pair of puppy eyes. he offered to drop by. and he did. and we did. thank heavens i was still able to keep 'it' up and running! that was also great for we laughed a lot while in the middle of the action!

so this was a first. a triple-booked cc. and all ending pretty well. im going to sleep well tonight!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

by Pablo Neruda

From – Twenty Poems of Love
by Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest lines tonight.

Write for example: ‘The night is fractured
and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest lines tonight.
I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.
I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.
To think I don’t have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.
Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep her.
The night is fractured and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone sings far off. Far off,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.
My heart looks for her: she is not with me

The same night whitens, in the same branches.
We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.

Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.
Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,
and these are the last lines I will write for her.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

BUI: for london boy

elaboration on my stand on anal sex. after five rounds of beer.

its all a head trip for me. part of what gets me excited about 'bottoming' someone is this 'dominance-submission' fantasy. its power over another. its letting someone submit to one's desire. to be in full control. it's macho.

reality check. its icky. its ewww. it's still a shithole. it's a waste disposal channel. body trash. and it stinks. for good reason - it is waste. and i still cant get that out of my head. and my dick knows that. so my dick has to fight the ick factor. even with condoms. worse is when the smell hits you. then you realize what you've been poking your poor dick in.

turning the tables. ive bottomed. been there. done that. and it HURTS. really bad. my sphincter just tightens so much that a sudden thrust becomes agonizing pain. don't want to go through that.

so either way, top or bottom, i can have satisfying sex without... give me a great kisser and ive got great material. mutual masturbation - yeah i dont mind. blowjobs - the best. anal sex? can do without.

so maybe it's just in my head. but that's where the most important battles are won or lost in the first place. your head.

and when it comes to anal sex, none at all is a battle won in this generation.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

the boy who cried rape II (the adult version)

i have to admit that i was attracted to him. among my clients, he was the only one who looked good. dark, with swimmer's broad shoulders, he was actually quite hot.

it started out as business chit-chat. during our encounters at regular meetings, we would subtly flirt with each other (though i knew he has a family) so i was getting this strong "bi" vibe.

during one representation activity, we were the only two left behind as the others left. i entertained him by bringing him to a watering hole, inuman ng konti. then we went to the Spa for some nice relaxing massage.

he told me that he couldn't go home anymore and asked if he could sleep over. i thought twice, particularly since he remains a client. but i couldnt refuse a client so we ended up at my condo.

i made the sofabed for him to sleep on while i slept on the bed inside the room.

in the middle of the night, he woke me up to transfer beside me. i didnt refuse anymore but i was careful not to 'touch' him.

during breakfast, he started asking very personal questions. and eventually validated my PLU status. and he started talking about his experiences with M2M sex. i was trying to ignore the sexual topics. it remained clear to me that i was NOT going to have sex with him.

eventually he asked for it. he was wondering why we werent having sex. and i told him that i want to respect that client relationship. it drove him wild. he suddenly grabbed me and kept wanting to kiss me. i kept on pulling away. but the kiss felt good, too.

the ethical part of me won out inside and i was able to finally keep him at bay, on the outside. I told him that it wasnt going to happen. that we would just regret it if something did. and miraculously, i was able to stand my ground.

he left angrily. and vowed that this wasnt the end.

i couldnt imagine that at my age, i was still being assaulted.

i saw him again last week at an office activity. he still looked good. and it made me wonder. what if?

the boy who cried rape

Article 266-A: Rape:
when and how rape is committed

1) By a man who shall have carnal knowledge of a woman under any of the following circumstances:

a) through force, threat or intimidation
b) when the offended party is deprived of reason or otherwise unconscious
c) by means of fraudulent machination or grave abuse of authority
d) when the offended party is under 12 years of age or is demented, even though none of the circumstances mentioned above be present;

2) By any person who, under any of the circumstances mentioned in paragraph 1 hereof, shall commit an act of sexual assault by insrting his penis into other person's mouth or orifice, or any instrument or object, into the genital or anal orific of another person.

i was eighteen that time, scrawny and bespectacled. almost nerdy. i was already out in campus, though of course, peyups is one big campus. it was 2nd sem 3rd yr and i had to finish my 12 units of spanish, the foreign language elective then. i chose prof c for his reputation preceded him. he was out and out, loud with a taray-may-care attitude. and he always had this entourage of the cutest guys on campus. and his class was just plain fun, you could pass it with flying colors partying.

i luckily got into the much-in-demand class. and pretty soon, i was being chummy-chummy with him. and i didnt try to play butch either. i was my gay self. (i figured he was after the hunky straights anyway).

i recorded a mix of songs for him as a sip-sip gift. it was almost sem break. the faculty center was almost empty. i visited him at his faculty room to give him the cassette. he made me stay over to write down the song sequence. and for this, i had to sit on his chair, beside the cassette recorder to play samples of the song. he was busy with other things while i was doing this and doing chit-chat with him.

i noticed that he locked the door. he approached me and motioned for me to get up from his chair. I promptly stood up as he got behind me and sat on his chair. as i was leaving the area (it was getting cramped), he pulled me towards him and made me sit on his lap. "ituloy mo yung ginagawa mo"

i naively continued to write the songs, sitting on his lap, as i started feeling his kisses on my nape. i tried to stand up but at his time, he already had his arms around me. and he was aiming for my crotch. i was struggling to keep his hands off me. "sir, huwag naman po. may kiliti ako" i nervously laughed as we wrestled.

I was able to finally pull away from him and was making for the door. he quickly got up and grabbed my hand and tried to pull me towards the nearby sofa. "ano ba?" "sir, may lakad pa kasi ako.... may naghihintay sa akin"

more struggling. i broke free and opened the door. I was out in the hallway panting... but free and safe. He peered outside, checking if there were other people around. "mag-complete ka rin." and he shut the door.

i was relieved to be out there. bewildered at that turn of events. i couldnt imagine him liking me, wanting to have sex with me. i was quite out at that time. and he had all the gorgeous guys around him. why me?

i was avoiding him for one sem. but he did give me an "incomplete". and that meant i would need to see him to complete my requirements. i knew better and went to his office accompanied by friends.

if i cried rape then, who would believe me?