Sunday, August 31, 2008

IJ Case 5: Chin-chin Bar subtitled Ano Vah

i finally got the chance to see the bar ive been most curious about, since i chanced upon rrdantes' site. i am so amazed that the photos taken of the boys show them almost totally naked. as in wala ng tinago. mayroon ba talagang ganung bar? even for 'special occasions', im still astounded that such a bar exists.


im no newbie in the gay bar scene. though its been quite sometime since ive been in one. but my recollection of gay bars are still the macho dancers doing their classic moves. and primarily just a lot of sexy dancing and teasing. rarely did i watch full frontals. of course, there were the really notorious ones which had the 'bayo' scenes, and even actual penetration! but they were hardly 'appetizing'. the boys who do agree to such shows were reed-thin with such faces that range from plain to ano vah yun?

but that was soooo long ago. and i chanced upon rrdantes and see such ... guts! so ive always wanted to know where on earth (well in manila) this was.

asus! the chin-chin bar, formerly lips, is located right in my own city, almost a stone's throw (well, mga tatlong stones) away from where I stay!!! thanks to lobster and crush(ed), i got to watch Mr Campus Face 2008.

place itself is typical of those types, small hole-in-the-wall, dimly lit, hodge-podge of furniture around a stage. and a toilet that you'd rather not use too often. so, it wasnt such a surprise.

then the entertainment. the one-song dancing in slow, robotic movements, with sudden twists and flips. i think this is totally Pinoy choreography. should be enshrined somewhere up there with tinikling and manlalatik.

quality of the dancers is actually not bad. a lot of them have decently muscular bodies. there was one or two pretty boys. and some dared to strip all the way, but still with the customary takip muna.

but the highlight of course was mr campus. the contest started at 130am! and there were 14 boys, literally, on parade. first was the major production number. the group dancing cum modeling. then i was shocked to see that all they had on was a flimsy tulle-like material (which reminded me more of japanese paper) wrapped flimsily around their hips. i thought they still had underwear. but one lunge from a candidate pricked that thought bubble.

it gets worse (or better depending on your ahmmm perspective. next part they were parading with just stringed-beads for covering. for the better-endowed ones, those beads were not going to hide anything. their dongs just kept on peeking!

a lot of them were still thin and scrawny. and when they turn their backs and walk across the stage, i kept on being reminded of the shower scene in... schindler's list. so totally un-erotic. ang papayat kasi. and they way they were being herded by the emcee cum choreogapher cum PA, it looked like auschwitz (with red lights pa).

i would have enjoyed the campiness of it all. and honestly, i kept on looking at one of the hunkier candidates as he kept on fixing his dick peeking through the beads. that was a turn-on. but it was just too late. i was too sleepy. so we didnt even finish the contest.

would i go back? sure. if crush(ed) asks me to. =)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

scandal ang pelikulang eto!




paanong naging masahista sa isang 'illegit' na massage parlor si lance eh kay liit pala ng ari? paano makakapasa yun sa mga mamasan?

bakit parang gulat na gulat ang benny sa kajutayan ni lance eh nakita naman niyang naliligong jubo't-jubad sa salamin? de sana di na niya pinasok sa banyo.

bakit naisip ni lance nai-post pa sa u-tube ang video eh di man lang na-establish na siya ay mahilig sa internet?

bakit may sisiw sa kabaong ni lance? may manukan ba sa tabi ng morgue?

bakit ang cheap ng mga tanong ng reporter from RCB TV?

bakit kelangan naka-wide screen ang indie film na hindi naman ganun ang pagkashoot? distorted tuloy ang mga visuals, lalo na ang mga faces.

bakit ang daming cut-to-cut? ang iikli ng mga scenes.

bakit pumayag sila emilio at snooky?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

the sequels

sensual training II

i had another session with ST king. and sadly, it wasnt as sensual anymore. but he is still so sexy. the way he demonstrates moves and exercises is just so sexy. especially when he does squat-movements. with his butt out. but there was less of the 'chancing' and more serious workout. and ive stopped trying to find out where it would lead. effort sobra!

slow-burn date II

brandon, well, he's really just a friend now. gorgeous as he remains, there really is just no spark there. he texts sometimes. visits the condo but we just chat. that's what he needs. just someone he could talk to who wouldn't want to harass him.

dear half-pintt II

half-pint i haven't seen in a long time. a few texts here and there. i guess he has renewed his vows with his love. he'll always have a soft spot somewhere in cc (not necessarily the heart, hehehe).


yun na muna. just to let you in on stuff happening in my life.

showbiz clergy

im sitting in the front pew, listening to the priest. and he delivers his homily ala boy abunda. as in. complete with 'heller', with the 'look', and all the badingspeak. the congregation keeps laughing. i giggle everytime a gay reference comes up.

"a priest must be able to deliver his homily with style! or else you will feel shortchanged" he intones!

it got me thinking...

at first i felt it was wonderful that the church has relaxed a bit to allow priests to have more entertainment value. "that way, the parishioners become entertained and would want to attend church services again.." so goes the rationale.

but now, ive started to rethink my position on this. i feel sad that the church has to 'compete' with all other forms of entertainment in media to be considered worth going to. the clergy will resort to becoming more entertainers than preachers. what happened?

it is a different world now. i could imagine a time way back when people go to church because there is an intrinsic benefit to praying, to listening to the homily, to receiving the sacraments. the value for church-goers then was the experience of God inside the church, within the sacraments, within the service. that itself was enough for people to attend. but given that communities then were much smaller, there was also that sense of belonging that a parish community gave.

but not anymore. in this time of hyper-exposure to all sorts of media, messages, entertainment and information, the value of praying just diminished. prayer in itself, a beautiful source of tranquility, of strength and joy, was no longer a sustainable model (unless of course there is an urgent need of a miracle). prayer and the sacraments (like the Holy Eucharist) needed to have entertainment value to be listened to or attended. and if parishioners feel that the priest is not as 'effective' (or entertaining), they just attend mass in other parishes. (like forum shopping for lawyers)

that's how things are now, i guess. and unless the trend gets reversed, i am sure to see more of Fr Boy Abunda in next sunday's mass.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

hot stuff at the coffeeshop



check this barista out somewhere in greenhills.

nice pecs. cute smile.

wreck(ed)

giddy
hyper
giggling
torpe
apektado
curious
concerned
stupid
can't concentrate
clueless
sighing
daydreaming
fantasizing
wondering
hoping
wanting
needing
praying
for you
to justify my love

Monday, August 18, 2008

getting picked on

im getting quite pissed with one of the people i hang around with. he seems to find it hilarious to pick on me, put me down to get some laughs. nakakapikon na. and he makes fun of my seniority, my promiscuity, my looks.

once or twice, okay lang. pero to make such catty remarks and side comments too often is too much. i end up bitching, too, just to get even.

i dont get it. i dont know why he has to do it. and it's not as if he's so much younger, better looking or even more successful. yeah, may be the guy's smarter. or writes better.

i can understand teasing one another, as part of the big group kwentuhan and chikahan. but the dynamics of such is that you sort of spread it around and tease everybody in turn. you don't just zero in on one person.

do i talk to him about it? or should i just let it pass... until he does it again. and then i become bitchy (which i dont always welcome). at the very least i want him to know i am getting pissed. and why on earth pick on me.

grrr.

loving the love of siam

it was another movie marathon. from shelter we had a short break. a game of sorts. then it was 'love of siam'. this one is pure innocence. and it is definitely a more complex plot. star-crossed 'special friends', probably in their early adolescence are pulled apart by tragic circumstances. they meet again years after, now in their ripe pubescence. but this takes place as the family of one continues to decay... and take bizarre turns.

there is more drama. and there are more characters. all of them have their time in the limelight. which somehow makes it a movie much much bigger than just adolescent gay love. it doesnt have shelter's happy ending. and for some of us, the ending was 'huh?'. but on hindsight, the ending may be explained by the growing maturity of both friends. especially the one who needed to be there for his family. he knew in the end, he was the only hope to keep the family together.

this is much bigger than shelter. so the gay love angle becomes just one of the storylines. and for that i am not as thrilled. i like the single-mindedness of the first movie. but awards-wise, love of siam is the winner, hands down.

i wanted to do more emo right after watching love of siam. i have just seen two gay love stories. and for somebody single, for somebody who still recalls seven years of having been in a relationship, the movies are quite heart-rending. (obviously, since i am still here blogging about it). beautiful stories they both are. each proudly showcasing their cultural context.

now, direk, give me a story like this. ill fund it. =)

swooning over shelter

finally, i saw it. shelter is awesome. i find it sensitively acted. the plot is fairly straightforward. it's lower middle class family, dysfunctional, struggling. and in this brew, you add growing self-awareness of attraction. and all this in a surfer dude.

that growing attraction builds up, though predictably, but still towards an exciting 'confrontation'. kilig moment!

and there's the counterpoint to the main character, the sister who dumps her responsibilities and insecurities on the poor guy.

of course, our hero also has it a bit easier. most everyone seemed to have known about it already. and gives him unconditional love and support.

so there i was watching this. and suddenly, im wishing again to be in a relationship. im missing again all that true intimacy. the togetherness. the oneness.

and it didnt end there. next... love of siam... *sigh*

ive got a nano

ive got a nano, a nano-enterprise. as distinguished from micro-enterprise. and that's the reason why i havent been blogging as much for the past two months.

a few months back, ive been entertaining the wild idea of having a small business on the side. ive always been such a corporate guy, ive wondered if i could actually handle a SME (small medium enterprise). it was also a way of helping out people by providing employment ('give a man a fish and he eats for a day....')

opportunity landed on my lap, a heaven-sent. turns out a colleague's sister wants out of her retail business. and just at the right time, i offered to buy her rights and assets. it's really a tiny, tiny enterprise, hence the nano-enterprise. it's a little diner somewhere in qc.

right at day one, i got involved in the business. since it was existing, there were some steady clients. all it needed was some renovation, additional working capital. and i started to get my feet really wet into it. i supervised the renovations, with its two million little headaches (part of cost-cutting is micromanaging). buying the hardware materials, handing out the arawan sweldo. oh my.

then it was the purchase of the dinnerware, utensils, kitchen stuff. it was onwards to quiapo to really get good quality bargains! i haven't been there in a long, long while. now, im there almost weekly! and there's makro! never thought id actually be one of those I see standing in line with huge packs of groceries.

it's all so retail. and lately, after the blessing and all, things are picking up. i spend free time just supervising and serving clients. im meeting new people, with their own stories. hmmm. i think ill start another blog about their kwentos.

such different paradigms: the corporate mega-enterprise and my nano. it's my incubator for face-to-face market research on neighborhood consumer behavior. and beyond that it's me experiencing a new set of people again. and some of them are quite attractive. hahahaha.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

ff ballroom

another way of looking at fitness first: it's really a ballroom with choreographed dances!

basic dance moves

choose your ballroom: whether the dry or wet sauna...

upon entering the ballroom, you try to appear like you are NOT checking out the other dancers. and that you are NOT desperately looking for a dance partner.

in a basic scene where there is just you and the potential dance partner, the dance starts upon entering the room. you will sit opposite each other, usually diagonal because of the orientation of most saunas in ff. you will first appear like you don't notice that there is just the two of you. if he happens to be a crush, puhlease suppress the girly giggle.

dance progresses as you carefully check each other out. there should be enough eye contact, not too much, though, to establish that the other person is willing to dance.

movement 1: the fixing of the towel. usually, towel is fixed to give partner a peep into the crown jewels. using peripheral vision, find out if the eyes fixed on your crown jewels as you do the adjustments.

movement 2; while seated, open legs wide. again the objective is to show accessibility and interest. and to find out if partner is checking you out. partner may seem pre-occupied with sweating but a quick head movement should indicate interest.

movement 3: possibly partner now tries some overt action the 'kuyakoy', the seemingly involuntary shaking of the legs, hopefully leading to a growing erection. a variation: close-open adduction, abduction of the legs. a more direct way of trying to induce erection.

movement 4: if this has taken quite some time to progress, either one of you may decide to cool off by leaving and taking the shower. you are NOT to follow immediately. give partner some space. wait for a few minutes by staying where you are. if partner is interested, he will come back. if he doesn't, he may be playing a more advanced choreography - chasing each other.

movement 5: more direct behaviors - hands clasp on top of crotch. slow movements indicate caressing pattern. erection should be more obvious. you should reciprocate with a similar obvious behavior like the 'cambio', or directly fixing your penis as your own erection becomes evident.

movement 6: with direct eye contact now, one of you will start the jerk off, still at opposite sides of the room. towel may or may not be covering, just in case other people may suddenly enter.

movement 7: optional, not to for the faint-hearted, high-risk of being caught. do not try this at home... one approaches the other while jerking off. one remains seated. a cock squeeze, or even more darinig: a blowjob may ensue.

utmost caution should be observed. part of the beauty of the dance is the thrill of getting caught.

movement 8: the quick dispersal. should there suddenly be an unwelcome guest, there is the almost immediate withdrawal of the troops: the hands, the mouth... practice this movement for pacing is important. all evidence should be hidden from view (hard on, seminal exchange) unless guest may actually be welcomed...

there you have it, the first choreography in the ff ballroom. i suggest you practice, people...

=)

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

cc & his faith

mgg just posted our latest fabcast "homosexuality and religion". i invite you to listen to it by going to mgg's blog.

im re-posting an entry from last year, exactly on this topic:

my faith explained
march 27, 2007

its palm sunday. we begin Holy Week, a defining week for Catholics. it has put me in the right mood to be introspective. moreover, something about the comments on my post "feasting and abstinence" made me think - what is my "faith"? what do i believe in? funny but i have never tried to put this down into words, largely taking 'believing' for granted. (what do you take me for, granted?)

I believe

- in God, a Father to me, to all of Creation. Benevolent Creator. I believe in some power much, much greater than me. I cannot believe that all the happens in this world are by accident. There is logic, there is order though the wisdom of this may be beyond me to comprehend. And that's why I call it faith.
- in Jesus. The Father's Son. He is my Teacher. He is my Lord. Through the New Testament, He teaches me to live a better, more fulfilling life. Very difficult at times.
- I was born this way... made this way.. gay, for a reason or for a host of differet reasons. Foremost is to take care of my parents in their twilight years. the least I could to for all the sacrifice they made for me.
- that though the Bible is explicit about homosexual behavior as sinful, I believe that the sin lies in sex and sexual behavior devoid of 'love', purely for passion, or recreation. It is not so much the gender of those involved but the attitude behind the act. I should be treating people as people, as human beings. I fail to treat them right if I have sex with people I do not even love.
- that when i love, i should ultimately love in all faithfulness.
- that reconciling being gay with being catholic may seem like an oxymoron. but the ability to hold two opposing truths is a sign of deepening maturity. i liken this to the dual nature of light. do you know that light behaves like a wave and a particle? and these two aspects of light are truly incompatible, irreconcilable. and yet light behaves in both ways.

Monday, August 4, 2008

love! valour! compassion!


ive wanted to watch this old film (1997). i guess because this is one of the more popular gay-themed movies then. finally, somebody lent me a copy. salamat!

friends spend holiday-weekends in a beautiful house by the lake. couples mostly. i get snapshots of their lives, their infidelities, their fragile egos. funny how spending time together brings out all these issues. and often, there are confrontations, violent ones. and i find it weird. ive spent endless weekends with my friends. we've never turned dramatic or confrontational. maybe its just us. or is it pinoy not to 'rock the boat'?

a mildly entertaining film, a celebration of gay friendship (as if it was so different from straight friendship). poignant when they talk about AIDS and the way the film ends.

recommendable only because of jason alexander's portrayal of an HIV-positive. and the nudity. =)

haiku-like post


we saw each other again. finally no animosity. and no mention of the past. sure, it was still strained.

then i hugged him from behind. kissed him on his neck as i felt how nice it was to hug him and kiss him once again.

he made the peace sign with his right hand. and i made one, too.

i was also wondering how on earth to tell everybody that we were back together, after all the acrimony. but who cares? i was happy to be with him again.

then i woke up. it was just a dream. a dream of ex.

pic by worldwidet. showing the peace sign formed by the clouds.

wish i was there...


i just finished listening to mgg's fabcast with the closet badets. i should have been there. but i already made some plans. sigh.

but it sounded like they had fun, poking at the generation gap! buti na lang pala wala ako dun. =)

seriously, there were two thought-provoking questions mentioned that stimulated my cc mind...

if there was an event or an experience when you were starting out as a gay man which you could change, what would it be?


i should have had sex with my high school boyfriends. yes, i didnt have sex with them. the most we got to was french kissing. funny we were so pa-tweetums then.

oops. context muna. back in high school in an all-male school somewhere in manila, we badets (then) were the ones being pursued by the straight guys in the school! in an amazing twist of fate, it was considered 'cool' among the guys to have a 'syota' na bading. (the guys included the hottest jocks - the captain ball of the basketball team, the football team - the corps commander of the CMT, etc) so we felt like girls being wooed by the guys. and we had our pick. i had 2 relationships then. but the sad consequence of being treated like girls is the stupid notion that we WERE girls that had our LIMITS - i.e. NO SEX! i myself went as far as french kissing and hugging. and that was an accomplishment for me!

i had two really cute boyfriends then. i wish i had sex with them.

is there a happy ending for gays?


tony responded to this closing question by saying that happy endings are gender neutral. i agree ideally. but this question remains central to a lot of gays only because of the innate social biases against being gay in most societies. handicap, kung baga. whether we like it or not, we felt those biases growing up. in my extremely permissive high school as mentioned above, i still felt persecution from the other guys. i still grew up being teased and taunted. and i hated that feeling. and that didnt make me happy at all.

happy endings then may be a pipe dream for some us who continue to be persecuted because of who we are. what is ideally a question for everybody becomes particularly poignant for us who feel disadvantaged right at the start. and this is an experience we share with other disadvantaged groups... color, creed, disability.

but having said that, my response: happiness is not found at the end of the road, it is found along the way. which is very similar to what mgg said. it is the journey that matters. you HAVE to be happy and peaceful now, as you go your way being gay. and there a zillion reasons for being happy.

yun lang. =)