Wednesday, September 30, 2009

cc and hospitals

ive been hospitalized four times in my four decades plus of existence:

at the age of 6, i tripped going up the stairs and suffered a major wound on my right brow. that was traumatic for poor cc. my own dad performed the surgery, telling me sternly to stop crying like a girl.

at the age of 10, i had a spinal cord injury from a hard blow on my nape by a classmate while playing in the swimming pool. if it was not properly managed, i would have been paralyzed from neck down. i had to wear neck brace for months after. and endure humiliation from cruel classmates.

at the age of 22, after my first trip to the south, i came down with hepatitis. that was a long stay. it started as severe tummy ache, a bloated feeling. then the jaundice came and the severe itchiness that came with it. even as the symptoms subsided, i wasnt discharged due to high SGPT levels (im no technical person. i was told that high levels of this meant that my liver was not fully functional and compromised) i stayed in the hospital for 10 days. i was going crazy.

now, two decades after, im back in the hospital. and im back to waiting for results. even as im being treated for typhoid with aggressive antibiotics, they are also monitoring my platelet count that plummeted recently. yes, dengue. fever is gone, im feeling much better but i can't go anywhere. they need to see that platelet count go up within normal levels! the waiting is back. and it is equally frustrating.

one thing i noticed about myself, im disinclined to receive visitors. i feel so obligated to entertain people who visit me and i end up tired. after one day of receiving some friends and colleagues, i told my secretary i will not receive visitors.

i do enjoy the flowers and food from suppliers and friends. but im now up to my neck with fresh fruits. i really appreciate the gesture but i dont know how to say that such tokens would be best appreciated if donated to ondoy victims. im getting crankier the longer i stay here in the hospital.

hands down, i enjoy male nurses more than the females. sorry, it's just that the females end up being too pa-cute. (except for this one stern looking lady! she's actually quite pretty but her glasses, her hair, made her look so menacing! hehe)

as cc continues to age, he'll probably be seeing hospitals more often. and let's see how his perceptions change as he frequents this institutions more and more.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

what the *@#!!$%%?!

somebody named 右脳左脳チェッカー

left this as a comment on an old post of mine


and this is not the first time. this person has been posting comments on the same post over and over again.

what the f**k? i dont even understand this. do you?

Monday, September 28, 2009

its typhoid fever

my blood tests came out positive for salmonella typhii. that's what's been eating up my body for the past days.

hospitals. bland hospital food. yucky hospital pajamas. saving grace: a lot of goodlooking nurses around. surprisingly.

i might have to stay a while, until my condition normalizes. wrong timing. so much work pending at the office. then there's class. oh well.

im still blessed its not dengue. nor AH1N1. and still better off than the victims of ondoy. i really feel so sad for all of them.

nursing myself back to health, now that i know what the culprit is.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

hitting rock bottom

this caught my attention. and exemplifies for me what has become of friendster. i must say that the copy and the visuals are totally in synch. you will never have to second guess this guy.

to the tops of this world, i introduce insatiable bottom. contact at your own risk. you may want to secure his HIV status first.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

breakfast at tiffany's

this was one classic i never got to watch until now. i didnt know what ive been missing!

its a delightful movie. the treatment is very light, even fanciful. but i found that on another level, the movie is actually quite profound. holly is simply a charmer but also very lost and sad. she has her dreams and tries her best to use her assets to get what she wants. she encounters paul, writer and boytoy as her upstairs neighbor. they are drawn to one another. paul falls in love, holly pulls away.

the ending, of course, is still that hollywood kiss, as realizations happen and true love is acknowledged. there is a sadness in the way the movie actually progresses. and only true love dispels that.

i like that they are actually quite the same. holly comes out as even more true to herself since paul hides behind his writer facade.

thoroughly enjoyable. and i didnt even begin to talk about the clothes! :)

another fabcast: advice to the lovelorn

this is when the bitchin started... this time, the punching bag is hapless mcvie! HARHARHAR

LISTEN: (28 mins 48 sec)

Download this episode (right click and save - 27.65 MB)

Friday, September 25, 2009

her accuracy

she actually predicted this illness of mine now. at the time of the reading, she was worried about my health. kept repeating that concern over and over again. she advised me not to go out of town. or ill come back sick. not out of the country but out of town.

i actually forgot about that. i went to the resort where the fabcasters + guests spent overnight. id consider that out of town, being bulacan area. it was hot and humid, the conversation was hilarious, and i was sweating like a pig. i didnt bring any change of clothes. when i got to the car, i had to take my shirt off to dry. that was a wrong move: sweaty all over, naked from waist up with a/c full blast. baaaaad idea.

then i worked out. and again, sweated like a pig (outednarnian even said .... yuck, you're so sweaty!!! hmmp). i was still feeling great.

following day i started to feel bad: some colds, chills and fever. but had to go to work anyway. then it was off to being with my secretary as promised (birthday treat). we even went to angeles city (another out of town-er) for sisig. i started to feel the highs and lows. body aches. arrgh.

i skipped some appointments in the afternoon of the following day. but i needed to attend that meeting in the morning. went for massage. felt a little better. then i started feeling bad again. (it didnt help that i actually bumped into ex there, with his lover)

and the story goes on and on. alternating feeling of good and bad. no colds, no coughs. just body ache, fever and chills. i was reading my sister's email (she's in beijing) same thing happened to her. virus really different now.

i might need to confirm that at the hospital tomorrow, if i continue to feel bad.

should have listened.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

in my life

i guess by this time, most PLU's have braved the queues and watched this film. i dont blame them. i loved the film. it's not so much a gay-themed movie. it's a mother's journey. it remains very mainstream, with some formula scenes thrown here and there (the dancing, the make-over, the confrontation scenes). but still it captures the heart. dialogues remain real and sincere. best emo scene: that final scene when mother shirly tells noel that this proposal is for her not him, then that tension is quickly broken up by some humor. wonderful touch.
i'm quite proud at how far the mainstream has gone in weaving the gay reality into its themes. and we only have an entire generation of indie film directors to thank for it.
it doesnt have the breadth of those acclaimed thai movies, bangkok love story and love of siam. but it doesnt have to. because for me, it's as pinoy as fishballs and dirty ice cream. and even as i praise those movies, i remain proud of this and other seminal pinoy films, that do not try to be anything but pinoy in its theme, treatment and attitude.
(SPOILER ALERT) and yes, i was trying to hold on to those tears from falling. but i gave in, especially during the wake.

Monday, September 21, 2009

the lake house

nothing like being in the throes of romantic love to seek more of that emotional high from other sources. ive been wanting to get my fill of romantic movies, with enough drama (and facial tissue around). relived that feeling after watching 'the lake house'. loved the twilight zone-ish storyline, tied to a mailbox, the wormhole between two time periods.

i really got into the movie, relating so well to the constant communication between kate and alex despite the time divide. people surrounding them look at them with this look of suspicion, reserved for looney tunes and loose screws. but they feel, they love nonetheless.

"listen, while it lasted she was more real to me than anything i have ever known. i saw her. i kissed her. i love her. and now she's gone."

i couldnt have said it better myself.

what is real, what is not? who is to say that the person i love, i touch through my keyboard, with my pen is not real because he is not here physically.

and with that i suddenly felt that distance between us just melted.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

what has become of... friendster?

from time to time, i still check this archaic account of mine in friendster. as they try to be ala-fb, can't help but notice this updated updates portion showing mostly the new friends added by friends. why? because most of my friendsters seem to be adding uber-hot friends to their lists! all im seeing are pics and profiles of gorgeous bodies all in display.

as i was telling my friend earlier on, katawan is the currency of cyberspace. the distinction between the g4m's of this world and the more legit networking sights have blurred.

i can also imagine the high of receiving such positive comments of adulation, adoration. no wonder these hot guys just keep on posing and posting! and i keep viewing and viewing. :)

lovely dinner with a couple in love

just came from a lovely dinner, hosted by a friend in his new fabulous condo. just 5 of us. one of the guys introduced his soon-to-be boyfriend to us. nice, hot guy. charming investment banker based abroad but travels to manila every other week. they were such a coosome twosome, holding hands, kissing, so passionate with one another.

they are still trying to get to know each other more, hence, the situationship they are in. and typical of newly weds, they were actually talking about their quarrels and spats, almost bragging about it to us who were without partners there.

im suddenly missing you so much. im wishing you joined me at this party. i would have wanted to be as sweet to you as they were, or even more (within the boundaries of propriety) time is like this gigantic tortoise slowly making its way from the beach to the shore. and i watch it move. and im impatient because you are not yet with me.

im missing you badly.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

j.a.s.: jacques IV

it's been a month and a half since matthew and jacques have been talking.. well chatting, really...and even if they're oceans apart, they manage to keep the lines of communication open and very honest.

and they both know that in no time soon they'll finally meet in person. at last!

recuperating from the accident has given jacques much time on his hands. and for the most part, it's all about thinking of matthew. as jacques reminisced the past days, weeks, a month, he was slowly realizing that he, jacques, single for the almsot a year now, is falling in love with matthew.

jacques knew its too early, but that's just his mind talking. his heart tells him otherwise. but he maintains a sober outlook. he will let all the ingredients blend well together, slowly, surely and when the recipe is finally complete then thats the time, that's time he will tell himself that he has made the best recipe ever, his recipe of love.

sometimes he wonders, what can he do? could he actually stop himself from falling for matthew.?... or is it really fate leading jacques to fall for him? sometimes unexpected things happen for a reason... and no matter how hard one resists, the events just unfold. and feelings just develop.

risk is on its highest but once you're feeling the love then there's no turning back. the one thing jacques is sure of is that they have agreed to commit to each other. matthew owns jacques and jacques owns matthew.

fabcasters turn looney

this is when we really started cracking up. booze was hitting our brains. forgive us.

LISTEN (30 mins):

Download this episode (right click and save - 28.8 MB)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

paul rumen out to make cc rich

cc received this email. cc thinks this is his ticket to being a gazillionaire. just my luck!

seriously... a random draw of email addresses... and they picked up my alias. how the f**k am i supposed to claim $15.5M as corporate closet?!?

From The Desk Of Mr Paul Rumen.
Bill And Exchange Manager Foreign Remittance Dept
(Bank of Africa)Ouagadougou Burkina Faso.
West Africa.

Attention: Sir/Madam,

I sourced your email from a human resource profile database in the chamber, my name is Paul Rumen. an account officer to late Mr. Morris Thompson from America who is an gold merchant Agent here in ouagadougou burkina faso, a well known Philanthropist before he died. He made a Will stating that $15.5M(Fifteen million, five hundred thousand U.S. dollars only) should be given to an citizen of our choice overseas. I have madearandom draw and your e-mail address was picked as the beneficiary to this Will.

I am particularly interested in securing this money from the Bank because they have issued a notice instructing me been the account officer to produce the beneficiary of this before end of this 2009 else the money will be credited to the Government treasury as per law here.

It is my utmost desire to execute the Will of my late client Mr. Morris Thompson since he is no more alive, both wife Thelma Thompson, and daughter Sheryl Thompson. Please for more details concerning him and how he died, If you are interested, you are required to contact me immediately to start the documentation process with the help of a legal practitioner. I urge you to contact me immediately for further details bearing in mind that the Bank has given us a date limit, Please act fast.

I await your urgent response.
Mr Paul Rumen.

Bank of Africa Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. West Africa

men of h.i. III

and the last of them hot guys of hawaii. the last pic, i was really trying to get the landscape. he kinda got in the way. LOL

MEN of h.i. II

surfer instructor working it with the babes.

tourist hunks. okay, okay, i didnt want to be obvious. LOL.

men of h.i. I

h.i. is some kind of melting pot. saw this chinese-looking guy out at the beach, after a run. doing all sorts of stretches. makes you imagine what he's capable of. LOL

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

goodbye meal at the airport

my vacation has ended. at 8am, i was at the international airport, waiting for my flight. this was my supersize breakfast: spam, scrambled eggs, two slices of french toast, butter, syrup. good grief, no wonder obesity is a problem here! the food court overlooks a japanese-style garden, which was a refreshing sight. i was so not looking forward to the 10.5hr flight. on the bright side, its a direct flight. but i have a hard time sleeping inside the plane for long stretches.

all in all, it was a great, short vacation. met a lot of new friends, got to bond with old ones. saw beautiful sights and wonderful people. to my generous hosts, mahalo!

gotta luv these gizmos

my sister introduced me to these line of i-go gadgets last year. what it is: one charger with tips for different products. i bought the ipod, samsung, ericsson tips for my gadgets. there's an outlet charger, a charger to use with batteries (AA!!! amazing!) and recently, i bought the car charger. so i dont need to carry three different chargers! i just change the tips! best use: long travel. definitely, your ipod will not last a trip beyond 4-5hours. but if you carry the battery charger with you and bring spare AA batteries, you'll never run out of charge! it served me well for this last 10.5hr flight! i got to catch up on desperate housewives season 4! im up to episode 13! a must buy. available through at&t and radio shack in the u.s.

Monday, September 14, 2009

leap of faith

the context has always been religious or spiritual. i am called to have faith, despite odds (overwhelming maybe), despite reason, despite evidence to the contrary. but because of the strength of a belief, i jump in. and so it is for my catholic faith. i jump in and just believe.

ive just made another leap of faith. this time, it is faith in someone, in something that we could have together. it is against odds, against reason, against evidence that these things have not worked. yet i feel so strongly that i must jump in. and jump in i have. without being asked to, i give up my freedom. i commit.

the risks of pain and hurt are ever greater. the road ahead i cannot see too far. but i walk on. i will not deny the fear. but i also feel a certain peace, a calmness in my decision.

it is also a leap of 'fate'. believing that this is my destiny. and it is about to begin.

the kiko fabcast (siya na ba ang newest fabcaster?)

we had a riot doing this, and the other podcasts to come. for the entire story, move on over to mgg. :)

LISTEN: (33 minutes)

Download this podcast (right click and save - 32 MB)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

IJ Case 14: Inbetween Bar, Waikiki

my friends here brought me to this tiny karaoke bar in the waikiki area, frequented by PLUs. i was actually quite inebriated by the time we got there so my recollection is not as good. it was a small place, with a long bar. it was packed with PLUs, which shouldnt be too hard considering how tiny the area is. i vaguely recall a diverse group of races and ages, though. the place looks fun. there were a lot of regulars, it seems. and people seem to know each other. id recommend a visit if only to find out honolulu g-life.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

j.a.s.: matthew VI

matthew drudgingly continued with the chores of daily life as he remained in the dark about jacques' condition.

checking his email on the way to work, he almost stopped the car and hollered when he saw jacques' letter!

"hi matthew. im doing better now. thanks for the prayers. i really appreciate your concern and it made me fall for you more. im still weak, just woke up from a long sleep. my body still aches, got bruises all over. but im glad im alive. and so are my companions. dont worry about me. im going to be fine. my folks arrived to take care of me. im so sorry we couldnt meet, i couldnt be there yet. but the moment my strength returns, ill re-book my flight. take care always, jacques"

overjoyed, he went to work that day, finally seeing the gloom disappear. he is back to imagining how it will be when he'll finally meet him. and the daydreams started coming back, too.

for some crazy reason, matthew has such vivid daydreams of life with jacques. crazy because they havent even met in person. there's that scene imagined in the condo, or walking in greenbelt, or taking that flight to paris. or feeding jacques' fish in his condo as jacques prepares lunch. or meeting his parents for the first time. because of the few pics in facebook, he has pieced together this 3D image of jacque with such clarity. and those daydreams sustain him.

but from time to time, he gets reminded that all this remains an electronic relationship, still totally online. yes, there have been a few phone calls, which he cherishes. but a part of him remains a cynic, a healthy stance to take some people might think.

but no matter, the dream is good. and it seems so real to him.

hatinggabi, gising pa't naghihintay
di maidlip at nagbibilang ng tala
sa karamihan nito'y mayroon isang natatangi
at tuwing tatanawi'y mukha mo ang nasasa-isip

ewan ko ba. bakit ka nagpakita pa sa panaginip.
kahit mamasdan ka sa twina
at kahit na di na gumising pa
wag lang malayo sa piling mo
iniibig kahit ika'y panaginip lang.

jet lag blues

its 530am, friday, honolulu time and im already up. i hardly had any sleep on the 10.5hrs flight from manila. despite the fact that i could stretch and lie down, i just couldnt sleep much. upon arriving in honolulu by past 8am, i managed to stay awake till 130pm. took a 3-hr nap. then was up till 1130pm. i was thinking that i could trick my body into synching by pushing it a bit.

no luck. i actually woke up at 230am, managed to sleep again. but at 5am, cant sleep no more.

honolulu is clean, orderly. roads are wide, the beach stretch inviting. not too many people on the streets during the afternoon i was going around. i was surprised to see homeless people in the parks. my host told me that other states 'dump' their homeless here, giving them one-way tickets to hawaii. omg.

i have yet to do the rounds of the usual tourism suspects. i got to meet the barkada of my hosts, a gay couple, who have been together for 9yrs now. and their barkada is as interacial as you could get: a pinoy, a chinese american, a white caucasian, a japanese american, an african american... girl, boy, bakla... the humor is quite similar albeit in total english. hehehe

this is going to be a laid back vacation for me...

a baby cc?

my friend was discussing with me one time about possibility of having kids. it turns out that one of his girl friends approached him with a proposal, a decent one. She wanted to have a kid and wanted him to give his sperm. since he was already looking at adopting a kid, the proposal interested him and he got down to really thinking about it. there was a series of discussions between them and even with a lawyer. they were getting serious about it, to a point where conditions were being drafted already. he insisted that this be through artificial insemination. she wanted to raise the kid on her own but wanted him to share the expenses of the maternity and child support as the kid grows up. that broke the deal. he believed that he shouldn't because it was the girl who wanted the kid. he wanted to do a clean 'donation'. but they remained friends.

im left considering the situation. at this point in my life, im open to siring a child into this world. im curious about how my kid will look like. will he/she be bright? will he/she turn out to be a good person? well, that's the nature side of the nature vs nurture controversy.

if i wanted to raise the child, then a surrogate mother is the option. i just came across ricky martin's twins from a surrogate mom. i wonder if there are any on this side of the planet? hmmmm

well, there's the situation my friend was into. i could opt to donate my sperm to a friend who wants to have her own child. id like to think id be contributing good genes. i dont mind shouldering some expense but it has to be clear that my support will just be gravy. she should be ready to be single mom, with all the burden that entails.

should i be introduced as the father? or just one of the doting ninongs? how will the mom answer the child once he/she starts asking questions sinong tatay ko? bakit wala akong tatay? i wonder how best to handle such questions.

im curious, readers. what are your thoughts on the matter?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

in memory

oprah, our mynah, passed away quietly last sept 8, coinciding with the nativity of the virgin mary. she joined our creator after two happy years of chattering, having built up quite a vocabulary. she was such a bundle of joy, particularly when she spooked one of my dates, brandon. brandon didnt realize that the bird was a talker as he approached it. as he drew near, oprah suddenly blurted 'kuya, kuya, kuya' and that floored him!

i will miss oprah dearly.

j.a.s.: matthew V

jacques was going out of town with friends. and he wasnt sure whether he could go online. oh well, matthew thought to himself. no chat for the nights leading up to his departure from u.s.

and though matthew missed the nightly chats so much, he was content on focusing on the day of his arrival.

the day of the meeting was finally on hand. matthew was beside himself with excitement. it was like meeting destiny up close. he was feverish the whole day. and he had the evening planned out. fetch him at airport by 11pm, take him to late dinner before bringing him home to his place. no, he wasnt planning on anything happening after. jacques would probably be too tired by then. and besides, they have a lifetime to spend.

afternoon was almost uneventful until he saw an unusual email from an unknown sender.

"hi, matthew. you dont know me yet but ive heard much about you. im jacques' best friend, vivien. im writing because of some bad news. jacques met an accident and is now in the hospital. i received news from our common friends. he's out of danger but he's been injured pretty badly. he can't make it home."

he couldnt believe this was happening. it sounded like so bizarre, almost like a sick joke. he kept shaking his head, worried, disturbed. he wanted to know how jacques was. he felt tears welling up. he didnt imagine he would feel this way. but all he could think of was that jacques' condition. how badly was he hurt? how long will he be in the hospital?

and that's when the storm covered metro manila, and gloom enveloped matthew. he felt so helpless. it seemed so ironic. a cruel twist of fate.

he knows the story is not over yet. but he couldnt help the emptiness gnawing at his insides.

j.a.s.: matthew IV

matthew decided to visit his trusty palm reader, after being reminded of her by a new-found friend. his goal was really just to be updated on the status of his lovelife, in relation to the forecasts last year.

he was amazed at the certainty palm reader pointed to jacques as his soul mate. is he an AFAM, she asked? because she sees something like that. and she starts rambling about their life together, the challenges of their relationship. and how much jacques actually likes him, his honesty, etc.

suddenly matthew was floating in the clouds. jacques is his soul mate! and he started trying to see if it all fits. he actively searched for the time he first confirmed jacques as a friend in fb - aug 1. and upon consulting his chinese zodiac calendar, aug 1 is almost dead center of the calendar. (flashback: MIDDLE OF THE YEAR)

that night, the chat took on a different turn for matthew. he started to find out more about matthew that simply confirmed palm reader's forecast.

matthew: nga pala, what are you doing there in the u.s.?

jacques: 50% vacation, 50% business, meeting clients. i need to be here. i hold a blue passport.

m: that means...

j: american passport.

m: oh (flashback: AFAM)

on a separate night, matthew asks jacques about his family. turns out that his mom is half-european. (flashback: MESTIZO) he confirms other details of his life. meanwhile matthew grows more convinced of everything. and if before, his pronouncements of 'conditional commitment' to jacques was half-meant, he had changed his tune.

im going to give this my best shot, im going to give him my word to make this work, as we shift from online to offline.

j.a.s.: jacques III

jacques started telling some close friends about matthew. he is getting more and more excited at the thought of finally coming home and meeting up with him. the chats are getting more intimate. usually consisting of question & answer portions related to their lives, their histories, their habits. it's really serious getting to know sessions. and he has told matthew to behave and start getting serious. lol.

he is scheduled to fly back to manila in a week. meanwhile, he is making sure that if schedule allows, he'll be online for that chat. matthew has shared a lot of his past over the past week, including his previous relationships and philanderings. he is wary but he still feels so right about it. one more week and they'll finally be seeing each other. matthew promised to fetch him at the airport.

discovering the joys of boxing

ive been at it for about 25 sessions now. though regular for the past 18 sessions. i started doing this just to burn more calories. the gloves, handwrap arent exactly cheap, but heck, all for vanity's sake. my little problem, i didnt want to buy two or three sets of gloves just to match my outfit. harhar. so im stuck with a red-white leather gloves and a predominantly red-white outfit for the rest of my boxing career.

i knew it wasnt going to be easy. but i didnt realize how hard it would actually be. fitness boxing has been designed well, with enough warm-up calisthenics before some 2 - 3 rounds of sparring. (actually, your instructor holds the mitts up for you to aim at). then there's the speedball, and the punching ball, and some shadow-boxing. then its back to sparring. so it adds up to interval training. high intensity interval is the the sparring. it winds down with abs workout then stretching.

difficult because it is unnatural for poor lil me. the footwork, the shoulder and waist movement, quite alien. so im so conscious im looking like this sissy learning how to box. then the speedball is a nightmare. i couldnt coordinate my arm movements enough to make it ala fernando poe jr. that was the biggest challenge. and it took me as much as 8 sessions before i started to get the hang of it. how embarrassing.

slowly but surely, im making improvements with my footwork, while learning how to relax enough to let momentum improve my power. 'huwag kang gigil. relax lang ang shoulder. mas madali ka pagod wala namang lakas" my instructor tells me. and now im loving speedball, the repetitive thud of the ball against the upper platform is addicting as you want to increase the speed.

i sweat like a pig every session. it's so worth it. and there's this unusual sense of machismo that comes from completing a session. the environment has testosterone all over, except for maybe a couple of twinks from time to time. but the instructors really look like pacquiao wannabees. not a single gay bone in their bodies. :)

id reco this for a good cardio workout, mga dude. :)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

j.a.s.: matthew III

matthew has started to look forward to the long chats. he was surprised about how he was back to chatting, after staying away from that for years and years. this felt like the 90's again. and he found himself agreeing with jacques to actually work on something, even if they've never met. but he remains actually quite skeptical about this online romance thing. could this be real? could jacques be real? he chats like he is sincere. but so many horror stories out there. and this is one thing matthew has avoided all this time.

and even as he has grown quite fond of this virtual persona in jacques, he remained cautious with his feelings. until he consulted his palm reader again.

j.a.s.: jacques II

he has been so busy preparing for his trip, attending to what's going to be left behind. his dual citizenship status has to take him away from manila for a month or two yearly. and it doesnt help that his parents are based in europe. he has to go there, too. he sometimes wonders whether he could really maintain a relationship. his last one fell apart because of all the distance. but with technology, distance should just be a state of mind.

he manages to check up on fb and was hoping he would catch matthew online the few times he does. he never seems to be online either.

until one day they manage to meet again in ym. and they started a loong chat, spanned hours actually. and he suddenly found himself even more intrigued by matthew.

back in the u.s., he lost no time in fixing up the house and settling in. and as soon as he had his broadband up and running, he was back to surfing to keep himself pre-occupied in between the lulls of client meetings. and he chanced upon matthew on ym. the chats became a regular fixture in his life in the u.s. they'd spend at least an hour or two. and considering the time difference, matthew must be some kind of insomniac.

suddenly, the days were brighter, despite the cooler weather now that spring has set in. he'd look forward to going online. then he started throwing the idea around with matthew that maybe, just maybe they could work on something. and matthew seemed to be agreeing.

j.a.s.: matthew II

jacques looked really good in his pics in fb. sexy and muscular. matthew dropped him a line in fb, trite but true: have we met before? nice pics' he did look familiar. but that started a short exchange of messages.

soon it became fb chat, when he chanced upon his 'available for chat' profile. the real time conversation was getting better.

but it wasnt as regular as matthew hoped. there were days he wasnt there at all. and he felt jacques was just another poser. besides he seemed to have added all his sexy friends online. nothing exclusive here at all. actually, some friends were asking about jacques specifically, all attracted by his hot, sexy pics on fb.

so it was back to square one. wishing that some day his prince would come.

just another story: jacques

jacques just finished dinner with him again. and it ended in bed again. and marty left him in the condo and went home to his lover. 'the cycle', he muses. marty is quite a catch, accomplished professional, already in the upper levels of management. and the sex is always good. but he has rejected marty's offer to be the one on the side. im too good for that, he uttered. yet he is here again, fucked up in more ways than one. it will be a year of singleness soon. sigh.

hmm. facebook. a newbie, he decides to just surf and add, surf and add. he sees nice, gorgeous guys in the fb world, friends of friends, acquaintances, etc. he just adds those he likes, those he found interesting. ill ask them out for coffee and see where it leads. at the very least he could gain new friends. at most, possibly relationship material. besides, im done with g4m.

one boring rainy afternoon, one of those profiles confirmed the add. matthew. checked his profile out again and found him interesting. not bad, nice body (the way I want it, not too muscular, just right). He seems stable in all ways. and he had a message for me on fb. nice start for august. jacques quickly responded and in a couple of hours a thread was established. nice short messages. cute and non-intimidating. he likes that.

Monday, September 7, 2009

an episode in desperate housewives S3

tom and lynette recently opened their own business, an italian restaurant. tom becomes injured, debilitated and they hired a gorgeous, hunky chef/manager. the 'dance' between lynette and chef start at day 1, instant attraction. but all subdued, all within a safe zone between friendly and flirty. and it was slowly progressing. from subtle compliments to after-work dinner for two, winding down. the attraction is palpable yet deniable.

up until a situation puts them in a compromising stance. husbands smells something fishy, surreptitiously confronts chef to stay away. chef is defiant, aware that the attraction is strong.

he finally confronts lynette, openly acknowledges what has been transpiring between them. but contrary to his expectations, she fires him.

why did you have to say it? it was going on just fine the way it was. neither of us had to leave our comfort zones. leaving the emotions unspoken allowed me to dream my dreams without hurting tom. i was feeling beautiful and special again. but now all that is gone. i will never leave tom for you. that's your dream, not mine. and not you've ruined mine.

i thought we could continue with this ambiguity, with this amorphous thing we had. only because i didnt want to presume anything. i didnt know whether the attraction was there. had i known it, and had we acknowledged it, i would have nipped this in the bud. not because you are not attractive. on the contrary, you are quite a charmer. but. but. but.

now that is out in the open, it must be severed. it cannot go on. i will bleed a little but i will move on.

interesting turn of events. it had me puzzled, too, thinking that it was going to become a full-blown affair for lynette. but hearing her made me realize where lynette was coming from. and i totally understood.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

full moon view, spoiled

it should have been really romantic. a full moon tonight. but the weather all but obscured the sight. it would have been lovely for a stroll in the park.

another emo moment from cc.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

dinner with a provoq_ateur

a friend of mine brought a date to dinner tonight, a provoq model. right off, its the bulging biceps you'll notice and the broad, broad shoulders. face is cute, not really gwapo. but overwhelming sex appeal. A.L. was actually quite pleasant, down-to-earth. i didnt even recognize him till my friend mentioned that he was A.L. he looked right at ease with the pink group he was part of.

looks like my friend will be in for a nice ride tonight. some guys have all the luck. and the cash. :)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

"cc, the bachelor" cancellation

please be informed that the show "cc, the bachelor" was abruptly pulled out by the producer from the season line-up. we have been informed that after filming a few of the challenges, the bachelor himself requested that all events be stopped.

we are still speculating at this sudden change of heart. meanwhile, all the contestants have been brought back to their respective residences. some of them are reported to be so disappointed they are planning to pursue a formal complaint. AP

its 3am

i cant sleep. i was actually in bed by 1230am. then woke up at 2am. and i couldnt sleep anymore. up to now, i am overwhelmed. i still couldnt believe that it will finally happen for me.

yes it was foretold last year.
yes it was again affirmed recently.
but im still dazed that it will finally unfold.

and i look back at the signs and portents.
all true, all good, all on schedule.
with uncanny accuracy.

i need my sleep. i need to dream it all again. and wake up full, refreshed and alive.
slumber, stop being elusive. bring me down.

just another story: matthew

lets call him matthew. matthew is just another regular PLU, SS07 (single since 07). it was a rather ugly break-up. one that he never saw coming. still feeling the pain, he sought solace and comfort in trying to divine his future. the palm reader he consulted was not run-of-the-mill, and came with excellent references. he heard what he wanted to hear: by mid next year you will meet your soul mate, a mestizo. and that will last for a long, long time.

patiently he waited what seemed like too long. but he kept the faith even as there were opportunities for relationships that came his way. they didnt seem to match what was foretold. but he really didnt let the reading lead his life. he remained open, dated a variety of faces, bodies and attitudes to match. there were however some dates that matthew thought could be THE one. and he tried to go with the flow. for one reason or the other, the flow stopped somewhere. but that didnt stop him from 'enjoying' his single-ness, and indulging in his passions.

so towards the predicted middle of the year, matthew became hopeful, optimistic even. he knew soul mate would soon be knocking on his door. and he opened his horizons to meet people. parties, dinners, activities, he attended them all and kept his eyes open. blind dates he actually agreed to. just to make sure that the universe gets help in conspiring to get him hooked with soul mate.

middle of the year came and went. no soul mate. matthew slowly opened up to the possibility that it was not going to happen. that palm reader was wrong. so he decided to change gears and just focus on himself, on his family, on his businesses. he abstained from casual sex and even turned celibate. he became super busy with a zillion activities and projects. and he was determined to sculpt his body the way he has always wanted.

in between there would be facebook and all the other sites he would regularly visit. and the requests to be added as a friend. some were actually quite attractive on screen. so he would send a flirty message or two, but not believing it would go anywhere.

he was almost successful until he attended two weddings. then he became wistful again. then he started to pine again. surely if it could happen to them, it could happen to me, he thought.