my namesake lolo was such a womanizer. he just never seemed to tire of pussy. and pussy was always after him because he was one handsome man, with a killer smile, ever-charming, intelligent and accomplished.
his philandering ways drove my lola crazy. but what could she do? during those days, wives were just supposed to grin and bear it. my mom would tell me how they used to fight endlessly. and how she used to light black candles, praying for his death. or hers. creepy.
even until the time he was already 70+, lolo still surprised us by fathering a child with the household help. and she wasn't even pretty at all. she was quite slow (almost borderline retarded). but my lolo had his way with her anyway. story goes... he would lure her into sleeping with him with candies. (wtf. candies?)
growing up, that puzzled me. like i could understand my lolo falling for a sexy, beautiful, alluring temptress. and he would be so overcome with desire that he just couldn't help himself. but for someone who looked like that??? i bet she doesn't even know how to seduce properly!
then in my occasional readings, i came across the idea that it is really just power, and not even sex, that drives such behavior. men get off on that sense of being in this position of power, and sex was just a way of using. abusing that power. i still couldn't see how that could happen. how could a sexual act not be about sex?
but lately, it has dawned upon me where that is coming from...
it crossed my mind that i could actually have sex with a houseboy, a gardener or any guy under my employ not because i felt this strong sexual attraction or i am horny as hell. and it is coming from the feeling of being 'that powerful'. the idea of having this subordinate do this sexual act with me because of the power relationship between us is 'sexy' enough. and it has nothing to do with feeling horny or being so aroused with that person. it is simply about using that power i have over him to make him give me a blow job. yeah, ill enjoy the blowjob. but the real, twisted enjoyment happens in my head.
pretty twisted shit, right? but only now have i made sense of it.