reflection

warning. gospel reflection. not for the faint of heart. lol



i mentioned previously of my conceit. proud peacock was one description in my high school yearbook. so exercising humility is a struggle. i hold my tongue when i want to brag about an achievement, a recognition, an acquisition. though sometimes, it would still slip out, and draw attention to itself.

today's gospel is the beautiful beatitudes. but as an important segue to that, st paul talks about how God chose the absurd, the dimwitted, the poor to shame the high and mighty. so if we must boast, they must boast only in the Lord.

boasting in the Lord. how would that go? my take on it: if there is anything i should be proud of, it is having been blessed with faith in Him. all others i should not boast about: looks, wealth, etc. because in the end, such things do not really matter.

the only thing that will matter, in the end, is that i have been chosen to be saved, to live a life with Him in the thereafter. that's the only thing i could bring with me beyond my grave.

proud ako kasi naniniwala at nananalig ako sa Diyos. dahil dito sa paniniwala ko, ang daming blessings na dumating sa buhay ko.

but beyond saying that, i should actually say

pero mas proud ako kasi dahil sa aking pananlig sa Diyos, kahit ano pa ang mangyaring di maganda sa buhay ko, etong faith ko ang magdadala sa akin upang malampasan ko ang aking mga pagsubok.

because I believe, because I have faith, I also have been blessed with a peace that no one can take away. i may lose everything tomorrow, all that i have and have worked for. but with that faith, i know, no, i am sure i will survive whatever tragedy.

my faith has given me spectacles to look at the attachments in my life with a paradoxical detachment. the negative feelings will pass through me and i will emerge more peaceful, yet again.

and this is what i should really be proud of!

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dipping my fingers yet again

it doesn't sound quite right in English. what i wanted to say was "makikisawsaw na naman ako sa post ng may post!". ill be reacting to this post "big bad blogger" by fellowfab mcvie. i gave the reference article a casual glance when i read it in the newspaper. but reading mcvie's take on it made me take a closer look.

my pov will just be limited to a marketing practitioner's perspective:

marketing firms are definitely putting much more resources into digital media, the brave new frontier of reaching out to the ever-elusive consumer. the statistics in the PH are very encouraging, though limited to certain demographics. however, there will remain to be issues on metrics and evaluation. so marketing firms still tread lightly.

nevertheless, enterpising techies have teamed up with creative people and have specialized on this new medium, capitalizing on the big agencies' limited competencies in digital media.

they dangle terms like search engine optimization as catch phrases in this new realm, telling us that they could find ways to increase website traffic, increase database or improve user profiling capabilities.

and part of the sales pitch will always talk about how they will influence blogging community favorably.

it was pretty crass of that agency to actually talk about having bloggers on its payroll. that in itself is a measure of its illegitimacy.

now the seemingly extortionist tactics mentioned in the inquirer article is even further proof of how mafia/yakuza-like they were made out to be. it just sounds a bit too cinematic for me.

should marketing firms, brands, business be afraid of bad reviews? well, to a certain extent, it should be. the big brands have the budgets to monitor the press, both traditional and online just to capture all the negative reviews and comments and handle it swiftly.

an oft-repeated quote in marketing. a satisfied customer tells two people of his experience. he tells five people of an unpleasant one.

having said that, it is also virtually impossible to handle each and every bad press you get. the idea is to filter and screen and choose which is worth any effort to address.

but as mcvie puts it, take care of the fundamentals of the other marketing P's: product, price and place (distribution). that will give the marketing firm a better handle on bad promotions or bad reviews that are contrived and actually baseless.

just my thoughts.

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pc's birthday

not so long ago, a cute little prince was born to a king amd queen in a land not so far away.

we are going to be celebrating his birthday. he dreads getting older! does that mean he finds jurassic me dreadful? lol first time for us to celebrate his birthday. ive planned something sweet and simple. shhh he doesnt know yet. overnight at a hotel by the bay. a short sunset cruise. and lots of cuddling and kissing under crisp linen sheets.

as i wait for him, my thoughts wander to my long list of exes and celebrations of their birthdays. i love the look of surprise as i present a gift. it thrills me no end to see the smile.

and now it's pc's heart-melting smile ill get to see...


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Thursdays with CC: Career paths

In my limited knowledge of HR and OD, there is this typical career path for employees. in whatever functional role (marketing, sales, accounting, IT, etc), the goal of moving up the ladder depends firstly on your mastery of the role's competencies. you build your expertise to become a better product manager, accountant, salesman, etc. then the opportunities start to funnel as you aim to be supervisor/manager of the unit. not all of you will become 'bisor'.

but if you aspire for the position, you will be evaluated on the basis of your technical expertise in the first place. and for some companies, such mastery is the only basis for promotion. you get promoted if you are the best of the lot in what you do.

then as supervisor/manager, you will realize that its whole new set of skills called "managerial" and "administrative"! and it has so little to do with your original craft or skills.

which is why most companies now do assessment of not only your techincal skills but more importantly, your leadership and managerial abilities.

in my years of being exposed to employees, i have seen that not everyone can become a good manager, a good leader. few actually do.

and that could be frustrating for a lot of young people who feel that their career has stagnated if they dont get the promotion.

i believe that line management should not be the only career path for people. and not making the cut, not getting that promotion does not mean you are less of an employee or a contributor.

i believe in a technical career path, an upward movement in the corporation based on sheer technical expertise and skill. more companies, i feel, are recognizing this and giving their employees the choice to pursue this path, and not just line management.

so even if you don't have the managerial skill or mindset needed, you can still grow with the company by being the best in your functional area. the end of such a path is something like the corporate expert and becoming "consultant" rather than "boss" or "manager". and that's still a major accomplishment.

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thoughts on an mgg post

dear fellowfab miggs recently posted this thoughtful letter from a straight female reader (!) she calls herself J. and a major part of her letter is about her girl friend's (two words) brother whom they suspect is gay. read the post first.

the letter got me thinking...

it is so natural for us to indulge in speculating about a person's sexual preference. it makes for good story-telling. until one become's the subject of speculation.

in those circles where i am not out yet, i remain the subject of speculation (or at least, i used to be. i guess im too 'confeeermed' to be speculated on. hehe). i hated the feeling. i felt so paranoid. i felt scrutinized, analyzed and dissected. then ultimately laughed at.

i felt like shouting to them to just stop. what business was it of theirs what my preference is? i wasnt doing them no harm. i just wanted them to leave me alone.

whether li'l brother is gay or not, maybe older sister and friend could lay off the speculation? i know how it feels to be in his shoes. and it is terrible.

of course, reader J has some very noble intentions. she gave her friend links to gay bloggers to give her a glimpse of gay life. to help her understand possibly what her li'l bro may be going through. but i want to tell her teasing him about his friend doesnt help! it will not make him disclose to her any more likely. he will feel alienated. and ridiculed. and that will just make him withdraw rather than open up.

sure, get to know more about the gay lifestyle. hang around some nice gay friends (like the fabcasters, LOL) but lay off the speculation and analysis. and just let him be. whether or not her brother turns out to be gay or not, it would do her well to have a variety of friends, including LGBT.

and besides, being gay is just one aspect of who we are. beyond being gay, we are also sons and brothers and friends and employees and bosses and athletes and writers... you get the point.

experience li'l brother by getting to know him for all he is. sexual preference is just one aspect of who he is.


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CC reviews: More for the Metrosexual Male

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yes, the metrosexual (so 90's) male is the demographic of the moment. a literal explosion of brands catering to male vanity. and it's about time!

rexona v8 deodorant

love the yellow-black color. stands out in a sea of navy blues, greys and blacks. when i first tried it, i thought the scent was great. but when i got home, i felt differently. but ive started to use it, and it actually does a better job as a deodorant than nivea for men. it certainly lasts longer. four out of five.

suave men deep cleaning shampoo

nothing special about the product. scent is ordinary. my biggest complaint: why is there no conditioner counterpart? did they think men didn't use conditioners?!? two out of five

palmolive naturals cool dude shampoo & conditioner

the shampoo-conditioner hybrid is controversial for hair experts. but i use it anyway for the gym. i just dont feel like carrying two bottles around. it is mentholated. smells cool and clean. and feels cool. but i see this product positioned for teen males. ill use it still. four of five.

vaseline men face wash

packaging is too close to nivea. ( hey nivea, arent you going to sue?) but, but, but i detest the scent. it smells like skin lotion (which is their heritage)! one out of five. im forced to finish the product, knowing how oc-oc i am.

my exercise schedule

so far, im making good with my new year's resolution on increasing my calorie-burning activities. i do abs workout mornings, monday to thursday before workout. i do a circuit of four exercises, ranging from 15 to 30 reps each three times. mwf, i still do gym training in the afternoons. but i do a 30min cardio after each weight training day. i run twice a week, 15kms total. then i do boxing twice a week, too.

results are encouraging. ive gotten back to my pre-holiday weight and body fat. and i seem to have boosted my immune system, having just caught some cough when everybody else has gone down with flu.

im listening to this audiobook "born to run" about this tribe of ultramarathoners. one statement struck me. a 90 year old elder was still doing two-hour runs! only because nobody told him he couldn't. inspiring what we could achieve if we stop believing what we couldn't.


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they never go away

yeah he was making a pass at me! oh my! blah blah and that other guy, he kept on asking if i was attached. hellooo? please, my boyfriend is so much sexier than him, noh? blah blah blah i tried to look interested. i had to consciously stop my eyes from rolling. yes, he is good looking. but does he have to brag about it? do i really need to hear this? but polite me smiled courteously.

at another time, i found myself getting annoyed at a person strongly expressing this and that opinion. it's like he has an opinion on every matter. and he says it not like an opinion but as a fact, a generalization. im sitting there, getting pissed but not showing it. again trying my darndest best to be politically correct.

if i ranted about these to friends, im sure id pretty much get a consensus of how 'justified' my feelings are. who likes braggarts and opinionated people, right?

but i decided to analyze my reactions. why am i getting affected in the first place? so what if they are conceited or opinionated? what is it to me?

digging deeper, i began to realize how my reactions stemmed from my reactions to my own sister. our eldest.

she was like that. an achiever right at the start. and with good looks, too. so she aimed high and got what she wanted. and talked about it endlessly. i admired her. i idolized her. but i also loathed her. i felt sometimes that her opinions were baseless generalizations coming from wrong references. she acted like she knew everything. and she announced it.

i hated that she got all the limelight. she always did. and that she got what she wanted from my parents. and while i felt i was probably smarter than her, she was way more popular than geeky me.

i also became proud and conceited, showing off my academic honors and my intellect. that was how i started to turn the light to shine on me. but it didnt make me popular. the opposite, actually. so i resolved that i will inculcate the value of humility. but i know that somehow, somewhere, i remain a proud man. and though i dont talk about it anymore, i flaunt my material possessions. yeah, that's how insecure i can still be.

this became an "aha" moment for me. acknowledging that my strong feelings and reactions had their roots in my relationship with our eldest. with that insight, my own feelings started to simmer. it's not about them. it's about me. i react because of i still feel insecure. i still feel that the limelight has been stolen from me. i still envy what others have.

sigh. you would think that my age, all these things would have been resolved. sigh again. i guess not. they never really go away, these feelings. but what changes would be how i view them and what i choose to do about them. which is just to analyze and accept. maybe its a step towards maturity. a small step, though.


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a new closet for the corpcloset

yeah. a new one. a closet that is not entirely unfamiliar. but something i have forgotten.

it's pc's closet, the family armoire.

i'm a non-entity there. one of the friends he keeps. under wraps.

i do understand why. he is like so many others, keeping this a secret from family. i was like that till i was 16yo.

it's like a new experience again. previous partners were comfortable enough about their life choices to introduce me to family (even if technically, they are still in the closet since being gay is never discussed). i got to know their families, their parents. and i felt welcomed. they genuinely liked me. and i'd return the favor by extending myself to them, supporting my partner's family first motto.

so this new closet will take some getting used to.

borderless friendships?

im at a jollibee branch (cc in jollibee?! that's another story. hehe) waiting for my order that seems to be taking forever. i notice a tall, well-dressed guy (*ting*) of average looks looking at me (*ting*ting). deadma lang. another glance and i see him still looking at me, as he waited for his order at the counter. deadma again.

hi, cc. you are cc, right? i nod. surprised. out of words.

hi! im neil.

ahmm. have we met before? i asked, still perplexed.

well, sa facebook. i added you up.

oh! i smiled. i laughed. nervous laughter. are you mggff? my brain is trying to flip through all those fb profiles in memory. neil.. neil.. neil..

no. i just saw you and added you up. he smiled.

and when i saw you, i somehow recognized you.

oh great. sorry. i didnt connect agad. naiinis ako kasi tagal ng order ko. an excuse for not totally recognizing him.

ill send you a message so you'll know who i am.

wonderful. well, ill check na rin when i get to the office. sige, keep in touch. thanks.

and yet another story.

a twitter follower DM'd me. hey i saw you in gbelt v. i wanted to say hi.

kaso you were far na.

there are no strangers. just friends you havent met.

such a cliche. but now so real. what all this social networking sites have done is to open me up to 'friends-in-waiting'. (for some, this could mean 'stalker-to-be'. but i choose to be more positive. hehe)

and for some of them, it's like they know me na. they could recognize me based on the pictures (i suppose that's credit to me that my pics are current and unaltered. LOL). now that sort of throws me off, too. as if we've met. but we haven't really.

i still draw the line. i haven't met you yet if we haven't met offline. especially after my mr ripley episode, i have become firm about this dictum. regardless if we exchange messages. take it offline to become true acquaintances. and develop the friendship from there.

but nevertheless, i feel flattered for the effort to say hi to me.

thanks, neil.

his pilgrim soul

without pre-empting the soon-to-be-posted podcast, what's inside my pretty head right now is pc and our two-decade age gap. haha.

yeah, he was born just as i was getting to love madonna with borderline. he was born right about the time the snap elections were being tallied, and maybe even during the walkout of the computer encoders. And as he was just being baptized, i was in my yellow shirt, raring to go to EDSA and lead my friends, carrying my yellow fan.

but he is hardly typical of guys his age. the first conversations i had with pc would not have even reflect his age. though his interests are so varied, it includes up to opera and classical music, literature classics and 80's music. it is always a joy listening to him as he expounds on his interests and his travels, a combination of being an only child and being born to well-off parents.

hence, his is truly an old soul, a pilgrim soul. he was raised to be a true gentleman, refined in his manners and his tastes. he would feel right at home in an ivory-merchant film, with all its niceties and wood paneling and manicured lawns and hunting lodges.

i write this in fully booked, bhs, as i buy him a vinyl of ella fitzgerald. yes, vinyl, long-playing record. of lola ella and her rich, deep, emotion-laden voice.

what he lacks in experience, he makes up for in vicarious learning, in soaking up knowledge from multiple sources, all that his pretty head could accommodate. and put that in the context of an intelligent, logical mind and you have someone who is as comfortable talking about k-pop as well as bertrand russell.

with him, i dont feel that age gap, seriously. and i am as much a 'student' with him. maybe even more.

i'd like to think we are really just peers born two decades apart. :-)


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memories of the memorial park

as a family, we stopped visiting the deceased relatives during nov 1 eons ago. we just didnt want the hassle of crowds and traffic. but in my childhood, that used to be an annual trip we kids looked forward to. lolo would put up the tent and bring the folding chairs and tables (no monoblocks yet). we even had the banig to allow some of us to rest and sleep since we spent the whole day there. part of our entertainment would be form those wax balls from candle wax. the bigger the better. nothing really changes, right? LOL

but when it became too crowded, too much traffic. we just stopped going. we'd try to visit on a different date, just to avoid the all saint's day madness. but even that fizzled out.

im glad we visited today. seeing the park brought back the memories. but beyond that, i just totally love the serenity, the peace. the overcast day was perfect for the morning visit. even at 1030am, the breeze was still cool. and though much has changed for the better, the park was still as familiar.

nanay led the short prayer as i snapped some photos. then we got to talk to some of the people who made a living out of maintaining these lots. and we negotiated with one of them to maintain ours. perhaps this will make us visit more often.

as morbid as this may sound, i love going to the cemetery.

in search of..

... a copy of the series "in search of..." hosted by leonard nimoy. one of my growing up nerdy pleasures was watching this documentary, this discovery-channel precursor series on the 'mysteries' of the planet. a quickie with wiki reveals that the series actually ran from 1976 to the 80's, yeah, my growing years!

i remember mysteries like the loch ness monster (a dinosaur still alive in a lake?) or the bigfoot or yeti (a huge ape-like man hiding in the california redwoods or in the himalayas?) or the bermuda or devil's triangle (a region in the sea where planes, ships disappear without a trace?) or even the city of atlantis (as described by plato to be an advanced civilization that went down the sea with a massive volcanic eruption)! let's include stonehenge, the easter island giants, the giant carvings on the plains of peru and even england! those were hot, hot topics then.

i wonder what ever happened to the 'theories' to explain these mysteries. how come they don't make it to consciousness anymore? were they ever 'solved'? or did we just become disinterested?

if before i would have to wait for the episode to air, or read the books written about these topics, all i have to do now is google. and when i find the time, that is precisely what ill be doing. ill be following up on these topics and see what's the latest on them. or maybe some of you have the updates. do share.

:-)

some visual pegs

my eck-centricities 2

not a drop wasted. stuff like these that come in a plastic tube. i know that no matter how hard i try to squeeze the package, a lot more would still be left. i end up cutting it up and opening it. that way, i have access to all the stuff that's left in it. for this nivea face wash, a good three-weeks worth of face wash was still inside!

passion revived

some of you would probably remember the time i used to blog a lot about fashion. then i stopped. somehow, i felt that nothing catches my eye anymore. there was nothing totally new, totally awesome in male fashion that i would covet. and when i looked at my wardrobe then, i had lots of apparel that i felt was still relevant, since i wasn't too trendy, either.

my office wardrobe pretty much stayed the same for a year or two.

then i started to lose weight. and those same clothes started to look big, and really big on me. but i didnt seem to notice. or actually, i didnt want to notice, thinking i could get away with it. those were office clothes anyway. i concentrated on showing of my slender figure in my casual wear, with those slim fit tees and polos.

until i got confronted a few weeks ago by a drunk friend. we were at a party. i just came from the office so i was still wearing office clothes. i felt it was pretty decent, white shirt, nice tie, dress pants. but when my friend got drunk, he started being totally honest with me, brutally honest.

ayan, tignan mo yung suot mo. sus. ang laki-laki na sayo. para kang nalulunod na sa damit mo. sorry cc, ha. matagal ko ng gustong sabihin sa iyo. di na maganda ang ayos mo. payat ka nga, mukha ka namang losyang sa suot mo.

i was so embarrassed. he was blabbering all this in front of our barkada. and though we were all laughing at how drunk he has gotten again, i felt a knife was twisting in my insides.

when i got home, i looked at myself and realized that i needed an office clothes wardrobe change. i got too comfortable wearing what i have in my closet, not considering that as my body was shrinking, my clothes weren't.

wake up call.

i opened my closet and started taking out those huge long sleeved shirts. i needed that slim silhouette now. i took out all those pants. they had to be repaired drastically.

and beyond my office clothes, i looked at my casual wear. i also felt i wanted to change my image. less trendy. less fashionista. but more distinctly cc.

and i got excited all over again!

it used to be that i'd never buy pants off the rack. again, my proportions were just wrong for the pants, the slacks available. but after reading an article about Gap, and how excellently they make jeans and khakis, i visited the store and started trying out some pairs. i realized now that with my new waist size, my proportions improved! so i have my new suki for slacks, khakis! and of course, i had to have all those pants repaired.

and for my casual look, i began shopping for particular shoes. i gave away my previous sports shoes and leather slip-ons. i'm looking at classier styles now, less trendy: canvas lace-ups rubber soled, moccasins, leather lace-ups, boat shoes.

the passion in fashion is back. and it's giving me sleepless nights again, conjuring up images of how i'd look in this or that combination! yey!

ill post some nice finds soon...

My LP

back in my day, we used to say that being single meant being LP... lonely P___ (complete the term with the Filipino term for women's genitalia. ewww)

the fabcast came about after mgg found a peculiar pattern in the emails he had been getting. we felt it was relevant to discuss. or we just wanted an excuse to get-together again. hehe

PART I

Download this Fabcast (right click and save)





Music credits:
"Kumukutikutitap" by San Miguel Master Chorale and Philharmonic Orchestra
"Pasko Na, Sinta Ko" by San Miguel Master Chorale and Philharmonic Orchestra
"The Loneliest Person I Know" by Splender
"Eternal Flame" by The Bangles

PART II

Download this fabcast (right click and save)





Music credits:
"Lonely Is The Night" by Air Supply
"Wannabe" by The Spice Girls
"Loneliness Knows Me By Name" by Westlife

and just like that, another year endeth

it all seems too fast now. it's 2011 now. as i grow older, time just flies by too fast.

i used to write letters to myself summing up the year that was. then it would end with some hopes and dreams and of course, resolutions. that was way back in high school and college. when everything seemed so distant. when pimples seemed so real. and falling in love was the end-all.

2010 was no banner year, no watershed mark in the cc life. work was doubly difficult. family remained stable. back living with parents. finally enjoying things wished for. it had its share of low points and misses. but it ended on a high note. it ended my single status. it ended with the company overcoming major major difficulties.

although i was feeling like "it's just another new year's eve. another night like all the rest.", i felt the significance of the 'new year' again as i am about to sleep. and though it seemed like another night, it's not going to be just another year. 2011 will be a good year, a great year. God willing.

manigong bagong taon, mga raiders.