Soaring Ups and Swooping Lows

I started my Monday in the most upbeat of moods. I haven't been so high in a long time. I was reflecting the weekend past and I just kept on smiling. I flooded timelines with my exuberance. And the most significant experience was the tangible, physical component of that high. I had a heart that was happily beating fast. I was quite light-headed. And I kept on seeing the beauty of the morning, the clouds and sunlight. I could go on and on.

I went to my meeting cheerful and perky. And I knew people were quite relieved that the boss didn't have "S" (sumpong). So I was cracking jokes, making people feel at ease. But as the meeting stretched, and the problems and issues started being discussed, I felt the good vibes start to be defeated by realities... and stress.

Then, just as I was hoping to get some endorphins going at the gym, my aging body slaps me to reality. My injured rotator cuff hasn't healed yet. It's been there since I strained my shoulder almost two weeks ago. I had very limited range of movement. And needless to say, I couldn't do shoulder workout at the intensity I needed. Damn!

The final blow came as I was going to do a chore at the condo. And I forgot the keys in the office. Despite all my preparations for that chore, I still forgot the keys. Damn again!

There I was, in the dumps. And I was desperately trying to recall the feelings of exuberance in the morning. But none came back. Until I got a call from him. And the smiles and the laughter just bubbled to the surface.

But when that settled, I realized that the base feeling of it all was still this serenity, when all the highs and lows have been stripped away, a serenity founded on being thankful for all that I do have and enjoy.

Midlife mood swings? Maybe. Which is why I feel that we should not really hang up on being "happy" or "high" per se. And aim, instead, for the basal sense of inner peace and calm, no matter what the circumstances.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Lucas Chronicles: Roommates 3 (Ang Kliyente)

Nagising si Joey sa pagpasok ni Lucas sa kwarto. Maingay ang pagbukas ng pinto. At bumunggo sa aparador. Naalimpungatan pa siya. At dun niya napansin na lasing na lasing ang mokong.

“Lucas?” tanong ni Joey, habang umuungol pa.

“Shhhh. Sorry, bro. Maingay ba?” lasing na sagot ni Lucas.

“Ok lang.” Napa-upo siya mula sa pagkakahiga. Kinuha ang salamin at nakita niya si Lucas na gegewang-gewang papunta sa sariling kama.

Buti na lang, sa isip ni Joey, hindi niya kailangan gumising ng maaga. Kung hindi ay nasapak na niya ang kanyang roommate.

Tumayo siya at tinulungan na maupo sa kanyang kama si Lucas. Ang lakas ng amoy ng alak. Ngayon pa lang niya nakitang ganito kalasing si Lucas.

"Huy, Bro, ok ka lang?" tinapik niya si Lucas na nakatungo.

"Nahihilo ako, Bro." sagot sa kanya, at sumandal sa kanyang balikat. Wala na siyang nagawa kungdi hayaan si Lucas sa ganitong posisyon. Yun ang unang beses na nagkalapit sila. Kahit malakas ang amoy ng alak, naaamoy rin niya ang buhok ni Lucas, mabango pa rin. Inakbayan niya ang roommate.

"Bro, bakit ka naglasing?"

"Tang-ina nila. Tang-ina nila." sagot lang sa kanya.

"Sino? Ano ba problema?"

Biglang umupo ng matuwid si Lucas. "Tang-ina, Joey. I might get fired. Fuck!"

"What? Paano nangyari?"

"I don't know. May naninira. Min-emohan ako kanina. Tang-ina!"

"Tungkol saan? Anong kaso mo raw?"

"By being like this, bro."

"Huh? Ganyan ba kakitid ang boss?"

"Fuck him! Fuck you, Von Diaz! Tang-ina mo!"

"Hey, cool ka lang." at nilagay ni Joey ang kamay niya sa balikat ni Lucas.

"Dude, how could I be cool? Tang-ina! All that I've worked for! Just because I'm like this?"

"Luc, kakasuhan ka for being gay? Pwede mo silang idemanda."

'It's not just being gay, Bro..." at biglang lumungkot na naman ang boses ni Lucas.

"I made a mistake, once. Shit. Pucha, pinagsisihan ko yun. Ang sakit kaya ng nangyari" at unti-unti ng lumuha si Lucas.

"Bro, you can tell me, okay? Nandito ako. Ano ba yun?"

"Etong isang kliyente kasi. Matagal na to. Tang-ina. Pinatulan ko."

Nagulat si Joey, ngunit tinago niya ang reaksyon.

"Di ka naman siguro ang unang pumatol sa kliyente. Paano bang nangyari?"

Isinalaysay ni Lucas ang nangyari sa kanila ng kliyente niyang si Roger Garcia. (Carlito 8)

Napansin niya, sa mga ikalawang bisita pa lang niya kay Roger na tila may konting tikwas ang mga kamay, may kapinuhan ang pagkilos niya, kahit malaki ang katawan at gwapo si Mr Garcia. Kaya rin napuna niya na ibang klase makipag-usap si Roger pag siya'y dumadalaw. Maasikaso at closed-door meetings pa rin.

Nung ikatolong bisita niya, handa na raw pumirma ng kontrata si Sir Roger. Nagbihis siya ng makipot niyang pantalon, at pinansin niya kung paano tumatambok ang kanyang harapan sa sikip. Kahit siya ay na-seksihan sa kanyang bihis. Dumating siya sa opisina ni Sir Roger at madali siyang pinapasok sa loob ng silid.

"Did you bring the papers, Lucas?" tanong ni Roger habang nag-aayos ng gamit.

"Yes, Sir. Of course." at yumuko siya upang kunin ang papeles sa bag niya.

"Don't bother to bring them out. I'll sign them later."

Na-inis ng bahagya si Lucas. Akala pa naman niya pirmahan na.

"Bring them along. Come with me."

"Huh? Lalabas po tayo, Sir?"

"Yes. May problema ba?"

"Sir, kasi hindi ako nakapag-paalam."

"Paalam? You are the Sales Manager, right?"

"Yes po. Pero kasi..."

Pinutol na ni Roger ang kanyang pangungusap. "Sales Managers get the job done. Do you want this contract?"

"Oo naman, Sir! Yes, Sir. I'll just call the other clients to make arrangements."

"Good." at tinuloy ni Roger ang pagliligpit.

Nagtext si Lucas sa mga kasama upang puntahan na lang ang ibang kliyente. At aasikasuhin pa niya si Mr. Garcia.

"Saan tayo pupunta, Sir?"

"You'll know in a while." humarap sa speakerphone "Candy, pakisabi kay Manong na aalis na kami." humarap sa kanya. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, Sir." Lumukso ang puso ni Lucas sa paanyaya. Kahit may lamya si Roger, type niya pa rin. Excited siya. Ngunit hindi pa rin niya lubos-maisip na may magaganap sa kanila. Bawal sa kanila Code of Conduct yung pumatol sa kliyente.

Sa likod ng kotse sila parehong umupo. Maayos ang kuwentuhan nila. At puro trabaho pa rin. At nagulat na lang siya nung papunta na sila ng bahay ng mga Garcia. Hindi lang bahay. Mansyon.

"Lucas, I'm going to sign the contract in my house. I want to have lunch here first. And you'll join me."

"Yes, Sir." at napalunok na si Lucas habang pumapasok sa driveway ang Benz ni Roger.

Dumiretso sila sa malaking komidor. Dun nakahain na ang mga pinggan at baso para sa dalawang tao. Pinaupo siya ni Roger. At dumating ang mga katiwala, dala ang pagkain.

Habang kumakain sila ng mga pagkaing mayaman, nag-iisip si Lucas kung paano niya isisingit ang pagpirma ng kontrata. Inantay niya hanggang dessert upang tanungin si Roger kung pwede ng pagusapan ang kontrata.

"Sa kwarto na natin pag-usapan."

Kinabahan na si Lucas. Hindi niya gaanong kakilala si Roger. Oo at sikat talaga sila at mayaman. Ngunit habang tumatagal, hindi na niya maisip na kaya niyang makipag-sex sa kanya. Sa sariling pamamahay, lumalabas ang pagka-dona ni Roger. Ang mga pananalita. Ang pagkilos. At hindi niya talaga, kahit kailan, natipuhan ang efem, kahit gaano pa kagwapo at kalaki ang katawan. Hindi niya alam kung paano tatakas.

Nagyaya na rin si Roger sa kwarto. Sumunod siya dahan-dahan. Nag-aalangan. Kinakabahan. Pagpasok nila sa kwarto, agad ni-lock ni Roger ang pinto.

"Nasaan na ang papeles?"

"Eto, Sir.." at dali-dali niyang kinuha ang folder.

Binasa ng sandali at nilapag sa dresser. Nagtanggal na ng shirt si Roger. Maganda talaga ang katawan niya pa rin. Kahit may konting fat, maaninag ang abs.

"What are you waiting for?" tanong sa kanya ni Roger.

"Huh? Ano po yun?"

"Take off your clothes, Lucas!"

"Sir, mawalang-galang na po. Pero, ahh. Hindi po ako sanay..."

Pinutol ni Roger ang kanyang sinasabi. "Lucas, don't play games with me. I know you want this. And you want this.." sabay turo sa contract.

Naka-underwear na lang si Roger nung oras na iyon. Walang magawa si Lucas kung hindi ay magtanggal na rin ng damit. Habang tinatanggal niya ang butones, pumunta sa likod niya si Roger at siya na ang nagtuloy ng pagtanggal ng long-sleeve shirt ni Lucas. Niyakap siya mula sa likod at kinagat ang kanyang tenga.

"Aray!"

"Haha, hindi ka pala sanay ng konting pain." bulong sa kanya ni Roger. "Masasanay ka rin." Hinayaan na lamang ni Lucas na halikan ang kanyang batok, habang tinatanggal niya ang belt at ang kanyang pantalon.

Wala na siyang kalibog-libog nung oras na iyon. Hindi na siya natutuwa sa mga nangyari. Hinarap siya ni Roger at hinalikan ng matagal. Binukas na lamang niya ang bibig niya habang sinusupsop ni Roger ang dila niya. Napansin niyang nakahubo't-hubad na si Roger at ang malaking ari. Ngunit hindi na siya na turn-on.

"Suck me." inutos sa kanya ni Roger.

Pinilit siyang niluhod at inumpisahan niyang i-blow job ang kliyente. Halos masuka-suka siya sa laki. At sa diri na rin sa kanyang ginagawa. At talagang nagiging wild na si Roger, tinutulak ang ulo niya sa titing tigas na tigas.

Hinila siya patayo at hinawakan ang kanyang lampang nota. "Bakit hindi ka tinitigasan?"

"I just came po. Kaninang umaga."

Bigla na lang siyang tinulak sa kama sa harap nila. At naisip na niya ang susunod na mangyayari. Tumihaya siya upang makiusap.

"Sir, top po ako. Please po."

"Shut up!" at biglang sinikmuraan ng kliyente. "I don't fucking care, you whore." Namalipit siya sa sakit. At inulit pa.

Pinatuwad na siya at binuhusan ng lube ang kanyang puwet. "Sir, please."

"Lucas, do you want that contract or not?"

"Sir, i-bj ko na lang kayo. Please, Sir" at nag-umpisa ng tumulo ang kanyang luha sa sakit, sa kahihiyan." Sinabunutan na siya ni Roger mula sa likod. Napasigaw siya sa sakit. At dun sinabay ni Roger ang pagpasok ng matigas na titi sa kanyang puwet.

"Aray! Aray!" Napasigaw na siya. At lalo lang binaon ni Roger ang nota niya sa puwet ni Lucas. Tuloy-tuloy na ang pag-iyak niya. "Sir, please, Sir. Tama na!"

"Pare-pareho kayong mga puta. Gagamitin niyo katawan niyo to get a fucking sale. This is what you deserve." at tuloy-tuloy ang pagkadyut ni Roger.

Binaliktad siya at tinaas ang mga paa. Nakitang umiyak siya sa sakit.

"Tang-ina mo! Bakla ka pala! Iyak ka ng iyak!" At sinuntok na naman siya sa tiyan.

Tinuloy ni Roger ang pagfuck kay Roger. Hanggang naramdaman na lang niya na lalabasan na ang kliyente. "Tang-ina. Tang-na. I'm coming!" At sa loob niya nilabasan si Roger.

Biglang bumitaw si Roger at tumakbo sa banyo at naligo.

Naiwan si Lucas na hindi na makakilos sa sakit. Lumabas si Roger na nakatapis. Pumunta sa dresser at pinirmahan ang contract.

"Hoy, tumayo ka na diyan!" sinigawan siya ni Roger.

"Sir, pwede bang makaligo?" mahinang tinanong ni Lucas.

"Gago ka ba? Get dressed and get out of here. Eto, nakuha mo na gusto mo." at binato sa kanya ang folder. Kumalat ang papeles sa sahig. Pinulot niya agad, bago niya pinulot ang mga damit.

"Ok Sir." at sinuot niya agad ang brief, pantalon at shirt niya.

"Get out!"

Tahimik na lang na tumutulo ang luha ni Lucas. At niyakap siya ni Joey.

"Bro, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. What happened after?"

"The business started with that company. But I stopped visiting. Pinasa ko sa isang ahente, babae. Hinahanap lagi ako ni Mr. Garcia. Hindi na ako nagpakita. After a few months, he pre-terminated the contract. Nagalit ang Boss ko nun. Ngayon, alam na niya ang nangyari."

"Pero Bro, dapat kampihan ka niya. Bro, na-rape ka. Pucha, hindi dapat nangyari yun!"

"Joey, do you think I could even make a case out of it? Get real! Besides, ako pa rin ang lalabas na masama. Naisip ko na yan. Dapat hindi ko pinatulan. Dapat hindi man ako sumama sa kanya."

Napa-iling na lamang si Joey. "So how did your boss find out about this?"

"I know Carlito is behind all this. I just know it. Tang-ina niya. Kinuwento niya kay Tere. Etong si Tere, nagdaldal kay Von. I trusted her. Shit!" at napaiyak na naman si Lucas.

Niyakap siya ni Joey. "Bro, it's going to be all right, okay? Tutulungan kita. Wag ka ng maglalasing. Walang maitutulong iyan."

Naramdaman niyang niyakap na rin siya ni Lucas ng mahigpit, habang tuloy na humihikbi-hikbi. Ayaw man niyang isipin ngunit hindi niya mapigilan na ma-apektuhan sa yakap ni Lucas. Matagal na siyang walang kayakap. At matagal na rin niyang pinipigil ang mga damdamin sa roommate. Ngunit hindi eto ang panahon upang ipakita yun.

Kumawala siya sa yakap. "Bro, Ihiga mo na yan." at inalalayan niyang mahiga si Lucas sa kama. Ilang sandali pa lang at humihilik na. Tinanggal niya ang sapatos at medyas at inayos niya ang pagkakahiga. Nakabukas na ang pantalon at zipper. Inisip niya kung tutulunga na rin niyang tanggalin ang pantalon.

Pinigilan niya ang sarili niya. Baka isipin pa ni Lucas na katulad siya ng kliyente niyang si Roger, mapagsamantala. Kaya iniwan na niya si Lucas na mahimbing nakatulog. At bumalik na siya sa kanyang kama. Ngunit matagal bago bumalik ang antok. Ang bango ng buhok ni Lucas, ang higpit na yakap ay ulit-ulit niyang inisip.





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Lucas Chronicles: Roommates 2

Napansin ni Joey na iba ang pakiramdam ni Lucas ng mag ilang araw na rin. Tahimik.

“Bro, may problema ba?”

“Huh? Wala. Trabaho lang.” ang maikling sagot ni Lucas sa kanya.

“Ah. If you’d like to talk about it, nandito lang ako, bro.”

“Yeah. Salamat.” at bumalik sa pag-ayos ng gamit si Lucas. Hindi na rin pinansin ni Joey at tinuloy niya ang pag-email.

Pinakiramdaman niya ang roommate niya. Napansin niyang naligo lang ng sandali at agad ng natulog. Nakakanibago. Parang may sumpong. Hindi niya alam kung dapat siyang tumulong o hindi. Marahil, love life. Alam naman niyang galing sa isang masalimuot na relasyon si Lucas. Napagtsismisan ng tropa minsan ang bali-balita sa kanya. Nalungkot naman siya para sa kanyang kasama.


Eksaktong 5:45am impunto nag-ring ang telepono. Tulad ng mga nakaraan. Naka-ilang tawag na rin etong mystery caller niya. Pangatlo na ba? inisip ni Tere.

“Hello.” bukang-bibig ng lalaki.

“Hello.”

“Ibang klase talaga yang ka-opisina mong si Lucas.” at nag-umpisa na naman ang mga litanya ng mga pinaggagawa ni Lucas.

Dahil sa mga tawag, ang dami niyang nalaman tungkol sa kanya. Ngunit di rin niya alam kung totoo lahat. At di rin niya magawang tanungin si Lucas. Alam niyang kagagalitan lang siya. Kaya tinago na lang niya sa sarili ang mga kuwento.

Kung saan-saan raw humahanap ng sex si Lucas. Kahit sa kalye, kahit tricycle driver papatulan dahil sa kati. Ang paborito raw nito ang sauna lalo’t lalo na sa gym. Mahilig talaga sa sex in public places siya.

May insidente sa kotse, sa isang park, sa sinehan. Naloloka si Tere sa mga kuwento. Kahit detalye binibigay. Nagpapatira raw sa puwet. At hindi gumagamit ng condom. Baka raw may AIDS na yan.

Pati ang nangyari sa kanila ni Emily, binulatlat. Kung paano siya si-neduce ni Emily, at ilang beses nilang ginawa. Ang mga sinubukan nilang posisyon. At ang pagbrocha na hindi na kaya ni Lucas ituloy.

Minsan nakakatawa ang mga kuwento. Kaya rin naman para silang magkaibigan nitong mystery caller pag nagtatawanan na. Kasi, parang nakikinig lang siya sa radyo, sa mga bading na showbiz reporter.

Ngunit etong tawag raw niyang eto ang huli na niyang tawag. Dahil eto na ang malaking pasabog niya, ang kuwentong dapat magpapatanggal kay Lucas sa opisina.

Nag-uumpisa na sana ang pagkuwento ng biglang dumating si Boss Von at nagulantang ang sekretarya.

“Tere, ang aga mo pala!” ang pambungad ni Von sa kanya.

“Ay Sir! Good morning po” at bigla siyang napatalon mula sa upuan.

“Good morning. Nasa telepono ka agad?”

“Aahh... sa bahay lang po..” at bigla niyang kinausap ang caller.

“Tawag ka na lang ulit. Bye.” sabay hang-up ng telepono.

“Sorry po. I’ll get coffee for you, Sir.”

“Yes, please.” at tuloy ng pumasok sa kwarto si Von. Nataranta naman si Tere na hagilapin ang kape at magtimpla.

Nang bumalik na sa normal ang umaga, biglang naalala ni Tere si mystery caller at ang kanyang ‘pasabog’. Matatagalan pa ang kasunod na tawag. Ano kaya ang gagawin niya kung malaman niya ang ‘sikretong’ yun? Ganun kaya ka-grabe ang nagawa ni Lucas? Mapipilitan ba siyang isumbong kung ganun kalala ang paratang?

Tamang-tama naman ang dating ni Lucas.

“Hey. Good morning. Si Boss, nasa office?”

“Hello! Oo. Kanina pa nga. Pasok ka lang. Maganda mood.”

Kumatok si Lucas at pinapasok naman ni Von. Parang ibang mga mata ang gamit niya sa pagtingin kay Lucas. Kahit papaano, naapektuhan rin siya ng mga kuwento ni mystery caller. Naglaro ang kanyang isip at in-imagine niya si Lucas sa mga iba’t-ibang lugar, sa kanyang mga hadahan. May halong paghanga at pag-alinlangan ang pakiramdam niya. Ngunit alam niyang kahit ano pa ang mangyari, magkaibigan pa rin sila.

Ngunit hindi na naiwasan ni Tere ang mga sumunod na pangyayari. Kung bakit naman nataon na dun pa nabunggo ang sasakyan ng kanyang boyfriend na sumundo sa kanya nung umagang yun. Kung bakit na-late siya sa pagpasok kung kailan tumawag si mystery caller muli. At kung bakit maaga na naman dumating si Boss Von.

Hindi niya alam kung anong eksaktong nangyari. Abala pa siya sa paghabol ng oras ng makarating siya sa opisina ng pasado alas nueve. At pinatawag siya agad ni Von sa loob ng opisina.

“You are late.”

“Sorry, Sir. Nagka-aksidente lang yung sasakyan.”

“Are you ok? Are you hurt?”

“Hindi naman po. Hinintay lang namin ang pulis. At nagkabuhol-buhol na ang traffic. Sorry, Sir.”

“Ok lang. May nasagot akong tawag kaninang maagang-maaga.”

Kinabahan na si Tere. “Yes, Sir?”

“The guy was looking for you. Sabi ko wala ka. At nagpakilala ako.”

Unti-unting nawawala ang dugo sa utak ni Tere. Para siyang nihihilo.

“And he proceeded to recount the conversations he has been having with you for a few weeks now. About Lucas.”

“Sir, hindi ko po siya kilala. I don’t know po, kung totoo ang mga pinagsasabi niya.”

“It doesn’t matter. He told me some very serious, damaging things about Lucas. And I can’t tolerate that.”

“Sir, hindi po natin alam ang totoo.”

“Sinabi nga niya sa akin na hindi mo pa alam ang pinakagrabeng nagawa ni Lucas. Dahil sasabihin pa lang raw niya sa iyo sana ngayon.”

Hindi na naka-imik si Tere. Kinabahan para sa sarili. para kay Lucas.

“Anyway, I will act quickly on this. Let HR do the investigating.”

Nung hapon pa lang, pinatawag na si Tere upang i-type ang sulat para kay Lucas.

“... It has come to Management’s attention that you have allegedly indulged in homosexual activities, immoral in nature, and in violation of esteemed corporate values ... has included sexual acts involving clients, current and prospective, in clear violation of conflict of interest... You are to explain in writing within 72 hours all these allegations.... be reminded that if found guilty, such behaviors carry the penalty of immediate termination.”

Nanginginig si Tere habang tina-type niya sa computer ang sulat. Naluha na siya nung nakita niya yung ‘termination’. Gumawa siya ng maraming kopya upang papirmahin ang boss niya.

“Please tell Lucas to come in now.”

Tuliro siyang lumabas sa opisina. Mag-uuwian na. At pinagdarasal niyang hindi makita si Lucas. Upang mapagsabihan man lang niya. Ngunit hindi pabor ang panahon kay Lucas. Siya mismo ang lumapit kay Tere upang mapagpaalam sanang umuwi.

“Luc, pinapatawag ka ni Von.”

“Now? Alam ba niya anong oras na?”

“Luc, ngayon na. Pumasok ka na lang sa kwarto.”

“O napaano ka? Bakit ka namumutla?” tanong ni Lucas.

“Wala, Luc. Sige na.”

Iniwan na siya ni Lucas at pumasok sa loob ng silid. Inayos niya ang mga gamit niya ngunit pinakikiramdaman niya ang nangyayari sa loob ng opisina ni Von. Tahimik. Walang imik.

At biglang lumabas si Lucas, namumutla.

“Luc...”

“Putang-ina. Putang-ina. Putang-ina.” yun lang ang sinasabi ni Lucas habang palabas ng kwarto. At hindi man niya tinitignan si Tere.

“Luc?”

Biglang sumigaw si Lucas. “PUTANG-INA! KASAMA KA, TERE! I TRUSTED YOU! FUCK YOU!” at tumakbo si Lucas palabas. Umiyak na ng husto si Tere habang lumabas si Von sa kwarto.

“What happened? Si Luc ba yun?”

Hindi na nakasagot si Tere, at tuloy ang iyak. Tinignan lang siya ni Von. “You can go.” At pumasok sa loob ng kwarto.



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Friendship Circles: To Widen or To Tighten

I've always advocated ever-expanding one's circle of friends. I remember someone saying something like "one should make a new friendship every year." Ang strict ng requirement! My pink world of friendships "exploded" with the internet, primarily because of my blogging. So suddenly, I count many more people as 'friends', many of them raiders and fabcast listeners.

It came as a surprise to hear a friend of mine, from the non-online golden days mention that at as age advances, one should actually be pruning, not expanding, one's list of friends. At a certain point, you already know what kind of people you'd like to hang out with, what your interests are. And beyond that, you have already 'tested' your friendships through thick and thin, through sick and sin. You don't need new friends. You already have more than enough.

That got me thinking. Firstly, I wondered if this is really a matter of improving definitions and classifications: from acquaintances all the way to bff's. Have I simply been too loose with my definition of "friend"? Maybe I should reserve that title for those with whom I have really shared some of life's ups and downs.

I do have to admit that with some of my new-found friends, we have really yet to "try" the friendship through stormy weather. So maybe I should just re-classify them as "acquaintances"? Yet I know them a lot more than that.

My friend, of course, is also coming from the perspective of having the time and effort to nurture friendships as relationships. Do I really have the time to invest in developing all these friendships? Or would I be stretching myself too thin?

As I tried to argue that some of this new people I meet are very interesting, interesting enough to make me want to spend more time with them. And he shot that one by questioning my motivation. Am I really, truly interested in the person in pursuit of a friendship, or am I really flirting? Gulp.

Anyway, I ask you, dear raiders, what is your take on this?







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cc quickie: Sun sets

I'm so cheesy, bowled over by a setting sun everytime. I must have witnessed hundreds and hundreds, taken sooo many pictures, yet I still look forward to each time I have a chance to witness one.

I finished a quick run here in SM MoA, synched to end just as the glorious sun was setting on Manila Bay. Breathtaking, as always.

I never felt I was in such good company until I was in Siem Reap. It turns out that one of their "tourist attractions" was to watch the sun set from the temple in Phnom Bakheng, up the mountain. It was a short 20 minute trek to the top. And I got there by 430pm, more than an hour away from sunset, there were already people jostling for position!





It was crazy! And as the appointed time drew nearer, people started coming in droves, filling in each and every open space, much to the chagrin of the security. I thought I would remain standing but a perfect space opened up for me. And I quickly settled in.

I took a few test shots. And more of the people around.







Finally, the sun started setting at 545pm, and it was just a wonderful, perfect orb of a sun!








And when it finally disappeared into the guhit-tagpuan, or horizon, everybody clapped! Parang sinehan lang sa Pinas! That was one memorable sunset!

Anyway, as I was looking at the sunset this afternoon, I couldn't help but think that I was looking at the sun setting in my single life.

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Location:Ocean Drive,Pasay City,Philippines

Trip thoughts

I was carediva to three senior citizens, my parents and my sister's mother-in-law. Well, not for the entire trip. You see, my brother-in-law and sister sponsored our trip to Cambodia recently, since this was his latest UN assignment.

I had my anxieties about the trip, particularly the return to Manila. Going to Siem Reap wasn't going to be a problem, since my sister and her entire family were going with us. However, there was that 6 hour road trip from Siem Reap to Phnom Penh. Then finally, the trip back would have me as the only able adult accompanying senior citizens, all beyond 70yo. And there was going to be this long layover in Kuala Lumpur. And we didn't know what service from low-cost carriers CebuPac and AirAsia when it comes to persons with disability (my mom) and the senior citizens.

Then to cap it all, my father was experiencing stomach pains the night before. So there was that major decision of whether to proceed or not. And if we did, would he experience the pains during the trip? Where would we go?

Oops. That's not all. Part of that anxiety included having to 'deal' with my sister's in-laws. Sometimes, I feel like my bro-in-law has this condescending attitude. And it just gets to me. The way he greets and shakes his hand, his replies and comments seem to be meant to convey his intellectual superiority to everybody. And I always thought he got it from his mother, who was going to join us for the trip. So, I was also anxious about having to be all nice and politcally-correct to them during the trip. Sigh.

Fast-forward to yesterday. We are back in Manila. In one piece (with luggages. LOL) Looking back...

... NAIA 3 International is totally unfriendly to senior citizens and PWD. The ramps going to the airplane do not work. So we had to descend staircase to the ground floor and climb up the rickety stairs to the plane. And that was hell for my mom (She has polio and is 75yo) and even my dad (overweight with arthritic knees). Despite having wheelchairs and people to assist, that was quite difficult for my mom, particularly.

...Generally, Cambodia is still not as PWD-conscious. Well, the country of 14M Khmers is nascent in the country-development index. Phnom Penh is like Quezon City of years back, with no major malls yet. (Mall talaga ang peg?) BTW, the locals say P-nom Pen. I don't here them pronounce the "Ph" as "F". I think it's the French influence of having useless consonants and even vowels. LOL



... the temples of Siem Reap are truly awe-inspiring. But they are just crawling with tourists. If I go back there, I'd really spend time in one of them, and use it really as a 'temple' and meditate. There was this serenity that was marred by the tourists (me included) and the cameras.


...the gay scene is fun, both in Siem Reap and Phnom Penh. Not too many choices but enough for a wandering beki visiting for a few nights. Places like Blue Chilli Bar in Phnom attracts all sorts of foreigners, so take your pick. Just be ready to compete with locals for their attention.



...Kuala Lumpur's LCCT (Low-Cost Carrier Terminal) is as bare-bones an airport as it can get. There is something insulting in that name, though. It has "cheap" superimposed on it. So no ramps and tubes connecting to the plane. All staircases. So again, the horrors of bringing PWD/seniors up and down. I had to use the services of the wheelchair lift for USD68 per person!

...The saving grace for people with long layovers at LCCT would be the Plaza Premium lounge, that allowed you to over-stuff yourself with food and drinks and wifi. A/C wasn't working as well though. And though they offered showers, I didn't avail of it. The lounge itself is pretty small and cramped.

... Cebupac made up for it by having really nice people around to help. They literally carried my mom in her wheelchair over the staircase to make it easy for her!!!

...My sister did everything possible to make it easy on my parents and me. And that included having bonding moments with us, and letting her in-laws also have their bonding moments.

...My bro-in-law does not really have that attitude, deeply ingrained. I actually did get along with him. And he was always so nice and accommodating, I was feeling ashamed of all that I thought of him. And his mom. She was really gracious and helpful. Yes she was quite meticulous on service. But she was always ready to help out, despite the fact that she was 72yo. She never imposed on me. Again, shame on me for thinking of her that way.

I had my moments of being stern with my folks. Grumbling under my breath with the physical effort and hassle of playing carediva. At their age, they could get makulit and I'd snap back at times. And being the OC-OC that I was, I was constantly fretting about how to get them from one place to another. So I'd become masungit from time to time.

I regret that attitude totally. And I will be apologizing to them for that. They don't deserve any of that bitching. In the twilight of their years, they deserve to be treated like royalty, with the narriest of inconveniences and annoyances. Allow me to rehearse...

Nanay and Tatay, sorry if at times, I was masungit. If I would snap back or just be stern during the trip. I really apologize for the attitude and the behavior. I promise to work on it the next time. Yes, the next time we travel. I don't mind being your carediva, your companion. I don't mind the effort and the hassle. I would gladly do it again and again. I am truly at your service.



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Lucas Chronicles: Roommates 1

Maagang gumigising si Joey. Ganun ang nakalakihan niya. Kaya naabutan niya laging humihilik pa si Lucas sa himbing ng pagtulog. Napatingin siya sa bago niyang roommate. Maganda pa rin ang katawan ni Lucas kahit may tiyan ng kaunti. Siguro hindi na rin nakapag-gym mula nung nagulo ang buhay.

Inayos na niya ang gamit niya. Maayos siya sa gamit. Isa rin sa mga kinalakihan niya. Maaga siyang nawalan ng tatay at tumayong padre de pamilya. Matalino at nagsumikap kaya naman maayos ang trabaho sa isang IT na kumpanya. At kahit kaya na niyang tumira sa isang malaking lugar na pangsarili, minabuti niya na mag-rent ng room na lang at maghanap ng roommate. Ganun siya katipid pagdating sa sarili. Halos kuripot na. Ang luho na lang niya ay ang gadgets at games. At kahit dun ay hindi rin siya magastos.

Ang tingin sa kanya ng barkada niya ay nerd o geek. Ngunit sa tingin naman niya ay hindi naman ganun kasama. Oo at hindi siya mahilig sa mga clubs at sayawan. Pero sumasama naman siya kung inuman ang gimmick. Hindi rin siya mahilig sa pagworkout. Kaya nga minsan tinatanung rin siya kung bading talaga siya. Natatawa na lang siya.

Nung nakabihis na siya, inayos na niya ang gamit niya at ni-lock ang cabinet niya. Tinignan ang paligid bago tumuloy umalis. At tamang-tama naman na nagising na rin si Lucas.

"Morning." ang bungad sa kanya ni Lucas habang nag-uunat pa.

"'Morning, bro. Una na ako." at dali-daling lumabas si Joey, parang nahiya.

"Sure, bro." Napangiti si Lucas sa sarili habang nagsasara ng pinto si Joey. Bro? Ganun ba ngayon ang tawagan nila? Akala niya 'roomie' o 'kapatid'? At tumayo na rin siya mula sa kama. May isang malaking hard-on sa kanyang boxers. 'Morning wood' ang tawag ng mga bading. Uumpisahan niya sana na magjakol ngunit tinigil nung nakita oras. Nag madali na pumasok sa opisina.


Maaga nakarating si Tere sa opisina. Malayo pa kasi ang pinanggagalingan kaya inaagahan niya. Nag-aayos siya ng opisina ng boss niyang si Von ng ganung oras. Kaya naman lagi siyang nababati ng boss at ng iba pang boss sa opisina.

Habang nagpupunas ng desk, nagulat siya ng may nagring na telepono. Sa number ng boss niya. Lampas alas-sais y media pa lang, may tumatawag na. Sinagot niya mula sa kanyang desk.

"Mr. Diaz' office. May I help you?"

Hindi sumagot agad ang nasa kabilang-linya. "Hello?"

"Si Von Diaz? Nasaan siya?"

"I'm sorry he's not in the office yet. He arrives at 8:30 in the morning. Would you like me to take a message."

"Ok, ok. Sabihin mo yung isang bisor niya bakla."

Nagulat at nanlamig si Tere habang nasa telepono. "Ano po?"

"Yung bisor niya, si Lucas, bakla yun. Paratingin mo sa kanya!"

"Sir, I'm sorry po. I don't think I can take your message."

"Bakit? Bakit di mo ma-relay yung message? Alam mo bang bakla yun? Alam mo bang ang kati-kati nun?"

Pinilit ni Tere na hindi sabayan ang galit ng kausap. At mukhang talagang matindi ang galit kay Lucas.

"Wala naman kasing kinalaman ang sexual orientation sa kanyang trabaho." depensa ni Tere sa kaibigan.

"Ha! Yun ang akala mo. Eh kung malaman yan ng boss mo, palagay mo wala siyang gagawin?"

"Sir, who's this, please? I will just relay that you called po."

"Ah, ayaw mo? Ha! Makaka-usap ko rin ang boss mo. Wag mo ng protektahan ang baklang yun."

Biglang napaisip si Tere. Kung babaliwalain niya ang caller, baka nga humanap na lang ng paraan para makadiretso kay Von. Kawawa naman si Lucas.

"Hindi ko siya pinoprotektahan. Siguro kailangan ko lang malaman ang mga detalye, bago ko iparating kay Sir ang mga sinasabi mo."

"Malaman mo rin. Hahaha" tumawang mala-demonyo ang kausap. "Ikukuwento ko ang lahat tungkol sa kanya. At sisiguraduhin mong isusulat mo at ipaparating mo sa Boss mo."

"Opo. Ano ba ang mga alam niyo?"

"Tatawag ako uli sa kamakalawa. Marami pa akong sasabihin sa iyo." at biglang binaba ang telepono.

Binaba na rin ni Tere ang telepono at napaupo. Sino kaya ang may galit ng ganito kay Lucas at gusto siyang siraan sa trabaho niya?"

Alas-nuebe na nung makarating si Lucas sa opisina.

“Good morning! Kamusta, Tere?”

“Luc, dun tayo sa conference...” at hinila agad ang kaibigan sa bakanteng conference room.

“Oh napano ka? Bakit?”

“Luc, may tumawag dito.” hindi pa rin alam ni Tere kung paano niya babanggitin kay Lucas.

“So?”

“Hanap si Sir Von. Parang galit sa iyo.”

“Huh? Sa akin? Anong sabi? Lalaki?”

“Oo. Basta galit. Gustong kausapin si Von tungkol sa iyo.”

“Huh? Anong sasabihin? Anong sabi sa iyo?”

“Luc.. parang i-out ka kay Boss.”

Nanlamig si Lucas. At napaupo sa isang silya.

“Shit. Anong sabi mo?”

“Una, sinabi ko wala si Von. At nung binanggit niyang sabihin ko raw kay Von na bakla ka, siyempre sinabi ko na walang kaso yun.”

“And?”

“Basta sabi niya sasabihin niya kay Von. Gagawa raw siya ng paraan.”

Uminit ang ulo ni Lucas.

“Eh bakit mo pa kasi kinausap?! Sana binagsakan mo na lang ng telepono!”

“Luc, na-isip ko yan. Pero mas lalong magagalit. At baka gumawa talaga ng paraan na kausapin si Von.”

“Shit, Tere. Shit talaga.”

“Look, mukhang na-convince ko na ako ang kausapin. Haharangin ko lahat ng tawag niya. Hindi niya makaka-usap si Von.”

Napabuntong-hininga si Lucas. “Si Carlito eto. I’m sure. Putang-ina niya.”

“Hindi mo alam iyan. Aalamin ko muna. Cool muna tayo.”

“Anong oras siya tumawag?”

“Ang aga. Mga past 6am pa lang.”

“Si Carlito talaga yan. Nasa night-shift na naman siguro. Uupakan ko siya!”

“Wag kang pabigla-bigla, Luc. Wag nating gagalitin muna. Basta, kakausapin ko para malaman ko kung ano ang alam niya at ang gusto niyang iparating. Cool ka lang.”

“Shit talaga. I don’t need this from him.”

“Basta, cool ka lang. I’m here. Ako muna bahala.”

Niyakap si ni Lucas. “Thanks, dear. Buti na lang nandun ka nung tumawag.”

Tamang-tama sumilip si Sir Von sa conference. “Tere! I have been looking for you!” At napatingin kay Lucas.

“Is there a conference I didn’t know about?”

Biglang tumayo si Lucas. “Wala po, Sir. Sorry po.”

At biglang tumayo si Lucas at si Tere at lumabas ng kwarto.

Nagsimula dun ang isang pangambang muling napabigat sa damdamin ni Lucas.



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cc c on c4 (cc comments on comments)

Thanks for comments, raiders and friends alike. Regretfulky, I do not respond to all your comments. Sorry.

Letme just reply to some later ones, particularly on the Siem Reap post. No, I didn't try the Men's Resort though I've been told that the place is quaint. And the bath house is full of foreigners. Next time! Sorry, can't "share" Khmer Twinkie to you. Hehe He might be floored by requests from Pinoys! LOL. Just hang out in Linga Bar next time you are in the area.

On the recent turn of events in my love life, thanks for the reassurances and advice. I know things will turn out well, whether I eventually end up with a partner or alone.

Year of Faith posts will continue to come. If my posts somehow resonate with you, then I am extremely pleased. You are kindred souls, indeed.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad while waiting for my flight to KL

IJ Case 19: Hatha Khmer Spa

Getting around Phnom Penh could be a challenge.  They don't understand English as much.  And even if they do, the pronunciation is so radically different that you have problems trying to communicate.  So after doing my Utopia research, I settled for getting a massage at Hatha Khmer Spa due to the rave reviews.  After getting what seemed to be a comprehensive address, I got my tuktok and tried to show him the address.  He seemed as lost as I was.  And we ended up driving around a bit, asking around and around till he finally go it right!

The place was in a residential area.  And it seemed like a rundown old house with a front yard full of boys.  Yes, the boys were just there, waiting for the next customer.  And when I arrived, they scurried to get inside the aquarium of a room.  Yes, it's that type of a spa.  And I sat in front of the window, looking like a crowded police line-up.  Beside me was the supervisor, explaining to me how it works.  I found myself pressured to choose from around 20 young guys, mostly twinkies.  So I settled for whom i thought had the nicest face.  And I was quickly led into the room on the second floor.

The good thing about the room was its size.  It was quite big and had it's own toilet and bath area.  On one corner was a raised platform with the mattress.  No. 10 came in with a basin of hot water to soak my feet in.  He stripped to his undies and gently rubbed my feet and wiped them dry.

Then he asked me to move over to the bed and take off my clothes.  Lying on my belly, I didn't take off my underwear.  He took them off for me.  And proceeded to a very oily massage.  It was not earth-shaking.  But it wasn't bad either.  And it touched me in the right places enough to stimulate.

In general, the experience was satisfying enough.   And he did go the extra mile. But it is nowhere near the service excellence of Bangkok.  Well, it is also not as pricey.  So I suppose I got what I was paying for. 

Siem Reap gay scene

Thank you, Utopia, for your fine, updated listings! Finally they incorporated a validation date per entry!

On my last night at Siem Reap, I decided to check out the gay bars listed near the entertainment hub, Pub Street. Pub Street is fun, fun, fun! And I say this just by walking through the walking street. Establishments are actually not dimly lit and seedy.

And I didn't even have a hard time looking for the bars listed: Miss Wong and Linga Bar. They were on two parallel streets, streets that were smaller and even more intimate than Pub St. I first saw Miss Wong but wasn't enticed due to the primarily straight crowd at the time I went there (past 930pm). So I sauntered to the other street and easily found Linga Bar. This was more my style, with gay patrons just lounging around and waiters in tank tops.

The music was mix 90s and 2000's, which was fine by me. The clients included senior Caucasians and twinkie locals. I mustered the courage to must go in and sit at the bar. I noticed one particular twinkie local was quite gwapo. But I maintained my suplado attitude and just ordered red wine.

That twinkie was with other friends yet he sad next to me at the bar. He would casually glance and I would just nod to acknowledge. But he really was quite attractive, so different from the locals around.

I was sensing that he was just building up towards saying hello. So I decided to drop the supladito-ness. "Where from?" in that characteristic accent was the first line.

And probably the last complete English sentence he could utter. He wo uld just nod and try to express himself but he simply couldn't. But we got by with sign language and a sprinkling of word like "dance like?" He gestured that he would show me the clubs so I decided to just join him.

We walked along Pub street towards the Art Market street, crossing a creek. We ended up in HipHop Bar, a dance club or disco, as he called it. We stayed for a beer. And just looked at each other in between swaying to the beat. Gwapo talaga siya. Sayang lang kasi twinkie talaga.

He wanted to bring me home but I had to beg off. I wasn't about to just jump into bed. Besides, I had to wake up really early the following day to catch the sunrise at Angkor Wat.

He took me to the other bar, Miss Wong, on his motorbike. And after another round of drinks, I had to say goodnight.

He gave me his FB account, and upon adding him, I realized he did some twinkie modelling on the side. Oh di ba?

Hijo, palaki ka muna ng katawan. Punta ka Pinas, ako bahala sa iyo! LOL





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