ahhh. those moments.

of self doubt.

when you wish you had a bigger brain, and you could easily strategize and plan. but the ideas are just not there. and all you get are the same things in your head, doing the carousel. yet you need to do something drastic, to shake things up so that you will win. but nothing comes.

when you wish you could just be ruthless. and just be able to be so frank and honest. because you want results. and you can just get rid of the unnecessary, the inefficient, the deadweight.

when you wish you had more resources to fight out the battle. when money is just pouring in so you could do much more.

then you turn to other things inside you.

when you wish you were more attractive. and you realize that you actually look really plain, even ugly. because you see your real image on a two-sided mirror. and not just the usual mirror image. you see how others see you from a different angle. ugh. i hate the profile, the weak chin, undeveloped shoulders, the flab that won't go away.

when you wish you didnt have to compare yourself with others. when you feel so small compared to them, so unaccompished, so unworthy.


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Location:J.P.Laurel Avenue,Wilfredo Aquino,Philippines

mad men,

Another series I have been following for some time now is Mad Men. I was intrigued by the back-to-back Best TV Series wins at the Emmy's previously (though they were unseated by Homeland last year).

This is telenovela at its slickest. The characters have always been complex in their personalities, motivations and inter-relationships. I have to say though, that the previous season took a dip in storyline. But they have managed to pick up fast right at episode 1 of this season.

Don Draper is such an idol. In the early seasons, while still married to blonde Betty, Don had females swooning and opening their legs. Then he meets Megan, his mowdelesque secretary cum pretty young thing. Recently divorced, it is open season for Don. But eventually, he is drawn and falls for Megan. Megan was such a trophy wife. And they made such a handsome pair. And he was faithful to her.

So I identified even more with idol. I'm in this relationship with handsome c3. And I am feeling like we make a handsome pair. #delusional And I can't and won't stray,

But to my surprise, Don Draper is back to his philandering self in this new season, despite being still married to now-actress Megan. And even young Peter is now unabashedly having his own string of affairs. It certainly makes for steamier scenes and more complicated storylines. But my dream world is shattered. LOL. Not even a beautiful, intelligent, caring wife could tame wild, wild Don.

Mad Men continues to draw me in. Even without mentioning that DILF Jon Ham (who plays Don) is supposedly ginormously gifted. hihihi

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cc quickie: inferno over inferno?

Is this for real? People reacting to the mention of Manila in Dan Brown's Inferno?

I love Manila, I love the Philippines. But I won't react to a "gates of hell" description of Manila in a piece of fictional writing.

Misplaced sense of patrimony, if you ask me.

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cc quickie: another thing I missed out on

I'm viewing the photos of my nephew's prom night in New Jersey. He looked really dapper. And happy. He got himself a pretty date.

I never attended a prom nor grad ball in high school. My alma mater didn't seem to believe that this was needed for the proper upbringing of a gentleman. No wonder at least 10% of the graduating class turned out to be gay. Har! Har!

But I wish I attended one. Not so much to be able to be with a female date. But more because I would have wanted the "glam", the dressing up and acting so adult, I feel it's a rite of passage I missed out on.


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reposting in my alcohol-induced state

I'm getting really tipsy. And the feeling is nice. I'm holed up in my house so I'm safe. I suddenly remembered my wilder days. And looked for this post that gave me nice memories.

im finally reading mcvie's the wet book (sorry, mcvie!) i have this huge backlog of books to read. and only recently have i started working on that. i just finished 'chronicles of e'. and now, reading 'the wet book' has given me wet memories of my bath house experiences.

which are not much. going to the bath house was not really my scene much. id visit bath houses when i travel abroad. but here, it aint on my list of hook-up venues. i guess because hooking up is a bit too easy there. i like the thrill of flirting and hooking up in more public places. there is more excitement and fulfillment, actually, of the chase in the gym, the mall, on the street.

but ive visited the bath houses here in manila, particularly club bath and fahrenheit. and my experiences have been generally satisfactory.

i remember one time i was soooo drunk and horny, coming from drinking over at butterfly bar. i just suddenly decided to go to fahrenheit. the alcohol in my blood was also pumping up my horniness.

i was literally walking with a swagger, i remember. i must have been a sight, not a pretty one i guess. my vision was spinning as i clumsily made my way to the locker area. and i couldnt even figure out how to open the darn lock. nice person beside me helped.

i stripped naked. not caring anymore if people were looking or not. (ordinarily i would have been quite modest and shy!). i went to the shower area to try to wash off the alcohol effects. i must have stood there extra-ordinarily long. and soon, i felt hands groping me. more hands. tongue on my nipples. somebody was grabbing me from behind and licking my neck. then i felt someone's mouth over my hard cock.

i was so fucking drunk and just enjoying it. i didnt even bother to check how the guys looked. i just closed my eyes and allowed them to ravage (!) me. there must have been at least two guys, maybe even three. and i might have been watched by others. fuck. i didnt care. no, actually, i was really turned on at this point. i had this picture of me in my mind, drunk and spaced out with people all over me.

i came over someone, as i was being held from behind. and when i was done, i just excused myself and went to other shower stall to wash off. again, i didnt want to look at the guys who did me. i didnt want to ruin my fantasy.

i quickly showered, dressed up and left, a bit more sober now. and headed for the exit.

yeah, talk about a quick fix. done in 30 mins!


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cc quickie: jd vs jw the sequel

just to rest my curious taste buds. yup, jd+coke tastes better than jw+coke. but methinks jw+coke aint so bad. am i committing any grave sin mixing jw with coke? please don't stone me.


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pampered nails

I've always cut my own nails. Well, there was a time in my teens that I got really curious with the mani-pedi my sisters were having so I did try. But never got around to incorporating it in my hygiene repertoire.

A friend of mine asked me to try his nail spa. I hesitated because somehow, I still perceived spas specializing in nail treatment as just uber-feminine. But what the hell, I decided I might as well surrender this 'last bastion of masculinity!'

I went to Nail Tropics in Trinoma, 2nd floor. I again hesitated for it was an all-female clientele inside. But hell, I was already there. So I walked in and was promptly shown the menu of services. And I was pleasantly surprised that there were 'services for the gentleman'. So I let my guard down and allowed them treat my nails with some TLC.

After overcoming the feeling of being the only biological male there, I let the therapist just do their stuff. It started with the manicure, so expertly washed, clipped and filed. Then the 'nail artisan' carefully took out the cuticle. And this I still don't get. What's wrong with the cuticle showing in the nails anyway? Is it less hygienic to have that? hmm.

Then as she was progressing on my fingernails, another therapist had started to do my feet. She first soaked it in warm water with some herbs and spices, I suppose. hehehe. Then came the filing of the corns and callouses. Now that embarrassed me! I really have quite a number of that because of my odd-shaped feet and my running/working out. But she didn't show any disdain for the thick skin she was filing away. And that made me feel at ease.



After that, she clipped my toe nails and started removing the cuticles there, too. She handled it expertly. And all the while, I was still texting, or browsing on my iPad (with one hand, of course).

The feet treatment ended with being coated with hot wax that solidified as it cooled down. My feet looked like they were in this cast. After about 20 minutes in the paraffin wax cast, she cracked them open to reveal what seemed like new feet! They looked so clean and fresh! And with a final massage, I was done!

It was a 90-minute treatment. And it actually felt great. My feet looked refreshed (and felt refreshed). And my hands, too.

I just might do this again. And again. As a twitter friend said "real men do have their nails done."


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cc quickie: jd vs jw

c3 (corporate closet's consultant) likes jack daniels. a lot. but he likes it as jack+coke. i was never a whiskey drinker before. but since we got together, i have to admit taking a liking to the concoction. what's there not to like? it's coke-sweet.

anyway, i've always been curious about these whiskeys. and since i have a bottle of both jack daniels and johnny walker (double black), i am doing this comparison. both on the rocks.

both are 80 proof so alcohol content should be comparable. but right off, the whiff of jw is stronger than jd. and jd is definitely smokier-tasting. a bit smoother down the throat (swabe!). but there's a bite to jw that's distinct. and google-research says that jw is a blend of different whiskeys actually. hmm.

so melikes jw better straight. but c3 tells me that it doesn't mix as well with coke. that comparison comes next.

happy weekend!


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Lucas Chronicles: Joey 2

"Lucas, come over, please?"

"Yes, boss?" sagot ni Lucas habang papasok sa office ni Claude. Nakaupo sa may leather sofa si Claude, may binabasang mga papeles. Suot ang salamin at hindi man siya tinignan. "Tuloy ba ang meeting sa Makati bukas?"

"Yes, Sir. Nagconfirm si Mr. Tolentino."

"Si Dante mismo ang nagconfirm?" sabay tingin sa kanya mula sa kinauupuan.

"I mean, yung sekretarya niya ang nagconfirm." nahiya si Lucas.

"Ah. Ok. Kilala mo si Dante, right?"

"Hindi, Sir. Nabanggit mo pa lang siya. He is a fashion designer ata."

"Yeah. He wants us to help the online retail business."

"Wow. Good luck sa atin!"

"Good luck sa iyo. You'll be frontlining."

"Ako? Ah. Ok."

"Is there a problem? Look I didn't get you just to become my EA forever. You do have selling skills, right?"

"Oo naman, Boss. Sorry. But I'll be ready. Sasama ba ako sa iyo bukas?"

"Yeah. Wear something..."

"Corporate?"

"Haha... No. Something attractive."

"Huh?"

"Lucas, Dante is gay. And like any faggot, he likes to talk to good-looking guys."

Naramdaman ni Lucas na nagblush siya. Hindi niya naiisip na may ganong factor. Natawa rin siya.

"Sure, boss. I'll be on my best straight-acting behavior."

"Haha. No need. Be yourself. Gusto ko lang gwapo ka."

"I will try my best, Boss."


Late na rin nakauwi si Lucas sa bahay. As usual, nagyaya na naman magdinner si Claude. At kahit nagsabi naman si Lucas kay Joey, mainit pa rin ang ulo ni Joey.

"Kailangan talaga dinner lagi?"

"Babe, part of the job. Siyempre kailangan kong samahan si Claude."

Napabuntong-hininga si Joey. "Ang dalas kasi. Sabi sa iyo type ka ng boss mo."

"Babe, this is work, no? Besides, hindi ko siya type." Lumapit siya at hinalikan si Joey sa lips. Nakasimangot pa rin ang jowa. "Enough na. Buti nga may work na ako."

"Hmmp. May trabaho ka nga, lagi naman akong nag-iisa magdinner."

"Babe, bumabawi naman ako, di ba?" yumakap si Lucas at bumulong sa kanya, sabay hipan sa tenga."

"Mamaya na. May tatapusin pa ako." at dahan-dahang kumawala si Joey.

"Goli na ako. Amoy inihaw ako." at pumunta na siya sa kanyang cabinet.


Pinapasok sila sa loob ng opisina ni Dante. Maganda at modern, kahit mukhang simple lang. Minimalist ang dating. Pinaupo siya sa sofa ni Claude, habang siya naman ay nagmasid sa mga magazine sa mesa sa cabinet. Nakatalikod siya sa pintuan.

Pumasok na lang si Dante at biglang bumati kay Claude. Sabay silang tumayo upang sumalubong. Humarap siya at biglang lumukso ang kanyang puso. Namumukhaan niya si Dante. Inisip niya kung saan habang nagbebeso-beso ang magkaibigan.

"Dante, this is Lucas, my assistant." at inabot ni Dante ang kamay niya kay Lucas. Hindi kaagad nakapag-kamay si Lucas dahil tulala pa siya. Natauhan rin siya at kinamayan si Dante.

"Hello, Sir."

"Please, call me Dante. Have a seat. Salamat, Claude for coming."

"My pleasure, dear! Para ke pa magkaibigan tayo kung hindi man lang tayo magtutulungan. Anyway, we are ready to help you with the business."

Parang wala pa rin sa sarili si Lucas. Nakikinig man siya at nagsusulat ng notes ay tumatakbo ang utak niya. Bakit pamilyar si Sir Dante? Pinagmasdan niya habang nag-uusap ang magkaibigan. Halos magkasing edad sila, siguro nasa may late-40's. Eto ang mga kasabayan ni Boss. Mga bading na maganda na ang naging takbo ng buhay.

Tinignan niya si Dante. Yung mga at yung hugis ng mukha ang talagang pamilyar. Hindi pa rin niya maiisip kung saan. Hindi naman sa mga parties. O sa gym. O sa mga sauna o club. Tinigil niya muna ang pag-iisip tungkol dito at inatupag ang trabaho. Nagtake down siya ng mga notes at siniguradong inalam niya ng mga requirements ni Sir Dante.

Nang matapos sila ay madali ring nagpaalam. Hindi na nila kinain ang meryendang hinanda ni Sir Dante. Pabalik sa opisina, yun pa rin ang iniisip niya. Saan niya nakita o nakilala si Dante?


"Babe, Claude is giving me sales assignments na." kwento niya kay Joey habang kumakain sila.

"So hindi ka na utusan lang?"

"Ouch naman, Babe. Busina naman ng konti!" parang napikon siya sa sagot ng jowa.

Hindi umimik si Joey at tinuloy lang ang pagkain.

"He's making me handle accounts now. Yung unang client ko nakilala ko kanina. Dante Tolentino."

"Sino yun?"

"He's a fashion designer na may retail line. Supplier ng mga department stores. Pero expand niya yung sarili niyang label online."

"Ah. Bading rin."

"Yeah. Familiar siya. I know I've met him somewhere."

"Hindi na ako nagugulat, Babe. You've been around."

"Ano ba problem, Babe? Nang-aaway ka ba? Kanina ka pa!" tumaas na ang boses ni Lucas.

"Wala! It's just a bad day for me."

"Don't take it out on me. Bakit ako aawayin mo?"

"Ok, I'm sorry... Sorry na."

"Nakaka-bad trip ka"

"Sorry na. Oh sige, tuloy mo na ang kwento mo."

"Wala na akong gana." At tumahimik na lang si Lucas. Si Joey naman ang umamo sa jowa. "Look, I'm sorry na. So, saan mo kaya na meet si Dante?"

Sumagot na rin si Lucas matapos ang ilang sandali. "Well, I can't remember yet. Napaka-pamilyar ng eyes niya."

"May istura ba siya?"

"Yeah, maski designer siya, hindi siya bading kumilos. At may katawan siya."

"You think you had sex with him na?"

"Ayan ka na naman!"

"Babe, serious question. I'm just helping you remember."

Tumahimik si Lucas ng sandali. "Well, yes. Hindi ko lang maisip yung circumstances."

"I'm sure it will come back to you."


Tama si Joey. Habang patulog sila bumalik ang mga ala-ala. At nagsimula dahil naalala niya ang nunal ni Dante sa mukha.

Yung nunal na yun na una niyang napansin nung sumakay sa bus si Dante at tumabi sa kanya. Ngunit hindi lang naman ang nunal ang kapansin-pansin. Maganda ang mata at maamo ang mukha. At maganda ang katawan. Para sa isang kinse anyos na batang nagmumulat pa lang sa kabadingan, pansinin ang mga lalaking may istura.

Naupo sa tabi niya ang mama. Iilan na lang kasi ang bakanteng upuan. Natuwa naman siya at nakatabi niya. Sa may Balintawak na sumakay ang mama. Sana makasama niy ng matagal-tagal. Byaheng gabi pa naman.

Pinakiramdaman niya ang mama. Pinansin niya ang ginagawa. Mukha namang normal lang ang kilos. Pagkaupo ay nanahimik lang. Hinintay ang konduktor upang makapagbayad. Dun niya narinig na mas malayo ang babaan niya. Makakasama niya hanggang pagbaba niya sa Dau.

Ngunit napansin niyang ang bilis nakatulog ng mama. At hindi na kumibo. Kaya siya rin ay nagpasiyang matulog na rin. Kinuha ang kumot na pinabaon ni Nanay at binalot ang sarili. Diniliman na rin ng tsuper ang ilaw ng bus. Halos lahat ay natutulog na.

Naiglip lang siya ng sandali. Hindi pa rin mapakali. At dun niya naramdaman na nagtatama ang kanilang mga braso sa upuan. Makinis at mainit ang naramdaman niya. Hindi niya tinanggal ang kanyang kamay. Tulog naman ang katabi.

Gumalaw ang mama at nag-ayos ng pagkakaupo. Natanggal ang pagkadikit ng braso. Hindi gumalaw si Lucas, parang tulog pa rin. Ngunit nung umayos na, napansin ni Lucas na binalik ang pagkakadikit ng kanilang mga balat. Tumibok ang puso niya. Ang alam niya, ayaw ng mga tao ang nagkakadikit. Ngunit parang ok lang sa mamang katabi niya.

Siya naman ang umayos, ngunit sinigurado niyang hindi pa rin naaalis ang pagkakadikit. Pinusisyon niya ang kanyang tuhod na makadikit naman sa tuhod ng mama. Hindi na naman pumalag ang katabi. Mas lalong lumakas ang kabog ng dibdib niya.

Dahan-dahan niyang kiniskis ang tuhod niya sa tuhod ng mama. Hindi naman tinatanggal ang tuhod. Pasimple siyang tumingin kung tulog ang mama. Nakabukas ang mata. Ngunit hindi gumagalaw. Lumakas lalo ang loob niya.

Tinakpan niya ng kumot ang kanilang magkatabing tuhod. At dahan-dahan niyang nilagay ang kamay niya sa tuhod niya. Mga daliri lamang ang unti-unting sumasagi sa tuhod ng mama.

Hindi pa rin pumpapalag. Hindi kumikilos. Pinatong na niya ang kanyang kamay sa tuhod ng mama. Naghintay ng isang reaksyon. Wala. At parang may sariling isip ang kanyang kamay na humaplos na sa hita ng mama. Wala pa ring reaksyon. Hindi man gumagalaw. Naramdaman niya ang init ng hita, ang siksik na laman sa loob ng maong. Tigas na tigas na ang kanyang sariling nota habang gumagapang ang kamay niya sa hita ng mama.

Inayos niya ang kumot upang matakpan hanggang hips ng mama, matakpan ang hinaharap. Gumalaw ang lalaki upang takpan ng mabuti ang harapan. Gumapang na ang kanyang kamay patungo sa singit. Mainit ang pakiramdam. At naramdaman na niya ang matigas na nota ng mama. Parang nagpupumiglas sa masikip na maong.

Dahan-dahan niya muna hinaplos ang nota. Naramdaman niya ang kamay ng lalaki, malaki na kinuha ang kamay niya at diniin sa titing matigas. Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib niya. Pinamalas sa kanya ang kahabaan ng nota na patagilid na. Pinisil niya ang makapa niya.

Tinignan niya ang paligid. Lahat ng mga katabi ay mukhang tulog na. Pinakiramdaman niya ang mama. Umupo ng matuwid. At dahan-dahang binuksan ang zipper. Pinasok ang kamay niya sa loob. Naramdaman niya ang brief at ang buong tigas ng nota. Hinaplos, pinisil. Gustong-gusto niyang ilabas. Ngunit nananaig pa rin ang takot. At nakutento siyang hawak-hawak na lamang ang nota mula sa posisyon na yun.

Bigla na lamang sumigaw ang konduktor.

“Dau na. Maghanda na ang bababa.” At biglang bumukas ang ilaw.

Nabigla silang pareho at umayos ng upo. Sinara ang zipper at kumilos na parang walang nangyari. Sa liwanag, sinipat niya ang itsura ng mama. At nakita niya na naman ang nunal. Nagktinginan sila.

Nang tumigil ang bus, naghanda na siya ng gamit niya at tumayo. Nagulat siyang tumayo rin ang mama. Nauna siyang bumaba sa istasyon. Lingon siya ng lingon paligod. At nakita niyang pababa rin ang mama.

Sa labas ng bus, dahan-dahan ang paglakad niya. Nililingon niya kung saan pupunta ang lalaki. Tumingin sa kanya at nagtungo sa rest room. Sinundan niya.

Ngunit maraming tao sa CR. At nung tiyempo na nila, nagkatabi naman sila sa urinal. At dun ipinakita ng lalaki ang kanyang titing matigas. Nagmuestrang iihi ngunit wala namang lumalabas. Napalunok si Lucas. Kung pwede lang niyang hawakan at isubo. Ngunit may mga nakahintay. Kaya sandali lang ang show at lumabas na rin ang lalaki. Tumungo sa bus. Tinitigan niya ng huling beses bago pumasok sa loob ng bus.

Hindi siya umalis hanggang hindi nakaka-alis ang bus. Minemorya niya ang mukhang iyon. Ang katawan. Ang lakad.

Ang tagal niyang pinagpantasyahan ng paulit-ulit ang pangyayaring iyon. Ilang beses siyang sumasakay ng bus, pinagdarasal na makasama niya uli ang mama. Ngunit hindi nangyari. Hindi na niya nakita ang mamang iyon.

Hanggang ngayon. Hanggang nakita niya si Sir Dante.



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While On A Flight

I have to admit. Trips get me anxious. It's not the fear of flying or anything as cinematic as that. I just feel I need to be prepared to keep myself preoccupied for the entire trip. Yeah, that's how impatient I am, Lol.

Also because I have this really peculiar habit. I feel sleepy during take-off. And I am usually asleep. Then, once on air, I have trouble sleeping! The irony of it! I end up tossing and turning. The best i could get would be short 30-45 minute naps, even with jet lag! So yes, the flight itself gets me anxious. For the weird reasons!

I prepare by downloading episodes and movies I want to watch. I don't want to be forced to watch what is showing on the plane, even with the personal monitors available. I download episodes I need catching up on. Including movies. But sometimes, I make do with ripping dvd's. Then I upload them to the iPad, as much as I could fit. If it's a long haul flight, I get anxious about battery life. So I have to make sure I bring my spare battery, fully charged.

I bring magazines and books, too. But lately, my attention span with books has been pretty short. So magazines work great for me. Short articles that I could digest quick. Oh yeah, I do enjoy the inflight magazines. They always have great travel articles and photos. So insightful. Sometimes I wish I could write down the little tips and trip notes they put in there. Like the best coffee place. Or the latest club to visit. Or the newest off-the-beaten path must-see.

I wish I could just automatically turn on the 'writing bug' so I could pass the time away writing blog posts. And completing the next chapters to my trash-blogonovela. Hihihi. But it doesn't always happen.

So I get all worked up for this. And I get cranky if I forget to do any of the things on the list. Sigh. That's Life with OCD. LOL

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cc quickie: Bali-kan

A few moments of me time in Bali
It's work. And it's a short short visit. But I could still sneak this by the shore.











And as I sit here alone, I can't help but think of you. How my life is so wonderful just being in love with you.

I'm missing you, obviously.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

cc quickie: Ironman Unplugged

I just watched Ironman 3. I liked it. Though I know some people were disappointed. I'm trying to figure out why. The only term that keeps on coming to mind is 'unplugged'. It didn't have the all-out 'tech bigness' of the previous one.

It felt more 'human' again. For a while there, it reminded me of tandem movies like Lethal Weapon with Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. Even the villain was cut down to size. No big revenge motive, no twisted psycho plot. It's all about money. So I guess this doesn't appeal as much?

But I enjoyed it, anyway. It brought back the McGyver-ish Tony Stark doing an instructional ("how-to-become-an-assault-weapon-using-hardware-material").

And I watched it in 3D. Which I have now started to really enjoy. There is more depth, more layering, methinks. I'm now thinking whether that 3D TV is worth the investment.

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Joby and Will 3

"Hello? Yes, Will?" Joby called after he saw three missed calls on his mobile phone.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can't you even fucking reply?" was Will's angry response.

He suddenly turned pale and realized he forgot to reply, yet again.

"Oh shit. Babe, I'm sorry. I... I..."

"I've been wondering how you were, worried sick over you."

"I know. I was... just busy. I'm sorry, I forgot."

"Fuck, Job, you know how that just gets to me. Everytime. Every fucking single time."

Silence. He didn't have any reply anymore.

"I'm sorry. I.. I'm fine. The fever is gone."

"Gee thanks for telling me! You're thousands of miles away and I have no fucking idea how you have been."

"I know. It slipped my mind."

It was Will's turn to be silent.

"I've told you dozens of times, especially when I know you are sick. Especially when you are traveling. Just reply, Babe. A simple reply."

"I'm sorry. I'm just back home. But I ... I'll make it up to you."

"Babe, just please, stop doing this."

"Ok, Babe."

"I have to go. Meeting. Talk to you later." and Will hang up the phone.

Stupid. That was just plain stupid, he thought to himself. Of all the things he didn't want to do was to cause any change in his usual routine when he traveled.

"Hey." Benedict walked in coming from the bathroom, with the towel wrapped around his hips. Joby looked at him and smiled wryly.

"Sorry you had to hear that."

"No worries, dude. I know what I got myself into." He walked over to Joby and hugged him from behind.

"Stupid of me to forget to reply."

"Well, yeah that was stupid." as Benedict tickled him on his side.

"Haha! So now you think I'm stupid! " as he turned to face Benedict.

"Hahaha! Dude, you started it! I'm just... affirming!" just then Joby tickled Benedict and he started to scream. "No! No! Stop!!"

Then he stopped and just sat at the foot of the bed.

Benedict knelt in front of him. "I know you're still bothered. I'm sure he wouldn't suspect." and he laid his head on his lap.

Joby caressed his hair gently. "You're right. If he did, he would have included that in his tirade. And this is our last day together. I won't spoil it, Ben."

"Of course it won't be spoiled. I have to make the most of it, too. I go back to class next week."

"Ah yeah. I'm really glad we did this." As he helped Benedict up and sat him beside.

"Look, someone else is glad." as he pointed to his growing erection underneath the towel.

"Oooh yeah. Looks like someone is happy and stiff..." as he grabbed the hardness underneath the terry cloth. He started to squeeze and jerk it off as Benedict leaned towards the bed. Joby looked at him as he was already lying down, still with his hard cock in his hand. He looked at the nice brown skin, so even, so smooth. And he quickly yanked the towel away.

"Are we going to do this, dude? We might miss breakfast." Benedict muttered under his breath.

"I don't know about you but I'm just about to have my bratwurst." as he lowered his lips to encircle the head and wet it with his tongue.

"Oh shit. Oh fuck."

Soon, he was sucking the cock for all its goodness. Up and down the shaft. Playing with the head using his tongue. Flicking it around. That would send Benedict convulsing. "Oh God, that's good."

He flipped him over to reveal the nice, tight ass. He knelt in front, in between his legs and started to bite the buttocks, smooth and smelling so fresh. Nothing like rimming after a great shower.

He hoisted the hips up so he could have better access to those asslips. He spread the cheeks apart and started lick the hole wet, really wet. His tongue started to dart in and out of the hole as it puckered and relaxed. He heard Benedict moan softly in the background.

And as he rimmed that hole, he grabbed Ben's cock and jerked it. It was so hard and straight. He loved the feel of it in his hand. He spat on his hand to lube the cock. And he squeezed the shaft harder, and pumped it hard. All the while, he was licking that sweet hole.

He tried to suck his cock from behind but Benedict's dick was just too hard. So he could only just lick and suck on his balls as he continued to jerk him.

"Oh shit. Oh shit. Don't stop, dude. ahhh" Benedict moaned as he was nearing the peak of his ecstasy.

Joby felt Benedict's body starting to tense up, and his wanking became more frantic and hurried. He then buried his face into that ass, biting whatever he could bite on.

And just then, Benedict's cum shot out, looking like the milk being drawn from the cow's low hanging breast. Joby pumped and pumped the cock as Benedict was shouting for him to stop. "Dude! Stop!" The cock was still super-sensitive. Benedict pulled away to stop the agonizing feeling and laid down on the bed, spent.

"Hey, your turn, Dude."

"Nope. Not yet. We got lots of things to do. Last day before I go back."

"Fine, Dude." as Joby got up and handed him some tissue.

"Let's have real breakfast!"

The trip to the airport was short. Too short. They were not talking much, and just listening to the radio as they held hands at the back of the cab.

"I had a great time, Job. Super-great time."

"Yeah, me, too, Dude. Amazing. It would be hard getting back to the daily grind."

"You doing Grindr again?" teased Benedict.

"No! Hahaha!"

"I'm kidding!"

"Job, you know that I'm falling for you, right?"

Silence. "Yeah" He said this as he looked away. "Ben, you know the situation..."

Benedict cut him. "Dude, I know. I just wanted to say that."

"Me, too. I'm really into you. But I... I ..."

"I know. I'm just happy we spent these few days. And I know you got really worried over that phone call."

"I still don't know the extent of the damage. Geesh! I can't have him suspecting."

"Be careful, Dude. No rush. I'm just here."


Joby finally arrived to an empty apartment, which was expected. Will would still be at work. He immediately sent him a message that he was home. He looked at mail and then went straight to the TV to catch the latest on ESPN. As he was getting ready to take a shower, he got a message from Benedict.

"Hope you're fine, Dude. Yeah. I'm officially missing you."

It made him smile. Benedict is just amazing for such a young man. He reminisced a bit about the trip. And suddenly remembered to delete all messages, all traces he could find. Will gets nosy sometimes.

Ah Will. What to do? He never thought he'd be in this game, but here he was. Hiding, lying to his teeth just to be with Benedict. He felt so strongly for him. Yet he could not think of a future without Will.

Will was like his rock. All the stability he has learned to feel, he got from Will. Will patiently guided him as he took his steps towards accepting this gay life and lifestyle. He couldn't imagine how he could have made it without him.

And yet, here he is, having an affair. Oh God. Yes, he is officially having an affair. Something he thought would never happen. But it's here. And he knew it wasn't going away. He didn't want it to go away.

I just need to be cool, he told himself. Just take it easy. No need to be intense. And always, always mind Will and give him enough attention and care. And love. Yeah, he still loved Will. There was no question there. He guessed he could actually love two people at the same time.



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Lucas Chronicles: Joey 1

"Hey, ano ibibigay ko sa kanya?"

Natawa ang kausap ni Joey sa telepono. "Panic time na ba, teh? Sus! Ang hirap talaga pag first love evahhh! Wahaha" ang malakas na halakhak ni Sonny.

"Uy, seriously, ano kaya magugustuhan niya?"

"Get him something he needs. Yung magagamit niya sa job hunting."

"A new phone?"

"Sus, ginoo! First month-sary, cellphone agad? Di pwedeng load muna? Haha. But seriously, kapatid, don't get carried away! Ano ka ba? One month pa lang!"

"I know. Excited ako, sobra."

"Hay naku. Kasi naman, ang tagal mong naging manang at nagmongha. Ayan tuloy, para kang nakawala! Joey, hinay-hinay lang. Alam mo naman yang jowa mo"

At biglang pinutol ni Joey ang pananalita. "Ayan ka na naman, Sonny. Look, Luc has changed. Malaki rin ang nagawa nung gulo nila nung ex niya sa kanyang maturity."

"For your sake, I really hope so. Baka timba-timba ng luha ang iiyak mo dahil sa kanya."

"He'll prove you wrong. Mahal niya ako."

"Hindi ko pinagduduhan ang pagmamahal niya. Yung reputation lang niya kasi na saksakan ng kati. Hay! Anyway, kami naman ay pawang mga kaibigan lang. Nagbigay lang ng payo. Tanggapin o hindi."

"I appreciate that, Friend. Pero payuhin mo na lang ako sa ibibigay ko sa kanya."

"A simple new long sleeve siguro, ma-appreciate nun."

"Samahan mo ako bumili ha?"

"K fine. Etong nerd na 'to! Magdevelop ka na nga ng fashion sense! Parang hindi ka bakla! Hahaha!"


Maaga sa mall si Lucas. Gusto rin niyang bilhin ng kahit maliit na bagay si Joey. May isang buwan na rin sila. At dahil sa nangyari, nagpasya siyang hindi muna umuwi kay Nanay. Inextend niya ang sariling deadline ng 3 buwan pa. Baka sakali nga ay may sumagot na rin sa mga inapplyan niyang mga trabaho. Ang laking pasasalamat niya sa lahat ng tulong ni Joey sa kanya. Hindi man siya nagbabayad ng renta ngayon,nilinaw niya kay Joey na nililista niya ang lahat ng utang na niya. At makakabayad rin siya.

Naglalakad siya sa loob ng mall, ang mall na kilala rin sa dami ng mga bading na umiikot-ikot. Ang dami ngang kakalat-kalat, nag-iisa, naghahanap. Kung makatingin ay malagkit pa sa Elmer's glue. Nakakabilog rin ng ulo na nakakakuha pa rin siya ng mga lingon, kahit hindi na siya nakakapag-workout. Sa bahay na lang, puro push-ups at abs lang. At mabuti na rin na wala siyang trabaho, napilitan siyang magtipid sa pagkain. Kaya naman may hugis pa rin ang katawan niya.

Ngunit iba na ang estado niya ngayon. At kahit may mapang-akit na mga lalaking lumiligid sa mall, hindi na lang niya pinapansin. Muna. Hindi niya muna papansinin. Ayaw niyang magulo ang buhay nila ni Joey. Habang nagmamasid-masid siya sa mga shops, may narinig siyang tumatawag sa kanya.

"Lucas!"

Napalingon siya at nakita niya si Mama Rene niya.

"Uy! Anong ginagawa mo rito?" ang pambungad niyang bati.

"Ikaw! Anong ginagawa mo dito? Wala na akong balita sa iyo."

Bigla siyang nahiya at naalala niya na hindi na siya kumontak sa kanya o sa tropa man lang.

"Wala, window-shopping lang." At dun niya napansin na may kasama si Rene, isang bading na may edad na.

"Asus. Humahada ka, 'no? Wahaha"

"Hindi no. Behave ako ngayon. Wala pa ring work."

"Ah talaga? Nga pala, si Claude, friend ko from way back."

Inabot ni Claude ang kanyang kamay na sinalubong naman ni Lucas ng mahigpit.

"Lucas, po."

"Naku, wag mo na akong igalang! Nagpapabastos rin ako, tulad ni Rene." sabay halakhak silang lahat.

"Oo, kahit na kagagalang-galang ang itsura niya. Ganyan talaga ang mayaman. Hindi bastusin ang hitchu!" sabat ni Rene.

Natawa na lang si Lucas. At inabutan siya ng card ni Claude. 'President & CEO' ang nakalagay ng isang kumpanya.

"Ahh what company po kayo?"

"Ayan na naman. Isa lang yan sa mga companies ko. Start-up website development yan. Pero yung main company ko sa advertising." sagot naman ni Claude.

"Ah masaya ang advertising."

"Naman! Wait, wala kang work? Anong tinapos mo?"

"Marketing course ko. Nasa sales ako sa last job ko."

"Ah ok. Sige, tawagan mo ako. I'll ask kung may opening kami."

"Wow! Sige po... I mean sige, Sir. Tawagan ko kayo next week."

"Ayan na naman ang paggalang. Rene! Pagalitan mo nga eto."

Sumagot si Rene. "Lucas, please stop that! Wag mong pinararamdam sa amin ang age namin!"

"Hahaha, yeah. Sige, Claude. I'll call you. I really appreciate this. Kahit anong opening."

"Naku, baka ibang 'opening' ang ibigay ko sa iyo!"

"Hahaha, kahit ano nga, Claude, kahit janitor."

"Haha, ok. Sige."

"O siya, mauuna na kami para makahada ka pa!" sumingit na si Rene sa usapan.

"Sige, see you! Nice meeting you!"

Habang palayo sila ay nabuhayan ng loob si Lucas. At na-enganyo siyang maghanap ng pang-regalo kay Joey. Isang T-shirt ang naisip niyang ibigay, kahit mura lang. At ilang sandali lang ay nagtext na rin si Joey. Malapit na raw siya.


"Oh ang ganda ng ngiti mo! Is that because month-sary natin?" masayang pagbati ni Joey.

"Hahaha oo naman, baby." at sabay-yakap sa kanya.

"Uy, baka may makakita. " paalala ni Joey.

"Eh ano ngayon, wala naman na ako dun sa company na yun."

"Eh ako?"

"Ay. sorry baby. Nga pala. I got this for you." at inabot ni Lucas ang shirt kay Joey.

"Uy, salamat, Baby! Ako rin.." at dinukot ang naka-wrap na regalo sa bag.

"hahaha Parang christmas lang. Exchange gift!" sagot ni Lucas. Ngunit napansin niyang napakaganda ng pagka-wrap ng regalo. Nahiya tuloy siya dahil hindi man niya napabalot ang regalo niya.

"Saan tayo kakain?" tanong agad ni Joey.

"Baby, sa Food Court na lang. Para hindi magastos."

"Lucas, it's my treat. Kahit saan."

"Ok lang, Baby. Sa Food Court, marami choices."

"Ok, Baby. Tara."

Habang naglalakad sila, hindi maiwasan ni Joey na mapansin ang mga humahada-hada sa mall, at ang mga tingin sa kanila. Lalo na ang mga tingin kay Lucas.

"Baby, kanina ka pa ba sa mall?"

"Yeah, was looking for a gift. Tapos nasalubong ko si Mama Rene."

"Oh ano balita sa kanya? Tagal na ring walang kontak."

"Mukhang ok naman siya. May kasama siya. Older guy. Entrepreneur-CEO. Si Claude. Nakilala mo na ba yun?"

"Claude? Hmmm. Hindi ko kilala yun. Anong company?"

"Advertising daw. Baby, baka may opening raw sa company niya. Wish me luck. I'll call him raw next week."

"Wow! That's great, Baby. Sige. Pray natin yan."

"Mukhang ikaw nga ang swerte sa buhay ko, Baby."

Biglang nag-blush si Joey at napalingon palayo.

"Uy, nahiya ang Baby ko." tukso naman sa kanya ni Lucas.

Binaling ang tingin at inaba ang usapan. "Pili ka na ng kakainan."

"hahaha Mahiyain talaga ang Baby ko!" at naghanap na rin siya ng gustong kainan.

Pinagmasdan ni Joey si Lucas habang nag-iisip at namimili. Napakaswerte niya talaga at napili siyang mahilin ni Lucas. Ibang klase ang saya sa puso niya.

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