eh si enigma?

on nov 2, i am supposed to be strolling along the beautiful sandy beach of boracay, with marvelous sunset as backdrop and enigma holding my hand. i bought the tickets way back. but now, enigma will have to go on his own.

i have received a few texts from him, mainly following up on some happenings in my life he knew about. nothing sweet or pa-cute, except for one txt which ended with 'mis u'. and he was asking whether the booking was transferable (which it isnt). i guess he is fine. his texts sound unaffected though that 'mis u' thing... well, may be a little show of loneliness. i dont really know. i guess in the end i did not do as much damage as i feared. and i am glad. he truly deserves someone better.

musta love life ko?

i am actually seriously asking myself the question. since my full disclosure to partner a few weeks back, he has been understandably cold and withdrawn. texts are few and far between. i reach out to him through email, which i do everyday. he doesnt always reply to the emails either. if he does, these are terse, sometimes ornery. i have this instinct to fight back but i hold my fingers (from typing). "when you bow, bow low" i just have to humble myself for i have truly hurt him and he is still in the process of healing.

i was ecstatic over my upcoming trip to the u.s. and i was emailing this to him. but i told him i was going out tonight with legal eagle (le). i blogged le before as my first full-blown affair. it lasted three months. that was last year. and we remained friends. even before my disclosure, partner has always had bad vibes about le. i used to deny that there was anything between le and me. but when i told him the truth, this was one of the confessions that still get to him.

he emailed yesterday how his mood suddenly changed about my mention of le. and he remembered the pain of my deceit, my illicit affair with le. and it ruined his day.

i could only apologize.

so right now, partner is cold, hurting, angry, withdrawn, bitter. its been three weeks since. i can only just accept all this because i caused it. that's where it stands. it hurts me, too. but i only got me to blame.

he comes back next week. i dont know how things will be when he is physically here.

trick or threat?

i actually received a halloween greeting 'happy trick or threat'. and he didnt sound like he was kidding. maybe he was all thumbs texting me. hehehe.

i go to the mall and i see all these kids in costumes, going from one resto or shopl to the other trick or treating. how long have i been asleep? since when did kids do this in the malls, with parents in tow (or should i say, pushed by the parents)? eh ang inabutan ko pa lang eh yung nangangaluluwa (which i bet a lot of you dont even know).

funny how we have embraced this American custom and tailor-fit it to our circumstances. can't do it in our barangays for fear of hold-ups, pederasts or just malingering souls? lets do it in the mall where EVERYBODY goes. who cares if those people in the retail outlets have no inkling who those kids are (with their costumes and make-up)? basta give lang ng give ng candies, etc. in fairness, some of the kids are cute. but some would rather be somewhere else. but no way. mama and papa will get mad and make palo!

so here's to tricking and threatening, pinoy style!!!

puts em boots

i dont actually own a pair either but i think i should have one. i have long legs so i think 'carry ko eto'. the prices are just crazy except for the pair on the left... i like the CMT or CAT style (citizen's military or army training) that reminds me of high school! hahaha.

my color palette for new york

i am off to new york soon. first time for me to visit the u.s. thrilled at the thought of visiting my sisters there. and true to form, i am planning my wardrobe... grey is so in... neutrals in different shades, with accents of iridescent colors. wow. will complete the outfit there na (still lack the grey trenchcoat). and yes, boots. will pick up boots. gotta have a pair. searched for the perfect pair of grey sneakers. must be light. found it in geox. ganda!!!

thank you, people

thank you for those who reacted, some quite strongly, to my 'blog turned boring' post! wow. i faile dto realize how wrongly ive been judging people who read the blog. and as a marketing person, i am ashamed!

i approached blogging from a 'readership' point of view, much like a marketing person, eager to provide a product for consumption. what you readers have made me understand that is that this is not a product for consumption. blogging is me expressing self, and connecting with other people in that manner. i put the cart in front of the horse.

so i am taking your advice and will just blog from the heart, and not from the loins. hehe. thanks, people!

p.s. i must admit, too, that i wrote that post after a couple of glasses of red wine and bottles of strong ice. the alcohol and the post-enigma depression was a potent mix.