running... again

suddenly, they are everywhere. runners and fun runs. half marathons, full marathons, 10K at lahat ng K.

it used to be just a group of people i'd see in quezon memorial circle, in up, along roxas blvd. sure there have always been fun runs. but only the really serious runners went to these regularly.

now everybody seems to be running. so many bloggers run, and runners blog.

i actually used to enjoy running. i love feeling the breeze, hearing the music. i love passing the scenery, whether sunrise or sunset. i used to run leisurely (more of jog) in qmc early mornings. sometimes, i get more than just sweat. i pick up a few runners too. hehehe but that was before, when i still had the resolve to wake up early.

i'd do the treadmill in fitness but i get bored easily. it's just one scene im looking at. then pain started to happen. i painfully realized that i was running with my flat feet in the wrong shoes, in the wrong way. so i gave it up.

about two years back, my brother in law introduced me to chi running. and after putting off reading that for more than a year, i finally finished it and realized i could run again, despite my flat feet.

and with the strict form and focus of chi running, i started doing it again.

i am slowly building up my mileage and even my pace. im not going to rush into it and injure myself again. i know, i know... i aint young no more.

now im rediscovering the love of running (ok, fine, maybe fast paced jogging lol). running in up during sunset, on that acacia-lined oval could really be so wonderful.

this solo sport is really just me against myself. it's pushing me to improve every time, to be focused, to tune out and zone in. each run is an accomplishment, if you beat certain personal bests. and i havent even started to mention the health gains and the calories burned.

no, you won't see me joining any runs yet. im too oc-oc id probably worry myself to death preparing for it. right now, it's just me, my music and that oval. and going for better everytime.

celebrations

six celebrations. i had to plan for six dinner parties because of my diverse networks and because of my small place. it had to be in the new house, a sort of house warming cum birthday celebration.

i started last saturday and completed two by sunday evening. im trying different set-ups for each so i could see which one maximizes the space without feeling claustrophobic. saturday was sit-down dinner, family style. that means the food was served on the table for sharing. sunday was buffet cocktails with two stations.

im figuring that the optimum size for gatherings on the POS is 16 pax. the sunday set-up looked good, methinks. the weather and the plants were all cooperating. and i believe even the mosquitoes were unusually behaved. i would have wished for more breeze though.

i chuckle at the comments: bath house inspired. so many nooks and crannies. my bathroom is orgy room. ang plu talaga! but the best ones ive heard talked about the homey feel of the house, the light, positive vibe. i guess the comes from the intent of the house - a labor of love for my parents primarily, in their twilight years.

i may not have that romantic love in my life, but the love of family and friends more than compensates. and for that i am truly grateful.

words that ring true...

...cut deep

i was at a party with a date. one of the guests was some sort of crush ng bayan, an elusive bachelor with impressive credentials. most of us there found it fascinating that he finally came to one of our parties and actually stayed a while to have fun.

i had a crush on him, too. though i didnt pursue him because he seemed to have his sights on another, a good friend. but this time was a rare opportunity. and as we were cajoling him, teasing him, my date whispered "you are shamelessly flirting with him. it's so blatant, not a hint of subtlety."

that was a slap on my face. not a welcome one. but a needed one. i thought i could get away with flirting with him clandestinely. unconsciously, it was for all the world to see. and i felt so ashamed i shut up all throughout the ride going home with him.

he said it not with so much malice. yet the words cut deep. and i could only bow in shame.

from a raider, i get this comment:

been your reader for quite a while and you seem to like being the one adored. why not try pursuing someone you really like who's oblivious to your presence? guys who are easy to bed are easy to forget. on the other hand, guys who want their suitors (?) go the extra mile are worth keeping.

challenge yourself. always getting what you want the easy way just dont cut it. i mean, aren't you tired of these situationships you're getting yourself into?

good luck and advance birthday greetings!

-piscean-

this made me think more than twice. you seem to like being the one adored. how totally transparent, totally wanting affirmation. up to this point, it's still that need to be affirmed. this serial situationships i've been having are motivated by these. not just from the people i date but from my friends, my acquaintances who find it amazing i seem to have all these dates. a different date every party. a parade of trophies. much like the way i display other possessions. i have been so mean and cruel.

piscean's 2nd point i also found worth pondering. i would be humbled so much by someone who doesnt care much about "me". it has always been natural of me to go out or ask out those i find interested in me. now, i am challenged to find that someone i truly like who is oblivious to me.

another paradigm shift. the realizations, the learnings never stop. the most powerful ones are painful, not just to me but to others i hurt.

i am so sorry.

kailangan lang mailabas.

ganito nga siguro habang tumatanda.
mas lalong nagiging emo.
dati ang term ay 'sensitive'
ngayon, emo na.

ang hirap lang isipin na parang di na marunong tumibok yung puso
yung tibok na pangmatagalan
maski sino siguro ang iharap sa akin
hanggang umpisa lang ang kilig
lalaho at magsasawa rin

sinusubukan ko naman
di ako nagkukulang sa pagsubok
kaya nga pinapasok yung gray area na yan
para hayaang mag-develop yung damdamin

kaso, maski mahaba man o maikli yung period na yan
yang situationship na yan, sa wala rin nauuwi

palapit pa naman ang birthday ko
akala ko maiiba na ang tema ng buhay ko
hay di pa rin

ang kailangan ko na sigurong tanggapin
ay talagang wala nang para sa akin
sa kalawakan ng mundong eto
kasi ako ang may problema
ako ang ayaw mag-commit
ako ang sawain
ako ang takot

sana mapigilan ko na rin ang sarili kong
magkagusto
para di na ako makasakit ng tao
kung bato rin naman na ang puso ko
sana isama na rin pati mata ko, pandinig ko
pakiramdam ko at puson ko

i swear this sounds like a telenovela monologue
apologies.

WARNING: here's another one...

and in my continuing emo mood, i present another oldie. look at this as my way of teaching you young 'uns some music history.

here are some excerpts that resonate...

the hardest thing ive ever done is keep believing
there's someone in this crazy world for me...

...I used to say no promises lets keep it simple
but freedom only helps to say goodbye...

...i know i ask perfection of a quite imperfect world
and fool enough to think that's what ill find

My Plants on the POS

plant on top is called yesterday, today and tomorrow. i bought this with no flowers at all. this is the first bloom. it changes from violet to pink to white (hence the name! machong-macho no?)
middle photo - blue/violet forget me nots and the yellow lantana. the forget me nots are in full bloom
bottom photo - same plants at a different angle showing the foxtail palms