answering the question i posted (how do you know if you still love someone) is also like answering the converse: how do you know if you love someone...
love the emotion - quentin X, jimg29 (guilt!), jsantify (tug in your gut), markuc, fillibustero (lighting up and melting down), geloph (a future together)
love is a verb, an act, an effort - quentin X, markuc (keeping faith, giving benefit of the doubt), gay blogger, mcvie
almost a toss-up between love the emotion and the act of loving...
methinks: (limiting the discussion to romantic love)
judging from the survey, it is neither one or the other exclusively. romantic love the verb is a voluntary behavior. we show acts of love, exhibit loving behaviors (being thoughtful and generous, concerned and caring, showing intimacy) by choice. we certainly do not just exhibit these behaviors to anybody. we choose to exhibit these to those to whom we FEEL love the emotion (or at least the positive emotions of connecting with a person).
i believe we cannot and should not just dismiss love the emotion. this is the driver, the motivation behind the behaviors. and being very selective about these behaviors only goes to show how special the feeling must be.
and worse, i feel, is to be going through the motions of love, the loving behaviors without the feeling of 'love' i love the way st peter says it: if i gave everything I had to the poor and even gave up my own body, but only to receive praise and not through love, it would be of no value to me.
i would like to think that i have not been lacking in exhibiting the loving behaviors towards Partner... i continue to be concerned, to be generous, to be supportive... but of course, i have failed in being faithful. and i can bring it all back, including the faithfulness. but what would drive the behaviors - love the feeling? or some other emotion?
back to square one?
but from these responses, i glean the answer... i know that i still 'love' if i continue to do the loving behaviors, the acts of love EVEN when it becomes inconvenient and maybe even painful. and i could only turn to Jesus Himself for being the example.
7 comments:
Before you know it, you are part of a sexless relationship. Welcome to the club. lol.
Hey, try this.
If you're asking for the signs, then the answers you'll receive might be endless. Everything we see in romantic shows or get from love stories shows the meaning of love, but it can't fully depict/explain it because love is so much bigger than that. My point is, love is a lifetime process. It's personal and thus, unique. If love's there, it will show in everything you do and in everything you are.
I guess it's love when the compassion, friendship, and even convenience, is still all love. No effort, no 2nd thoughts. You choose to be with one another because you guys become happier. Hanep kung masasabi mo pang 'He makes you a better person.'
I just read your blog. Making mistakes is part of the process. Love is an everyday yes to the commitment ika nga. It just so happens the situation was too much, struggle talaga yun at tuluyan kang nagkamali. Don't get too hard on yourself. If you want it and you still say yes, do something about it (in this case, extra special). If you don't, then blog about it. Hehe, kidding. But seriously, I do hope you get through this. I know the final answer comes from the other person, but his answer mainly depends on what you do to fight for this. Mahal ka niya. Huwag kang mag-alala. Kasi kung hindi, malamang tinapos niya na agad relasyon ninyo noong nalaman niya yung pagkakamali mo.
Actually, I was once in your shoes, and I fought for it. It's hard, more than just swallowing your pride and saying sorry. Marami pa siya, nobela yata. One thing's for sure, it has to start with you. Wish you well!
Hi CC, I assume you were asking about being IN love with someone rather than simply loving someone. I had to think long and hard for an answer to your question, and like you and your readers, I took the intellectual approach only to find myself unsatisfied with the answers I came up with... until now. I believe that being in love involves feeling, knowing, and doing, but I believe it is more than that, that it is summed up in that word you didn't mention "being." As the Oracle in The Matrix said "Being the One is just like being in love, you just know it." It may sound flippant considering the source of the quote, but I believe that this simple phrase holds a lot of truth. No one else can tell you whether or not you are in love because no one else knows you more than you know your self. Know thy self, Nosce te Ipsum. In my case, I am, therefore I know, I feel and I do. Its very philosophical and up there, and it would probably take a whole volume of books to discuss this in practical terms, but it all starts with knowing your self. Take care.
quentin... ganun ba talaga? :( thanks for writing!
thanks, anonymous friend... very well said...
hello ob1-L! thanks for that deep philosophical comment which actually rings true.. but sometimes, philosophy does little to console the emotion.. miss you!
i am just thinking .... if one is asking himself if he still loves someone ... i would think the answer is no .... if love is a discrete item ... either yes or no. although i suspect it is of various shades instead.
i would think a person in love would never even though of asking if he is in love. he would know it and feel it ... and be so pre-occupied with it .. he wont have time to ask about it. or is that lust and crush?
he starts questioning and asking when the love he is feeling starts to drift, so he is not in the complete state of being out of love but in the grey state where he is not sure if it is dark or light grey.
Quentin X said...
Before you know it, you are part of a sexless relationship. Welcome to the club. lol.
LOL
SOOOO TRUE .... sigh. sad
hey matevam! nice to hear from you. nice thoughtful comment! thanks! don't tell me that you and t__y have gone to that sexless point???
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