Pride Month. The Process of Outing...

I wasn’t always in the closet in my professional career. I was definitely out when I was in the academe. I didn’t give a hoot what people would say. 

But when I joined industry, I had to rethink about being out and about. In my short stint in advertising, I started by being quiet about my identity. But colleagues were sniffing me out anyway. After a few months, I was out and free, hanging out with other LGBT colleagues. 

I moved to government, however. And I had this conservative, religious male boss who gave me a bible on my birthday gift. I went right back in the closet. And there I stayed even as I moved back to private sector, in the company I eventually settled in for more than two decades.

I didn’t need any smokescreens even as I rose up the ranks. I am sure people had me figured out but were just too polite to discuss this with me. So for all intents and purposes, I was the single person taking care of his parents, committed solely to his job.

I moved to this new company, as male-dominated as any in the industry. I maintained my ‘Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell’ policy. Although there have been stirrings in my heart, telling me to start being more honest. 

I was given a new job assignment this year, and a new boss. He is just a few years older than me but he is a seasoned veteran in the field. And he is also new in this assignment, but not new in the company. I know of him as a very religious man, active in a famous lay Catholic organization. He is also a very kind, even gentle soul, and a blessing as a boss. 

I felt moved to disclose to him early this year. But we were all very busy in our learning curves for the new assignments. Then ECQ happened. And we became even busier.

We were having a one-on-one career discussion, typical between bosses and their direct reports recently.  And he started the meeting asking me about my professional life, as he knew almost nothing about me. He honestly wanted to know me as a person, so he could be a better manager to me. My heart stirred with the desire to be true to him. 

Before we ended that discussion, it finally happened. I told him that I would also want to share something personal about myself, in the spirit of being transparent and true to my boss. 

“Sir, I am LGBT.” Funny how I used this rather than ‘gay’.  On hindsight, I probably felt it was a less emotionally-charged label. (C3 teased me about this: What if he had to ask which letter I was? LOL)

His reaction: “Oh, thank you for trusting me with this. You know, I have always agreed with Pope Francis’ message of acceptance and withholding judgment.” I could see, even from the videocall, that he was taken by surprise. But true to his gentle nature, he only affirmed my truth.

Then I also said, “I am gay and Catholic. And for some that might be an irony..” Then he cut me by saying that we all have our intimate relationships to the Father. And he wouldn’t dare put any label or judgment to that. He said that with all sincerity.

“I have always had high respect for you, for what I have heard about you and your performance. But your authenticity has given me reason to respect you more.”

The discussion and videocall ended with an offering to be not just a manager but a friend to me.

I felt so happy and peaceful after. Slowly, surely... I know, it’s not exactly flag-waving for all the world to see. I’d probably still freeze if asked pointblank by others. But I have to give myself a pat on the back for this. I am finally putting bits and pieces of this compartmentalized life together.