Good days and bad days

She has her good days. She obviously has enough energy to transfer from her bed to the wheelchair and join us for meals. There are no complaints of pain whatsoever. And she eats, well, not a lot. But she eats most of what is laid out for her. 

Then there are her bad days. She complains of pain in her lower extremities, worse during the night. She is lethargic, always sleeping. She is too weak to even leave her bed. 

We monitor her BP and O2 levels regularly. When it started dropping, we were alarmed and had to convince her to go to the hospital after much, much convincing. Turns out she has pneumonia though she didn’t have any of the typical symptoms: fever, colds, cough, sore throat, difficulty of breathing. But that last admission in the hospital really traumatized her, with all the injections, tests. She didn’t want any of that anymore. Period.

We thought she would go back to her good days coming from the hospital. She didn’t.  Well not at that level. So we continue to monitor her and as her BP, O2 levels fluctuate. And we decided on home care instead. 

We are preparing for the inevitable, as advised by her doctors. Flashback to almost 3 yrs ago when it was Tatay. We think we know the drill. But one can never really prepare. And is this a case of giving up on her? Shouldn’t I be fighting to bring her back to health? But at what cost? It’s me against myself. 

One day at a time, I tell myself. I convince myself.  All in God’s time, Nanay. For now, every day with her is a good day. 

Luneta Park with Nanay