Ghost Month 2026 Starts

It’s been more than a week of almost non-stop rains.  Is this Nature’s way of ushering in Ghost Month 2026? That officially starts today as the lunar cycle begins. 

I wasn’t always as superstitious. Come to think of it, we had no idea of Ghost month growing up.  It started showing up in our collective consciousness probably only around 15 years back. 

Eventually, it became a ‘thing’ to be aware of it. Don’t start big projects. No major purchases. Don't travel! I became acutely aware of this especially around 2019, when I traveled to Zambales during Ghost Month. And one of the tires blew out. I started to believe since.

I even light up incense sticks every day for the whole month. And yes, I avoid signing contracts and purchasing big-ticket items, and even major travel. Better safe than sorry as they say. 

But as a Catholic, I am not sure I should be 'observing' Ghost Month.

I recently organized a 'prayer huddle', actually an online prayer meet with a couple of other gay Catholic men. It is the first 'meet-up' of an FB group I started years back: Pray Like Us (PLU for short, gets? hehe)  The vision is that this group becomes a safe space for gay Catholic men seeking to deepen their faith and spirituality. Now that I have the time, I decided to pursue setting this up, especially after meeting a Catholic Priest who was willing to be our Spiritual director. 

The first meeting was last August 10. For discussion, I suggested the topic Superstition and Catholic faith, also borne out of the August 9 Gospel reading (the disciples thought they were seeing a ghost when they saw Jesus walking on water towards them). 

My key take-away after the one-hour huddle: I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss 'superstition' as anti-faith. Superstition is deeply rooted in culture. And perhaps, Catholic faith interweaves itself into culture, including superstition, if only to make it more accessible to people. The better question would be: whether these beliefs, these traditions allow me to be closer to people, and to God. The greater 'sin' would be blindly following these at the expense of my relationship with God and His people. 

Hence, I don't think it would be any mortal sin to continue to be aware of 'Ghost Month', and to be cautious and careful. If any, I pray harder knowing that Jesus is greater than any ghost or misfortune. I can even pay (pray?) it forward by doing acts of charity.  So maybe it's not so bad.  

And the Lord won't mind. :-)

Chronicles of Retired CC: Happy Pride 2026

 It has been 3 months since official retirement.  And I am now enjoying owning my time! I make my schedules for the week. And I can also change my plans. I can afford to be spontaneous!

I still sleep and wake up early. I have been able to do my workout routines almost religiously. So I have shed some of that flabby weight. Still far from the goal but getting there. And happy about the journey.

I lay out tasks to accomplish, errands to run. A lot of these are retirement-related: SSS, Pag-ibig claims. Some are related to income streams:  conducting training, coming up with training proposals, managing the properties for rent. Some are plain creative pursuits: creating content (like this blogpost hehe). And finally, entertainment: catching up on social media, videos streaming, massage! HAHA

My initial anxieties have melted away, mainly as these have been addressed. I am so grateful for that.  Retirement may really be the best part. Or should I actually say “papunta pa lang tayo sa exciting part”?

And since it is Pride Week, I also can’t help but feel nostalgic about being gay for the past decades. 

I have been through a lot when it comes to being gay: the bullying in elementary and high school, the hiding during the first year in college, then ‘blossoming’ ala Maxie in the years after. Then going back in the closet as I started my corporate life, a closet that became transparent towards the end of my career. 

And that ran in parallel to my dating life: the romance and the relationships, and the sex, of course! Some regrettable, charged to experience. But there would be the highs: the mind-blowing sex, the furtive but fulfilling chance encounters, the transcendent intimacy with those you truly love.  Hahaha so much has happened…

I look back and tell myself that I didn’t do so bad. I guess I played my cards right? But I really still feel Divine providence saving me a lot of the time. So it’s not just my pure effort. 

I am proud to be gay. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I wasn’t. 

But beyond being proud, I am happy being gay. It certainly is gay to be gay.

Last Sunday’s Doubting Tomas

Late post. I didn’t get around to posting this last week. 

Last Sunday was Divine Mercy Sunday. And the Gospel was about the Doubting Didymus, or Thomas. Those two themes resonated deeply in my retired heart.

I had anxieties going into retirement (which I posted previously).  A lot of it stemmed from financial security issues, aware that a regular inflow of resources would suddenly be halted. Though I have saved some, invested some for some future cashflows, I still felt that these weren’t going to be nearly enough. I had lots and lots of doubt.

But hearing what Jesus said to Thomas (incidentally my namesake) “Blessed are those who have not seen, yet believed,” I felt that He was telling me that as well. He was assuring me that even if I have not seen the evidence of financial security, I should believe that He will provide.

Then I thought of the Divine Mercy, and realized that the prayer ends with “Jesus, I trust in You.”

I really doubted Jesus. I really felt I was going to be all alone to handle all this uncertainty. And last Sunday reminded me to believe, to have faith… to trust Him, as I should have at the start.

I felt this great weight lifted from my sagging shoulders. And I continued to pray for more faith, more trust and not be the Doubting Tomas any longer.

Officially Senior and Retired

I just realized this is my first post for 2026! I got caught up in the winding down of my work and planning for my big 6-0 bash last February.  But all that came to pass now. And I am officially a Senior Citizen, Retired corporate slave as well!

It’s April 5, Easter Sunday, Pasko ng Muling Pagkabuhay! 

And that’s exactly how I feel - newly resurrected! Alive again, beginning a new chapter of my life. I turned 60 end-Feb and threw this big party! Just because… HAHAHA All that in another post. But truly my corporate life ended last March 26, Thursday, as I said goodbye to the office of 9.5 years. I flew to Taipei the day after, and stayed there till March 31, alone! So I don’t really consider that as start of my retirement.

Then it was Holy Week in Manila until today. And I decided that I was going to travel to the beach house this afternoon (against the tide of the travelers returning to Manila!). And true enough, there was this huge traffic on the opposite side of the road, especially going into SBMA. It took me just 3hrs and 20mins to get here, a new record! 

I got here in time to enjoy the perfect sunset, the fitting “Welcome to Retirement, CC!” Banner.

I’ll have more time to write about this new chapter of my life. I am excited as I still feel young. And there is still so much more to do and experience! 

Pride 2025

Parang ang daming ganap sa bayan, sa mundo. Impeachment. Middle East war. Pero syempre, react tayo sa mga latest achuchuchu nila Mama Renee and Mother Ricky Reyes. They are vehemently opposed to same-sex marriage (though dapat civil unions). Pagdating sa pag-aari, pag-usapan na lang daw. (Sa palagay mo, ganon kadali pag-usapang ang ganyan??) Para sa straight naman raw talaga ang kasal.

I grew up with them as prominent gay celebrities, out in the open, practicing their crafts so stereotypically labeled as gay. I didn’t look up to them. They were not role models for me. But somehow, they managed to give visibility to being gay, both positively and negatively. I must say that they are survivors, and even thrivers, for like it or not, they have the financial capability and stability most everyone wants. So I have to give that to them. Considering how harsh the environment was when they were just starting, they made it. 

I am disheartened by their stand but not surprised. A large part of surviving in a very homophobic Metro Manila in those times was to be compliant to the ‘acceptable norms’ of being a deviation, a "deviant". That meant sticking to those careers and all the stereotypes (the comic relief, the clown), not rocking the boat or challenging the powers that be (including the Catholic Church). Just stay in your little corner and you’ll be allowed to survive and even thrive. Decades and decades of these and you internalize those values very strongly. Yes, internalized homophobia. 

I wish they weren't given a platform. But in this day of clickbaiting and content, that kind of POV was exactly what those who produced wanted. Maybe it serves the purpose of bringing internalized homophobia out in the open. Calling it out. Discussing the counter-arguments. Yeah, the "benefits" of democracy. 

 

I hope their statements become irrelevant (though I know this will be fodder for anti-LGBT activitists). But I do know that in ADHD world, another one will serve as "tea" very soon. 

 

I am proud to be gay. I am no longer in the corporate closet. And like them, I have reached a certain level of stability and comfort. Coming out is no longer an issue for me. But I do know that it still is an issue to many, many people out there. And my heart goes out to each and every soul, struggling with this, looking for safe spaces. 

We just watch "Delia D", the musical starring Phi Palmos yesterday. I had loads of fun! Just made me think that even if it was a story of a drag queen who enters a reality talent show, it touched on "coming out", of being authentic when you realized how much of you is actually a farce. I still have that "impostor syndrome", even at work. And you catch yourself thinking exactly that as you go through the motions. I am glad to be retiring soon. I'll have less of those. 

 

The call to be authentic is a sound you will hear lifelong. Like an onion, every layer you peel off reveals another. Maybe your SOGIE is just the first part. But it won't be the last. Don't beat yourself up for it. Everytime your 'aware' self sounds a bell to be more real and true, you have just grown up again. And that is a reason to celebrate. 

Happy Pride!

Body Dysmorphia 2025 edition

At the close of 2024, I was loathing how my body remains as undesirable as when I started the year.  And to think, the work circumstance that I have blamed as the sole reason for this figure changed around early July. All the reasons for stress eating disappeared with the new role. 

I did make some progress from that time till October. I lost 4 pounds. But November personal activities and the December Holiday bingeing put brakes on all that. And I quickly gained back what I lost. 

So I am back where I started, back to making resolutions for 2025. 

But I am putting my money where my mouth is. I am investing in fitness with this elliptical machine purchase. And maybe, just maybe, I can sustain the caloric deficit needed to get rid of the belly and other unwanted fat. Why an elliptical machine? My knees and other joints can't take the impact of running anymore. As much as I enjoyed running outdoors previously, I couldn't do this anymore without hurting myself (and suffering for days). I just do walking nowadays. But I can't sustain the brisk walking needed to bring my heart rate up.  

Oh and did I mention that I have osteoporosis? A little slip from running can lead to a bone fracture. 

I just want to feel good about myself again by fitting into my old clothes… or by not seeing and feeling this Buddha belly.  Here is my nth attempt. Sigh.

Sunset of My Career

I have started counting down the days to my retirement from corporate life. I will be looking back at a career of 40 years, spent mostly in pharma marketing. 

Wasn’t it just yesterday when I was a graduate listening to the speech of Pres Cory Aquino? After 2 years of being a fledgling university instructor, there was the stint at the ad agency, then with a project of the DOH. Then finally landing in pharma marketing, with all the highs and lows of a career in marketing. 

I have fared well, methinks. I would like to believe that I have created value, tangible and intangible in that time span. I have built a Pinoy brand from zero, benefiting millions of Filipinos at risk of developing nerve problems. I have contributed to many other brands’ successful campaigns. I have managed and supervised  hundreds of people. I have taught and trained hundreds more. And I have made many decisions, good and bad. I have learned from all of them.

I wish I could mouth off life lessons spontaneously. But I can’t. I lack that ability to distill into verbalized learnings my experiences. So I won’t be writing any Tuesdays with CC anytime soon.

Though I have reached that point of financial stability, I still worry about how to sustain living (and lifestyle) after that last paycheck. One medical emergency can be debilitating to the savings. Real non-cash assets may not easily convert to cash when needed. Income from leases may not always be regular. The worrywart in me can paint so many dire scenarios. At one point, I wanted to pursue a doctorate degree. But that would be a drain on my savings. 

Hence, total rest post-retirement may not be an option. I am entertaining a return to the academe, teaching and research with a side hustle of corporate training & development.

But definitely, I want a break from this corporate life. I’d like to wrestle back control of my time, of my life and be answerable to myself (largely). 

So much has happened in my life that has left me exhausted but fulfilled. Yet so much more will happen, I can imagine. But I’ll stop imagining for now. Let me just end this by saying that eventually, “Corporate Closet” will totally disappear. No longer in the closet. No longer corporate. 

Pagpili ng Bigas and Coming Out

I’m so happy to share a new acquisition: this still life by Ray Gomez. 

I’ve been looking for a hyper-realistic still life but featuring food or food items for a long time. I wanted this to adorn the living/dining of the halfway home (Manda condo). For a while, I was looking for seafood or fish as subject, even galunggong or tinapa. I even took this pic. And I wanted to commission an artist to render this. 

Art pieces featuring Still life not very common lately. So I have been on the lookout for years now. And finally, a trip to a gallery in EDSA Shangrila yielded this beauty by Ray Gomez. And the subject - bigas (rice grains) in a bilao strikes a chord on my heart strings.

I was a freshman in UP when a series of events led to my coming out to my mom. It was a particularly hot Saturday afternoon. And she was in the kitchen, in front of a bilao of bigas such as this, cleaning the grains of tiny stones and black grains as she talked to me. She calmly asked me about my friends, whether they were … 

“…gay, Nanay, yes they are… we are all gay.” I finished the sentence for her. 

Pause. Deep breath. “Are you okay with it? Do you want to seek counseling?” She asked.

“No need for that, Nanay. Not anymore. I would have wanted that before. But I am ok now. I am relieved that you already know.”

The conversation went on about how she accepts me and loves me, no matter what I am. And how she still wants me to have a relationship with Jesus.

I look at this piece and I am taken back to that time, a time when I felt how lovingly Nanay accepted me, her gay first son. The humble task of “Pagpipili ng bigas” will always be special to me.

Answered Prayers

After Typhoon Carina, I’m off to the beach house. Not that I need the break due to work stress. Actually, work has been light ever since the announcement of the new role in the company. I truly believe this unexpected turn of events is Divine Providence at work. I have been conversing with God about my struggles with my previous role. I have been praying for strength to bear it for the next years, until my retirement.

The stress of my work then came from so many sources. The politics. The many foundational, organizational changes underway. The ongoing challenges of running those business and chasing targets. The bureaucracies that are in place. The inherent late-night wining and dining requirements. 

My new role is like an answer to most of those  mentioned above. And now that I’m in transition, I am at my lightest load level. But this will soon change, perhaps at end of Q3, I will feel the intense pressure of the new role. Nevertheless, I won’t be subjected to the stress of the politics and dynamics of the previous role. 

For the past two weeks, I have been able to hit my 7-hour sleep goal every night! I have been regularly working out AND have been able to stick to a calorie-restricted meal plan. I am getting back my sense of control of my health and my life. 

Baby steps, CC.

To Embrace or To Fight

 I’m in my worst body shape. I can no longer hide this protruding belly, this muffin-top. And everybody is noticing. “CC, what happened? *points at the belly You used to be so slim and fit! Did you stop working out?”

What happened? My new role happened. A stressful new role with uneven working hours, lots of m-eatings and client dine-outs. Late worknights. Performance pressure. Office politics. And more stress-eating! The joy of biting into complex carbohydrates (cakes, pastries and chocolate!). 

What happened? I lost the will to control my diet and to work out regularly, no matter what. Is it a function of age? Or is this lack of discipline some late-life character flaw?

Thank heavens for c3, for being the supportive shoulder to cry on, that listening ear. And I bet he feels helpless as I rant.

I hate seeing full body pics of myself. Hell, even my face has bloated! This self-loathing also is reason I have not cut my hair. I’m just letting it grow wavy and wild, with all the grey hair. I just don’t feel like going back to short, clean-cut style which will emphasize my HUGE face. So I hate how I look even more. 

Is this the start of dysmorphia depression? This feeling that I don’t want to work. I just want to lie down this Wednesday morning. 

As I ascribe all these to my current role, at the back of my mind, I tell myself that once I retire (in less than 2yrs), I will be able to take back control.

But am I being realistic thinking I could still ‘fight’ this? Could I really still find the will to be disciplined, even when I finally retire? Or as I go towards Senior Citizenship, should I finally embrace this fatbod fully and gracefully and be at peace with it? Should I stop torturing myself and proudly tell people that I love this body as I love eating? 

I wonder…

Holy Week 2024

Sibling bonding time

Happy to have my siblings and their spouses as guests at the beach house last Holy Monday to Holy Wednesday. I happen to be on a week-long break, mandatory. I drove to Zambales on Palm Sunday afternoon. It was an easy, pleasant drive on the Mini, with a stop for lunch and coffee.

My two Manila-based sisters and their husbands arrived the following day. This is their third time vacationing here. Too bad, c3 couldn’t join this time. It is always such a pleasure hanging out with them, reminiscing our childhood, Marites updates on everybody else. Highlights were the sunsets and full moon watching, the 80s jazz nostalgia and the karaoke, of course. 

We all went back to Manila yesterday. But I had to be driven by James, as I lost my contact lenses. Meanwhile, James actually resigned as my driver a day before. But since he had to get his stuff from the house, he agreed to drive for me. Poor guy’s pregnant wife is at risk of a difficult birth, with the baby already showing some congenital abnormality. 

So it’s back to being driverless, and staying at the Pasig condo for most of the workweek. I’ll try to make use of those nights to minimize dinner meals (and lose weight). Today, March 28, 2024 is Day One, Holy Thursday.

I need to lose weight and fat before my Executive Check-up. I’m not gunning for my previous weight. Just some few pounds and inches off till May. So help me God.

Libido’s been in check lately. Though I’d still want to hook up should an opportunity come. No opportunities coming my way lately. I don’t want to go back to Grindring. That app is a rabbit-hole that’s full of rejection and bruised (bashed) egos. Been 469 days since I deleted the app (been counting up haha).

I’ve also started the countdown to retirement: 732 days. So looking forward to that. But until that time, I remain cc - corporate captive (couldn’t use ‘slave’ LOL). And I will just have to savor these breaks in between the salt mines. 

 

We turned 11 today.  Not exactly a milestone year, right? But last year’s celebration was not exactly as we wanted it. We still spent it here in Boracay. But we both fell ill during the trip! First it was me and a very upset stomach. Then it was him feeling weak and feverish. 

I blame it on the first-day indulgence of what we miss in Boracay: Bar Lo’s 4-cheese pizza, oyster sisig, then coffee and dessert at Sunny Side. That wreaked havoc on my already-weak digestive tract! I was just in bed for 2 days. Then as I was recovering, c3 started feeling bad. And we weren’t happy with the amenities and the service of the hotel we stayed at. 

But this stay is shorter but sweeter. It was cut short since he had to fly back for work. Yet we maximized the time and had our great sunsets. We got to eat good food (Dos Mestizos, Hain at The Henry, Sunny Side, of course). And we sampled the night life of Om Bar and Rewind Bar (even if I don’t drink alcohol anymore).

11 years. Quite a feat. The relationship has evolved much, adjusting to our own life (and body) changes. I’m a lot older, nearing retirement, and now feeling so many aches and pains associated with aging. He has undergone (and continues to undergo) vision challenges. And I am happy to be here for him. 

We need to surpass 11 years, just to break the KathNiel record. LOL

Here’s to the next 11. 

A Holiday Season like no other. Iba ka talaga 2023.

Salamat at natapos rin ang 2023. And what a way to go.

Christmas Day, I woke up with stomach pain. I was feeling weak and feverish. I self-medicated. I prayed that I would get through the 8am service. And I did, thankfully. But the pain would come and go. I was just in bed practically the whole day. I ended up bringing myself to the hospital Emergency Room, my first time to do it alone, on Christmas Day. 

Thankfully the nice people at the ER were able to administer needed meds including that painful enema, to relieve of the stomach discomfort. I was able to go home by 930pm, still feeling weak. 

I regained my strength quickly after. I proceeded to take care of the furniture transfers to the new condo. 

Dec. 30 afternoon, my driver mentioned that it was his last day. He was resigning to "help his brother with his new business venture." No 30-day notice. I was too stunned to argue. And he left. 

I was hurt, felt betrayed. He was my driver for 12 years. And I had extended myself so many times to help him and his family. I treated him like family. But according to his wife, it boiled down to compensation (which he never complained about). He still owed me money. But I don't see how he would ever pay, or if he has even the intention. 

So there. I start 2024 back to where I was, 20 years ago, driving myself to work everyday. I am still on the lookout for a driver. But I know that the chances of finding one to my specifications are slim. And this will be on top of a very busy year at work. Good luck to me.

Sunset Found! In His Time

I gave up on finding it. But it found me. Naks. LOL

It’s finally mine, the condo unit I had wanted. And it checked all the boxes (well, almost all). It’s 850m away from the office, an easy 15min walk. It is tiny at 29sqm but it does have a balcony. And as it faces southwest, it still has a stunning view of the sunset. It faces BGC directly, and at its right, the signature lighted buildings of Rockwell. Best of all, it is beside a body of water, the picturesque (?!?) Pasig River. 

The condo building was not in my consideration set. I actually forgot about it. But one December afternoon, I was coming from BGC and passing the new Kalayaan bridge. I looked at the buildings ahead bathed in the afternoon sun. Some of the buildings, particular Brixton, I was already familiar with. But I found this beyond my price range. Then I saw another building to the left of it, also majestically facing the afternoon sun. I took pictures and googled the building and found it. 

I quickly looked at FB Marketplace to check for units available. And there were! And the prices quoted were within budget.  I sent DMs to the ads. Two responded quickly. I set up an ocular for the following day.  I liked what I saw and made an offer.

We closed the deal in 10 days! 

The owners were very generous and easy to deal with. And they made sure that the unit could be used on Day 1 (really clean bathroom! And appliances!). But the interiors are not to my taste so I’ll have to spend for a unit makeover. I’ll do that mid next year. 

For now, I plan to put some basic stuff that will allow me to use the unit as my sunset halfway house, for those times I need to de-stress from the office. 

I had given up on looking for this unit (as I posted earlier). But I feel that it had to be in His time, not mine. As Mary put it “the Almighty has done great things for me.” Truly His gift for Christmas. 

Had the worker strip the unit bare.