A Loving Heart

Last Jan. 30 Sunday, one of the readings was that famous “Love is patient, Love is kind” text from St. Paul to the Corinthians. Many a wedding have I attended where this was a chosen reading. And sometimes, I would catch one bride or groom look at the other so lovingly as they listen to the reading.

A guidebook for romantic love. 

But as I was reflecting on the passages, I reckon that St. Paul was talking more about “love” as an attitude (if that makes sense), rather than as the emotion or even behavior typical of romance and relationships.

We are being called to have a “loving heart”, beyond being “loving” or being always “in love”.  He describes a person with a loving heart: patient, kind, never boastful or proud, etc., not necessarily directed towards an object of one’s ‘love’.  He calls us to be people who are loving in general - mapagmahal - regardless of who one is with.

I know of very few people whom I can say, have a ‘loving heart’: ever patient, kind,  humble, truthful, trustful, hopeful. 

Actually, St. Paul’s list is some kind of checklist of “how to know if you have a loving heart”.

Then I realize how far I am from being that person. I know I can be loving to my partner, to my family, to my friends. But I am not loving in general. I am generally impatient, proud, selfish, among so many nega things. 

But there is hope! In an earlier passage, St. Paul tells us to ‘Strive for this greatest of spiritual gifts’. So with this realization, I now have a consciousness to ‘try’ to be less of those nega things. I am working on this heart of mine to be a bit more loving in general. 

Buhay Pandemia: Post Exposure, Post Isolation

 It has been 19 days since the day of test. I got out of isolation on Day 8 following latest guidelines for mild or asymptomatic cases. I was still wearing a mask till Day 10, just to be very sure I don’t transmit to anyone in the household. 

I self-tested on Day 13  using the Clungene brand. Ugh I hate nasal swabs. But I was happy I mustered the courage to do it myself. And on Day 17, two days ago, I went for Saliva RT PCR test in preparation for the trip to the beach house.  Yes, all came negative. I’m clear.

Based on DOH statistics, I was part of 3.5% of cases that are asymptomatic. No sore throat. No colds or cough or sneezing. No fever. No diarrhea. Technically, I wouldn’t have known had I not been tested. 

I could have assessed myself to be Covid free after two to three days post-exposure of not developing any symptoms. I could have been roaming around, transmitting this had I not subjected myself to quarantine and testing.

So no, I do not agree with latest DOH protocols limiting testing to ‘manage the symptoms’. Pure BS. I agree with Sen Escudero saying that this is tantamount to the gov’t ‘giving up’. It is. After borrowing trillions on stupid strategies that ended up as luxury cars in garages of certain people, they are giving up on containing this, on protecting taxpayers from this. 

Nakakagalit. Inubos nila ang pera at iniwan na lang tayong ganito.

At kung yan pa rin ang gusto niyong pamamalakad, sige, ituloy niyo ang pagboto dun sa sinungaling. 

I will not end this on angry note. For I am still very thankful. I was probably asymptomatic on a combination of prayer and some modicum of health and fitness, and some dosing up on vitamins. I didn’t stop exercising even during isolation. And I stopped dieting just to make sure my body won’t be weak as it battles the virus then.

But sadly, I am not out of the woods. I can suddenly develop long Covid symptoms. I am now monitoring my BP daily as I am hypertensive. Covid has also ravaged organs other than the respiratory organ system. And with my history of childhood asthma, I also monitor my oxygen daily. 

I am now breathing in early morning West Philippine Sea air. And it feels wonderful.

Buhay Pandemia: Isolation

 Tinamaan rin ng lintek.

Nasa acceptance phase na ako. Di tulad nung Day 0, nung nakuha ko yun results ng RT PCR. Disbelief. Anger.

Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko, kasabay na rin ng mga dapat ko pang gawin ngayon na confirmed na ang pagka-positibo ko sa Covid.

Galit ako at nakapasok sa aming household ang Covid. 

Day -6 nung nabasa ko ang text ni bagong kasambahay 1. 4pm ko na nabasa, 1pm niya pinadala. Busy kasi ako sa WFH meeting ko. Nanlamig ako. May sintomas na raw siya nung umaga pa (sore throat). Binale-wala na niya muna. Kaso nag-chills at nilagnat na nung mga 11am. Kaya nakapahinga na siya.

Dali-dali kong sinabihan si kasambahay 2 na ayusin namin ang kanyang isolation room. Swerte ako na may hiwalay na unit, na may sariling CR at kwarto. Dun muna siya. Si kasambahay 2 muna ang magdadala ng mga pagkain niya. 

Nun pa lang gusto ko ng magalit kay Kasambahay 1. Bakit hindi kasi nag-iingat? Bago kasi! 

At binantayan namin lahat kung may naramdaman na kami.

Day -4 nung nalaman na namin na confirmed na positive siya for COVID. Tinawagan ko ang Barangay. Kaso sa susunod pa na araw siya pwedeng dalhin sa Quarantine Facility. Kailangan nakatutok na lang si Kasambahay 2 kay Nanay (na matanda na at Cancer and Stroke survivor). Ako na lang ang maghahatid ng pagkain ni Kasambahay 1 habang nasa isolation siya.

Ang buong akala ko, kaya kong protektahan ang sarili ko kahit ako ang humaharap sa kanya. Naka PPE pa ako, face mask pag pupunta sa kanya dala ang pagkain. Hinuhugasan ko agad ang kanyang mga pinagkainan. Puspusan ang pag-alcohol ko. Mula Day-3 hanggang Day -2, ako ang nag-aalaga kay Kasambahay 1.

Si Driver, lumabas na rin ng sintomas. Umuwi na siya sa kanila upang mag-isolate. Nahawa siguro dahil siya ang naghatid kay Kasamabahay 1 nung drive-thru RT PCR.

Day -1 nakapagtest na kami, home service. Lahat kami, walang nararamdaman. Baka naman hindi kami natamaan. Baka naman maayos ang aming mga safety protocols.

Day 0 Lumabas ang mga test. Ako lang ang nagpositive. Si Nanay, Kasambahay 2, Ate ko at bayaw ko. Ako lang. 

Saan ako nagkamali? Bakit ako nalusutan ng lintek na Covid? Buti pa si Kasambahay 2, hindi nadapuan. Mas mahusay siya sa pag-iingat? 

Ang sama ng loob ko. Naka-diet pa naman ako, simula pa lang nung Day -1. Gumamit ng Food Service Delivery. At ayan pa ang kalakip ng mensahe araw-araw. Nagkatotoo tuloy. Bwiset.

Naglipas rin ang sama ng loob. May bakas ng panghinayang pag-naalala kung ano ang mga ginawa at hindi ginawa. Ngunit hindi ko dapat sisihin ang sarili. Walang maitutulong. Ang malaking tulong ang na nailabas ko lahat kay c3, na nakinig lamang sa mga hinaing ko.

Ngayon, tuloy pa rin ang trabaho. Pero inabisuhan na magpahinga. Wag pwersahin ang sarili kahit walang sintomas. 

At nag-come out ako as CovPos (term ba yun? hehehe). Minabuti kong aminin at ipakita na wala naman dapat ikahiya ang pagkaroon ng Covid, may sintomas man o wala.

Akala ko madaraanan ko etong pandemic na hindi nakakaranas ng Covid. Hindi pala. 

Buhay Pandemia: A Comma, Not A Period.

“The end of the year is usually a period, another sentence starts. But for this year, I feel the holidys were just a comma in the paragraph of my life. The quicker I  continue where I left off, the better I feel.” My tweet earlier.

But I will still indulge in some 2021 navel-gazing.  Work was good, despite the pandemic. I felt I was on top of my game. I guess the Boss agreed to, as he gave me a promotion. 

Personal projects accomplished. The series Daddy Love shoot was Jan 4 and 5 last year. First ep launched in heyPogi around end of Feb (my birthday). Then the edited YouTube cuts followed. I was happy just to break even, as this was just a story I wanted told. I am ecstatic that the series did better than expected. Even ending with Rex Lantano getting a Best Actor nomination. Wow.

I finally have our ancestral land in Cavinti, Laguna transferred in my name. This was a promise I made to my father before he passed. I was blessed to have met good people who helped me in the process. 

We finally had our first harvest of rice from Fierro Farm in Cabangan in November. And it was good tasty rice! 

The new condo along Roxas Blvd. was turned over in February 2021. I finally finished renovation and furnishings last week. So satisfied with how it turned out. 

Physically, I peaked around June last year. It was a home-gym body that I was proud of, proud enough to have it captured on photos professionally. LOL. Then downhill since then. I had to stop lifting weights mid-November as my rotator cuff injury worsened. I tried being plant-based for 7 months. But my blood chem results did not show any difference. So I am back to enjoying meat. Just in time for the holidays.  

I also stopped my daily weigh-ins. I know I will be in for a shock (and disappointment) once I resume by Monday. Ugh. 

Two new cars for the year. One is a company-issue. The other is my personal car. I got to replace Simply Red (my Mx5) with an equally fun, quirky vehicle, Mini C (Mini Cooper S). And I am enjoying driving again. 

But going back to my original thought… a lot of projects are ongoing, year in and year out. Hence, there are no periods, just other punctuation marks. 

The Cabangan resort is opening up to guests. With a few more enhancements, I should be ready for full AirBnB listing. 

And speaking of opening up, I opened up to some team mates about being gay. It happened when they visited the resort. They so appreciated my candor and trust. And I felt so good being able to tell them about my truth.

I am eager to get back to where I left off: work, my personal projects, even working out and keeping fit.  And all the challenges that 2022 has in store for me, bring these on!

Buhay Pandemya: “The Chosen” Seasons 1 and 2

Photo lifted from Brian Jennings Blog. 

I finished watching Season 2 of this crowd-funded series. And yup, I did my part by ‘paying forward’ as well. LOL

I have to say that I am impressed with this “creative” take of the life of Jesus. Emphasis on “creative” - the director/producer uses much creative licenses to dramatize and humanize. And it is focused more on the humans around Jesus, the humans he chose to be his apostles, followers, etc. Parang Humans around Jesus LOL 

I believe the series started production in 2019 thereabouts. They have produced 2 seasons with a goal of producing 7 seasons and reaching a billion people around the world. (They are at +300M views.) I found about it from my Ate as she excitedly shared this to the family. 

I love the series! As a Catholic watching this series produced by an Evangelical Christian (Dallas Jenkins), I can only say - congratulations for pulling this off! I actually believe that only a non-Catholic could actually pull this off (and I say this with much affection for the Roman Catholic church). His creative licenses would have needed approvals all the way up to the Vatican (Nihil Obstat). And judging by the way he wove the stories, I think the Church might find some ‘objectionable’! But he wanted this to be inclusive, and authentic. He consulted with many sources, including Catholic priests, Greek orthodox, Jewish rabbi, etc. In the end, he has succeeded in creating a story that is both inspiring and enjoyable.

At many parts, I was actually moved to shedding some tears. Some stories resonated deeply: Peter’s conversion, the disabled ‘thief’ living in the fringes. I enjoyed the ‘extremist’ plot line of Simon the Zealot. (That was something I didn’t know!) I also found myself amused that Dallas incorporated some storylines that have always intrigued me. (Jesus and John the Baptist calling each other cousins). And hurrah for racial inclusivity, people of color being cast! (I could swear there were Asians there, too.)  There is also something so contemporary about the dialogues (which might raise some eyebrows). But on deeper analysis, concerns of two thousand years ago may not have been very different from today.

I like the choice of Jonathan Roumie as Jesus. His eyes convey compassion and authority.  His demeanor is relatable (very ‘human) yet stately. Again, a refreshing take on the Jesus as story character.

It’s not perfect. Some episodes do drag out as the stories of the  ‘humans’ have to be fleshed out (pun intended). That Roman Praetor Quintus seemed a tad like a caricature of an evil, scheming villain. Some familiar New Testament events that were linked together seemed ‘incredulous’. 

But these are minor bleeps. The series deserves support (yes, monetary as well) and promotion. I hope to see this series completed and its loft ambitions reached!

Buhay Pandemya: DL continues

I just finished writing the first draft of Book 2 of Daddy Love. It just feels so satisfying to commit to a task and see it through. The reception to the Web Series just overwhelms me. I still can’t believe that the crazy idea would resonate (and pay for itself). I had to make sure the story continues.

I took it another route. I decided to write it myself, as a short novel (ok, even I am cringing at that label. Di ko dasarv. Let’s call it a long story.) There were other themes I wanted to wove into it. So I challenged myself to just write and write. 

It was, at times, so cathartic for me. I found myself angry, ashamed, burdened as I banged away on the keyboard. That in itself is already a reward. Putting into words some of those experiences. Giving voice to some thoughts I have locked away.  

And I chose to write in Filipino, despite having poor command of the language. Somehow, I felt that the story unravels better in Filipino. 

I printed it. Call me old-fashioned. I even used scratch A4 paper. Finally found use for all that paper lying around. Hahaha. And I will reread it and write my notes. 

Will it be produced? I honestly have not made up my mind. I still need to muster the resources and the will power to that all of that again. And I have so many mistakes from that first series that I would have to learn from. 

For now I relish the feeling of completing something. Cheers!