on sluts and flirting

whats wrong with being a slut? tweets one guy, a response to another's apologetic tweet about his 'slutty' behavior in a recent party.

huwait a minute. i dont think he was being slutty, in furnace. we need definitions here.

behavior: he was throwing himself at him, and some other guys. (luv you. conceptual lang eto. hihi) i dont call that being slutty. desperate, perhaps. LOL. and totally alcohol-induced.

slut is someone who just sleeps around. indulges in casual sex with multiple partners. and i honestly feel he was not being slutty that night. and he wasnt being a flirt either.

flirting. the best one is the most subtle one. when almost nobody notices the flirtation. its just between you and him. almost totally body & eye communication. the words exchanged could be so intellectual, even boring and sanitized. yet behind and beyond, there is chemistry, nay, alchemy actually. your eyes bore into him and his eyes bore into you. a slight brush of hand against arm or leg. electricity jumps. yet nobody notices.

and during the goodbye, the hug lingers a second too long. a tightness different from all the rest.

flirting. normally seen as a means to an end. try enjoying it as an end in itself. :-)

moon over marriott

taken from terraces, ayala cebu. love the pink sky and feather clouds. the moon over the hotel i stay at.

i like marriott here. business hotel that's not too stuffy. executive lounge provides breakfast in the moring and cocktails in the afternoon. cute lanky fitness manager down at the basement fitness center. lol. ala emilio garcia.

on another note. had this really vivid and weird dream this morning. i was at home, on the bed, entertaining a mix of guests. they include gay friends, my mom and her amigas, all around me. i was explaining that my boyfriend was still in the bathroom taking a bath. then my mom starts talking mean about my boyfriend. that he wasn't 'one of us'. one of the gay friends agrees. complete with 'in fairness'. they all start to talk about him, how he isnt meant for me. i was trying desperately to keep my cool and defend him. also careful that he might not hear.

then when i got up from the bed to go to the bathroom to check on him, i saw him outside. he heard all the discussion. and he was sobbing on the floor. i was so angry at the guests.

i rushed out and threw them all out of my bedroom, including my mom.

weird. the boyfriend in the story was somebody i dont even know. he looked really young and thin and scrawny. but i vividly remember the anger, the pain! do these things mean anything?

para sa iyo sa mabuhay lounge

joz kho, kapatid. alas sais ng umaga pa lang, umaariba ka na.

kailangan ba talagang sundan ako sa c.r. ng mabuhay lounge at magkunwaring jumi-jingle?

akala ko, graduate na ako jan, teh. bilib rin ako talaga sa iyo. di mo ako tinantanan. nahiya ka lang kasi may dumating na iba.

kapatid, bata ka pa. cool lang. maaga pa. at marami pa naman jan na pwedeng hadahin. hahaha.

payo mula sa nakakatandang kapatid.

green na rin

i think it's high time i go for the prius. yeah, pricey at P2.15M. but imagine the savings at 30km/li!!! that's nearly 4X my current consumption with sexyback. and since my new office is further away from my new house, my consumption has increased by 30%! these are the hidden costs of upgrading to new digs and new workplaces.

it looks more like a concept car. and it has a look that grows on you. well, for a smaller carbon footprint, why not?

wanted: special french kiss

most everyone was sucking face. friends, acquaintances. has french kissing become too easy to come by? why do i long for the days gone by when i would reserve that special kiss for that special moment with that really special someone? and before, 'special' meant already being in a committed relationship.

im as guilty as hell. i've indulged and given in. i've initiated a few myself. with or without alcohol in my system. but im just suddenly wistful. i guess im wishing i could bring back the 'magic' of that kiss. and how gratifying it could be if i reserved it for that one person.

im blaming soju and all its permutations. lol.

soultime

im just having a grand time here, now. its time for me and my soul. it helps that the weather is just wonderful. breeze has been blowing. mosquitoes have not been as active. the lights in the horizon, the ortigas skyline im seeing. its a cloudy night. my newly installed plants seem to be enjoying, too.

soultime. biblical really. Jesus goes up to the mountain by himself. im thankful, so thankful i have this little peace of sky here. i really feel blessed. and i feel i dont deserve it. so all i could do is just be thankful for something i dont really deserve. or maybe it's like a prepaid account. i have been loaded with all these blessings. and i need to pay back by being a blessing to others myself. which is sometimes, no oftentimes, a challenge.

i guess im lucky to have this. but methinks its really a state of mind. that even in the darkest corners of a concrete jungle there could be a little piece of sky.

and if this piece of sky is taken away from me, i will not despair. for the piece of sky is really within.

i wont call it piece of sky anymore.

its my peace of sky,

another fab fabcasters party

last night was a blast. mgg is such a special guy we had to throw yet another despedida for him. And we needed another excuse to party so soon after beginnings! lol

we leveled up again. with gogo boy entertainment courtesy of resident boy-finder lobster tony. soju was overflowing. water wasnt. so that became the precious resource i appointed myself as resource allocator. lol. it looked lot everybody was having fun. too much fun for some they ended crying. JOKE.

here are my "5s" of that party,

soju. perfect drink. 20% alcohol content. not sweet but not bitter either. no heavy feeling. but strong enough not to lap it up like water. cheap enough for uncontrolled drinking sprees.

sluttiness. is it genetic or situation-dependent? should the party be blamed for the displays of slutty behavior? or are the parties attracting innately slutty plu's? lol. love the way people just kiss and hug. some kiss to express attraction. some mercy-kiss, i suppose. hihihi. all the rest are friendly and just in the spirit of fun.

star of the night. he was the big hit. many guests wanted him. funny hiw he seemed oblivious to it. was he truly unfazed by the adulation? not aware of his cuteness? big question of the night? who was the big winner? was it the one he left with? love the cliffhanger!

serendipity. (borrowed from mgg) for the first time, i met a plu born on exactly the same day i was! imagine that!!! just an hour earlier than me! he must be my soul sister. teh, lapit na tayo magbirthday!

studs. impressed with the gogo boys lobster hired. they didnt seem flustered by the 40+ plus in the small suite ogling at them and their third legs. the lone lezzie in the room almost turned straight?!? kidding.

im sure we are going to be looking for another excuse to party soon.

ahente lang pala

i first noticed him when i was buying at the nearby convenience store. tall, receding hairline, nice, serious eyes, strong jaw and chin. hmmm.

my office window looks out to the parking lot. on another day, i saw him walking from a white innova parked nearby. so he shares the same office building. interesting.

at another time, he passed in front of my window, using the pathway beside it, presumably on his way to the commercial area. i dont get a lot of passersby on that pathway, because i always assumed it would lead to a dead end. usually, maintenance people and security guards use that pathway. and a person passing always catches my attention.

so i was pleasantly surprised to see him, innova guy, pass by. hmmm. something to look forward to during a day in the office.

and so it was. from time to time, i would see him pass by the window, catching a glimpse inside. or he would be out there at the parking lot, either going to or coming from his innova. babaw moments of kiligness. LOL.

i decided to walk that path one time, just to see where it would lead. i was puzzled because it was a pretty inconvenient path going to the commercial area. and there was no foot path from the parking to this pathway. hmmm.

another story: late last week, my driver handed me a brochure. this guy from the office opposite ours approached him and wanted to talk to me to offer this web-based service. driver said he was actually insisting to just come inside and make a cold call. but driver dissuaded him, telling him i dont entertain walk-in proposals.

yesterday, innova guy walked passed the window again. this time, i swear we had eye contact. i didnt see him again.

today, he passed by again, but he wasn't looking. then again. then again. though he wasnt looking inside. HMMMMMMM.

i was leaving for an appointment and on my way out, i saw him standing by the ramp. and as the car stopped to pick me up, he was looking at me, with his serious eyes. and i looked at him back. wondering.

then driver told me that he was the guy who gave the brochure and wanted to talk to me. suddenly, kilig moment dissipated. innova guy was really just another salesman. probably the reason why he kept on passing by, trying to figure out if i was in the corner office.

driver said he was pretty amiable, but reeked of sales technique. and he was asking a lot of questions about me, age, marital status, etc. driver was able to dodge those questions well. it seemed like he was doing a very good probe of his cold prospect.

oh well. it was kilig while the illusion lasted.

Tenk U fabcast

the newly-built cc studios opened its doors to the fabcasters and the peanut gallery last Jan 16 for another fabulous podcast. it was another send-off for the awesome mgg, as he leaves for the silicon (implant) valley.

enjoy!

Download this fabcast (right click and save - 30.4 MB)

Music credits:

"Saturday Night" by Ned's Atomic Dustbin
"Kiss Me" by Sixpence None The Richer
"Don't Stop Believing (Brian Cua Goodnight Tribal Mix)" by the Glee! Cast

the series 1 convertible

i thought this would be relatively cheaper, considering its a 1-series. NOT.
at P3.95M, all i can say is... they gotta be kidding!
it would have been so cute.

different shades of gray Part II

tuloy tuloy ang kaguluhan sa happynings sa sampaloc. join na ang peanut gallery sa usapan!


Listen: (32 min 28 sec)

Download this fabcast (right click and save - 31MB)


Music credits:
"Forbidden Love" by Madonna
"Use Somebody" by Bat For Lashes
"Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga
"Trouble Is A Friend" by Lenka

another look back

lobster tony was right in reminding the people at the fabcast that dec 2009 was the end of not just another year but another decade.

when i look at this life called cc, that decade past, the first decade of the new millennium, was marked by cc's departure from home. it was in 2000 cc decided to commit to sharing an abode with a partner, and leaving home for the first time. giant step for someone whose only stint away from home was a flirtation with boarding house life for 2 months.

it was a decade of high growth for the company, after years of mediocre performance. it was a decade of higher studies for cc, a fateful time when cc met mgg for the first time.

it was a decade of climbing higher, leaving comfort zones, achieving much. and when it came to a close, milestones were achieved but sadly the relationship ended.

this new decade is a return to home for cc, in more ways than one. cc is back to his roots, in the residence he grew up in, though it looks all so different now. cc is back to teaching, his first career, though just on a part time basis. cc is back in the area of his university alma mater, a university where he finally confirmed who he was, and people accepted him for what he is.

and cc is slowly opening to the thought of loving again.

it is going back to where cc started yet experiencing it for the first time.

beginnings at happynings

thank you, dear friends in the blogosphere, for gracing the occasion! suddenly, the ones and zeros are all flesh and blood and simply fabulous.

the place was simply the best. many thanks bobot lota for taking care of us in your amazing place. many thanks to fellow fabcasters migs, mcvie, gibbs, lobster and aj for putting this together. many thanks to nar and phi for the wonderful performances. pure talent on so many levels.

the caliber of the crowd is not lost on me, specially those coming from the arts - theater and visual artists, film directors, music director. i am humbled by their mere presence. they remain so unassuming.

but beyond that, the friendships started and those strengthened. beginnings is simply the best party the fabcasters have thrown so far.

ketchup culture

kids love ketchup. best with omelet, fried chicken, french fries, pork chop.

gastronomic purists would probably hold this in the lowest regard. ketchup is a distraction. it masks ze real taste of ze food. oui? ketchup makes plain palatable, even tasty. the viand is there for the texture not the flavor.

im suddenly thinking how ketchup is really this metaphor for how we coat and embellish. and with the tons of embellishment we put on everything, we forget what the real thing is. if we consciously strip off that ketchup, would we still like the taste?

insomnia attack

arrgh. its 112am. i have to wake up in 4 hours. and i still can't sleep. namamahay is the term. trying to get used to my new old place. old because im back where i grew up. new because it's a totally new house. so im adjusting. and im still so excited. so ive been tossing and turning. tried watching dvd. now online.

finally got the tv, blu ray assembled. amazing. im still blown away with the clarity of it. and now that system is happily settled where it was meant to be. am in the middle of matrix revolutions. and im reserving up for the weekend.

yesterday, an old friend, a high school classmate was in town. he had dinner here and we ended up chatting on the deck. he was so fired up about his business, his multi-level marketing business. and smart guy that he is, he was talking about how he influences people to sign up.

what struck me was his statement: if you've got a crystal clear goal in mind, and you're pretty clear about your values, there really is no reason why you shouldn't attain your goal. with that in mind, if you really want it badly, then you'll get it.

i told him i know of people whose expressed goal is to find TOFM, that soul mate. and some of them have remained SSB, single since birth. and boy do they want it so badly i could taste it.

maybe they werent specific about their goal? he asked.

how much more specific could you get with "i want to find the person i will love for the rest of my life"?

but they didnt specify what type, etc.

precisely because they dont want to limit it to types anymore. they pretty much are leaving that open, too! so how come they havent attained their goal?

maybe they dont want it badly enough.

huh?

think about it. ask them. at what cost is this search for true love? this is where the values matter. would they commit crime for it?

exagg naman ata yan.

yeah. but if you ask them would they be willing to go abroad, to relocate to find that true love? or would they be willing to give up their condos and share?

some of them say they want something really bad. but only on certain conditions. 'i want true love BUT.... he has to be from here. im not leaving manila.... BUT im not going to give up my lifestyle, etc. etc. etc.

it seems to me that they dont really want it THAT badly. they dont want to get out of their comfort zones to attain their goal. and that explains why they dont.

hmmm. what do you think?

awareness, in conclusion

just finished the book. and it concludes this way.

nourish yourself on wholesome food, good wholesome food. im not talking about actual food. i'm talking about sunsets, about nature, about a good movie, about a good book, about enjoyable work, about good company, and hopefully, you will break your addictions to those other feelings.

What kind of feeling comes upon you when you're in touch with nature or when you're absorbed in work tha tyou love? or when you're really conversing with someone whose company you enjoy in openness and intimacy without clinging? compare those feelings with the feelings you have when you win an argument, when you win a race, or when you become popular, or when everybody's applauding you. the latter feelings i call worldly feelings. the former feelings i call soul feelings. lots of people live empty, soulless lives because they're feeding themselves on popularity, appreciation and praise, on "i'm ok you're ok", look at me, attend to me, support me, value me, on being the boss, on having power, on winning the race. do you feed yourself on that? if you do, you're dead. you've lost your soul. feed yourself on other, more nourishing material. then you'll see the transformation.

i like being with you. i totally enjoy your company.

on planners

im going back to using a planner, the pen & paper kind of planner, not PDA-types. a decade ago, i was using the Franklin Covey planner, based on the Franklin time management modules that merged with Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective people.

i must say that their planners are the most comprehensive, logically designed planners available then. It came with a lot of add-ons to make life even simpler. The best part is the way the planners could actually be archived for easy indexing and referencing. I used it for three years. Until i was seduced by electronic gadgetry - the personal digital assistant.

i went from HP to palm to treo to sony ericsson in my search for the perfect electronic planner, one that would mimic the ease of use the Franklin planner. im now using the iphone and the ical but still, nothing comes close to that planner. my biggest problem with PDA's and smartphones, filing and retrievability of data.

ive gone full circle now, back to using the Franklin planner, after 7 years! i actually didnt think it was still available. But i'm glad it still is, carried locally by Franklin-Covey Phils, or CLCI (Center for Leadership and Change, Inc.)

it is now helping me keep track of my schedules, activities, tasks. and im all the better for it.

so for those looking for the pen-and-paper planner that could really help, try this for size.

different shades of gray Part 1

fabcast recorded in happynings, venue for the fabcaster's beginnings party on saturday. fab curio place in the heart of sampaloc owned by a production designer.

seems like more and more plu's are finding themselves in gray areas, undefined situations where emotions and expectations do not seem to mix.

peanut gallery includes first timers in fabcasting.

Listen (24 min 38 sec):

Download this episode (right click and save - 23 MB)

cc at o

cc at o in ortigas. friends and cc checked out the first branch of o bar in ortigas home depot. finally, a plu dance club closer to home!

its been operational for a week. friends have visited during the weekdays. they mentioned the place was practically dead. but the saturday we visited, there was a good crowd, nothing too cramped. enough to allow cc to dance to his heart's content (and his heart got contented quite fast)

the place is on the 2nd floor of the ortigas home depot complex, right on top of that persian restaurant at the corner. definitely, it is not like o in malate. there is no 'al fresco' area. the place looks industrial in design. just cocktail tables, a small area for dancing and two stage set-ups, at each end of the bar. the transgendered performers alternately use the two stages. cc liked that.

go-go boys were dancing on mini balconies facing the audience, a bit too high for my poor neck. they didnt look too gorgeous so i didnt think i was missing much.

crowd was quite young. there was a general sense of fun, not much posing and vogueing. people seemed to be just having fun. music was also what cc liked, a good mix of pop and house. cc just let himself loose that night, in the company of friends. he didnt stay too long,though. cc went low batt fast.

i think that finally, there's a good pink entertainment alternative in my area. let's hope they sustain it.

fabcasting and blogging, the joys of

miggs tweeted the latest download stats of the podcasts. 72,000 f**kng downloads. or the same follower 72,000x lol. it's also very humbling because i really play such a minor role in the fabcast (yes, go-to-punching-bag is a minor role!) this is really miggs, mcvie and gibbs.

nevertheless, ill never stop thanking the fabcasters, and miggs in particular, for introducing me to the joy of blogging and fabcasting. who would have thought those discussions, debates, laitan, ukrayan that are so much fun would have value beyond us involved! and now it has expanded to include the peanut gallery. and with that our circle of friendship.

thank you, thank you, thank you.

but more importantly, to the raiders of the corpcloset, especially those brave souls who 'follow' cc. thank you, thank you, thank you. hugs forthcoming. come up to me, identify yourself and you'll get the hug. LOL.

its a great new year, dear people!

the cc 2009 retrospective

of course this is a looking-back-at-2009 list. what else could be more... trite? hehehe

this year was all about family, particularly parents. on top of work, of teaching, of extra-curricular activities, i completed two major projects for my parents: the celebration of their marital vows 50 years after, and the construction of their new house. of course, none of these two projects wouldnt have been completed without the support of cc siblings. but these were major stressors in my life. the million and one details i had to be on top of to make sure things go as close to plan as possible. then the million and one things that turn out differently, testing your patience, creativity and resourcefulness and grace under pressure.

another accomplishment was the reconstruction of the cc physique. lost a lot of the fat for the first time in years. partly stress, partly perserverance: south beach diet, fitness boxing on top of regular sessions with trainor. the dedication paid off, but not without cost.

i was hospitalized, my first in 10years. typhoid fever or dengue, nothing was conclusive. but i had to stay in the hospital for one week. despite the amenities of the suite, i couldnt f**kng sleep on the hospital bed. then there were the routine blood tests for platelet count (every 12 hours) my poor veins.

i quickly browsed the posts of 2009 and saw the quiet desperation that welled up inside of me. of course, sex and its many permutations were still part of it. that desperation led to the fall of cc, under a talented mr ripley.

towards the end of the year, the burden of house construction began to take its toll on resources. and on top of that, the many little problems associated with new houses: drainage blocked here. leaking hose there. dirt and debris everywhere. the stresses dont seem to end.

funny though. calendar year ends. as if it puts a period to all of these events, situations and circumstances. but it really is just another day. and much as i would like to think all those problems would leave with 2009, they won't.

but what could go and leave with 2009 is the attitude. it's really the only one that i could change anyway.

on another note, i read posts from two bloggers i personally know that struck me for their similarity: they both acknowledged their brief encounter with cc in similar ways. "meeting him made me realize i was ready to love again." "thank you for waking my sleeping heart" and as much as i am flattered by the mentions, i am also left thinking that cc is a defibrillator, a cardiac jumpstarter. perhaps i might as well evolve into a pacemaker. lol.

2009 ended well. discourse with an intelligent, passionate youth within various settings: a carinderia, starbucks, the condo, the roof deck of the new house, the ride home in sexyback.

then it was celebration time on the roof deck with the help. amazing view of both ortigas and makati fireworks. we had our own displays, fountain-types. and the cloudless night with the most beautiful full moon ever.

i kept on shouting Thank You, Lord. Thank You.