So, we look forward to another lockdown in a week. The gov’t has given us an allowance of one week to prepare. And that means panic-buying, crowding at the supermarkets and drugstores perhaps. They have learned from their agad-agad lockdown announcements? Maybe. With this administration, you never know how they are thinking.
I am lucky I got to travel to the beach house before lockdown happens. Though it’s typical habagat, storm clouds, rain from time to time, angry waves. I am glad that I was able to go home to the province.
Naka-uwi ng probinsiya … that is something I never got to say before, growing up. We, technically, did not have a province to go home to. The ‘ancestral homes’ for both my folks were long gone. Both sets of grandparents settled in Metro Manila and raised their families there. So I envied classmates who were able to ‘go home to the province’ during vacation. Even c3 had that when he was growing up.
But Naka-uwi ng probinsiya eventually also meant being promdi, with all its elitist, Imperial Manila connotations. I felt that in college, entering university. In the freshman block I was part of, there were distinct segments: from province, from Metro Manila. But even that had subsegments: from exclusive schools, from Chinese schools and from gov’t schools, etc.
I didn’t know where I belonged. The peeps from Arneo, Asamson, etc., seemed to know each other so they were a clique. I certainly could not relate to that, with their cars, and their parties and proms. The peeps from the non-elite exclusives were mostly guys. My background would have fit but ewwww … they were all basketball and chasing after girls. I had an easier time assimilating with the people from the provinces. They were welcoming. But they also fall back to their regional languages from time to time. So it wasn’t exactly a perfect fit either.
But on hindsight, the biggest stumbling block for me then was my denial of my homosexual identity. It wasn’t really the language, or the shared experiences, though those things exacerbated my sense of non-belonging. I had this ‘big secret’, being gay, that I couldn’t yet admit. So no matter whom I was engaging with, we would have ‘limits’ to discussion, especially when it comes to ‘crushes and relationships.’
Coming out to my family at the latter part of my freshman year changed all that. I owned up to being gay. And it didn’t matter to me who knew about it in school. Besides, we didn’t have that block anymore. That was when I started to meet peeps from all backgrounds. Eventually, some of those became regular buddies for lunch and for hanging out. My college barkadas were formed.
Being relaxed about being gay allowed me to experience other people and form bonds with them. Sure there were bullies and homophobes. But it was easy to avoid them. In my own skin, I found it easy to be accepted and even ‘loved’.
I say this with ‘humble bragging’ - Nakauwi ako ng probinsiya bago lockdown. I now have a province to call my own. I am forming provincial roots. The bonus is that this place just happens to have an oceanview. But it is an angry ocean I am looking at right now.
