was chatting with the lover of my friend, who's also my friend, at a party yesterday. he is my partner's confidante. and partner was telling him about his pain, his disappointments, his anger.
friend was relaying some of it to me last night. and my friend was totally against what i have done. chastising me for my indiscretions, blaming me for partner's pain.
"you are just so selfish for doing what you did, cc. i could understand a few sexual escapades, but my Gulay! you had an affair! you know what hurt him most? you started having that almost after he left the first time. sobra naman yan, cc. kakatihan na yan, sobra."
"and to think he left naman for his career. tapos ganyan lang ang sinukli mo."
"eh bakit hindi ikaw ang pumunta sa kanya? bakit di mo iwan ang career mo? bakit siya ang pinipilit mong bumalik dito? kung mahal mo talaga at di ka maka-tiis, ikaw ang dapat pumunta sa kanya?"
i felt anger welling up inside me. i almost got into an argument with him (ive always found him opinionated, judgmental). Thank God for the slideshow we had to watch.
7 years back. Partner and I met. I was already with this firm. he was with another. Both firms based in manila. there was no talk of leaving for another place, another country. it was all about making a life together here in manila. where we both had jobs.
2 years after. he had changed jobs and was about to embark on his master's. again, school was in manila (i was taking my master's, too, at the same school, at the same time). again, no talk about leaving, being stationed elsewhere other than manila.
Another 2 years after. he had finished school and was looking for work. his work took him luzon south. but still he would be coming home often.
Then he accepted this new job, based somewhere in the visayas. no consultations with me. he said he planned to go home every other week, anyway. but i supported him. he said it was only for 6 months, till a better job offer came.
That was two years ago. he is still there. and i dont know when he will come back. his offers are all for outside posts.
should i have been the one to leave my career and follow him? should i have left the firm i have always worked for, even before he met, a firm i am now CEO, a firm that has been good to me, a job i have always enjoyed, to live in the visayas, with no job offers? unfair pa ba ako na i am asking him to come back kasi di ko kaya na malayo sa kanya ng matagal?
and is it so wrong for me to now declare that LDR's dont work for me? and because of that, I'd like him to come back. And that i am willing to support him financially?
am i really such a horrible person?