a moment alone

i am all alone in my sister's flat in manhattan. 11am saturday. they left to pick out the tree. i chose to stay behind to slow down a bit. ill visit the museum of modern art during lunch.

last night i was able to taste gay life in manhattan. i had a great time, escorted by BFNYC (boy from new york city). we are friends now, sexual tension (and attraction) gone. he met up with me at G Lounge on 19th. nice place, watering hole mainly. place got full by 12am when we left. predominantly white, i'd say about early 30's crowd. but when it got packed, i saw african-americans and lots of asians. a group of pinoys walked in as we left.

music was okay. reminded me of giraffe during the good old days in terms of ambiance. place to chat. i dont know if it is easy to hook up there.


then we left for the ritz, a year-old club up in 46th. that place gets REALLY PACKED. young (mid-20's) crowd, quite mixed, more hip and funky than the g. and people dance and move. not too many asians, though. a lot of latinos.

this time, i got to see plenty of good looking caucasians with buff bodies. wow. and they were like flaunting it. it was nice just looking at all of them. and the crowd gets wild with great songs. siyempre, hit pa rin lahat ng songs ni lola madonna. people were just crazy when dj played sorry. hahaha. from manila to new york. pareho pa rin ang bading.

it was hard for me to even establish eye contact. but BFNYC quickly hooked up with a latino (cute face but short and kinda chub-chub). i tried to look around but hmm, i just am not marketable here. but i definitely enjoyed the music by dj xavier. it was so pop and never mind the mixing. kaya masaya.

some people there just know how to move! sarap manuod lang as they were rocking, thumping... more of hip-movements... very sexy actually.

it was post-night out chibugan after, around 215am at a diner near by. that was fun.

i woke up quite late... preferring to slow down. i called partner up. honestly, i got disappointed with the conversation. he didnt sound happy at all to hear my voice. and he rattled off some home concerns (borrowing sexy back and the driver) because of his trip to manila sunday. and he cut it short because 'mahal na ito'.

the chill is definitely still around. and it's rubbing off on me. i know i am supposed to be so thankful that he managed not to break up with me. and sometimes i catch myself asking why, with all the pain ive caused. at least that's how he makes me feel. he definitely shuts me out, gives me the ice treatment on a winter day. and i have no idea when this will let up.

here i am in nyc, eager to share all that ive been doing and he talks about borrowing my car.

i guess that's another reason why i am here. to take stock of things and find out what i want and where i want to go.