A friend wanted to catch up one of these days as he is in town. He has been based abroad for quite a while. As we connected over Messenger and finalized our plans for that catch up, he requested that there would be no talk of politics. He declared that we hold different views and would rather not talk about that.

I respected that and respected him more for that. I have been blissfully unaware of his views. Either he is not as active in social media or somehow, I have not seen any of his politics-related posts.

"We remain friends, right?" I immediately replied in the affirmative.

But that exchange has got me thinking about my friendships, especially with those who hold different, even opposing views from mine.

It's just amazing how polarizing recent turn of events in politics have become. Suddenly, you realize that your friends, with whom you seem to share so many things in common, could be so different in looking at others. And some of them are even very vocal about their views.

Conceptually, friendships should be able to withstand such differences, right? Political, even religious views are just some aspects of what makes a person. There are many other aspects that can bind. Yet why do I find it hard to swallow a difference of opinion from a dear friend?


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My fault

My confession. I didn't vote during the last election. I held off registering till the last day. Then that last day was the day I was scheduled to leave for South America. I tried but failed during that last day, due to the volume of people.

Perhaps that also explains why I wasn't as impassioned about the candidates, either for or against. Though I knew I was not going to vote for Du30. That was sure.

Fast forward to the violence that claimed so many lives in Marawi and at Resorts World. And the ongoing, though at the sidelines for now, murders related to the drug war. Yes, I call them murders. Thousands remain unsolved murders.

Violence begets violence. The vicious cycle has started. I bleed for those who have died and those who were left behind without fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, siblings.

I blame myself for not voting, for not expressing myself through that right of suffrage.


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Typhoon Tryst 3

I didn't realize that I never posted this third and last part until I was going over my notes. This was almost three years ago. I just had to put a period to the story. CC

The wind was still howling outside. And from the 19th floor, it seemed like the Apocalypse, with the dark clouds and the heavy pounding rain. Luke glanced at his watch. It was just half past five.

He pulled back from the hug and asked Gabe: “You don’t cuddle with Freddie anymore?”

Gabe sighed heavily. “There are a lot of things we don’t do anymore.”

“Like?”

“We haven’t had sex for years. Though for a while, we were still intimate, save for the actual sex. But now, even that is gone.” Gabe said ruefully.

“Why don’t you start it? Why don’t you just hug him? Or kiss him?”

“We still kiss. We kiss when we leave in the morning. Or before we sleep. Hmm. I don’t know if you could call it kissing. Maybe more like beso.” He imitated the kind of kiss between the Titas of Manila. He laughed out loud. 

“But you know that it’s more of the habit, than … you know.”

“What happened? Why did the sex stop?”

“We’re both bottoms.” Luke laughed hearing this.

“Wasn’t that something you should have found out early?”

“Well the first year or two, we both tried being versa. And it was ok. But I guess, after a while, the preference still comes out.”

“Oh. But there are other things that bind you.”

“Yeah. That’s why we are still together. Freddie’s a really nice guy, very caring. We had fun times.”

“Had?”

‘Many things have stopped.”

Luke hugged Gabe tight. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay. We still stay together because, well, it’s convenient.” But Gabe caught himself. “No, we stay together because we still love one another.” 

Luke just started at him, not knowing what to say.

“So, I guess Freddie is fine with… this?” Luke pointing to both of them.

Freddie became defensive. “Getting judgmental, aren’t we?”

“Sorry. I was just trying to… rationalize.”

“Well, it is true. I get by on this. My ‘needs’ are satisfied this way.”

“I can’t imagine being in a relationship and not being intimate, or having sex.”

“I didn’t either. But look at me now. I look at this as trade offs.”

“So you think Freddie wouldn’t mind these occasional sidelines?”

“I hope he doesn’t. I’m pretty sure he has his, too. I’ve caught him once. Or twice.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. I was no saint either. But a bottom needs a top. And we got to get that from somewhere.”

“True. Why don’t you just be honest and declare it open?”

“What for?”

“So there’s no deception. No lying.”

“Wouldn’t work for us. Putting it out there, just putting that label ‘open’ totally changes the relationship.”

“Of course it does. It makes it honest.”

“But is that honesty really good for the relationship? I have thought of that. I may have even broached it once or twice. But in the end, I couldn’t push through with it.”

“Why? You’re comfortable lying to one another?”

“It’s not that”” Gabe snapped. “Jeesh. There you go again being all judgmental. Dude you just FUCKED me, okay? You are no innocent bystander here.” Gabe got up and looked for his briefs in the dark. He was pissed.

Luke reached out to touch his arm. “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to judge. It’s just that it can get tiring.”

“Or it can get fun. Come on, Luke. Didn’t we have fun? I can go home now and play wifey to Freddie, all loving and sweet. And I would mean it. You now why? Because, this (pointing to both of them) is just FUCKING SEX. This doesn’t mean anything beyond FUCK, I’M COMING. Get it?” 

In the darkness, Luke could feel Gabe’s anger.  Gabe quickly pulled his shirt over. 

“Good grief. It’s almost 6. And it’s still fucking raining.” He was groping trying to tie his sneakers.

Luke had put on his briefs and slowsly walked over to Gabe.

“Hey. I’m sorry. Seriously. I didn’t mean it that way. I just talk to much.”

“You’re darn right about that.” Gabe muttered. 

Luke pulled Gabe’s face towards him and looked into his eyes. “I am sorry.”

Then he kissed him on the lips lightly. Light kisses on his lips, then his nose, then is forehead. He could feel Gabe’s tension slowly easing. He stood up and lifted Gabe up with him. He continued to kiss him, more passionately this time. Then he whispered.

“You know how sexy you look when you’re pissed? It is so fucking hot.”

Gabe had his eyes closed as Luke started to wet his ear with his tongue. Luke’s tongue was darting in an out of his ear, licking the lobe, biting a bit. Gabe started to moan.

Luke’s free hand started to rub Gabe’s crotch. It was hard again. And he felt his own cock stiffen up. He licked down Gabe’s neck. He pulled his shirt up and went stratight to his nipples. Biting and sucking and licking. All the while freeing Gabe’s cock from his undies and pants and tugging at it furiously. Then he knelt in front of him and slowly licked the tip of his cock, gently playing with the head ever so gently. He took his cock in, inch by inch, making sure to feel each vein with his lips. He almost gagged when he got to the base. But when he recovered quickyly, he was able to even let his tongue tighten up against Gabe’s fully erect cock. Then he pulled out and started sucking that cock.

Gabe had both his hands on Luke’s head, thrusting his dick all the way inside his throat. Luke’s finger made its way to the warm asshole, still wet, still hot and hairy. He thrust it inside and heard Gabe grunt with pleasure. He was sucking Gabe hard and fucking him with his finger.

He pulled out, stood up and made Gabe bend over to expose the hairy buns. He couldn’t find the lube nor the rubber anymore. He so wanted to fuck him again but the voice inside just kept saying no. He decided to just dry-mount him, gliding his stiff cock up and down the cheeks of Gabe’s butt or down the inguinal area.

“Fuck me, Luke. Put it inside.” Gabe whispered as he was jerking himself off.

“Can’t find the rubber. the lube.” 

“Fuck that, Luke. Spit and just fuck me.” Gabe said urgently. “Please!”

He spat on his cock and on Gabe’s ass hole. He thrust his cock inside him.

“Owww” Gabe let out a scream, both of pain and pleasure.

Luke pumped him hard, rode him like a bull. 

“Oh shit! Oh Shit! Fuck!” Gabe came as Luke pulled out.

Luke jerked his cock until he came, spewing more jism on Gabe’s back.

They had to recline in the sofa in exhaustion, all spent. They looked at the window and saw that it was evening now, still no electricity. Both of them panicked.

“Shit. We gotta get out of here.” Luke exclaimed as he pulled his pants up. Never mind that he didn’t wash up anymore. 

Gabe managed to wipe his back and ass of Luke’s come before putting up his pants and wearing his shirt again. 

They managed to find their wallets and keys and made their way out of the condo. Thankfully, the stairwell had windows so they managed to see where they were going as they went down.

They were silent as they waited for the jeep.

“Hungry?” Luke asked Gabe.

“Yeah. But what’s open at this time?”

“There’s a convenience store in the next corner.”

“I shouldn’t” Gabe shaked his head. “Freddie must be worried by this time.”

“Sure. Of course. Next time.” Luke mumbled.

Gabe didn’t answer. He pretended not to hear. He looked at the well-lit 7-11 as the jeep passed. It was jolt of light in the darkness. He needed that.

10 years ago

I started this blog exactly 10 years ago.

March 5 marks that day. Tenth anniversary. That is cause for celebration.

Blogging used to be a big thing. That is why I got into the bandwagon. But now, only those who actually make a living out of it have stayed on as bloggers. Most have moved on to FB, the place for everything and anything.

I do have my FB profile, two actually. I post occasionally. But mostly, I read and lurk. I can't seem to cross-over to using my FB as my blog. That is hardly the closet I imagined it to be, with my photos all up there. And I prefer to keep posts short. I think my FB friends would be bored with my long and lengthy posts, and my fiction. From time to time, I do post my blogposts there for some of the raiders have become FB friends, too.

This blog has been an outlet for all sorts of stuff swirling in my head. For the most part, I think those of the (hyper)sexual nature have become the most popular. hahaha. Then there's the emotional rollercoaster that is my relationship life. Funny it used to called 'emo'. Now it is called 'hugot'. That's what 10 years could do to the lexicon. Eventually, I indulged my pa-creative self with the Lucas chronicles. I would call that my 'alter' life. And when the creative juices dried up, it became quite spiritual. Now that's a range of topics.

The people who inspired me to blog, mgg, gibbs and mcvie, got lobster tony, bakla ako and me to join them as Fabcasters. That added dimension of sound made all of us more real to a lot of raiders. The format also allowed for richer insights of 6 gay guys with diverse backgrounds, not to mention those of the Peanut Gallery and other guests.

In the ten years of the blog, I have met up with many, many raiders. That is what I am most thankful for. We made that leap from virtual to real, either through coffee or alcohol. Some here in Manila but also in other cities as well (Davao, Singapore, Dubai, New York). With no exception, all of you were really nice and interesting. Thanks for reaching out and for wanting to meet up. And for some of you, for wanting to mate. LOL. Kidding aside. I love that this blog widened my horizons much further than I can imagine.

Finally, I also met my current partner, c3 through this blog. That is the biggest blessing of all. Despite having read all the weirdness and lewdness that I have put here, he managed to accept me and love me.

From time to time, I have wanted to shutter this space. I thought I should put a dot to all this. But I never got around to, even as the numbers of visits have dwindled. Ultimately, the blog fulfills this role in my life as my diary. So even if I end up being the only one reading my posts, it would still be worth my while.

cc

The Struggle is Real

http://instinctmagazine.com/post/beautiful-ad-encourages-same-sex-couples-hold-tight

This ad resonates like a lone gong in the chambers of my heart

Partner and I spent a truly lovely Sunday afternoon going to places in Manila that I've always wanted to see. First off was Arrocerros Forest Park, almost directly below Quezon Bridge. The gates were closed but the guards let us in, not before asking us where we were from. (We found that peculiar. Is this for Manila residents only?)

We strolled through the unkempt 'forest', which we had all to ourselves. It was a literal 'breath of fresh air', even by the 'promenade' along Pasig River (no stench!). According to the guards, it was undergoing renovation. Though from the looks of it, it was only the building at one end that seemed to be under reconstruction.

Next up was the National Museum. That was pretty hard to get to from where we were, despite being so near! Waze had me confused. But we finally got to the place and even had parking right on the ramp. Too bad the Spolarium area was closed off for an event. But we were able to enjoy some of the colonial pieces from the Bangko Sentral collection as well as the prodigious other works of Juan Luna and Felix Resurreccion Hidalgo.

After that it was Paco Park and Cemetery, yet another place I've always wanted to see. This was a lot better maintained, maybe 'too well-maintained'. I say this in reference to the newly-painted items, the Cross of Gomburza as well as the marker of Rizal's temporary tomb. The fresh coat of paint (of stark white) was totally off in the centuries-old backdrop of stone and gnarled kalachuchi trees.



But it was still a beautiful place to be. We even waited for the wedding happening at the chapel to finish. And in typical bitchesa fashion, we were making all the inappropriate comments about the guests. Lol.

That afternoon ended with early dinner at Apartment 1B inside The Henry Hotel in Pasay. That is just one of the loveliest dining places around.

Just seeing the beauty of those places made me with partner made me realize how unfair it was for couples like me. I really wanted to hold his hand while we were strolling. I wanted to hug him while we were seated by the fountain. It seemed the most natural thing to do. But it was equally natural NOT to do it. Just like most of the couples in the ad.

I cannot bring myself to express that simple act of intimacy with him for fear of judgement. Even when we are inside my own vehicle, we are sometimes conscious of being intimate because we might offend my straight-as-a-doornail, married-with-two-kids driver.

Will I ever be as brave as what the ad encourages me to be?

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MMJ8

I'll call this the Z therapists posts. It started with Lanz, referred by a friend of a friend. He lived nearby so it was easy to set up. He was quite attractive, tall, lanky but with a beer belly. He was more 'mature' (meaning old by masahista). His massage was good since he had worked in a spa. He also was quite endowe. He didn't mind giving blowjobs, though being straight, you know that he wasn't into it. He wasn't always available so he referred his nephew Jenz one time.

Jenz is attractive - "artistahin". Also tall, with pretty boy looks, you would wonder why this guy is even doing this. Unfortunately, his massage was really poor. His ES was really just him allowing you to suck his average dick. The looks were not enough to compensate for poor service. But I have to admit I tried him twice, only to see if anything would improve. Unfortunately, no changes registered.

During this time, I received an anonymous text offering massage services. He introduced himself as Jenz' cousin Renz. Boy was he insistent! It took me months to be convinced to try his services.

Eventually, among the three relatives, Renz became the regular. He was also tall (must be in the genes) with a good, lean build. He wasn't as attractive as Jenz or maybe even Lanz. But he made up for it down there where it was really sizeable. He also was the most active, giving head and kissing.

He became the default masahista I could refer to when friends ask for referrals. But the biggest problem was his sheer kakulitan. He messaged incessantly. That is just a turn-off that I had to just stop responding. And even my friends have complained about how makulit he turned out to be. I stopped referring him nor booking him.

Eventually, I heard that Lanz and Jenz both stopped giving massage services. Only Renz continued. I wonder how he looks now, though. It has been years.


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