Thursday, July 20, 2017

He Is Michael

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3713030/

Last Sunday, c3 and I watched “I Am Michael” over at Netflix. First off, I just have to hand it to James Franco for his inclusiveness! I can’t name any other straight actor who has played so many gay male roles. It almost seems like an advocacy for him (or a career-diffentiating move).

The film itself tries to present a non-judgemental view of Michael Glatze’s journey from gay rights to gay renunciation. It agonizingly details the process, the extenuating circumstances that surround it. For some part of it, his growing embrace of Christian religion I can relate to. I did try to turn back on being so Catholic-religious at a point in my life. But I had to be honest to myself and realize that believing was a real, natural part of me that couldn’t be denied.

And being gay is as much a part of that. But Michael, in the movie, eventually comes to the conclusion that it is just a construct, an idea that one can choose to accept or reject. But certainly, he labels that as unnatural.

I did detect, though, some judgment from the producers. The movie ended with that tentative, or even self-doubting, look on Michael’s face as he welcomed his first audience as a pastor of his own church. And you get to see how his countenance changes from being light and happy to grim and determined (in reference to a friend of mine. Hehehe. Inside joke). He became serious and sullen. Hence, as much as the producers claim that it was non-judgemental, I still felt that there was this undercurrent equivalent of either rolling eyes or a raised eyebrow.

I would have thought the real Michael would have seen that, too, and be totally livid. But as I researched further, it didn’t turn out that way:

https://www.advocate.com/arts-entertainment/film/2015/02/04/watch-ex-gay-subject-new-film-grateful-james-franco

It is an interesting watch for those with an open-enough mind to consider the idea of “ex-gayness”. If my memory serves me right, wasn’t there this TV reporter who flipped that way, too, previously? I wonder what his story is like. Oh sorry. I don’t even have to look far:

https://www.facebook.com/ansel.beluso/posts/10153706843391237



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Saturday, July 15, 2017

A Look Inside Of Me

My internist insisted I have an endoscopy. At my age, I should be aware if there are any developing problems in my gastrointestinal tract.

I knew it had to be done. So I had this scheduled. Mine had to be both gastroscopy and colonoscopy, on both ends of the 'tube'. I had my apprehensions knowing how I gag when I take in a big one. LOL. But there is a grain of truth there.

The preparations started a day before my procedure. I had to go on a soft diet, with no fruits and vegetables (the fiber will obstruct the scene, I guess). Then it was just clear liquids (no coloring that would falsely appear in the tract) from after lunch till dinner. Well, I was allowed to take egg whites and crackers for dinner.

The laxatives just wore me down. Throughout the night, I was pooping liquid. Now I know what colonic cleansing means. And it was very draining, coupled with the insomnia of it.

Once at the endoscopy center, I was put on a needle-less iV drip where they would administer the general anesthetic. When I was ready, the anesthesiologist started dosing me. I suddenly felt dizzy and I was out.

In 20 minutes, I was already at the recovery area, still groggy. But I was amazed that they were also able to control the dose enough to wake me up just in time. After another 30 minutes, I was out of the procedure room. It was absolutely painless and hassle-free.

Then the good doctor came to me showing me the selfies of my voice box, my throat, my stomach, my small and large intestines. I finally saw how my own bowels looked like. Hahaha.

There was minor finding of some erosion at the stomach area. When the doctor found out about my intermittent fasting, he quickly blamed it on that. Though he did mention that stress causes that, too. But he said that the erosion was nothing to worry about.

I'm hesitating about that conclusion, though. I've been on IF for years now, I should have massive ulcerations if it was really about that.

I'm tempted to post my GI selfies. But who would like to see that? LOL


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Saturday, July 1, 2017

50s Fitness

Exactly one month ago, I decided to get back on track on my fitness regimen. By sheer force of will, I just said I needed to lose all the extra weight and flab gained in the past 5 months.

At the start of the year, I hit the wall when it comes to working out. I was getting injured easily. I was always tired. My body was aching all the time. I had to make a drastic change. I didn't renew my personal training sessions with my trainer in FF Trinoma and avoided that branch altogether.

I tried another branch and even went for the personal training there. Then I stumbled on another gym, Kinetix. They are into functional fitness with emphasis on the fundamental exercises: squats, bench, deadlifts. No wonder that gym is full of huge guys, mostly powerlifters. My sessions there had me going back to those basics with strictest form. I learned so much from my
trainer there.

During this time, I wasn't on a diet. I was eating and drinking as I pleased. It showed as my clothes started getting tighter. And even my liver showed some distress from the alcohol.

Yet I knew I had to go back to FF Trinoma and my trainer there. FF is just so convenient for me. I made the most gains when I was under him previously. Besides, what I have learned from the other trainers, I could just ask my Trinoma trainer to adapt. So I had to go back.

Cut to end-May. I made the decision to 'kem bek to a young and beeyutiful' me. (Sorry. Joke limited to those who saw that film.) I went back to my diet and calorie-monitoring. I went back to FF Trinoma and my trainer there. I established baseline weight: 148 lbs with 16% Body Fat.

End-June, I lost 10 lbs and went down to 13% Body Fat. Yet I even gained lean mass.

What worked for me

Intermittent Fasting - I start ingesting food by 12nn and stop by 8pm. Funny though because this ain't 'intermittent' as I have been doing this continuously.

Proper Food Combination - I eat meat only with vegetables, not with carbs like rice or bread.

Less Sugar and Carbs - Though I can eat carbs if combined with vegetables, I avoided rice, bread, noodles. I had to deny my sweet tooth of cakes and chocolates.

Calorie Monitoring - I had to be strict about the amount of calories I was taking in. That included weighing my food and writing all of it down daily. Also, I am conscious of 'active calorie burning' (calories used up in exercise). I approximate calories burned via my Polar heartbeat monitor. I try to burn 500 - 600 calories everyday.

Low-intensity Steady State Cardio - Those 500 calories take about 1hr and 10mins as I average a low heart rate of about 120-130bpm. By next month, I'll try doing HIIT (high intensity interval training) instead for comparison. I'll check out how it relates to my fat loss.

I emphasize the words "what works for me". Our anatomy and physiology can never be the same so I wouldn't know whether this would work for anybody else. But an important thing for me is the monitoring of key metrics (calories in and out, weight, fat%, heart rate) and the analysis of such.

And before I forget, I also cut down on alcohol consumption drastically. It wasn't doing my liver any good. Thankfully, my liver has recovered.

I'm in my early 50's and I'm feeling good about my body again.


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Thursday, June 22, 2017

A friend wanted to catch up one of these days as he is in town. He has been based abroad for quite a while. As we connected over Messenger and finalized our plans for that catch up, he requested that there would be no talk of politics. He declared that we hold different views and would rather not talk about that.

I respected that and respected him more for that. I have been blissfully unaware of his views. Either he is not as active in social media or somehow, I have not seen any of his politics-related posts.

"We remain friends, right?" I immediately replied in the affirmative.

But that exchange has got me thinking about my friendships, especially with those who hold different, even opposing views from mine.

It's just amazing how polarizing recent turn of events in politics have become. Suddenly, you realize that your friends, with whom you seem to share so many things in common, could be so different in looking at others. And some of them are even very vocal about their views.

Conceptually, friendships should be able to withstand such differences, right? Political, even religious views are just some aspects of what makes a person. There are many other aspects that can bind. Yet why do I find it hard to swallow a difference of opinion from a dear friend?


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Saturday, June 3, 2017

My fault

My confession. I didn't vote during the last election. I held off registering till the last day. Then that last day was the day I was scheduled to leave for South America. I tried but failed during that last day, due to the volume of people.

Perhaps that also explains why I wasn't as impassioned about the candidates, either for or against. Though I knew I was not going to vote for Du30. That was sure.

Fast forward to the violence that claimed so many lives in Marawi and at Resorts World. And the ongoing, though at the sidelines for now, murders related to the drug war. Yes, I call them murders. Thousands remain unsolved murders.

Violence begets violence. The vicious cycle has started. I bleed for those who have died and those who were left behind without fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, siblings.

I blame myself for not voting, for not expressing myself through that right of suffrage.


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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Typhoon Tryst 3

I didn't realize that I never posted this third and last part until I was going over my notes. This was almost three years ago. I just had to put a period to the story. CC


The wind was still howling outside. And from the 19th floor, it seemed like the Apocalypse, with the dark clouds and the heavy pounding rain. Luke glanced at his watch. It was just half past five.

He pulled back from the hug and asked Gabe: “You don’t cuddle with Freddie anymore?”

Gabe sighed heavily. “There are a lot of things we don’t do anymore.”

“Like?”

“We haven’t had sex for years. Though for a while, we were still intimate, save for the actual sex. But now, even that is gone.” Gabe said ruefully.

“Why don’t you start it? Why don’t you just hug him? Or kiss him?”

“We still kiss. We kiss when we leave in the morning. Or before we sleep. Hmm. I don’t know if you could call it kissing. Maybe more like beso.” He imitated the kind of kiss between the Titas of Manila. He laughed out loud. 

“But you know that it’s more of the habit, than … you know.”

“What happened? Why did the sex stop?”

“We’re both bottoms.” Luke laughed hearing this.

“Wasn’t that something you should have found out early?”

“Well the first year or two, we both tried being versa. And it was ok. But I guess, after a while, the preference still comes out.”

“Oh. But there are other things that bind you.”

“Yeah. That’s why we are still together. Freddie’s a really nice guy, very caring. We had fun times.”

“Had?”

‘Many things have stopped.”

Luke hugged Gabe tight. “Sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay. We still stay together because, well, it’s convenient.” But Gabe caught himself. “No, we stay together because we still love one another.” 

Luke just started at him, not knowing what to say.

“So, I guess Freddie is fine with… this?” Luke pointing to both of them.

Freddie became defensive. “Getting judgmental, aren’t we?”

“Sorry. I was just trying to… rationalize.”

“Well, it is true. I get by on this. My ‘needs’ are satisfied this way.”

“I can’t imagine being in a relationship and not being intimate, or having sex.”

“I didn’t either. But look at me now. I look at this as trade offs.”

“So you think Freddie wouldn’t mind these occasional sidelines?”

“I hope he doesn’t. I’m pretty sure he has his, too. I’ve caught him once. Or twice.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. I was no saint either. But a bottom needs a top. And we got to get that from somewhere.”

“True. Why don’t you just be honest and declare it open?”

“What for?”

“So there’s no deception. No lying.”

“Wouldn’t work for us. Putting it out there, just putting that label ‘open’ totally changes the relationship.”

“Of course it does. It makes it honest.”

“But is that honesty really good for the relationship? I have thought of that. I may have even broached it once or twice. But in the end, I couldn’t push through with it.”

“Why? You’re comfortable lying to one another?”

“It’s not that”” Gabe snapped. “Jeesh. There you go again being all judgmental. Dude you just FUCKED me, okay? You are no innocent bystander here.” Gabe got up and looked for his briefs in the dark. He was pissed.

Luke reached out to touch his arm. “Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to judge. It’s just that it can get tiring.”

“Or it can get fun. Come on, Luke. Didn’t we have fun? I can go home now and play wifey to Freddie, all loving and sweet. And I would mean it. You now why? Because, this (pointing to both of them) is just FUCKING SEX. This doesn’t mean anything beyond FUCK, I’M COMING. Get it?” 

In the darkness, Luke could feel Gabe’s anger.  Gabe quickly pulled his shirt over. 

“Good grief. It’s almost 6. And it’s still fucking raining.” He was groping trying to tie his sneakers.

Luke had put on his briefs and slowsly walked over to Gabe.

“Hey. I’m sorry. Seriously. I didn’t mean it that way. I just talk to much.”

“You’re darn right about that.” Gabe muttered. 

Luke pulled Gabe’s face towards him and looked into his eyes. “I am sorry.”

Then he kissed him on the lips lightly. Light kisses on his lips, then his nose, then is forehead. He could feel Gabe’s tension slowly easing. He stood up and lifted Gabe up with him. He continued to kiss him, more passionately this time. Then he whispered.

“You know how sexy you look when you’re pissed? It is so fucking hot.”

Gabe had his eyes closed as Luke started to wet his ear with his tongue. Luke’s tongue was darting in an out of his ear, licking the lobe, biting a bit. Gabe started to moan.

Luke’s free hand started to rub Gabe’s crotch. It was hard again. And he felt his own cock stiffen up. He licked down Gabe’s neck. He pulled his shirt up and went stratight to his nipples. Biting and sucking and licking. All the while freeing Gabe’s cock from his undies and pants and tugging at it furiously. Then he knelt in front of him and slowly licked the tip of his cock, gently playing with the head ever so gently. He took his cock in, inch by inch, making sure to feel each vein with his lips. He almost gagged when he got to the base. But when he recovered quickyly, he was able to even let his tongue tighten up against Gabe’s fully erect cock. Then he pulled out and started sucking that cock.

Gabe had both his hands on Luke’s head, thrusting his dick all the way inside his throat. Luke’s finger made its way to the warm asshole, still wet, still hot and hairy. He thrust it inside and heard Gabe grunt with pleasure. He was sucking Gabe hard and fucking him with his finger.

He pulled out, stood up and made Gabe bend over to expose the hairy buns. He couldn’t find the lube nor the rubber anymore. He so wanted to fuck him again but the voice inside just kept saying no. He decided to just dry-mount him, gliding his stiff cock up and down the cheeks of Gabe’s butt or down the inguinal area.

“Fuck me, Luke. Put it inside.” Gabe whispered as he was jerking himself off.

“Can’t find the rubber. the lube.” 

“Fuck that, Luke. Spit and just fuck me.” Gabe said urgently. “Please!”

He spat on his cock and on Gabe’s ass hole. He thrust his cock inside him.

“Owww” Gabe let out a scream, both of pain and pleasure.

Luke pumped him hard, rode him like a bull. 

“Oh shit! Oh Shit! Fuck!” Gabe came as Luke pulled out.

Luke jerked his cock until he came, spewing more jism on Gabe’s back.

They had to recline in the sofa in exhaustion, all spent. They looked at the window and saw that it was evening now, still no electricity. Both of them panicked.

“Shit. We gotta get out of here.” Luke exclaimed as he pulled his pants up. Never mind that he didn’t wash up anymore. 

Gabe managed to wipe his back and ass of Luke’s come before putting up his pants and wearing his shirt again. 

They managed to find their wallets and keys and made their way out of the condo. Thankfully, the stairwell had windows so they managed to see where they were going as they went down.

They were silent as they waited for the jeep.

“Hungry?” Luke asked Gabe.

“Yeah. But what’s open at this time?”

“There’s a convenience store in the next corner.”

“I shouldn’t” Gabe shaked his head. “Freddie must be worried by this time.”

“Sure. Of course. Next time.” Luke mumbled.


Gabe didn’t answer. He pretended not to hear. He looked at the well-lit 7-11 as the jeep passed. It was jolt of light in the darkness. He needed that.