Saturday, November 8, 2014

Frotteur Buffet

I just recently heard of this story.

Do you know about what happens in the last train car of the LRT/MRT, especially during rush hour? It has become a buffet for groping and grabbing. Bekis and others into this would 'gravitate' towards that last car. And the rush of passengers getting into the train becomes the venue for crotch-grinding.

It is supposedly so democratic. From corporate DILF's to college hipsters to BPO fashionistas to transgenders. Take your pick. They all want to crowd it out with everybody else.

Then once inside, with all those bodies and crotches pressing against you, lower that hand and let your fingers do the walking. Nobody is supposed to complain. It's part of the experience.

I guess these guys ain't complaining about the train services. Hihihi

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Dealing with the ways of the world

"And the master commended that dishonest steward for acting prudently.
For the children of this world
are more prudent in dealing with their own generation
than the children of light.” - Luke 16:8

I remember an FB wall post from a friend of mine. She narrated her encounter with a taxi driver. He was a chatty one, and for a while the conversation was engaging enough not to notice the traffic. Then he started talking about his sob stories. She became suspicious of the direction of the talk. She felt strongly that he was trying to get her to give a good tip. She was feeling manipulated. She asked her FB friends whether she should give a tip, and let the driver feel that he 'put one over' another passenger again.

The situation brings to mind how sometimes, I berate myself for falling prey to the schemes of people. Yes, like my friend, I hate the feeling of being manipulated, and deep down, of feeling stupid enough, or not smart enough, to figure out what was going on. I should have been wilier, not that trusting, etc. etc. But this verse from yesterday's gospel reading reminds me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Perhaps in my journey towards living a more Christian life, I would start to see things less on an earthly plane. And because of that, I will be less crafty or witty or street-smart. I will miss out on certain cues and fall victim at times. But that should be less a judgment on my intellect than an affirmation that I am on the right direction. Maybe.

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Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Carrying Life's Burdens

"Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me
cannot be my disciple." - Luke 14:27

Recently, I heard someone argue that during the time Jesus uttered these words to the crowds, he hadn't been crucified yet. Then how could he talk about 'carrying your cross'? Our parish priest explained that though the crucifixion had not happened yet, crucifixions for criminals have been around. These criminals carry their own 'tools for death', Jesus would have been understood by the crowds with the reference.

He further mentioned that most people consider their personal miseries as their 'crosses' - a debt burden, a dysfunctional family situation, work problems. And they whine about these publicly, as their way of 'following Christ' by 'carrying this burdens.'

He dare said that behavior and attitude is a superficial understanding of the gospel. Life burdens are certainly not the exclusive domain of Christians, or Catholics. So how could bearing with these burdens become our way to salvation? He emphasizes that the burden, though shared with other faiths, must be differentiated by the way we carry it. The challenge for Christians is to NOT feel weighed down, not to whine and lament. We should carry that cross as if it didn't weigh a thing. We should continue to be the same person, with or without that cross. That is true discipleship.

Besides, Jesus does say that such burdens should be 'cast unto him' so that these would be lighter. Believing in Him and his power to 'lighten the load' differentiates us. Our personal adversities do not have to be painted on our faces everyday. We should carry our own cross and nobody has to know about it.

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Monday, October 20, 2014

SAHC: the commercial model

Nathan rightly predicted that a blog post would appear regarding another batch mate of ours after that FB add. LOL

Clarence was one of the truly handsome batch mates. And he knew it. He was always so well-groomed, so porma... so metrosexual even before the term existed. I don't even recall him being athletic. He was just maporma. He gained 'fame' when he starred in a commercial for sardines. But other than that, he was a regular student, one of the straight guys with his barkada, with their pre-occupation with girls, etc. So he wasn't one of those who was considering having a relationship with any of us girls.

My only 'encounter' with him was unpleasant. I remember being asked by the Principal to go to their class (he belonged to another section) to announce something. Being still very defensive about being labeled as bakla, I knocked on the door quite abrasively. There was no teacher around. When he saw me at the door, he walked up to open it in a very attention-getting fashion, pa-cute and pa-porma. In a modulated voice, he asked me how he could help. He was obviously trying to be charming to this bakla at the door, in front of the class.

I was incensed. I barked at him and just mouthed off my announcement. I quickly turned around and marched away, indignant. But I could remember him saying something and the whole class erupting in laughter.

I didn't know what it was. Nathan later told me that when I answered so meanly and turned around, Clarence turned to class and said "suplada!" (bitch) That made the class roar.

Funny how this small situations become embedded in my mind, how such casual words thrown out could have such long-lasting impact!

Recently, he added me on FB. And surprisingly, instead of anger, I felt kilig (sorry. no English translation!) He was actually still quite handsome, based on the photos. So I messaged the group in Viber to share my feeling. Yes, middle-aged fags still feel kilig.

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Saturday, October 4, 2014

The PLU Catholic. The Start.

I have started to start small. I believe in letting it grow organically. Or through divine intervention.

I created a secret group in a social media network. I figured that the first step would be online, to make it less 'intimidating'. I will post some of my previous blogposts there. Then I start inviting friends and raiders who may wish to be part of it.

An online group breaks geographic boundaries, noting that some raiders who responded are not Manila-based. If you would like to be part of it, send me an email.

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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

SAHC: the soccer jock

I had a vivid dream about a high school bf. We were finally hanging out, after all these years of totally no communication (roughly 30+ years). And it was light and great. It was nothing erotic, but admittedly, there was that kilig. I recall talking about our friends and just having a good time. Then I woke up.

I'll call him Chris. He was a soccer player in high school. He was a transferee (as I recall), from one of the provincial 'branches' of the school. Academically, nothing impressive. He belonged to another section of the batch. You wouldn't have noticed him right off. But if you looked closer, behind the glasses and the (sometimes) untidy uniform coming from playing lunch soccer games, he is actually quite handsome.

It happened during third year high school. This was the time that the batch 'transformed' to being quite accepting of relationships with the gay batch mates.

(for a more comprehensive take on this, see this post.)

As far as I remember, I was the first among the beki barkada Chris approached. I cannot even recall the first encounter. I'm now wondering how our paths could have crossed: different sections, different social groups. But it happened. He started taking an interest in me, talking to me after class, getting my phone number, going out on dates (Saturday afternoons).

I was enamored. He was handsome, athletic. He had the build, naturally broad-shouldered, tapered hips, strong and muscular thighs and legs. He was good-natured, too. And the beki barkada found him attractive, too. Peer approval. actually Peer envy. The best reason. LOL

We became an item. I do have memories of Saturday afternoon with him at his house, in his parent's bedroom, listening to popular jazz (popular then) and canoodling, tickling. One particular time, I actually fell off the bed. And he peered from the edge, looked at me, with his mischievous smile and disheveled hair. He was so gorgeous that picture is stuck in my mind.

Faintly, I remember it wasn't perfect either. There were tampuhans. Maybe too many. Soon enough, we called it quits. Maybe I did. I can't recall. But what I do remember was that it was not a good break-up. We stopped talking. I think he was the last boyfriend I had in high school.

Chris went on to have relationships with other bekis. One was from this lower batch. Then eventually, with two of my close friends from the barkada, in succession. I don't know who came first: was it Nathan or Romee? One of that carried over to college, I am guessing. But both didn't last too long. The peculiar thing is that both Nathan and Romee were so into him that years after their relationships, they were still pining for him. Romee had it worse. Decades after, he would still be talking about him and what transpired even as Chris continued on as a straight man, married, with family.

Fast forward to present-day. We have all gotten over Chris. But we still fondly recall the euphoria of our joyous high school days, and Chris would always be part of the conversation. Social media brought us back to being in touch with our straight batch mates. Romee would become the beki most immersed in batch alumni activities.

One time, he told us that Chris found his way into the batch' FB page. He started adding up class mates, including Nathan and Romee. Based abroad, with wife and kids, he was stable, actually successful. He was eager to keep in touch with Romee and Nathan.

At the start of the year, he came home to celebrate his silver wedding anniversary in a grand way. He made sure he invited Romee and Nathan. We were all curious about how they would be introduced to the other guests. But beyond that, we all have been curious how all of our straight classmates feel now about what happened during high school. How did they 'rationalize' the relationships they had with us? Did it lessen their 'masculinity'? Or were they in denial of it? The presence of Nathan and Romee at the wedding was going to answer some of those questions, hopefully.

I must hand it to Chris. He treated both of them specially. He made sure that there would be a catch-up dinner for the three of them before the wedding. According to Nathan, Chris was so genuinely happy to see them. And there was no denial of the past. He talked about what transpired in the past so naturally. But more importantly, he was just happy to be in touch and to know what was happening in their lives.

During the wedding reception, he was introducing them as his ex boyfriends. Seriously. He would tell his wife and son, his relatives that he had a gay past "nung naging bakla ako". It would actually be said in jest. People would laugh. I guess there was some incredulity in the story because Romee and Nathan were not exactly straight-acting. Actually, far from it. But nobody asked questions. My friends didn't feel uncomfortable either. Chris made sure of that. He also touched base with some other bekis from the barkada. Well, except me.

I don't know if he still carries a grudge. Or because I use a different handle as my personal FB account and made it hard to find. I have seen his FB profile appear on my page for a while. I even checked it out to see how he looks. He looks his age. But you could still discern some handsomeness somewhere.

I've held out in trying to be the first to add him. A part of me wants him to do it first and another part is actually scared that he might even reject me as an FB friend #pridechicken. So I'm still weighing things.

Chris, many years after, has proven why three of us were smitten by him. He has shown that he really is a wonderful guy, so comfortable and relaxed and cool about high school life. He would always be a highlight of that part of my life.

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