Sunday, March 5, 2017

10 years ago

I started this blog exactly 10 years ago.

March 5 marks that day. Tenth anniversary. That is cause for celebration.

Blogging used to be a big thing. That is why I got into the bandwagon. But now, only those who actually make a living out of it have stayed on as bloggers. Most have moved on to FB, the place for everything and anything.

I do have my FB profile, two actually. I post occasionally. But mostly, I read and lurk. I can't seem to cross-over to using my FB as my blog. That is hardly the closet I imagined it to be, with my photos all up there. And I prefer to keep posts short. I think my FB friends would be bored with my long and lengthy posts, and my fiction. From time to time, I do post my blogposts there for some of the raiders have become FB friends, too.

This blog has been an outlet for all sorts of stuff swirling in my head. For the most part, I think those of the (hyper)sexual nature have become the most popular. hahaha. Then there's the emotional rollercoaster that is my relationship life. Funny it used to called 'emo'. Now it is called 'hugot'. That's what 10 years could do to the lexicon. Eventually, I indulged my pa-creative self with the Lucas chronicles. I would call that my 'alter' life. And when the creative juices dried up, it became quite spiritual. Now that's a range of topics.

The people who inspired me to blog, mgg, gibbs and mcvie, got lobster tony, bakla ako and me to join them as Fabcasters. That added dimension of sound made all of us more real to a lot of raiders. The format also allowed for richer insights of 6 gay guys with diverse backgrounds, not to mention those of the Peanut Gallery and other guests.

In the ten years of the blog, I have met up with many, many raiders. That is what I am most thankful for. We made that leap from virtual to real, either through coffee or alcohol. Some here in Manila but also in other cities as well (Davao, Singapore, Dubai, New York). With no exception, all of you were really nice and interesting. Thanks for reaching out and for wanting to meet up. And for some of you, for wanting to mate. LOL. Kidding aside. I love that this blog widened my horizons much further than I can imagine.

Finally, I also met my current partner, c3 through this blog. That is the biggest blessing of all. Despite having read all the weirdness and lewdness that I have put here, he managed to accept me and love me.

From time to time, I have wanted to shutter this space. I thought I should put a dot to all this. But I never got around to, even as the numbers of visits have dwindled. Ultimately, the blog fulfills this role in my life as my diary. So even if I end up being the only one reading my posts, it would still be worth my while.


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

The Struggle is Real

This ad resonates like a lone gong in the chambers of my heart

Partner and I spent a truly lovely Sunday afternoon going to places in Manila that I've always wanted to see. First off was Arrocerros Forest Park, almost directly below Quezon Bridge. The gates were closed but the guards let us in, not before asking us where we were from. (We found that peculiar. Is this for Manila residents only?)

We strolled through the unkempt 'forest', which we had all to ourselves. It was a literal 'breath of fresh air', even by the 'promenade' along Pasig River (no stench!). According to the guards, it was undergoing renovation. Though from the looks of it, it was only the building at one end that seemed to be under reconstruction.

Next up was the National Museum. That was pretty hard to get to from where we were, despite being so near! Waze had me confused. But we finally got to the place and even had parking right on the ramp. Too bad the Spolarium area was closed off for an event. But we were able to enjoy some of the colonial pieces from the Bangko Sentral collection as well as the prodigious other works of Juan Luna and Felix Resurreccion Hidalgo.

After that it was Paco Park and Cemetery, yet another place I've always wanted to see. This was a lot better maintained, maybe 'too well-maintained'. I say this in reference to the newly-painted items, the Cross of Gomburza as well as the marker of Rizal's temporary tomb. The fresh coat of paint (of stark white) was totally off in the centuries-old backdrop of stone and gnarled kalachuchi trees.

But it was still a beautiful place to be. We even waited for the wedding happening at the chapel to finish. And in typical bitchesa fashion, we were making all the inappropriate comments about the guests. Lol.

That afternoon ended with early dinner at Apartment 1B inside The Henry Hotel in Pasay. That is just one of the loveliest dining places around.

Just seeing the beauty of those places made me with partner made me realize how unfair it was for couples like me. I really wanted to hold his hand while we were strolling. I wanted to hug him while we were seated by the fountain. It seemed the most natural thing to do. But it was equally natural NOT to do it. Just like most of the couples in the ad.

I cannot bring myself to express that simple act of intimacy with him for fear of judgement. Even when we are inside my own vehicle, we are sometimes conscious of being intimate because we might offend my straight-as-a-doornail, married-with-two-kids driver.

Will I ever be as brave as what the ad encourages me to be?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Sunday, January 22, 2017


I'll call this the Z therapists posts. It started with Lanz, referred by a friend of a friend. He lived nearby so it was easy to set up. He was quite attractive, tall, lanky but with a beer belly. He was more 'mature' (meaning old by masahista). His massage was good since he had worked in a spa. He also was quite endowe. He didn't mind giving blowjobs, though being straight, you know that he wasn't into it. He wasn't always available so he referred his nephew Jenz one time.

Jenz is attractive - "artistahin". Also tall, with pretty boy looks, you would wonder why this guy is even doing this. Unfortunately, his massage was really poor. His ES was really just him allowing you to suck his average dick. The looks were not enough to compensate for poor service. But I have to admit I tried him twice, only to see if anything would improve. Unfortunately, no changes registered.

During this time, I received an anonymous text offering massage services. He introduced himself as Jenz' cousin Renz. Boy was he insistent! It took me months to be convinced to try his services.

Eventually, among the three relatives, Renz became the regular. He was also tall (must be in the genes) with a good, lean build. He wasn't as attractive as Jenz or maybe even Lanz. But he made up for it down there where it was really sizeable. He also was the most active, giving head and kissing.

He became the default masahista I could refer to when friends ask for referrals. But the biggest problem was his sheer kakulitan. He messaged incessantly. That is just a turn-off that I had to just stop responding. And even my friends have complained about how makulit he turned out to be. I stopped referring him nor booking him.

Eventually, I heard that Lanz and Jenz both stopped giving massage services. Only Renz continued. I wonder how he looks now, though. It has been years.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday, January 12, 2017


Kylo was another therapist referred by one of my masahe junkie friends. He told me to try him out because he gives a good massage and “open to suggestions.” LOL I know that my friend has a ‘roving hand’ when being massaged.

My expectation was quite low. I was thinking that this would probably end in a jerk-off. True enough, that first session was really just a handjob. But it was good massage, since he really is a professional working at a spa in Makati.

He was persistently sending messages asking for the next session. I was bold enough to reply that I wanted more. “Nabitin ako”. He said that he would take care of that next time.

That second session had him fulfilling his promise and more. He got sensual early on. Just as he was massaging my back, he pulled of his boxers and gave me his body-to-body massage, with licks and bites of my nape, my back and my butt. He flipped me over and started to give me head. It was good enough a blow job. I just let him work on my cock.

Then he asked whether I had rubber. I pulled one from the drawer and took out the lube, too. He wore the condom on my cock and put a lot of lube on it. I watched him pump my dick till it was really hard. Then he put lube on his anus and positioned over it. I was surprised at this turn. I hadn’t fucked in a while. And I didn’t even have to ask for it. What a giver!

He winced as he slowly lowered his hips. It was hot and tight inside. I don't usually enjoy this position. I have this fear that my poor dick will get broken if the guy puts his entire weight on an improperly inserted penis! Usually, I turn soft because of that. Luckily this time, it was stiff and ready. I think this unexpected penetration excited me beyond fear. Who would have thought I'd get to fuck during a massage? Without any haggling?

Soon, I was so into it. It has been a while. I went from one position to another. It just turned me on so much.

When it was all over, we were both so exhausted. All the relaxation from the massage gone! But I wasn't complaining. He kept his end of the bargain and more.

"Please don't tell Sir ____. " he whispered. "Of course not." I reassured him.

Needless to say, he became a regular. And I started to crave for a fuck as part of the extra service.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Pendulum 2

Dark times indeed. Suddenly all these apocalyptic prophecies are swirling in my mind. Even Nostradamus came to mind as I read how Digong is chummying up to Russia and China. Could he have actually meant Far East rather than Middle East for that 3rd AntiChrist? Then as I look at his initials - DU30, I tried to recall the name. It turned out to be "Mabus". What if... LOL Quite a stretch though.

It's just that I can't help but read all these events with such a frame of mind. Some posts back I talked about the Shemitah. I think I failed to mention that this 2016 was even a Jubilee year: 7 x 7 years. The changes are magnified. A few years off but weren't we just talking about the Mayan Calendar? I got reminded watching a documentary series made in 2012 entitled "The Pyramid Code".

In short, all these were meant to happen. Talk about being fatalistic. Pardon my rationalizations at this point. These are meant to happen because this shake-up is meant to jolt us into re-examining our values as human beings. Perhaps, even as we enshrined 'human rights' on walls and charters, we really have failed to make these truly inclusive. We need to re-examine the paths we took and the consequences of our previous decisions. We, as the human race, need to look at the foundations of our lofty ideals to see how fragile these have been. In the process, institutions will be shattered. But perhaps all that is needed in order to build better ones.

It is a darkness that we must go through. But even recognizing that should not mean resignation. On the contrary, now is the time to make our stand loud and clear. As arguments abound, as ideas are challenged and debated, being heard and being part of the cacophony is our right and our responsibility. Out of all this percolating milieu, hopefully, something good, true and lasting will emerge.

But I fear it will be protracted and even bloody. And there is where my cowardice surfaces. I am afraid. I don't know if I will have the courage to fight

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Saturday, December 3, 2016

Pendulum 1

It was getting too good for us minorities. For years, we have slowly been shattering walls and ceilings in a gradual shift from segregation, ostracism to tolerance, acceptance. We are still far from the ideal - a society so agnostic to the diversity. But we have made great strides in the journey, including recognition of same sex unions.

We were thinking that it would just be a matter of time when the rights we had been fighting for would finally be ours. The pervading culture of 'political' correctness was a recognition of a common humanity over those that divide us. In many, many countries and societies, the present generation had started to enjoy certain freedoms.

Unfortunately, this 'blessed' status quo was misleading. There was growing discontent from those who used to enjoy all the rights and powers exclusively. For some of them, there was a real negative impact. They were losing opportunities, and maybe even jobs and revenues, to those 'minorities'. Even their 'churches', previously so entrenched in preserving the old world order, had slowly started to give in. Many have started to feel offended by this reversal of fortune. All this had started to seethe and boil from below the surface, under a veneer of civility and tolerance.

And it started to boil over. They found expression in that new medium created by technology. They found community in what were previously isolated feelings of anger, even hate. Then finally, they found real people who were willing to vent these in the political space. The push became a shove as they realized their collective strength. The political systems across the world allowed their ideas to flourish to finally be expressed in elections and referendums.

It remains to be seen exactly how far the pendulum will swing back, how dark it will actually go. No matter, we have to remain vigilant and become even more vocal. We have to protect those gains, the precious few human rights we have fought for and deserve.

When one group of human beings is denied their basic human rights, all groups' rights are at risk of being denied. All. We cannot live with the illusion that they are different from us. They have been labeled as 'drug users' and pushers, dregs of society. They have been summarily murdered on mere suspicion. They had no chance at all to defend themselves. They were 'threats to society'. What keeps these 'arbitrary judges' from making conclusions that other groups of people are similar 'threats', too?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

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