Thursday, December 30, 2010

mggff, the community

my title sounds like a wikipedia entry. hehe. the other night, that online community mggff (manila gay guy find a friend...) went offline and gathered together for some christmas fun. a lot of members went to the house of gracious host ms g, some of them a first to have an offline persona.

this is the second xmas party i attended. and it seemed to be getting bigger and better every year. last year, i remember miggs was still ahmm quite anonymous to most of his reader-members. but this year, i proudly watched miggs go all out and be all out there for the community. he worked the crowd and made sure that each person would feel welcome.

im pretty much of an outsider, still. not active in the fb site. but i do feel welcome even if im probably the least known fabcaster. i feel awkward when sweet fellowfab gibbs would introduce me to some people and 'reveal' me as cc. only because he says it as if expecting that the person introduced to would even know cc or the blog. (omg! its cc!) hehe. most of the time, id get this really polite but clueless look (who or what is 'cc'??, poor thing must be thinking) and id try to remove the pressure by telling that new acquaintance that it is ok not to be aware of 'cc'. hahaha. i just find so sweet of gibbs to assume that there would be some awareness level for cc. :-)

the party was getting really fun when ms g, jomsp and my dear pc started doing the soju rounds! and the pressure these guys were putting on the hapless members! hahaha there was just no saying no! alas, we had to leave because of work and meetings for me the following day.

so to readers out there looking for true online camaraderie (not kama-raderie, as some militant members would like to emphasize!), be a member! i believe there is a link to mgg fb site where you can find out more.

it is a nice community of like-minded individuals seeking friendships. what i witnessed during the party reinforced this perception even more.

so to the prime movers of mggff, including good friend miggs, kudos to a great party, a wonderful community! and happy new year!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Saturday, December 25, 2010

that tag function

christmas morning. and im feeling like a scrooge or grinch (take your pick)

my problem lies in that tag function in facebook.

that tag function i use ONLY to properly 'label' friends in photos. so they would know and see that photo.

that tag function now appears when someone wants to sell me something.

that tag function now appears when someone wants to call my attention to something.

that tag function now appears when someone wants to greet me, as part of a broadcast greeting on a photo.

the worst is...

when i get all these alerts of others responding to that tag function. each and every message from all the others tagged start to flood my alert box.

i dont really have to know all these comments and replies, do i?


solution. untag. sometimes, un-friend. nasty.

btw. merry christmas.


Friday, December 24, 2010

maligayang pasko

when we were young, we were given that line about Santa and gifts by our parents. and i believed it. i asked Santa for a lot of gifts growing up. but i only got a few chosen ones. and when i started not getting all those i wished for, i started to doubt Santa. my parents would hide the toys somewhere. and would make sure that christmas morning, we would wake up to all our toys neatly stacked below the little tree.

that was such a treat. my best xmas gift was the action figure six million dollar man. though i really wanted a ken doll (which tatay didnt want to buy because 'pang babae yun'), i was happy to receive any male doll, for that matter. that was also the christmas i realized that Santa was tatay, too, when i saw him bringing all our gifts out from the car.

my dad got my sister the bionic woman (which didn't exactly thrill her) as steve austin's partner. i ended up playing most of the time with both of them, making up scripts and stories, dressing them up (though they only had one change of clothes. LOL).

as my social circles grew wider, i started receiving more and more gifts, tokens of friendship and love. i used to open up gifts the moment i receive them. but eventually, i waited for christmas eve to open up all my presents. i like the way the gifts accumulate under the tree.

and as i rose up the ranks, gifts would come not just from friends but from business associates and contacts.

i am touched when people, particularly those in the organization many levels removed from me, give me gifts and tokens. at the same time, i sometimes wish they wouldn't anymore. working with them is a wonderful gift. but i suppose it is not just about what that gift would mean to me but what it would mean to them. i really see their generosity and goodness and thoughtfulness. when i open their presents, as i read their greetings, i say a short prayer for them and ask that they continue to be blessed.

sometimes, it is another mug, or candle, or decor. but still, the value is beyond what it is but what it stands for.

i did a 10K in the up oval earlier. it was so pleasant running there. some images...

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Prosperity Thoughts

I have a sister who consistently complains about not having 'enough'. Her financial woes is a typical litany she recites to our folks over the phone. Yet, she is actually very successful, a practicing u.s.-based medical doctor. of course, her worries and money-aches are all too real for her.

she got me thinking of prosperity, and 'the secret'. as long as she focuses on the 'lack', rather than be truly grateful for the 'abundance', she will continue to 'attract' the negatives of the universe.

thinking 'positive' is thinking, believing that you are already blessed. that you are already living in abundance. "feeling mayaman" as people would put it.

"feeling mayaman" for me goes beyond having all those expensive brands and gadgets to show for. sure that is one hell of a display of wealth (as i myself fall prey to, too). but i've also started to realize that the best evidence of abundance is generosity. nobody can refute that being a 'giver' means having quite a 'disposable' income. "talagang mayaman!"

so if you want to attract more wealth and prosperity, beyond 'owning' and 'claiming' this car or this property as part of the exercise of 'positive thinking', why not focus on 'being generous', of giving a bit more? Just a bit more. And it doesn't always have to be money. It can be time and effort. In itself, the act of giving comes with a wonderful feeling. Multiply that with the gratitude you will get from your recipients, gratitude that will echo through the universe! You will start to attract even more 'positive' forces and more prosperity.

"Feel Mayaman" by being more generous. And truly become "Mayaman!"

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

early morning jog

i miss jogging early morning. i used to have the discipline to wake up by 5am everyday and be at the gym by 545am. i'd park the car in front (securing a parking space) then jog as my warm-up. by 630am, when the gym opens, i'd be ready for my weights.

my jog would be on the streets around the gym. partly residential, partly commercial. i had a chosen a route free from pesky dogs that would suddenly bark (and might just bite!) when i would pass by.

at that time of the day, i'd see the household help walking to buy pandesal. they would still have their wake-up hairdo, sun dress ("daster" - where in heaven's name did that come from?), literally dragging their feet to the sari-sari store. some of them would be washing the cars on the street. sometimes, that would be the tatay, already up, meticulous looking over the car, making sure that no streak of yesterday's mud remains on his crown jewel.

then there is the taho vendor, now stationed in one area rather than plying the streets. the drivers, the security guards milling around him and chatting away.

ahh, the security guards. some guard the condos, some the office buildings. at first, i was just another passer by. but after seeing me regularly, they would be nice enough to smile and say hi. we really are a nice hospitable lot!

a few times, i would see a good looking one. and that would be enough for me to look forward to that route. but what was most memorable was this particular guard stationed at a warehouse. he takes a bath, with dipper and pail (tabo at timba) in the early morning, right at the garage area of the compound. he would be partially hidden from view because of the trucks parked on the driveway. but i still saw him, and his wet, wet white underwear. let me put a damper on that imagination of yours. he is plain looking, with a big belly. but the image of a semi-naked guy taking a bath is still worth a look-see for a horny cc.

the first few times, he didnt notice me, as i slowed down to a walk as i pass by. then one time, he saw me as he was pouring water on his body, acknowledged me with a nod. that gave me the opp to stay a bit longer and see the wet bulge. and it seemed a handful!

the next time i passed by, he asked me to 'jump in and join him' "sarap maligo!" though i was tempted, i just used the time to talk to him a bit longer. so funny how i got all fired up with the thought! it wasn't so much the thought of having sex with him but the idea that i could watch him take out his dick and get off. my voyeurism fueled all that.

eventually, that gym closed down. and i had no reason to jog in the area anymore. but every time i passed by that street and that warehouse, i'd still see the image of mamang guard, taking a bath and nodding at me. and i would smile.

yes, i miss early morning jogs.

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Sunday, December 12, 2010

cc, the catholic closet comments on condoms

i still do not really know whether these are the actual statements from the pope about condoms. but i would have to assume that these are.

There may be a basis in the case of some individuals, as perhaps when a male prostitute uses a condom, where this can be a first step in the direction of a moralization, a first assumption of responsibility, on the way toward recovering an awareness that not everything is allowed and that one cannot do whatever one wants. But it is not really the way to deal with the evil of HIV infection. That can really lie only in a humanization of sexuality.

Peter Seewald: Are you saying, then, that the Catholic Church is actually not opposed in principle to the use of condoms?

HIS HOLINESS, POPE BENEDICT XVI: She of course does not regard it as a real or moral solution, but, in this or that case, there can be nonetheless, in the intention of reducing the risk of infection, a first step in a movement toward a different way, a more human way, of living sexuality.

oh the debate rages on. is it a seismic shift in the position of the church? if you read the comments on that blog, you would note the sentiment that the pope was taken out of context. and if you read the entire section, it pretty much is the same position of the church.

but i believe it is seismic. only because it is coming from a position of being absolute. that there is no situation, no context that will justify the use of a condom. that was how i have always read the position of the Church. giving this itsy-bitsy opening, a possibility of a justified use of condom, is seismic. it is paradigm-shifting.

and for that i have grown to love Pope Benedict! he is certainly no charmer like his predecessor. but this has made me appreciate the man.

Eucharistic Prayer

Lord, remember your Church throughout the world; make us grow in love, together with {Benedict} our Pope, {name of local bishop}, our bishop, and all the clergy.

Yes, I have grown in love, together with Benedict, our Pope.

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Thursday, December 9, 2010

vintage photos

yesterday was feast of the immaculate conception. i received the sacrament of Holy Communion on that day eons ago. (do they still do that? institute the sacrament only on dec 8?) it made me look for my old photos. ahh. this was in grade 2, as i recall. a picture of innocence?!

this next picture explains my fascination with simply red. my dad, from his meager salary, managed to give me this wonderful wonderful car, a jaguar xke! i loved it (though my sisters loved it more.) this was in luneta park. when families used to do 'stroll in the park' as a sunday bonding option and not 'shop in the mall'.

the actual jaguar xke, a vintage classic. it had a convertible edition.

so many things in our adult lives could really be traced to childhood experience!

the child is the father of the man - wordsworth, as quoted so frequently by freud.

Monday, December 6, 2010

There You Go

The blog did NOT appear in the list of finalists! LOL. Well, it was fun while it lasted!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Im still unsure but...

i received an email last week confirming the nomination. am i going to jump for joy and prepare my long gown, my acceptance speech?

i visited the site and saw that they havent posted the list of nominees yet. (do they post the nominees?) i did get the invite to the dec 12 event. im supposed to rsvp by dec 8. perhaps i could go in drag and not be recognized? hihi

let's just assume it's real. i wonder who nominated me. sino ka para mayakap kita ng mahigpit? haha how this blog ever got to the point of being nominated is beyond me. all that emo finally got me somewhere! LOL

but still, i'm unsure. so my thrill remains cautious. my joy, restrained. abangan!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

being counted

i changed my fb profile from a facepic to a cartoon from my childhood, in response to an online campaign on violence against children. as more people got into it, my fb friends list became so cute and colorful. and it prompted nice exchanges, recalling cherished childhood memories.

then i started reading negative reactions. i interpret them to mean that this campaign is a superficial action to a deep, disturbing issue. na-guilty naman ako. a profile pic change will not prevent another child from being abused.

wearing my marketing hat, i now reason that the online campaign serves its purpose of raising awareness for the issue of violence against children.

Change your facebook profile picture to a cartoon from ur childhood & invite ur friends to do the same. Until monday (Dec.6) there should be no human faces on facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is for violence against children.

the issue exists, i know, but it doesnt enter my consciousness. until now. so in that respect, the campaign achieves its goal. but just like so many marketing campaigns, it is incomplete. being an advocacy for change, the campaign should end with some action point. once i change my profile pic, what could i do next? file a petition to a congressman? memorize a "bantay bata" helpline? give funds? just like the trevor project. being aware of the issue directed one to an online help center.

having said that, people who participated, who "stood up to be counted" should not be faulted. it is the campaign's shortcoming. not ours. and if i am having fun in the process of being made aware of the issue, should i feel guilty? i dont think i should. even if i do not make steps to know the issue on deeper level, that is not my character flaw. the campaign fell short of inducing me to do such.

and as fellow fab puts it...

Yung mga pumupuna sa mga naglalagay ng cartoon profile pic, relax lang kayo. Wala namang masama. Kanya-kanya ang intensiyon, yung iba for fun, yung iba to show support. Di naman siguro required lahat ay katulad ninyong nakikibaka. Kung gusto ng mga taong umaksiyon, good. Kung ayaw, hayaan ninyo lang. Walang basagan ng trip.

Dude, walang basagan ng trip... at ng eggs!

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Thursday, December 2, 2010

SAHC: The Empire Strikes Back

Senior year - we fags had the time of our lives! we knew who we were. we were accepted and loved (!) by our classmates. we had all bonded together, save for a few who didnt want to be associated with us. we were doing well in academics, capturing the top slots. we were now talking about college, careers. the world was our proverbial oyster.

but not for long.

the priests in the school knew they had a looming crisis on hand. that unspeakable evil called gay relationships was alive and well on campus. their research had revealed numerous gay relationships among the seniors. it was time to take action.

i think it was the principal who
had beth send to the 'office'. he revealed to him the results of the investigation. he had in his possession the names of all the fags and their boyfriends. he sternly told him to tell all of us to stop this abomination or else: he will expose all our names by announcing during next month's general assembly. he forbade us from congregating as a group. we are all to go home right after class. he also threatened to talk to our parents.

beth hurriedly convened us that afternoon. he told us verbatim the instructions, the threat. we were in shock. our future was about to be ruined. our love, our selves were finally labeled as evil. and humiliation was going to be our exorcism.

there was no talk of rebellion. we all accepted that they held our lives in their hands. we were going to play by their rules. no questions asked.

to be continued

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Wednesday, December 1, 2010


at launching of his new coffee table book, pj was relaxed, charming and uber-handsome. almost all of his endorsements were there for support. and abs cbn executives too. all the way up to gabby lopez. he really remains the diadem in their crown jewels.

lamang lang siya ng ilang paligo. mga tatlong daan. hehe

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