Saturday, February 28, 2009

That Tag Thang... Part 3

10. i use the nivea face wash for men on my face. nothing else. i tried to use moisturizers and astingents. but they gave me zits.

9. i love the art of seduction, both as giver and receiver. it's really the brain working during the seduction.

8. ive got flat feet. yup. not much of an arch there. makes my heel hurt from time to time.

7. my mom is a great cook. it's her capampangan genes. i love her sweet & sour meatballs and chicken macaroni salad best. love you nanay!

6. i cry at movies. i get moved by really emotional scenes. memorable scenes: terms of endearment shirley maclaine going ballistic looking for a nurse and debra winger's passing away; dad ted danson carrying his ailing father in his arms from the hospital; the promise the reveal part when stephen collins acknowledges that he finally knows who kathleen quinlan is

5. i like my nose best among the parts of my face. some people even think it's a surgeon's work of art. hehe

4. i hate my chin, or the lack of it. and my jawline, or the lack of it, too. now that needs a surgeon's touch! but i won't.

3. i used to be labeled as 'vacuum cleaner' in high school. i sucked up to my teachers. hehe

2. i love dancing. i love dance music. not that i dance well. but i like expressing myself through body movement. and it's not necessarily on the horizontal!

1. i trim my George W's, not shave it. i believe it's part of good grooming.

Friday, February 27, 2009

That Tag Thang... Part 2

16. i dont like my chin. worst part of my face.

15. pasta is my comfort food. i luuuuv angel hair spaghetti with puttanesca or pomodoro sauce.

14. 'seven habits of highly effective people' by stephen covey is my life-changing book.

13. im hypertensive. im on medication. i got it from my mom's side of the family.

12. i wear size 9 shoes if it's nike. otherwise, i think i'm really size 8 1/2.

11. i wear contact lenses. would be blind as a bat without them.

sa totoo lang. effort eto.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

That Tag Thang... Part 1

Dats Tagged Me.

25 Random Things About Me... installment!

25. i use either a shampoo and conditioner or a shampoo-plus-conditioner for my hair. the latter is for those days i'm in a hurry.

24. among my body parts, i hate my shoulders. they respond so slowly to training. i wish i had those broad coconut shoulders

23. but im proudest of my chest and my quads. =)

22. im terribly impatient.

21. i dont wear jewelry much (except for the wrist watch). there some times i do, in bora with the puka shells. hehe

20. i subscribe to Time magazine. which i love because it gives me a global view of what's happening. but i hardly have time to read. I dont have much time for Time.

19. i'm a sucker for great landscapes: particularly sunsets or lush mountains or valleys.

18. i don't cook. but i can if i have to (if i remember some recipes right).

17. i actually like physics of all subjects. i wanted to deviate from my pre-med course to physics but got bored. hehe

Saturday, February 21, 2009

ego bashing

i hope you dont get this wrong. sobrang enjoy ako sa ating mga conversations. pero ok lang naman, di ba, kung friends ang maging ending natin di ba? could we still be friends?

cc: oo naman. wala namang pressure to go towards anything romantic. i do find you attractive so i wouldnt mind if this became otherwise. pero ok lang siyempre kung friends lang. di naman ako nagmamadaling magka-relationship.

honestly kasi, well, wala kasing spark when i first saw you. pero talagang masaya kang kausap. para bang gusto ko to take this slowly. parang let it develop kung dun papunta.

cc: ok lang.

i put down the phone soon after. actually, it wasnt really 'ok lang'. and it's not so much that i really like this guy. he is cute and i definitely would welcome being intimate with him. so he's that type of guy.

but i guess, it's not whether i actually like the guy or not. it's hearing that 'he's just not THAT into me' straight to my face. (well technically over the phone). humbling experience.

testing my people skills...

my nano-enterprise and my driver are giving me new management challenges. i was thinking that managing people, whether they are well-educated or not, from whatever SE classm should pretty much be the same. dead wrong. i am used to managing people from middle-income families who have at least some college education. i have learned both formally and informally how to best manage them, how to bring out their potential. and i give myself a pat on the back when i look at how they have grown in wisdom and leadership.

but i'm ill-prepared to handle the special challenge of managing personnel from the lower SE classes, who have usually not completed secondary education. some grew up in the rural areas.

my driver again failed to wake up on time. i was forced to drive myself to the airport. i was so pissed because i even reminded him the night before. he definitely got some flak from me. i texted him telling him that i will have to deduct this day from his pay because he did not render the service. his response? he is sorry. he knows he has 'failed' me a lot in the past. and because of 'shame', he is resigning. huh???

the ladies at the restaurant, the waitresses are ganging up on the cook. they feel she talks to much (she actually tells me what is going on). and though the issues are not major (e.g. who is going out with whom or who likes whom), and i just joke about it, they resent it. cook feels alienated now. also thinking of leaving. oh my.

special challenges. not written in the books. takes special understanding. and lots of patience. they do not always follow logic or even common sense. (ngayon pa niyo balak mag-resign ang daming nawawalan ng trabaho?!?)

my first lesson: detachment. if they want to leave, then just go. it's a pity because in other dimensions of performance, they are doing well. and i wasn't asking for their resignation.

second lesson: don't dwell on it. we are in labor-surplus mode anyway. more so now.

oh well.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

birthday wish list

well, this is both a wish list and a to-do list, long-term...

1. study classical singing

i hear favorable comments about my voice, especially during Sunday mass. i have had some strangers comment positively because we were seated near each other and they could hear me singing. =)

i think my voice box, though, is built for classical singing rather than pop singing. i can't do birit as much as i try. but i notice how my voice is much more effortless when i'm singing church songs. and i ease into diaphragmatic breathing. i wish i could turn into a pavarotti.

2. dive

i've had three 'discovery dives', aptly termed because such dives allow one to discover the joys of diving. unfortunately, i haven't done the full dive instruction. my HK hike buddy is a certified dive instructor. and we have been emailing on how to set up a dive class soon. hopefully, this materializes by may. ill call it the Sea Reyna dive camp!

3. hike

from the depths of the sea to the heights of the mountain. a high school friend is so into it, part of a G4M thread (i think) guys for mountains? (cute no?). they have made hiking a beaucon at 3,000 ft above sea level. hahaha. i don't know if i could get around to do this, though.

4. own a bar

i already have a nano-enterprise in a carinderia. im now wishing that i also own a bar. nothing really special. except that i and my staff would make our guests feel really special with that 'personal touch'!

5. build house

who doesn't dream of putting together his own house? well, this might happen sooner than later. maybe i'm tired of condo living.

6. turn vegetarian

this is part of a plan to stay fit for life. a part of me thinks that i could stay lean by being vegetarian. but i haven't gotten in touch with that part of me. hehe

Saturday, February 14, 2009

a happy valentine's day

lobby guard was the first person i talked with on valentine's day at 630am.

"boss, may delibery po ditu. para kay sese."
"huh? sese? walang sese dito" i just woke up to answer the insistent house phone ringing.
"basta po, sese daw."
"aaaahh. cc yan. sige pa-akyatin mo na."

delivery boy politely gave me this big box with my name on it.

a dozen red roses. wow. angels heard my wish. or somebody read my blog. hehehe

beautiful flowers. the box came with its own glass vase.

from my heart to yours... happy valentine's day!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Giant rose fr Ecuador

Hola! Mi nombre es CC. Tengo rosas grande!

valentine segmentation

nakuha ko etong email na eto mula sa isang progresibong organisasyon:

February 13, before Valentine's day, come to work wearing your heart on your sleeve...












kayo, anong isusuot niyo ngayon? =)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

ang rosas ni cc

i received this rose this afternoon. it came from a colleague, a female colleague. it came with a card "dear cc, peace!" it's not a valentine gift but a peace offering. i got really pissed with her yesterday. and she knew it. and she's making amends.

i used to work in a previous office, in a group composed of 4 ladies and 2 PLU's (that's a friend and me), all under a female boss. We were very close to one another. one valentine's day, we were all in our foxhole, when a messenger arrived carrying a huge bouquet of roses. all of us immediately got up and everybody was swooning. even the other girls from the other foxholes were looking! we were all wondering who the lucky lady was on valentine's.

messenger slowly read the name on the card... "sino po si cc?" shrieks from the ladies all over as i turned beet red. they all pointed to me with dagger looks. messenger scratched his head as he was putting the bouquet on my table. i was still dumbfounded as i read the card. well, it was from my partner that time.

four ladies in that foxhole and i was the only one who got the roses! HAHAHAHA. they hated me for a week.

i still enjoy receiving flowers, no matter how feminine or corny. i still believe it's special when someone gives you flowers. i used to give flowers to my ex on different occasions. i loved giving him tulips because he adores them.

well, the peace offering is still a flower. and its valentine's day the day after next. so i'm enjoying this long-stemmed bud. and maybe wishing it came from someone really special. hehehe

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

reminiscing again

crappy auditor's post 'afraid for love to fade' lifted me up and gave me a rush of old memories.

a local band previously made a cover, a cover which to this day i love. it was part of an album recycling old songs, mostly from the 70's (just like this one)

one of the vocalists i had a crush on. i found him cute, sexy and he sings so well. i had a chance to finally meet him and the rest of the band mates through a friend. so we were on 'hi hello' basis after.

one night, i was at this bar in qc and he was there, too. all of us were friends of the owners. being a small, intimate bar, we were all huddled around the table, and he was beside me.

the physical contact was inevitable. there were the high-fives, the elbow nudges, the knees knocking. but at one point, the hand, first on my back drifted to my butt, very clandestinely. i felt electricity right there. soon, it was followed by a whisper in the ear.

i spent the night at his place. i was just dazed that something actually transpired between me and my crush.

i was still swooning over him when this album came out. friends and i watched the launch concert. and i swore it felt like he was actually singing the song to me, looking at me. well, that's what i wanted to feel...

we went out twice after but only on friendly dates. turned out that he had lover but he wanted to keep me as a special friend.

i watched his mini-concert last year. he is still an awesome singer. and still cute. but we remain friends. with a special past.

my fave poem by ee cummings

rocky reminded me of ee cummings. here's my fave:

i like my body when it is with your

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like,, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big Love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

homoeroticism in its sublime form

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


he seemed so

the mister of wit and prose

changed that night
was i

the wall

i've finally hit the wall. Age has finally caught up with me and my exercise regimen. it's quite dramatic. one moment, im still in fine form. the next - bam - no energy, no strength. can't sustain.

right after the binge of the holiday season, i thought that i could easily slide back into form with exercise, diet, all in preparation for the season of body display, summer. i was able to do it before. i easily lost pounds gained, and even gained strength and endurance (one-hour cardio). on top of usual personal training, i would put in 30mins cardio and 1 hour cardio during off days. of course, it was combined with lipo-6, the fat burner, and a strict no-carbs policy.

not anymore. i've been struggling with each workout session, barely squeezing out some last reps. i'm literally out of breath midway in the training. and i cant even do any cardio after. just too dead beat.

so this is the proverbial wall. and as i look at my growing tummy - EEEEKK! the folds seem to form a smile!


Monday, February 9, 2009

s.a.d., the replay

im re-posting this...

Please be reminded that on the 14th of February, the world commemorates "Singles' Awareness Day".

We remember all the single people of the world while all others celebrate that OTHER holiday.

We have lined up the following events and activities, leading up to Singles' Awareness Day:

1) The Basics of Cross-Stitching - for beginners
2) Cross-Stitching Marathon - advanced level only (beyond 5 yrs single)
3) Analysis of Speed-dating
4) Surviving Weddings and other Family Gatherings
5) Negotiating a Blind Date
6) the EyeBall: What NOT to Expect

and much more. You are all invited to post additional topics of interest for single people.

And on the Day itself, at the same time a toothpaste brand is milking their kissing couples concept dry (Laplapaloser), we will be holding the SAD Grand Event. We will launch the new slogan for the day: IT'S OKAY TO BE S.A.D.!

a new blog from someone i know

someone's got a blog
somebody i know
he didnt want to brag
he didnt want to show

chanced upon the site
and read one of the posts
and felt it was my right
to know if i could boast

text him is what i did
and wrote there his song
pleasantly surprised he seemed
and said i knew all along

to the queen i should go
to hug a dear friend
this new blogger you should know
encourage him no end

londonboy, i thank you
sweet you always will be
i always miss you
and your wonderful company

sus i feel like im in high school with my crappy poetry.
but seriously, do read the blog =)

Search for the Next Fabcaster!

the reality online show
the Search for the next FABCASTER!

Listen (12 minutes 44 seconds):

Download the MP3 (right click and save)

the journey was funnier than the end result. but come to think of it, who among you would want to apply? =)

Sunday, February 8, 2009

almost sex, yet again

he was one of those commercial models who was quite popular among the PLU community back then. because he had a gorgeous physique, handsome face, and supposedly a powertool like no other! =) aside from the fact that we knew he was one of us.

i'd see him at the old haunts and just drool. despite being much older, he is in such good shape.

i finally got to meet him. he is the partner of a friend, of a soon-to-be supplier of mine. and boy, did i envy my friend. but they look like such a nice couple, in fairness (maski in fairview. hehe) he is actually based in the province. and i had a chance to visit that province recently.

he took me around sans partner who was still in manila. i didnt think i was playing too close to the fire because i know that they are a couple. after coffee, we went to his place to talk some more.

he had this really cool place, a verandah where we just talked and talked. he's actually smart and sensible, aside from super sexy. sigh. soon we were talking about being top or bottom, about preferences, and i was getting this electric vibe around me. then he pops the magic question - why dont you stay for the night? while he flexed he biceps and smiled at me.

i somehow hoped it would to get to this point. but faced with the reality, i suddenly had to think it through. his lover is a friend and soon to be supplier. as much as i found him soooo hot, i just couldn't risk the friendship and the project. i peeled myself away from him, muttering that i still had an early meeting, etc. etc. he hugged me, asked me to reconsider.

but i stood my ground and went for the door.

i offered to take a cab home but he was nice enough to bring me back to the hotel. and as he pulled out of the ramp in his convertible (yes, it was a miata. HAAAY), i felt both regret and pride. then i convinced myself that i actually did the right thing.

single for a year!

indulge me, people. =)

yesterday marked the 1st year death anniversary of cc & partner. there has been much grieving in the past year. but cc has moved on. he looks back at the relationship with bittersweet memories. he misses much of the first 5 years. but he still remembers the pain and the anger of discovering their two-year relationship then. he is aware that they have now declared themselves a couple. and cc feels relieved that they have finally owned up to the love they have shared.

he lays the flowers on the tombstone. and looks at the beautiful sky. he knows that all that had happened was for the better, despite the hurt. he remains hopeful that one day, he'll experience that wonderful feeling of love and loving and being loved. and as he surveys the empty cemetery, he realizes that there is so much beauty in serenity. that peace resides here. as it resides in cc's heart.

and ive managed to stay commitment-free for one whole year. despite the temptation to fall immediately into the arms of another, ive held up and said - not yet. and i give myself a pat on the back for that!

it was fitting that yesterday was the fabcasters' party. and our family continues to expand. a lot of new faces there. yet when they mention their blogs, their handles, there is that instant bonding, recognition of shared pixels and fonts. and the camaraderie was all around.

there were a lot of news, too. of newly-singular statuses. most were met with delight, for 'to be single is to be sexy', much to the chagrin of mgg! =) food was overflowing, alcohol experienced a momentary drought. but the flirtations and positionings were all there, too.

a few caught my fancy. but i didnt think i caught theirs. hahaha. but i had much, much fun as always!

congratulations, mcvie for putting it together, your first as fabcasters' resident connector!

ze musical

cc is becoming more cultured. hehe. yesterday, it was my first time to see zsa zsa zaturnnah, ze musical. (this time, it's really a musical) i missed all the previous runs, despite the great reviews and the left-out feeling when friends would talk about it.

i watched the matinee with eula, tuxqs, nar and lauren in the cast. and boy did i have fun! easily, the wit and humor came from didi, played wonderfully by this very young nar cabico. and lauren as dodong gave the musical sizzle. (and me a hard-on. harhar)

there were really nice songs, with nice lyrics, beautifully performed by eula, tuxqs and the rest of the cast. i like the 'high school-ish' set, the one that required some imagination for transformation. =)

eula really is a sight. she is truly a talented celebrity who had no qualms about doing the split, camping it out on stage. and she had a great voice to boot. having read the comicbook first, i had this notion of how ada should look. and tuxqs was it. the manang with the 70's look is perfect. lauren is hot, lauren is sexy, lauren lacks voice projection and comedic timing. and i had this feeling that he was still embarrassed to dance during the first part, his virtual intro. di siya give na give magsayaw. that was a let-down, honestly. because everybody else was all-out.

nar has presence, perfect timing and moves very well on stage. he had the best lines delivered very clearly. and certainly, the pop references have been updated (including bebe gandanghari!). he showed confidence throughout the show. much more to expect from him!

downside. well i felt that the musical peaked early. the first part was much more fun, with more engaging numbers. the 2nd part was full of the drama songs and i started to yawn. in other plays and musicals ive watched, the build-up is sustained from 1st to 2nd part.

and i hate ccp little theater acoustics. the darn speaker on the left kept failing! ASUS! i couldnt always hear the dialogue. hay.

nevertheless, im happy i've finally gotten around to watching this! people i was with have seen it at least 3x. so this is one musical that invites addiction. hehe

catch it, people!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

applause, applause

this is national TV.

this is wowowee.

this is gay love broadcast nationwide. and even globally via u-tube.

teh, ganda mo!


i finally got to see the 'play with music' atang. dulang may musika. knee-jerk reaction. WTF? why not call it a musical? watching it however made me realize what a 'dulang may musika' meant. (at least to my mind) the play incorporated songs and music that are not part of the dialogue. they sang because they were recreating scenes from the zarzuela, etc. a musical (to my mind) has the music woven into the script, as part of the dialogue - the proverbial 'break into song' part.

i got so inspired by the play. again, initial impressions were shattered. i thought that this would be a straight-forward re-telling of 'the star is born'. far from it. i love the fact that atang was so much more multi-dimensional. the almost-subversive direction her life took gave her depth, her singing a lot of more passion, and explains much of the wisdom she imparts to guia.

the kundiman - a wonderful art form that i was fortunate enough to have listened to early in life. my tita was a coloratura in her day and part of family reunions would be a lot of kundiman singing. though i didnt appreciate it then, i definitely appreciate it now. the sheer poetry built in is beautiful. but because some of the Tagalog have lost its meaning, i don't always get the lines. but the tune and the style of singing still translate the emotions beautifully.

im sitting there thinking how this art form could be 'revived' for a new generation to appreciate. any ideas?

the play is not perfect. there were scenes i was dozing off (i shouldnt watch matinees =( ). the first part looked contrived, especially guia's entrance into atang's residence, and seemingly time stands still as sepia images flash. the theater could improve its acoustics. and i felt that ayen was lacking in intensity when singing. but these are minor things. i remain in awe at the subject matter, style and treatment.

salamat, dulaang up, for bringing kundiman and ka atang to my consciousness!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

its my birthmonth

i wanted my birthmonth to be special from day one to the last. unfortunately, ive been so immersed with work, i couldnt even begin to celebrate it. sigh.

on another note, it's really just another line on the forehead, another crease in the eyelids. =)

confused clerics

ive just watched two shows: a Twilight Zone episode "The Crossing", and full-length film, "Priest". Both are about catholic priests. both are old.

The Crossing (1988) - A priest is tormented by the appearance of a station wagon that repeatedly crashes and bursts into flames, with a young lady inside. She turns out to be a lady he once knew. and the accident happened years back. he was almost part of it. but he jumped out and was too scared to rescue his friend. he never really forgave himself for this cowardice. and in spite of all the achievements, he carried that guilt with him. the episode ends with his salvation - he gets into the station wagon once again, with his lady friend and dies.

Priest (1994) - Father Greg Pilkington (Linus Roache) is torn between his call as a conservative Catholic priest and his secret life as a homosexual with a gay lover, frowned upon by the Church. Upon hearing the confession of a young girl of her incestuous father, Greg enters an intensely emotional spiritual struggle deciding between choosing morals over religion and one life over another. Written by Eric Chor {}, Lifted from IMDB.

Priest is moving though I feel the directorial treatment was sometimes trite. There was the juxtaposed scenes of Fr Greg crying out to Jesus for being callous towards the abused child as the mother discovers the incestuous relationship. And scenes of him sorting out his life, with the background chorus of "you'll never walk alone".

The Crossing was more direct with its treatment. the Twilight Zone animates Fr Mark's guilt. and there could only be one resolution for him.

i am drawn to the complex characters both struggling with their demons of guilt. guilt for cowardice, guilt for sexual behavior and for not being able to help an abused girl, due to the vow of secrecy of confession. Fr Mark's demons actually drove him to be very productive in the episode. But it wasnt enough.

and just like them, demons reside in the deep recesses of cc's soul. though i let them be, i know that i would need to confront them, when the time is right.

lost in storck

"wait a minute, cc... ill just get something..." he whispered as he broke the embrace.

i like early morning delight. i love that half-awake consciousness, as i experience someone's tight mouth. a part of you struggles to stay asleep and another half is just lost in the moment. and that early morning hard-on is just raring to shoot.

he comes back, gets under the covers and proceeds to give me a mouthjob. and then i feel the menthol. he had both the menthol candy and my junior in his oral cavity.

im suddenly transported to my childhood, reading the soft-porn classic 'the other side of midnight'. that book got me so turned on with the graphic descriptions of noelle's (one of the leads) sex adventures, particularly with a movie director (if i remember it right). to make him wild, noelle swallows an ice cube and performs oral sex. the director is in complete ecstasy.

ive always wanted to try it then, to some willing victim. hoping to be hailed as a 'performer par excellence'. i never got to.

and now im on the receiving end. i look at cuba but only see the bobbing tent, for he remains under the blanket as he concentrates.

this feels soooooo good.