Sunday, November 4, 2007

new friends, old issues

i had a date last night. yes, i went out on a date with a person i met last saturday... we have been texting during the week, and he was quite vocal about liking me. and i was vocal about being attached and having limitations and being interested in friendship only. though i do find him attractive.

we went out and had a couple of drinks. nice, quirky conversation mostly about his life, his experiences and what led him to believe in 'universal truths' like reincarnation, karmic retribution, etc. i liked the conversation because it only re-affirmed my catholic beliefs. gave me more reason to argue against reincarnation. nice conversation.

yes, he admitted to liking me so much. wishing i was single. singing me his torch songs. flattering. but i didnt want to raise his hopes. i made sure i had a driver so i had an excuse not to be in a compromising situation (like going to a motel, etc.)

i struggled with telling partner about this over the email. wow, such agony. on one hand, i want to be truly honest with partner. no more hiding. on the other hand, being truly honest also means causing pain. and i dread reading some hate mail from him (akala ko ba nagbago ka na.) but if i hide this 'date' there will be a gap in my story of that day/night. and that will also irk him. what to do?

well, honesty won. but not without the fear and depression after.

is this really what i want?... an LDR which permits dating (open) or perhaps its time to call it quits... how long will his cold treatment last? would he ever learn to forgive me or trust me again?

thank God for basketball and parties. i became entertained. but now, all alone in the condo again, i wonder. why am i in this predicament? how long can i last in this LDR with all these issues still hanging...

6 comments:

Tony said...

From one person to another who is also in a long distance relationship....you last as long as you feel the relationship is worth the hardship. In fact this goes for any relationship.

Ideal relationships don't exist. This much is true. When comprises are still acceptable for both parties to proceed then we continue on. When it isn't....well that is really the time to accept the truth, no matter how hard it is.

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

I'm sure all those issues will come to an end. I guess you have to ask yourself if he's worth all this. It's a question of security vs. the Unknown; a great love vs. passing amusements and a potential greater love. Now that's a hard question!

closet case said...

very aptly said, john... and oh so difficult

closet case said...

hello lobster. parang kahapon lang eh mga bagets mo ang pinaguusapan natin, noh?? haha. thanks for dropping by. the indecision is the killer...

Dave Ramirez said...

... to be honest and ruthless
or
... to stay silent and preserve the momentum

the indecision can make you crazy.

closet case said...

amen, dave. amen. sigh. blue pill or red pill? thanks for dropping a line