vacation

i'm right in the middle of my 'vacation'. it's a four-day respite in an uber-exclusive resort in palawan. and im here courtesy of a friend who works here (ergo big, big discount, free accommodation). with free time on my hands, i now have to deal with my concept of 'vacation'.

i travel much because of work. and i squeeze in a day or two, or even more abroad, alone, no business to attend to. for the most part since i became single, it would involve going around and around, shopping, touring, dining, cruising to take advantage of the free time. whether bora or manhattan, it's the same for me.

i feel exhilarated after but also quite tired. i enjoy the pictures i took, the things i bought and the 'experiences' i have gathered. but at the same time, i don't feel quite 'recharged' and ready to work again. i sometimes need a break from the break.

so i romanticized this vision of a vacation where i am doing absolutely nothing in a hurry... reading a book at leisure, staring at the sea. and no macbook or cellphones around, but ipod is a must. and not too many people around. less distractions.

for the most part, i have realized the vision with this trip. for one thing, there is totally no business agenda here. i have much time on my hands. i stare out the window and im looking at the bluest sea, the whitest sand. to my right is a huge lap pool. with hardly anybody in sight. such peace and quiet. there's even no piped-in music so i get to enjoy my ipod more.

i brought a book. but i couldnt sustain reading. and i realized that i enjoy blogging so much i continue to be wired here. so im beaming content from this resort! i still have the cellphones around. not that im getting much messages. really just from moony telling me how much he misses me. aawwww.

ill tell you in three days whether i have actually achieved the ideal outcome - that is, to be recharged, reloaded!

Mayo at Disyembre

Chris & Don: a love story
Directed By: Guido Santi,
When 18-year-old Don Bachardy was introduced to 49-year-old Christopher Isherwood in 1950s Malibu, neither man knew it would be the start of a love story that would last for 30 years. Chris & Don chronicles their years together, with the vibrant and engaging Don at this extraordinary documentary’s epicenter. Don, a UCLA student with artistic talents, became the ideal companion for Isherwood, the celebrated British writer best known for his Berlin Stories. Despite their age difference, a relationship blossomed, and Don soon moved in with Chris. Growing up in the LA suburbs enamored with Hollywood, Don had crashed premieres to take photos with celebrities. With Chris, he suddenly found himself hobnobbing with all manner of luminaries from the arts and literary scene, such as WH Auden, Igor Stravinsky, and Tennessee Williams. Encouraged by Chris, Don developed his artistic ambitions in art school and eventually found his own fame as a painter, with Chris as his regular model. Open about their relationship at a time when homosexuality wasn’t discussed in polite conversation, Chris and Don weathered the various storms resulting from their different ages, classes, and backgrounds, and remained together until Chris’ death in 1986. Combining interviews with Don, Chris’ personal journal entries, rare home movies, and archival footage, Guido Santi and Tina Mascara have crafted a very personal story, best demonstrated through the charming animated sequences depicting the horse and cat alter-egos the couple doodled on their personal letters over the years. Chris & Don is a touching, illuminating portrait of the enduring power of love.

and here is Part 1 of the Fabcasters take on Gay May-December affairs...

Download (right-click and save) - 14MB

Talk of Thunders

I belong to different social groups/barkadas. One group I'm particularly grateful for is an Academician's Circle. Half of the group are professors. The rest from different backgrounds, both the partners of the professors and single ladies like me =). It is a group I've been fortunate enough to be invited to join. And they are genuine, wonderful, intelligent people, most within my age bracket.

We had dinner despedida for one professor, leaving for a teaching stint abroad. The discussion turned to talk of illness and even death, (pang ma-thunders as the younguns would put it). such talk would be misplaced years ago. but as we turn from black to grey to silver, this talk is more relevant.

There is the case of couple A, guro & partner of 10+yrs. the partner, younger than professor, had a stroke a few weeks back. and now the chismis is that guro 'returned' partner to the family! we were aghast. how terrible for guro! but then again, so many reasons could be surmised. perhaps the family of partner requested it. or partner himself requested this so he may not burden guro. those with partners among us began considering how will it really be if one becomes incapacitated? what is the extent of true love?

Then there is Couple B, artist & businessman of many years, too. businessman passed away leaving a will. and now there is war between businessman's family and widow-artist. why? the couple lived in a building owned by businessman. businessman always said that artist was already 'co-owner' of the building, all talk, none on paper. and family of businessman regularly receives 'dividends' from him. the will stated that 'artist could stay in the building as long as he lives. but should the building be sold, artist will receive his fair share of the proceeds.' vague, isn't it?

artist, with no claim to the building, is being pressured to vacate so family could sell the building. and he has no idea where to go and how much, if any, would he actually receive. and this is coming from a person he has shared more than half of his life with. where investments are not just monetary, but in terms of blood, sweat and tears. how do you factor that in? how do you make family understand?

Couple C, both still living, are now about to buy a condo. one is more financially capable than the other. so the condo papers are about to be under his name. though they will divide the amortization between them. what protects the other in this case? younger partner, though, considering the situation, hesitates to discuss the matter. "are you planning to break up with me in the future? is that why you want to discuss this" is the forecasted retort to a request for discussion. is there a good time to discuss topics like these?

and related to our may-december fabcast, where we discussed gaps, of age, income, interest yet we remain 'in love'?, how will the relationship be when 'may' ages, gets sick? how will 'december' be?

these are the realities of relationships, PLU relationships. yes, it's grown-up talk. but sooner or later, (sooner for us), this will be very, very relevant. i only have all these questions, no answers yet. strongly permeating in this topic is the legal aspect, or the lack of it for 'partnerships' in Philippine law. i invite readers to put in their few cents worth.

in the company of titans

i managed to finish my presentation. i finally got the inspiration i needed. and it went pretty well, i must say.

the forum put me in a very humbling position among industry titans: ceo's of the biggest companies/organizations in the country. the amount of assets these people manage is bewildering, in the billions of pesos. and i was in their company.

they are celebrities in their own right, business/corporate celebrities, primarily of what they have accomplished for their organizations. i am truly amazed to shake their hands.

and they are off diverse backgrounds. and they are quirky in their ways, too. (one insisted that the other speakers be on stage with him as he presents). very human. and very real. but they managed to steer their business to growth. and they may not be impressive at all physically. once they do open their mouths, true wisdom and intelligence manifest.

i am so grateful to witness the wide range of intelligence: artistic, creative, technical, technological, business, etc.

koreanovela: moony shows cc

i enjoy going out with moony because he brings such a different perspective. truth be told, my urban, middle-class upbringing has limited my exposure to people pretty much within my social status. this social and intellectual circle of mine continues to give me much pleasure, entertainment and solace, when needed. but i admit that moony's divergent background gives us much material to discuss. he tells me about a farmer's life, plight at the micro-personal perspective. this i listen to with much interest, as it personalizes what are just textbook or newspaper readings.

yet even as i have developed this predilection for the young man, i remain honest about this special friendship. i told him i won't commit. and that my track record speaks of inconsistency, short attention span, and of course, promiscuity.

for his part, he has been honest about his feelings for me. and clear about expectations, or the absence of any.

live for the moment, i tell him. meanwhile, i get to know more about an environment, about circumstances very different from mine. and i appreciate much more the reality of rural life, its challenges and its triumphs - that happiness has nothing to do with income at all.

im stuck

im in a rut. cant seem to organize my thoughts on a presentation i need to make. i hate it when things like these happen. i've got an audience of three hundred on friday, hoping to be inspired by my presentation (among others, of course).

and i still dont have anything. nada. im one of those speakers who needs a central thought, a theme, a thread. and then everything flows from there. and i am able to visualize the outcome. the appreciation. the ovation.

nothing's coming to my mind now. blank. im typing statements, disjointed. incoherent, actually. i guess even the blog reflects that. oh dear.

struggling with a new phone

the last time i bought a new mobile was 3 yrs ago. i just didnt find any compelling reason to change phones since my connectivity needs have largely simplified. i dont surf the net with it. it's really a text and call machine for me. even the PDA use fizzled out since i couldnt figure out how to make sony ericcson p990i synchronize seamless with my mac. :(

the iphone was an attractive target. but then again, beyond just texting and calling, i felt that i wouldnt be maximizing the use of the iphone. so i didnt get in line to grab that phone.

my most compelling need now is to integrate my three phones, one for each network. and since they havent come up with a tri-sim phone, i had to content myself with a dual-sim phone. and i recently got this samsung d980.

ive been sony ericcson for more han 3 yrs now. so im now having problems shifting to another system.

consider this a product review.

plus

it's small enough. and both sims are easily accessible.
it's touch-screen, and it vibrates to tell you it 'felt' your touch.
both sims are tri-band (as if ill be using that anytime soon.)
the widgets hide, not like the iphone where the widgets dominate the wall.
5 megapixel pic.
the application for windows, the studio allows me to send messages from my pc

nega

can't recognize txt business cards
messages are automatically replied to using the default sim, even if sent thru the other network. (im getting 'hus dis pls' messages)
its not wifi.
i still use windows to synchronize with outlook.
worse, it doesnt recognize numbers the way ericcson does. (outlook puts spaces automatically to delineate country code, area code and phone nos) ericcson seamlessly synchronizes with outlook contacts. this doesnt. i have to delete the spaces manually!

i still couldnt tell you if which outweighs the other...

:(

blown away

i've had the distinct privilege recently of being so inspired by the young people i've met. and they cover the spectrum of 'intelligence'.

i've had the chance to watch students of the phil science high school (a campus in the south) present the results of their two-year researches. in almost flawless english, the students gave an account of their research projects, mostly in nosebleed terminology. they were mouthing off terms in biology, physics in the same way i would talk about madonna, louis vuitton. at only 16yo, they were already trained in scientific research. no wonder these kids have been winning contests internationally. yes, young filipinos from the south besting manila, washington, osaka, etc. etc.

then the pendulum swung to creative intelligence. i sat in awe as 40+ kids, ranging from 10yo to 19yo, performed as part of the loboc youth ambassadors orchestra! the arrangement by their conductor of the pieces was simply amazing. they truly performed, with choreography all the while playing their instruments with full force! and the kids are supposedly given this music scholarship, with no strings attached, only love and passion for music. i was floored by the showmanship.

again, this is in the south, challenging 'imperial manila'. talent in science and the arts at high school level. and a common denominator, a mentor who selflessly dedicates his/her life to realizing the potential of the children, regardless of economic background.

humbling. inspiring. amazing.

see below, mcvie's video snippets of the loboc youth ambassadors:

Alipin ng Gunting.. cont'd

i was still looking at him intently, with a new set of eyes. and he narrated his story on how he became a stylist.

he has a very humble background in the province. right after high school, there was simply the tilling of the rice fields for him. he knew that wanting to go to college would just burden his folks. so he joined his cousin, who was already a stylist, and went to manila. he found the job easy enough to learn and more, importantly, to master. he apprenticed and soon enough, was already maintaining clients regularly.

his whole family has come to depend on him, being the most successful in the lot. because of this, he has a frugal lifestyle. he sometimes dreams of doing something else, of having a degree. but earning enough for his family is still top priority.

i suddenly found this profound respect for this young man. and quite ashamed at the stereotypes i carry.

i pulled him close and gave him a hug. at first he hesitated, still apologetic, still embarrassed. but i hugged him anyway. and the defenses melted. i looked into his eyes and saw so much honesty, and beauty as i kissed him lightly.

i took him home shortly after. and as i was on my bed, i received his message:

salamat sa pagtanggap mo sa akin. cenxia na ha? sorry ule. ingat plge.

Alipin ng Gunting

fashion design and hair & make-up styling. if i know that a potential recreational partner does any of the two, libido goes south. it's the stereotyping. i always have images of effeminate men in those careers. and im not into effeminate men. i have acquaintances and friends who are either of those. sisters, we all are.

i saw this koreanovela-looking young guy while trying to load his cellphone. i saw a slight smile as our eyes met. hmmm. by a stroke of luck (and ingenuity) i was able to get his cellphone. and that started the text messages.

moony was receptive, indicative of interest. and finally a first date. a starbucks meet-up. he is in-between jobs, from the province. very shy. would speak only in tagalog. but boy was he cute.

two more dates and moony was inside cc's condo. but now he seemed tense and unsure. and even a few attempts at a little intimacy couldnt be sustained. he wanted to just keep a conversation going.

and mid-way he told me that he hasnt been honest with me. he told me his real name and his profession - hair & make-up stylist. i was trying to suppress shock, trying to appear blase about this.

ive always assumed, naively, that people i meet would be quite honest about who they were. of course, ive met people with nicknames and aliases. but if they would rather not tell me other details about themselves, they'd just avoid answering and not have to make up stories.

so this is entirely new. he told me he made it up for fear that i would get turned-off by his profession. and that he never thought this was going to get any further than a one-night stand. but he was getting to be comfortable with me. and he had a greater fear of cc finding out about him in another way.

he was so apologetic. he actually became physically distant. and he kept on trying to make me admit i was or i am turned off. but i didnt. and i couldnt because after the shock, i just felt numb.

i became so curious about him. things ive always wanted to ask a hair stylist. and i started to put together this mental image of him cutting hair in the salon.

i kept on looking at him and i still saw the same cute face, with nary a trace of effeminacy. and i still couldnt understand my feelings about this...

how would you feel, guys, if you were in my shoes? would you continue to 'consummate'? should careers, professions matter?

ADD in Dating

i think ive been suffering Attention Deficit Disorder when it comes to dating. kid creole sings it best in this 80's song.

i've been enjoying serial dating. i get really interested. we hang out a bit, fool around a bit more. then my interest starts waning. and another one catches my fancy. or my PLU curiosity...



I can't deny we've had some good times
We were like a bike built for two
But I can't lie to you, the rumour's comin true, oh

Another girl's arousing my curiosity,
Another girl's arousing my (male)curiosity
And there's not a thing that I can do

I thought my ways, would change around you
I was wrong, hound dogs can't be tamed
It's been a pleasure loving you,
But now the pleasure's through

Chorus

Except tell you that my thoughts are of you or
Though I've chased them away or
Yes it's true I guess I'll always love you or
You were difficult to replace or

I can't deny we've had some good times
Hangin out without parachutes
Oh, but if I stay with you, (When did I ask you to?)
I'd have to cut myself in two oh

Break

It's been a pleasure loving you, (can't say the same to you)
But now the pleasure's through

Another girl's arousing my curiosity,
Another girl's arousing my (male) curiosity
And there's not a thing that I can do
And there's not a thing that I can do
And there's not a thing that I can do