I belong to different social groups/barkadas. One group I'm particularly grateful for is an Academician's Circle. Half of the group are professors. The rest from different backgrounds, both the partners of the professors and single ladies like me =). It is a group I've been fortunate enough to be invited to join. And they are genuine, wonderful, intelligent people, most within my age bracket.
We had dinner despedida for one professor, leaving for a teaching stint abroad. The discussion turned to talk of illness and even death, (pang ma-thunders as the younguns would put it). such talk would be misplaced years ago. but as we turn from black to grey to silver, this talk is more relevant.
There is the case of couple A, guro & partner of 10+yrs. the partner, younger than professor, had a stroke a few weeks back. and now the chismis is that guro 'returned' partner to the family! we were aghast. how terrible for guro! but then again, so many reasons could be surmised. perhaps the family of partner requested it. or partner himself requested this so he may not burden guro. those with partners among us began considering how will it really be if one becomes incapacitated? what is the extent of true love?
Then there is Couple B, artist & businessman of many years, too. businessman passed away leaving a will. and now there is war between businessman's family and widow-artist. why? the couple lived in a building owned by businessman. businessman always said that artist was already 'co-owner' of the building, all talk, none on paper. and family of businessman regularly receives 'dividends' from him. the will stated that 'artist could stay in the building as long as he lives. but should the building be sold, artist will receive his fair share of the proceeds.' vague, isn't it?
artist, with no claim to the building, is being pressured to vacate so family could sell the building. and he has no idea where to go and how much, if any, would he actually receive. and this is coming from a person he has shared more than half of his life with. where investments are not just monetary, but in terms of blood, sweat and tears. how do you factor that in? how do you make family understand?
Couple C, both still living, are now about to buy a condo. one is more financially capable than the other. so the condo papers are about to be under his name. though they will divide the amortization between them. what protects the other in this case? younger partner, though, considering the situation, hesitates to discuss the matter. "are you planning to break up with me in the future? is that why you want to discuss this" is the forecasted retort to a request for discussion. is there a good time to discuss topics like these?
and related to our may-december fabcast, where we discussed gaps, of age, income, interest yet we remain 'in love'?, how will the relationship be when 'may' ages, gets sick? how will 'december' be?
these are the realities of relationships, PLU relationships. yes, it's grown-up talk. but sooner or later, (sooner for us), this will be very, very relevant. i only have all these questions, no answers yet. strongly permeating in this topic is the legal aspect, or the lack of it for 'partnerships' in Philippine law. i invite readers to put in their few cents worth.
8 comments:
let's keep our fingers crossed that a law gets enacted to protect domestic partners.
i sound like younger partner of couple #3. and then some...
I'm probably hanging out with a lot of jaded and cynical people, but most of my friends are quick to dismiss PLU relationships as "shallow" and "most likely short-lived."
It's rather refreshing to know that despite tests brought about by gaps in age, interests, educational attainment and finances, some PLU relationships work and some PLU couples actually stay together until nature takes its course and leaves one of them "widowed."
minsan, napapatanong ako: magkano ang pag-ibig?
This is not only a problem for gay men but for anyone in a relationship outside of a marriage.
The vague will that was left by the partner in couple B's case was a great oversight. Really. There is always a belief that the family and/or friends will always act in the best interest of everyone. That is never the case. A lot of people feel that they are "owed" something...and without any specifics... it will be a messy fight.
The "are you planning to break up with me" argument is severely out of place and goes back to our christian guilt of looking greedy or worse, because of false humility or it is what is expected of us to say but secretly want it. Seriously, one needs to be able to discuss this without feeling that it is fatalistic.
The question really is quite the opposite I think, is there a time not to discuss this? Finances is as part of a relationship as emotions and compatibility. Future plans depend on it, don't you think?
I myself, am making sure, that if anything happens to me that Mave will get his share without any questions asked. Make a holding company that will have all your assets in there. Any purchase should be done with this partnership/ company...he may not get everything (since it's not legally possible since he is a foreigner, but at least he won't be lost either). Making plans is never a bad thing, be it for your life together or after it.
though im realizing the need for such a law, i remain quite skeptical it would ever get passed, narnian =(
really... oh. you want to talk about it, rainbow runner?
true, anonymous one. there are shining examples of plu relationships that have grown and have lasted and have contributed to society and more!
ay. masyadong malalim ang tanong mo, ming meows.
true, lobster. not just for gay men. but i dont know if the sympathies are the same of other such relationships. im glad that you and mave have worked it out so well! another shining example!
maybe not in this lifetime, but i think the world will be ready one day. america has elected a black president. it kinda has a snowballing effect, i think.
harvey milk left too soon. :(
1. CC - since you raised issues relating to persons, wills & succession, and, property, one has to touch upon a discussion of the law here. If you have a lawyer friend, better have a discussion with him for a more in depth understanding. What I am about to share is a result of my 20 year relationship with my current partner. It is a knowledge gained because of all the heartaches, problems, issues, fights, quarrels we have had in precisely the issues you raised.
2. There are 2 elementary principles in philippines one has to understand. (1) the concept of legitime; (2) testate and intestate succession.
3. Legitime: under this concept in Philippine law, a person is required to leave a portion of his estate (i.e.,the property of a dead person) to his forced heirs. This portion is called a legitime. Forced heirs are normally spouse (asawa!), direct descendants (anak or apo) or ascendants (magulang). The exact amount of the legitime depends on each case as the law has created its own set of permutations. To my knowledge, kapatids (siblings/brother/sisters) are not forced heirs.
4. Testate and Intestate Succession: Dont be scared by the terms. Simple lang the rules. Testate means: with a will. Intestate: without a will. So, a person may die with or without a will. If with a will, then testate succession. If without a will, then intestate.
5.Why are the 2 principles important for a gay man: if he follows these 2 principles, then there is a good chance he will be able to secure whatever he will leave behind his partner in the event he passes away.
6. A person must always respect the legitime of a forced heir. The effect is to have the will invalidated. Well, some say only to the extent of the legitime that was not given. But once you open the door to questioning the will, anything can happen. The law is very clear that the legitime must be respected. Fa gay man, normally the forced heir is the parent. If the parents are dead and there is no spouse (opposite sex of course!) or children, then there are no forced heirs. If he does not not have forced heirs, then he is free to dispose of all his assets to anybody - including his partner!
7. Where does testate and intestate succession come in? In writing the will, a person must therefore respect the legitime of his forced heirs. If he does this, then one major issue in attacking the validity of the bequest to his gay partner is resolved.
8. How if there is intestate succession (or the person dies without a will)? The law again laid down certain permutations as to how his property will be divded. If a person did not leave any will, sorry to say, his gay partner will not get anything from his deceased partner.
9. In the above discussion, where are the brothers and sisters? They are not entitled to legitimes (to my knowledge. They come in if there is intestate succession.
10. So what is a gay person to do? He must have a will.
11. But first and foremost - and i think lobster tony touched upon this in his post - the gay couple must discuss how they will deal with this issue of ownership and disposition of property. If they are acquiring property, do they put it in the name of 1 person or both? Philippine law has rules on co-ownership as well you know. So this is one option. But this can be another tread as this can be a complicated discussion.
12. For the property that will be left behind in the event of death of a partner, it is best that the couple decides who gets what. You dont expect naman to exclude the siblings or pamangkins or other relatives of a gay person di ba? Rhis agreement on how the property will be divided will (as you have pointed out in your entry) can be the subject of fights. In my experience, madugo ang away ng couple. But it has to be done. Let blood be shed ika nga. This is the price we pay because the relationship we have entered into is not recognized by the law. At the end of those fights and the couple has resolved the issues on how they will divide their property in case of death of one or both, then both partners will have the security that if one were to die, the other will enjoy the fruits of what both have reaped.
13. A law on domestic partnership would of course be an ideal answer. But as gay men, we know that we have to be innovative in dealing with the situation NOW. Let us not wait for this law to be passed. But to do something, one must know how to deal with this problem. Madali lang to understand these concepts - we cannot be idealists and leave to love such practical issues as money. If family members can fight or kill among themselves over money, what more with a non family member (i.e., the gay partner) who in most probability they have not recognized in the first place.
14. As for taking care of each other when one gets sick - unfortunately, a gay partner does not have any rights to the custody of his partner. This works both way. He can choose to just not care about his sick partner. Or the family can get the sick partner even if the other partner wants (or love) to care for the sick one. Unfortunately,i dont have an answer for this. I know of a 50+ year old gay man (who comes from a rich chinese family) who has a partner of more than 15 years and the family does not even talk to his lover. Unfortunately, the lover is not financially well off and non chinese. Worse, since they live in one of the family's compounds, his partner's presence is not recognized or acknowledged. He is invisible to the rich family. It is as if the partner does not exist. What does this tell us? As cliche as it may sound, but gays have to fight for their love. If it becomes just a case of convenience or comfort, then if one get sick, then the happy times end. Reality sets in. Iwanan na.
15. Mahaba na itong post ko. Ithink i have to end here. Baka nainip ka na sa kababasa. I hope you dont mind.
from - pinoybkkian
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