Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Broken Men

One is tall and sexy. American-Oriental mix. A polyglot. Diver, environmentalist.

One is short but lean and atheltic. Filipino but often mistaken as Latino. Madison Avenue hotshot.

Two men. Mid-40's. Fulfilling careers. Financially independent and very comfortable. Despite their age, they remain very hot and attractive. They go to a bar and they would have no problem getting laid. And I have seen this happen.

I know them separately. I am more than acquaintances with each of them, maybe even friends. Except we don't keep in touch as often. But I treasure whatever 'friendship' we have, built through the years.

Lately, I chatted them up. One happened months ago. The other was more recent. But when I got down to thinking about the conversations, I realized a common, parallel thread.

Despite both of them being attractive men in the peak of their careers, they are both single and uncommitted. And they both refer to themselves as 'broken'. They cannot and would not stay in relationships, though they are never wanting of guys professing their love for them. They both feel that they are too broken to even be capable of anything remotely committal. They have littered their history with shattered hearts. Yet you could sense the loneliness. And they tell you that they feel incomplete. They want to relate to another human being in a deeper way.

I initiated conversations to probe the reason behind that 'brokenness'. Again, some similarities arose, with family playing a central role in how they have become. There is some bitterness, coated with longing, as they talk about it. I wish I had more time and the space, to be the friend they need.

Who would have thought that with all the 'blessings' of good looks, stable careers, these two men would be wanting of love and intimacy.

There is a third man. But unlike them, he is in a relationship. He has found what he has been looking for. But his partner caught him being a flirt quite a few times, especially while in different states of inebriation. Thankfully, his partner was understanding. The incorrigible flirt that he is stems from a broken, insecure soul, ever needing affirmation. And I despise myself for it.

Broken men who need fixing. But how?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


FiftyShadesOfQueer said...

I can relate with the latter guy.

earl | outinmanila said...

i feel for the latter guy. it's hard to be rid of our past, of our baggage, of everything that shaped us to be our broken self.

Guyrony said...

Fixing comes from within, to shy away from temptations, from your own-made temptations.

My, my old habits really do die hard, CC?

mavey said...

i need fixing too. are you the fixer? may be you can start a men who needs fixing club and we might just be able to fix each other.

Franco said...

Nice analogy about being "broken".

Jon Jerome said...

i once saw this drama, "queer as folk". there's this episode, when this twink, Justin, who has this complicated relationship with an older man "Brian", got bashed at school(physically). Justin got into a coma, while Brian felt guilty for not saving him.

Brian talked to one of his one night stand, which is a psychiatrist. the psychiatrist said that people who got hurt tend to forget the bad things that happened in their life. because of this, they try to create a wall as their defensive mechanism. in order for them to love again, one must destroy this wall. and one thing to do that is to go go back to the past, and accept what happened. yeah, it kinda sucks to remember that incident, but it will help him open up again.