Thursday, March 6, 2014

Who is to say?

Love is so much bigger than my limited experiences of it. Five people have taught me this precious lesson.

From one dimension, I have this two gayfriends They are both into straight guys. I have always thought that was a sure road to disappointment. By definition, these guys would always be looking for girls to love, right?

In my journey, I went through that - falling for straight guys. That was in high school. Though my boyfriends then were straight, they were the ones who pursued. I felt the first stirrings of emotional love through those relationships. But as I entered college, I felt that it wouldn't or couldn't be what love was. There can't be longterm reciprocity.

I chanced upon learning about the category 'straight-acting gays' at that time. It was still called 'macho gay'. Macho gays hook up with other macho gays. That was some sort of epiphany. I knew what I wanted to become. I knew whom I was going to love and be loved in return.

I pursued that 'path' as these friends pursued theirs. We are 'in touch' with other thru that great invention called 'Facebook'. Both these friends of mine are now in relationships with hot, gorgeous straight guys. Both relationships have lasted for more than two years and going strong. Both of them feel loved, and they love in return. And these are not financial in nature. I used to be puzzled at how these could even come to be.

But not anymore. Who is to say that theirs is not love, simply because I impose my 'logic' on them?

Another two friends are posting photos of themselves in relationships. This time, both friends are in relationships with women. I know for a fact that both have had homosexual relationships. But now, all I see are their happy posts as straight couples.

I would quickly raise an eyebrow, as I viewed their timelines. Are these cases of MHL (My Husband's Lover) yet again? Talking to one of them, I learned that his love is as genuine and real as his love for his previous male partners. I still had my eyebrow raised as he was talking. To myself, I was quickly dismissing the relationship as false, as an example of how he has given in to pressure.

But not anymore. Who is to say that theirs is not love but convenience simply because I impose my prejudices on them?

Finally, I have just watched "her". The impulsive reaction is to question the truth about his 'love' experience. With an operating system? Seriously? But the way that 'love story' played out made me think, is it really any different? Was his experience less 'real'? I would have just dismissed it then.

But not anymore.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Anonymous said...

When a "straight" guy pursues another guy (gay or not) for sex, he is not straight. The very definition of a straight male is that he is only aroused by the opposite sex, never of the same sex. I have many straight friends and they are not homophobic but for them to have sex with another male is a complete turn off. An impossibility, in fact.

Anonymous said...

Love is the most powerful force of nature. It breaks the unbreakable. What more bend an unbendable. To say that "a straight guy who falls for another guy is not straight" is not to believe that love is so. Nowadays, we often forget that the measure of love is not what others think, but what one feels.