After Life, What?

The Spanish Dominican priest was lying so peacefully in his casket. He seemed almost angelic, a vision of peaceful repose. He was always one of the kindest, gentlest of the priests in the parish. And thankfully, his struggle with cancer was short.

I said my prayers as I looked at him. And unlike other caskets I have looked at and prayed over, I had no sense of pain or grief. And I just started to wonder, where is Fr Eladio's soul now? What do I actually believe in when it comes to the afterlife.

This rumination did not materialize from air. I have been thinking about it since reading Time Magazine's article



I have always thought that (1) our souls go somewhere when we die (2) good souls go to heaven (3) bad souls go to hell but that happens during Judgment day (4) meantime, they either stay here on earth or are waiting in some damned hot place. Think Divisoria in summer during a sale. hihihi.

Such thinking, of course, is the most common view of heaven. A paradise of bliss and eternal happiness. And that is what do-gooders look forward to, the reward after a life on earth that may have been fraught with pain and suffering.

Fr. Eladio's soul must be there right now, resting.

Is that what the Bible says? Or at least, the New Testament? If heaven is out there, and good souls go there, why the need for bodily resurrection? Why do I have to be rejoined with my physical self eventually?

And that is the kind of thinking that pre-occupies another group of heaven-thinkers. They argue that Jesus preached not a heaven out there, but a Kingdom of Heaven that is 'at hand'. A dimension of earthly existense that will be actualized during Judgment day. We are commanded to do good works as we prepare this earth for that actuality.

And I am beginning to rethink my own position on heaven and the afterlife.

Part of this rethinking also comes from watching "The Face of Jesus; The Shroud of Turin" from the History Channel. I saw this maybe last year. And I found it amazing. But other than the seeing the Face of Jesus end-product, the journey was really incredible. Thought-provoking was the idea of how the 2-dimensional shroud image 'encoded' 3-dimensional data to lead to that face and body reconstruction. The technology needed a new paradigm for application.

A hidden dimension that could be decoded. All that information just lying around, remaining invisible because it needed to be interpreted.

And they went further to say that this is the message of the Gnostics in the Gospel of Thomas. The Kingdom of God co-exists with the earthly life. I am suddenly interested in the Gospel of Thomas and will be downloading an e-book soon.

Without having read that yet, I am beginning to piece together my own understanding of Jesus and heaven. Yes, just my own. And I have just started. But this will be based on the following Gospel statements I remember...

Kingdom of Heaven is at hand: heaven, that state of pure bliss and love, is actually here. I can actually be in heaven now. And I have experienced snippets of this dimension. Yet I lack the understanding, maybe the paradigm to feel it and grasp it. I need to learn. Or maybe I need to unlearn. I need to a code to help me 'decode' my experience and 'unlock' the heaven that is in there. And that code is Jesus himself. Because He says...

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life: His words, his life is the code. But understanding the code won't happen overnight. As Anthony de Mello, SJ, puts it, awareness comes in an instant, but waking up takes a lifetime. Suddenly, that makes a lot of sense. Contemplating on His words and His life is the task at hand. And just like those 3D stereograms, the secret is in looking not staring.








image source: http://www.custom-stereograms.com/html/about_the_artist.html

This is my starting point. Which is not much. And I may seem I'm just rambling here. And maybe I am. hihihi.

You know us, navel-gazers. We just like listening to ourselves think. LOL



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Of Underwear

My libido's back. LOL.

I'm a brief guy. Traditional white mostly. Though I have a few blacks in the drawer now. I find briefs sexier, especially in plain white. Nothing brings out the contours better. LOL.

This particular brief is ME, low-rise because I have such a short torso. With a nice snug fit.



Image source: www.123underwear.com

Boxer briefs? Tried. But I find that it doesn't flatter me. It kind of... flattens rather than enhances, you know what I mean? LOL And I used to find that it gets out of shape rather easily (or more obviously).

This is defintely NOT me.


image: www.whitesandsmall.co.uk

But this one, possibly. But my thighs are quite thick so it ends up really stretched at the thigh part.




image source: www.jackiesunderwear.co.uk

Boxers I never found sexy. I walk around the house in them, though. So I guess I should call that housewear? I don't mind patterns and colors. Actually, it's tank tops and boxers as housewear. Which is what you would see should you do webcam with me. LOL.




image source: www.sodahead.com

And finally...




This brings me back to my revived libido. LOL. I went commando coming from a run. I forgot to bring an extra pair. So I was forced. And I just felt so sexy throughout the day. I actually felt I was walking half-hard. LOL. Nothing obscene, though. My pants were quite loose that day. Yet the feel of my thingie brushing against fabric, and the thought that only that flimsy material separates ... hahaha

No. I'm not going commando regularly. But it may be an option for me if I find libido on the wane again. ;-)

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Carlito 6

"Carl, di ko kakayanin." pabulong niyang sinabi kay Carlito. Naramdaman niyang lumalambot na. Dahan-dahang binaba niya ang paa ni Lucas at humiga sa tabi.

Tumungkod siya sa kanyang kanang siko at tinignan si Lucas. Nakita niya ang pag-alinlangan. At nawala rin ang kanyang libog. Pinatong ang kamay sa dibdib, hinaplos.

"It's okay. Akala ko lang gusto mo ng subukan. Di mo pa ba talaga natry magpa-bottom." mahinahong tinanong sa kanya.

"Sinubukan ko nun, sa isang fubu ko." kwento niya. "Kaso umpisa pa lang masakit. Parang sobrang sakit. Ang weird ng pakiramdam."

"Ganun talaga sa umpisa, Luc. Di niya tinuloy?"

"Hindi. Naawa sa akin. Di na nga siya daks, masakit pa rin... de lalo ka na."

Natawa si Carlito. "I'll be gentle naman. Sanay akong mangdonselya. hahaha. Pero na-try ko. Actually versa ako. I'm good either way. Na turn-on lang ako ng husto sa butt mo. Ang tambok." at nangiti siya muli.

Hinaplos niya ang dibdib ni Lucas. Madulas, halos walang buhok kasi, di tulad ng dibdib niya. Humiga siya sa dibdib, at tinuloy ang paglaro sa tiyan, sa pubic hair.

Sinuklay ni Lucas ang buhok ni Carlito gamit ang kanyang kamay. At naramdaman niya na unti-unting natutunaw ang kanyang puso, nahuhulog. Akala niya na dahil sa pagtanggi niyang magpa-bottom ay matatapos na ang lahat. Inisip niyang tatayo at papaalisin na siya. At tapos na ang kanilang paglalabas at pag-date.

Ngunit ang gaan ng pakiramdam habang nasa ganung posisyon sila. Punong-puno ng kalinga ang kanilang mga haplos at titigan, ibang-iba sa mga nakapiling niya sa kama na sex lamang ang pakay. Eto na kaya? Seryoso na rin kaya si Carlito sa kanya?

Wala mang imikan sa kanilang dalawa ngunit nag-uusap ang kanilang mga daliri. Pinaglalaruan na rin ni Carlito ang kanyang aring unti-unting nagigising na naman at naninigas. Naramdaman na lang niyang sinubo na niya ang matigas na nota. Dahan-dahan. Minsan dila lang ang naglalaro sa dulo. Napapa-ungol na naman siya sa sarap.

Bumaliktad si Carlito upang harapin ang nota niya. At nasa tapat na naman niya ang matigas na ari. Hinawakan niya at dahan-dahang sinasalsal. At tuluyan na rin niyang sinubo habang siya ay kinakain ng husto ni Carlito. Ang sarap ng 69. Parang silang isang saradong tanikala, kung saan umiikot ang sarap at aliw sa kanilang katawan, palabas sa kanilang mga titi. Habang ang bibig naman nila ay sabay na nagbibigay aliw at ligaya. Tuloy tuloy ang pag-ikot. Buong-buo.

Nag-iba ang posisyon ni Carlito at tumabi na sa kanya. Hinalikan siya habang tinutuloy ang pagdyakol sa sarili. Ginaya na rin niya ang ginagawa. Ang tukaan ng kanilang mga dila ay dumidiin, nagiging mapusok, kasabay ng kanilang pagsasariling salsal.

"Malapit na ako" ungol ni Lucas. Paakyat na mula sa kanyang looban ang semilya. Puputok na siya.

"Hintayin mo ako. I'm near na rin." sagot ni Carlito, nakapikit na. Tinignan niya si Carlito. Lumalabas ang mga muscles sa chest at sa abs habang palapit sa sukdulan. Tigas na tigas ang malaking tarugo, namumula ang ulo. Mabilis ang kanyang pagdyakol. Sobra siyang na turn-on sa nakita niya.

"I'm coming, Carl! Shit!" at tuluyan na siyang pumutok. Tumalsik sa kanyang dibdib. at sinabayan na rin siya ng kasama. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Tang-ina!" sigaw ng katabi niya.

Mga malalim na paghinga, paghinga ng pagod ang maririnig. Parang naubos ang kanilang mga lakas. Ang mala-Clorox na may kahalong pawis ang kanilang naamoy na.

Nagyakapan sila. Pinaghalo ang mga tamod na kumakalat sa kanilang tiyan, dibdib. Tinignan siya ni Carlito. Ngumiti. "I like you."

Tinigan niya ang kanyang mga mata. Hinahanapan ng alinlangan. Wala siyang nakita. Naiparamdam sa kanya ni Carlito ang pagmamahal. "Ako rin." sinagot niya.

"Shhhh. Hindi mo kailangan sagutin. Di naman tanong yun. I'm stating a fact. Or a feeling."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize." natawa si Carlito. "I mean... just be quiet, okay?"

Tumungo siya.

"I like you. And I want to take this further." habang nakatitig sa kanyang mga mata.

"Eto ngayon ang tanong. Gusto mo rin bang i-pursue eto? Yes or no lang."

Bago pa man makasagot si Lucas. "I don't want to waste my time or yours.
Di lang sex trip ang hanap ko. So if you feel na hindi mo naman gusto, sabihin mo na, okay?"

Naupo si Lucas. At hinila paupo rin si Carlito.

"I like you. Nuon pa. Alam mo yun. At ako rin, hindi lang ako naglalaro." sinabi niya habang hawak niya ang kamay ni Carlito.

"Ahmm... ibig sabihin ba nun, exclusive na tayo?" tanong ni Carlito.

Nangiti si Lucas. "Oo naman. Try natin."

At inalala ni Lucas ang petsang Apr 21.





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knee-jerk reaction of a jerk

I feel like a total jerk. I arrive home after a long day at work then gym to find guests of my folks having fun as one of them plays the piano beautifully. I acknowledge them with my sweet smile as I am introduced by my mom, with much pride in her eyes. One of the guests remarks "We want to hear you sing."

Knee-jerk reaction: "I have to beg off, Ma'am. I have to get up early tomorrow. But I promise to sing for you one of these days!" and I smile sweetly, pretentiously. She smiles back and shrugs off my 'rejection' of her offer.

I sit at the dinner table as they continue singing along to the pianist. And I'm beating myself up for my stupid reaction.

It's instinctive. Asking me to just do something, to perform for guests, without preparation reminds me of my growing up years. I resented such impromptu performances, brought about by my parents, proud to show off our talents. But back then, I had no choice but to obey.

I don't want to be told what to do at this age! Sheesh. I will perform when I want to. Not because I have to. And certainly not impromptu.

BS. really. I'm just plain scared. It's just fear of ridicule. Fear of singing badly that I will be laughed at. Good grief. At this age.

And I hate myself for it. I should be grabbing each and every opportunity to sing and perform. Because that's the only way I will get feedback. And I will learn and improve. Yet I'm too much of a coward. And much too proud to be subjected to possible humiliation. And all they wanted was a song or two.

What a jerk.


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IJ Case 17: Intensity Spa

I was on my way home from a run when I passed this big lighted signage along E Rod "Intensity Spa, Home Service, Phone No." Whoa! A new one quite near the house.

I've been on the look out for more choices for home service. The previous ones just disappointed me for one reason or another (therapist comes always late, bad service, therapist too insistent on giving extra, etc.) So the traffic light gave me the chance to key in the number on my mobile.

And since I've just come from a tiring run in the heat of the afternoon sun, I decided that I'd like to inquire and possibly try this new home service.

Yes, the number is working. And the lady receptionist answered promptly and courteously. And they do have male therapists. 2-hr massage, Home service at P500. Not bad at all. So I scheduled one and gave my address. I lower my expectations, too, when it comes to how the therapist would look. All I need is a good massage anyway.

The therapist arrived promptly. Check. He was professionally dressed and quite pleasantly looking. Check. So far, so good.

The massage was fine, actually quite good. Again, with lower expectations, I was even expecting a newbie to brought over. But this guy definitely is no amateur. He knows his trade. And the massage was really good. Except that it seemed to have ended a lot earlier than two hours. Sigh. Turns out, this was the time for the Sir, gusto ba niyo magpa-extra service? Para ma-relax kayo. Ahhh. I declined. And he didn't insist. I just wished they didn't have to mention. Let the client ask for it, I guess. But then again, that is where the bigger part of the income comes from.

Since then, I have utilized Intensity Spa services for two more times. And consistently, the therapists have arrived on time. Further, they respond to text. And they have 'saved' my information details. So they don't have to ask me every time what my address was. (Bayleaf does this every time. So annoying! This is basic customer database management. That's why I dropped them from the list.)

The therapists look ok. Not drop-dead hunks. But pleasant. Which is more than what I could say with another spa I tried before.

Conclusion. So far, so good. Go try them.

P.S. I won't divulge details about getting in touch with them. Sorry. I think they are online.








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cc quickie: all dressed up...

It's 3pm, scorching Sunday afternoon. Suddenly, so much time on my hands. Yet. Too early to run unless it's UP. But UP commencement exercises are underway. (What are they commencing? LOL) I can run in BHS Fort but too darn hot there (the trees there are but shrubs. And heat is sizzling off the concrete pavements.

I should be beside a pool, shaded at this time. I can just dive in for swimzercise to cool off. Then return to reading magazines or books. Or just close my eyes and listen to OST of 50 First Dates.

Sigh. I feel like I'm trapped in my own place.


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