Thursday, August 30, 2007

my pain


all it takes is one song. one song to bring tears, loads of tears.

home - chris daughtry

i'm going home to the place where I belong
where your love has always been enough for me
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home

i was weeping last night listening to this. i suddenly remembered my partner. how he really wants to come home. and how sorry i am that things have turned out this way.

i wasnt always this way. we had a great life while he was here. my day-to-day life always had him in the picture. living in with him was never a problem. and we shared our life with friends and family. i loved him and i loved 'us'. i loved 'me' when i was with him. it was a 'me' that didnt fool around, didnt have affairs, exercised maximum restraint. it was a 'me' that had him in my life, all the time.

and now i feel the home he wants to come back to is all changed, all different now. and i dont know how to bring it back. he loves me, i know that. and i love him. but.

there are other pieces of my life now. and im just so sorry.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are so carrie bradshaw inflicting pain on herself. Why o why? is it worth it. Maybe... You already know the end of tne road you're taking - T'will be a painful one. Why still enjoy the view along the way when you can simply change course? Again, is it worth the pain in the end.. it's up to you. Whichever way.. rock on!

Anonymous said...

Hugs for you... :(

closet case said...

thanks, people. choices will have to be made in the end. more buckets of tears to be shed. some emotional highs on the way, though. is it worth? hindsight will tell me. not in the immediate future though.

Marcus: Bading Down Under said...

Corp, I do feel your pain and your entries have reflected a sorrow that is beyond a combination of vowels and consonants. I hope that this conflict resolves itself soon. Meanwhile, take care of yourself and I hope you get to sit through the storm easily enough. Ingat!

closet case said...

thanks, marcus. up till now, everything weighs heavily. conflict resolution will come when i have finally made a decision and implemented it. i need so much strength to face the music. your comments soothe me, marcus! ingat ka rin!

JOSH said...

maiba naman tayo, singer ba si bald guy d2? remains me of me,hehehe (d bald part!) lol

closet case said...

yes, josh, bald guy is singer Chris Daughtry, American Idol finalist! so you're bald too? that's cool!

miggy said...

hey, been lurking in your blog for a while now... but i cant help but relate... with the "fear of jumping ship" knowing fully well that the "ship aint sinking." i feel for you mr closetcase. may you have the courage and the wisdom in these trying times. easy lang... =)

sushi_pinoy said...

I am posting a comment here because it is so sad and yet my comment is about one of your more recent entries.

I hope you never get to feel this way again, CC.

closet case said...

hey sushi-pinoy. thanks. im in an emo moment now but not as painful as this time. oh wow. reading this again brought back to memory but not the pain. thanks.