the blowjob tweet

too much talking, too much laughing, too much wine
date in hand but nothing in my groin
as lovely as he still was
my dick knows better

horny. very horny. weeks and counting.
took a chance. neighborhood bathhouse still open.

ugh. too many people. bagets all over the dancefloor.
i didnt know where to start.
i didnt know how to get down
is it like this here every weekend?

a short smile meant that he was interested.
following me till i stripped down.
took up the seat beside me.
talking, chatting, flirting
with flimsy towels around

he was nice
he was young
he was generous
and he sucked great

he kept on sucking
and sucking
the pleasure at both heads
studly i felt
as he kneeled and sucked me
sucked me

hahanapin ko eto he whispers
until the last drop
squeezed out of my head
utter exhaustion
in this tiny room
faux leather wrapped around foam
this must be the sex mat

released and relieved
he asked for my number
"so we could remain friends"

it was hot.
it was what i needed.
it was good.

do i need a second time?
i dont know.
i was driving home, alone.

june's ending

sigh

month is about to end. contrary to aura reader's vision, it seems like no 'love of my life' is coming this way. as my secretary would say "kaya naman ayokong nagpapahula, nag-eexpect ka tuloy." how wise.

so what was initially optimism is descending into hopelessness.

not that being single for the rest of my life is actually a sorry state. i just have all this romantic notions, i guess.

funny, too, that during this month, there were guys who somehow managed to come back into my life. but sadly, i really do not feel anything beyond friendship (and libido for some).

"its not you. its me."

what a cliche.

star struck

well, he's a star as far as im concerned. :P

i just went out on a date with a US-based, Filam novelist/poet/playwright. funny thing is that i met him almost 10yrs ago at a bar i used to frequent. he was about to leave for the u.s. (he was just on a study leave here) and he was with some other scholars, one of whom was this sexy american.

i was sort of focused on the american, though he was with his pinoy lover at the bar. and they left early and left me talking to novelist. (i didnt know then he was a writer.) turned out that american left his name card for novelist to hand to me when they had left. so though i was mildly attracted to novelist, i ended having a short affair with american.

fast forward to 2005 when ex came back from the u.s. he visited our friends there and met some nice plu's including this alleged novelist (who was slowly becoming popular in the u.s.) novelist eventually visited manila in 06 and i met him then.

i was in nyc last year when i came across an article in one of the popular LGBT magazines on the most influential 100 LGBT's in the u.s. imagine my surprise when i read that novelist was one of them, with studio pic and all!

i finally saw him again two months ago at a party of some mutual friends. he was still cute, with a receding hairline that becomes him. we chatted and exchanged numbers and eventually recalled our long history. that's when we started flirting. and a date was set. i was and am still star struck.

believe it or not, that date didnt end up in bed. but i really enjoyed the dinner and the dessert primarily because he was such a witty guy. though he promised to cook for me dinner sometime, i feel he's not that into me.

nevertheless, im just thrilled at the thought of having had a date with him.



i became star struck.

indecent proposal fantasy

hey cc. wasup? i nid help

huh? y?

nid money kc. i can ofer srvc, watevr u nid. kelangn lng.

this is a guy i blogged previously. we remained in contact with each other. and i know he has been going through ups and downs.

i didnt need a massage at that time (dont even know if he could). i already had a personal assistant. hmmm.

dirty thought:

id like to be the first to f**k you, since you claim to be such a top. ill pay.

cue transition

im on top of him. i have his legs in the air, holding one of them as i guide my c**k slowly. "gently, cc, please." he closes his eyes in anticipation of pain. i nudged it in a bit. "dahan-dahan... shit" he winces. im looking at him, his pale face... he bites his lower lip. i nudged it more. "aray!" he shakes his head. "shit, ang sakit" but i dont withdraw. i stay there. he breathes heavily, just like someone in labor. "dahan-dahan lang, cc"... slowly, i inch myself in. and the grimace slowly disappears. a certain calm washes over. his eyes remain closed. and i gently pull-out a bit, and then enter again... and again.

we are both exhausted. i lie on my back as he gets up. "shower lang ako..." i pick up my wallet and count the money...

ah eh kc wala naman akong kelangn pagawa. sori.

ok lng, cc. tlgng gipit lng. :(

announcement

twit*twit*twit

corpcloset

frotteur fantasy

i was on the edsa mrt the other day, right in the middle of rush hour. at first i was horrified at the volume of passengers riding the trains. jampacked is an understatement. people were literally inserting themselves just to be able to ride. and you could only go with the flow.

i spotted this guy, taller than me. he seemed like he was off to work. in a neat shirt jack. face was ok. but what struck me was the nice goatee. jeesh. facial hair turns me on. and since i was behind him, i noticed his bubble butt sticking out of tight slacks. i knew i was going to enjoy this jampacked train ride.

dumating ang tren at bumakas ang pinto. ang mga tao sa likod ko tinutulak na kaming nasa harapan paloob. di ako nagpumiglas. hinayaan kong madikit ang aking harap sa kanyang likod. lahat kami ay nakapasok din sa loob ng tren. tulakan. sobrang sikip. ngunit di ako nainis. ibang init ang naramdaman ko habang nakatapat sa kanyang puwet ang ari kong unti-unting nagagalit. napansin kong tumingin siyang bahagya palikod. alam kong nararamdaman niya ang nangyayari. ngunit napakaraming tao. at sa mukha naming lahat ay deadma lamang.

ikinaskas ko pa ang aking harap sa kanya. at naramdaman kong dinidiin niya lalo. maliliit lamang na mga galaw, walang makakahalata.

malayo pa ang biyahe. ilang istasyon pa. napansin ko na ang kanyang kanang kamay ay naibaba niya. di na siya nakakapit sa railing. mula sa kanyang tabi, naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa aking hita, papunta sa aking harap. nahanap ng kanyang mga daliri ang aking aring tigas na tigas na. kinapa niya at pinisil ng pinisil.

mahilo-hilo ako sa init, sa libog. lalo ko pang kinaskas sa kanyang palad ang aking harap. pinaramdam ko ang aking katigasan.

"buendia station" sabi ng voice over. binitawan niya ang kanyang kapit sa akin. at nag-ayos upang umalis. unti-unting pumisisyon palabas. lumayo na ang kanyang katawan sa akin. di siya lumilingon. tuloy-tuloy ang labas sa pinto.

at ng sumara ang pinto, nilingon niya ako ng isang beses. ako naman ay nakatingin rin sa kanya. marahil ay nabasa niya ang hinayang sa aking mata. ang pakiramdam ng sobrang nabitin.

at lumayo na ang tren.

i didnt know that i missed my stop. i was too caught up in this fantasy. meanwhile, he had moved far from me. and he wasn't even looking my way.

DILF

i had a nice chat with bloggers last saturday. we span about three generations there, LOL. and i was like clueless about DILF. obviously, the term is the gender counterpart of MILF which ordinarily would have been about an insurgency down south. i had to google the term and be exposed to a porn subculture into daddies, hot daddies.

just last sunday, while walking around powerplant, there were all these DILF's walking around. hot and seemingly untouchable. but as DILF-lovers would attest, they are not really so untouchable.

wouldnt mind tasting this forbidden fruit. :)

belated thoughts on independence

sorry. post is late by two days.

flags are flying though not everyone feels patriotic while waving it.
independence. emancipation. my corporate closet.

im reminded of the movie milk. that part where he wante everybody to come out and shout it out. and you could see the pain in the faces of some of his supporters who haven't reached that point. i was quite uneasy watching it. why did he feel he needed to do that?

i may be in the closet, but i dont feel imprisoned. i dont feel i miss out on anything just because im not out... in the workplace. i have not made any compromises just because of my choices. i never went as far as to conjure up a fiance in canada just to keep the closet tightly shut. i go where i want and hang out with people i choose, unafraid of the association.

ultimately...

Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage.
Richard Lovelace

twit for twat

twitter is the big thing now. i get all these invites to join, even from my 70yo+ father! but i havent joined. i do post my status on fb from time to time. and from time to time, fb friends actually read and comment on that status. im not sure if id like to do this on a regular basis, though.

would anybody be curious about my minute-to-minute thoughts, emo and activities? "bored" "horny" "searching" "daydreaming" "working on my presentation" "about to take a bath" "released and relieved"

but it turns out that twittering has evolved to be a micro-blogging site. and suddenly im curious. a blog post in 160 characters or less. wonder if cc readers would want to have such short posts. would you be? would you follow me in twitter, too?

tapestry of life

i have lived a long enough life to notice how some people you've met long before, lost contact with, find their way into your life again. im extremely gratified to see this pattern happen again and again in my life. allow me to bore you with the details:

fishball vendor - no, i didnt do him, just to set the record straight. when we (ex and i) first moved into this condo eight years back, we were suki of this very friendly fishball vendor whose 'beat' was this area. i personally liked his sweet-sour sauce and made it a point to ALWAYS buy fish balls, squid balls, chicken balls when i catch him during afternoons. then, quite suddenly, he was no longer seen in the area, about 3 years ago.

i never saw him since until about a few months ago. i was just in my 'tunganga' mode, idly watching the people coming and going my nano-enterprise when i saw a familiar face pushing his fish ball cart. i was so amazed and happy when i recognized him, and he recognized me! it turns out that he went to the province for a time. but when he came back, he couldnt get his 'beat' back (the condo area). so he was forced to look for another area to cover. and he ended up in the area of my nano-enterprise! a delightful coincidence if you don't believe in fate! so im back to enjoying his balls... er squid balls, etc. and from time to time, i'd extend him monetary assistance. and he is very gracious about it. and never fails to pay me back.

locker attendant - i used to work out in another gym before fitness. and this quasi-exclusive gym was staffed with very likeable people. one of them was this young locker attendant, around 17yo. he always had a ready smile. and he was very attentive to our needs, and was the most well-liked for his affable manner. then he resigned even as i continued to work out in that gym. years passed and i had no contact with him. until one day, near the office, a jollibee branch was put up. we were all eager to visit the place, walking distance from the office! and locker attendant was there as a jollibee crew! another wonderful coincidence. he turned out to be a self-supporting student about to finish his marketing degree. since then, we have been in touch and i've managed to help him out with some of his course requirements (including an ojt at our office). he recently graduated and i offered him the job of being my personal assistant. and he gamely, graciously accepted, knowing the job market for new graduates nowadays. he's doing a great job coordinating my numerous personal projects and im so grateful.

finally, med intern, now a specialist. well, this one is a romantic story that ive blogged before. now we have remained in touch, still friends. but we still recall the wonderful past and couldnt help but be amazed that we managed to find each other again, even as just friends.

i cherish my friendships with all of them. they are back in my life for a reason. and i can only just be so thankful to be with them again.

these experiences allow me to take that macroscopic view of my life and their lives and see the beautiful tapestry that connects all of us. years have passed. our lives have taken so many twists and turns. but i believe that fate made sure that paths will cross again.

i remember a dialogue from the movie 'latter days'. it went something like "i used to hold the sunday funnies very close to my eyes. and all i would see are this jumble of colored dots that dont have any meaning. but when i slowly pull away, those dots start to form figures... those figures start to mean something." a cute analogy from a cute actor. hehe.

with all the years i've lived, i am so grateful to finally see parts of the tapestry coming together.

south bitch reality

it's been more than 2 wks now since i started south bitchin'. the initial results are encouraging. people are noticing that i've lost a lot of weight. i forgot to weigh myself so im not really sure how much in 'real terms'. visually, i see less fat around the midsection. but there are still some stubborn ones around the sides (love handles).

im in phase 2 now. which actually allows some carbs, the good ones, to be thrown in. by definition, these are the ones which rank low in the glycemic index ranking. these include whole wheat bread, some fruits (apple, pears, peaches). but only up to a max of 3 servings. and im doing this on my own. well actually the help is the one preparing my meals now. i told her to study the meals i ordered carefully. and heck she's doing a great job!

im really encouraged to continue. i continue to do weights, have increased my aero output by including boxing. and 3x a week of abs training.

downside. i've lost bulk. ive starved my muscles so i feel ive lost much bulk.

i still crave for carbs and sweets. im exercising extreme self-control.

lately, ive been noticing that my energy has been waning, though. im guessing that the drastic reduction in carbs is the reason. so im now including good carbs and making sure that i have protein sources for each meal. hopefully, my body starts adopting.

is it worth the effort? yes, very much so. i can now look at my body in the mirror, sans clothing, and smile.

p.s. i bought the original book so i could fully understand the logic of this.

tristan's blogger party

thanks, tristan, for a wonderful party last night.
thanks for the wine and the company of friends, old and new.
thanks for being so gracious to a gate crasher... me haha.
and may you be blessed on your journey away from pinas (there i go again) and all the pinoy g-bloggers.

highlight of the evening: getting to know all the couples in blog romances. (no worries, no names to be revealed here. haha) gibbs, mcvie, mgg and myself were huddled in one corner. what have we been doing wrong? two or more years and no blog romance for us! hahaha

actually, i am amazed though not really surprised. i would think that bloggers put a lot more of themselves out there, compared to your usual networking sites for hook-ups and dates. and that honesty, sincerity is attractive, particularly in cyberspace. i congratulate the couples and wish them all the best!

crashed

my macbook recently crashed. the screen just suddenly turned pale white, with this watermark of a folder blinking. office tried to have it serviced. total hard disk failure. no file could be saved.... at all.

i wasnt as bothered because i did do some backing up. but only up to march or april. so i still lost a substantial amount of files. sigh.

well the office replaced it with this new macbook pro. really looks great. the screen is so much brighter, the colors more vivid. but im still getting used to the trackpad. cute thing about it is i could zoom in and out using fingers. just like the ipod touch and iphone. love the 'anodized single aluminum sheet' body.

so im not THAT devastated. :)

suddenly optimism

i was looking through my files and found my notes from my aura reading last year. she told me to postpone having a relationship till this year. and she mentioned that i'd probably meet him around june. and this one will be for keeps.

suddenly, i am hopeful. it's june after all! and after reading this feng shui book on my chinese horoscope, i have determined that this person must either be born under the sign of dog, tiger or sheep.

cc review: lihim ni antonio

good grief. i just watched this film after eons of being out there. i was finally able to get my copy and had the time to watch. my only goal was to look at josh ivan's frontal. and of course, i wasnt disappointed.

i wasnt disappointed with the film either, much to my surprise. i actually liked the story though i still find the ending a stretch. and i have to say that i was totally turned on by antonio's nocturnal 'compulsions'. i totally relate to those scenes, of wanting to caress and touch an object of passion as he sleeps. i was nowhere as successful as the boy antonio. but i recalled the emotion, a true compulsion.

i would sometimes sleep over a cousin's place. and at night, at a certain time, i would wake up, almost automatically. i'd slowly go over to his bed, so carefully. my heart would be beating so wildly i would think he'd wake up. i would stare at his semi-naked body, usually in his underwear. and i would be thrilled if he was lying on his back with his crotch in full view. i would literally take my time, pacing my moves to make sure he was in REM sleep. my goal was simply to touch his erect cock, a confirmation of how strong my homosexual feelings were.

and i was able to touch it, over his briefs. one time i recall trying to free it from the confines of his loose underwear. but i got too scared of waking him up.

yes, you can imagine how much i related to antonio. and how i felt he was so lucky to have had his dream fulfilled.

back to the movie. josh is just smoldering hot there. and about that ending, although the writer/director was logically laying the groundwork to lead up to that climax, i still felt that such a crime of passion was over the top.

nevertheless, i love the many meanings of 'lihim ni antonio'... finally ending with the real secret he will have to live with, for the rest of his life.

remembering family

i guess this is still part of emo. im looking at facebook and seeing the pictures of my siblings, their families. im the only one left here in pinas of six siblings (as they call it. though i dont exactly like the term). all of them have relocated their entire families in different parts of the globe.

im thinking that we are such a typical OFW family. haha. im glad though, that our folks are here with me. and i treasure each and every moment i have with them.

but i suddenly remember the times growing up when we were all kids. we were one noisy bunch especially during mealtimes. never a dull moment because we all had our stories to tell. and we had our dramas, the emo moments, the shouting matches. there were also the alliances and connivances. protecting each other from the wrath of an angry mother. hahaha.

save for the bunso, we were all within one to two years apart. so we really grew up together. amazing though how different our lives have become. one by one, each started to migrate. the last was our bunso who brought his family down under last year. our financial fates also differ wildly. some are doing very well, some are struggling, still.

i have had the unique chance to visit most of them (am still planning that trip down under). visits abroad are so precious to me. i spend as much time as i could with them, doing the tourist sites or simply just chatting in their humble homes. and as adults, i get to realize how i really value them. sometimes i wish we could all just be together again.

its not always sugary sweet, our relationships with one another. we have our tampuhans.. of course overseas this time. but all of those just melt away when i realize how much they are a part of who ive become. and i would do anything for them.

im the only unmarried one left. and that gives me the wonderful responsibility to take care of our parents. sometimes i think that is why i became gay, so i could be the one to care for them. sorry about gushing over my parents. i really am blessed with such loving, supportive parents who have accepted me for all that i am and am not.

let this be just my way of saying i love you and miss you, my dear siblings.

masahista lover

i just had another massage, this time from a guy we will call hiro. my friend immediately referred this one to me because he 'puts out'... and is blessed with a power tool. soon enough, i established linkage and set the appointment.

hiro looked okay. im a bit surprised because i never really expect much. and he turned out to be quite a talker (which would be a turn-off if i was into serious massage). ang gaan kasi ng loob ko sa iyo, he gushes. soon enough, the tease starts. and i start responding, specially when i was face down and he was working my back from overhead (from my head). as he would reach for my butt for the massage, i was feeling his power tool on my head. and i could feel it go from soft to semi-soft to... you get the picture.

meanwhile, his hands are lingering in my a-hole area, teasing me. and when i could resist anymore, i raised my head to be face-to-c**k, a very stiff c**k. sir tapusin muna natin ang masahe. he said lightly, definitely not to offend me.

while on my back now, he would occasionally kiss me on the lips as i looked at him massage my hands and arms. para tayong magsyota noh? hahaha and when he finally finishes, he gets on top and starts kissing me. and from there, the extra service started... but not in the conventional way.

upon consumation, we were just in an embrace. parang ang saya-saya mong kasama. pwede ba kitang tawagin daddy? hehehe i laughed and agreed. and since then he''s been a regular texter.

im looking at my history and have noticed about four masseurs who have liked me in a special way. just the other day, i visited the spa i used to frequent. and francis (one of them) was around. kailan ako matutulog sa condo mo? he whispered. hayaan mo, i-set natin.

then there was this other post of mine. he eventually was the one whom i de-flowered, upon his request.

so what is it about me and masahistas? im thinking they like me because i treat them as i treat friends. perhaps they dont get that a lot. anyway, i am flattered by the special way they treat me. this is what i call xxxtra service.