Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Year of Faith

The group's spiritual director informed us, during our monthly church meeting, that the Pope declared this year as "Year of Faith". The Catholic faithful are supposed to use this year to learn more, to understand more deeply their faith. And the outcome would be more enthusiasm for the faith, and passion to spread this faith around.

That announcement got me into soul-searching mode (again!). (Yes, my old barkada tease me that I go through this mode too often.) But it seems that this is something that will not be resolved with a one-day retreat.

The most immediate thought of mine was about my lector service at the Church. I suddenly had that realization that I should take a leave. That this Year of Faith would be an honest-to-goodness examination of what I believe in, truly. And it won't be limited to my spirituality. It will have to encompass everything in my life, all aspects, including my sexuality, my relationships.

I have started to reconsider my position on most everything. It almost seems like a midlife crisis, again. I thought I was over that a few years back. I am descending into some sort of tunnel where all cherished notions will be questioned and analyzed. I cannot hold anything sacred.

I am afraid. I don't know what the consequences of this path will be. But something inside is telling me that they would be far-reaching. I want to turn back. But I can't. The door just closed.

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