Another day. Another birthday.

By the time I wake up tomorrow, I will be 49 years old. (My official birth time was at 6am) Almost golden. I was thinking whether I should throw a party now rather than next year, when I officially turn gold. Some friends of Chinese ethnicity told me that they do NOT celebrate years that end with 0. It is not good Feng Shui. So they end up celebrating the 9’s.

I’m not Chinese nor Kris Aquino. I’ll stick to a big celebration next year.

Since last year, my excitement over my birthday has started to wane. I used to be big on celebrations. Another year, another blessing, so it always called for a celebration. There would be multiple celebrations because of the many sets of friends and colleagues.

This year, I didn’t even think much about it. Too many things happening for me to even consider planning any celebration. Leading up to tomorrow, I have been taking care of family members getting ill. I’m glad that Nanay has recovered from her mastectomy. Before that, I had to bring Tatay to the ER because of severe stomach pain. Even the household help had to be rushed to the hospital last week.

Previously, I would ask my officemates to help me celebrate my birthday at Asilo de San Vicente de Paul, a halfway house for children. I asked this as their gift for me. It used to be a big event, with a program, with games and prizes then food and a cake. The kids would also perform and sing me “happy birthday”. That was fun.

But this year, I decided to just bring them food. And I didn’t want to impose on my officemates anymore. I dropped off the food the other week. I was touched when they gave me their personalized birthday greeting cards. Heartfelt wishes from the kids.

Today, I visited the site of our monthly medical mission in Calauan, Laguna. This is something I started last year.  I just wanted to be there to help out. But the community insisted on giving a cake with communal singing “happy birthday”. Then some of them gave me letters and greeting cards. I didn’t expect that. Touched my heart again. I decided to share the cake with kids.

So tomorrow, it will be with family, c3 and my fag hag for lunch. Then just c3 and me for dinner.

Is this age? Or just some midlife birthday blues? I have to admit though that it feels good, refreshing. I don’t have to think about planning and organizing. Being such an OCD, I can’t worry myself to bits when I plan something, anything.

Let’s see how I feel next year.