Saturday, February 28, 2015


Kung bakla ka, bakit ka nagpapalaki ng katawan?

I grew up at a time when the idea of "straight-acting" was not yet part of the collective consciousness. There were only two categories of males: macho and bakla. Bakla meant being overtly effeminate, sexually desiring men and aspiring to be female.

I was effeminate as a child. Mahinhin. I wasn't into sports. And eventually, I started fantasizing about sex with men. I was identified quickly as Bakla. But as I got into college, despite my effeminate ways, I couldn't fully relate to that female-aspiring homosexual model. I had no interest in women's clothes or in make-up. Though I hung out with some friends who were overtly effeminate, I didn't share their penchant for femininity.

I honestly felt quite alone. I aspired to look 'masculine', and even wanted to bulk up. Male clothes appealed to me, not girls' apparel or accessories.

I came across gay porn then. And that opened my eyes to hot, masculine men having sex with other hot, masculine men. Then, slowly but surely, American gay literature started to trickle in. The way gay men were described there was exactly my ideal - still masculine, even buff and muscular, yet hooking up with other gay guys like them. The term was 'macho gay'.

Today, with more and more representation in media, the straight-acting gay man is becoming more recognized. But you would still encounter throwback to that time when the categories were two. Hence, the question persists.

His response: Kasi idol ko si Serena Williams at health buff ako, bawal ba?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


nyoradexplorer said...

Ang importante lang naman jan kung shonggap mo na badesa mae ka at more energy mas happy ka kung paano mo dadalhin ang sarili mo bilang badaf. Dermalin kung tranny ka or pamintuan.

Mamon said...

I used to feel the same thing. When I was young, I thought I was different. Having crushes with other boys. Not into sports, but not really into girly stuff either.

But seeing Will from Will&Grace and the gay characters in Brothers and Sisters, I realized that I wanted to be like them. Gays in suits.

In the blogosphere, ikaw naman idol ko CC - successful, macho and fit.

Anonymous said...

...Oh Gawd! I used to follow your blog a few years back but my father got sick prompting me to stop all forms of social media. Today is my first time visit and what do I get? A post on self reflection!...hahahahaha....thank you!... BTW..belated Happy Birthday...p.s. in relation to this post and the post before this one....if you are the one on that photo....I am a good six years older that you and slimmer too!....though you are buff on the side....cheers!

kalansaycollector said...

never kong inisip na maging ateng.
actually i'm not effem or masculine,
i brand myself as... tomboy. haha
masculine and effeminate in perfect balance. lol