my entitlement issues

this post was supposed to start this way "how do i stop resenting guards of entrances to public places when they check my belongings?"

when i enter these places, im mentally prepared to show my displeasure to this guard as he/she waves the wand (is it a hi-tech detector?) and uses it to probe into my bag. this is on top of my disdain for queues and lines in the first plane.

knowing that they are just doing their job doesn't help. im still irate as i pass him or her. then i have all these awfully mean thoughts: alam mo ba kung magkano yan? and im not proud of that.

then i realize im just manifesting my sorry attitude of entitlement. im feeling that my status and my position entitle me to be treated differently from everbody else. i expect that they should have judged from my appearance that i am unlike everybody else.

this is my aha moment. how stupid of me to even think that i am actually different from everybody else just because of these trappings. i actually have begun to expect special treatment.

when i travel, i dont feel special and do not expect to be treated that way. worse is i sometimes feel even inferior. hence, i obey and comply. i fall in line, i let them frisk me just like everyone else.

mamang or ate guard does not deserve my sneering. he/she is doing her job by not treating anybody else specially.

now let's see how i put this paradigm shift into practice.


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terminally 3

despite previous pronouncements that i will never ride cebupac again, i find myself for the third time in this terminal.  my luggage took a different plane from mine the first time i rode cebupac.  so i wasnt thrilled at all to find myself here again.  but with all that hoopla over pal labor unrest, i have no other choice. 

the terminal could have been fine really.  with a bit of glamming up, it could have been enough for foreign visitors to be satisfied, not to be impressed, though.  but because it now belongs to budget airlines, i see...

... 70% in flipflops, beachwear

... fun but noisy barkadas all around (ang saya saya!)

... koreans

... all kinds of handcarry bags (sm, sando plastics, manila envelopes)

... buses that load passengers tothe aircraft

things ive started to look forward to

. illy coffee & their uber-nice packaging of mineral water

. cute hunky guys in tank tops

. nice shops of everything

. that guard at the baggage xray check with glasses and biceps

one major complaint: they have got to improve the audio for announcements.  i could barely hear boarding announcements.

hair talk

short one: ive noticed how much softer and supple my hair is now. i dont even use any hair wax or creme anymore. yet im able to fix it well. the waviness has even started to straighten out, the way it was when i was really young.

reason. ive made shampooing less frequent, at about 2x a week only. i used to do it 2x a day. but then i read articles from hair experts about how the practice robs the hair of moisture and oil. and i reasoned that since im always on air conditioned areas anyway, not as exposed to grime and dust as before, then it should be in need of cleaning as often. i used hair wax everyday too which makes matters ahmm.. complicated. the wax attracts and traps dust and dirt. hence the need for frequent shampooing.

anyway, im quite happy with the feel and smell of my hair. unless told otherwise. :-)


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shifting tastes

i knew i was gay when i desperately wanted to suck cock. must have been high school when i truly became uber-conscious of the cock. compelled even.

giving head was the ultimate for me. to be able to feel the stiffness, the silkiness inside my mouth. to taste the veins of an engorged penis. to let my tongue play with the head, the helmet. and consequently, i developed preference for size and even for color, the pinkish hue of caucasian dick, due to availability of white porn.

and as i became sexually active, i was finally able to indulge in the delights of giving head. and i also began to enjoy receiving it as much. 69 became a favorite number. the sensation from both ends was just exquisite. and even as i have tried the top and bottom of it, oral sex was still tops for me. (huh?)

being able to see cock became a preoccupation for me. the side glances at urinals. the locker rooms and wet floors. even the outline on a tight-fitting pair of jeans was enough to send my pulse racing. i could and would imagine how it would feel to go down on some particularly nice piece of meat.

lately, i noticed that the pull of cock is less on me. id still look, if given the opportunity, if it is worth a glance. but that oral compulsion has died down considerably. what i do notice though, is that i have been looking at butts more often. my eyes are just drawn immediately to nice big mounds of assflesh. which is unusual for somone who is not into anal sex, much. it is just such a big turn on to see and feel a smooth bubble butt.

my sexual fantasies have shifted. i actually dont have as much. but when i do, it will be about receiving good head. i can't help but remember the times i had a great blowjob. it is not so much the actual skill of blowing but the circumstances that just leave me so horny. some of them happened in good old fitness steam rooms and saunas. there was this is one guy rabbed my cock from underneath my towel, as i was seated on the 2nd level bench. and as he tstroked me to full erection, he gently started sucking. with eyes closed. enjoying my meat. another time was at the sauna of a spa. he knelt down in front of me and refused to let go of my dick even as i was about to come. he swallowed each and every drop. (im getting a hard on just writing about it.)

so that's where my interests lie these days. i wonder where they would be in a few months or years.


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the random guy (wish i could take your picture)

you dont know it. but you brighten my day.

you in your disheveled hair from jeepney to jeepney. backpack or supot.

you are oblivious to me. you and your chest. and biceps. and ass so tight.

or your early-morning pressed button down shirt. you walk head held high. mindful of the cars and the tricycles. your SM necktie hanging loosely. too hot in the morning.

what else is on your mind? is it the report due today? or your sales quota? or is your girfriend giving you the cold shoulder, despite the three texts you sent "sori na me". i dont know

but i do know you are not thinking of me. or everybody else whose necks have followed you as you crossed the street. we are faceless. and random to you.

and you would have been, too, to me. had it not been for that way you unselfconsciously grabbed that handrail and gotten off that jeep. had it not been for the dimple. or that patrician nose. or those gorgeous eyes looking away.

random guy, i wish i could take that picture of you. to remind me of this feeling. from my groin up.

oddly enough. you are forever etched in my mind. filed under that time and place i saw you.




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midnight snack

1200mn.  pc preparing to leave. but before i take him home, we will have our midnight snack of durian.  amazing the way the fruit keeps in the freezer for days.  amazing, too, that pc and i adore this fruit, disliked by so many.  it is absolutely delicious.  addicting, even.  this is one fruit i actually crave for. cheers to the pleasures of durian!

finally got around to buying this new keyboard dock for my galaxy tab 10.1 so i am happily blogging away.  and that also means i will officially sell my ipad1 on sulit.com.

that site has helped me sell my old canon powershot g4.  and helped me get a good deal on my lumix.  again, pc's influence on me.  he regularly trades on the site and swears by its usefulness.  galeng-galeng!

in between mad men, we are watching spartacus, blood & sand, s01.  it really should be blood & cock.  i thought game of thrones had much frontal nudity.  that pales in comparison with the male nudity im seeing here.  a very good reason to watch the show.  uber-hot bodies in various stages of undress.  gladiators on show.  still couldnt believe hbo would actually produce something like this!

i got wasted last night at a send-off party.  sheesh.  it was typical fabcasters party:  soju everywhere.  much landian.  much puking after, right @mcvie? LOL had mega-fun, something we had not done in a long time.  i initially resisted joining in the karaoke singing.  but i gave in eventually.  and lost my voice in the process.  LOL.  my voice teacher will scold me for putting my voice box in jeopardy.

the fabcasters+ (plus for the peanut gallery).  when i joined them years back, i never thought it would evolve to become a community.  and that is what it is.  a community of like-minded people.  a very natural evolution for a social group.  we have seen it grow and accommodate more and more people.  but as new faces continue to grace the fabcasts, we have also seen faces disappear back into their lives.  i miss them at times.  i wonder what happened to them, what they are doing now.  they were once a part of this.

yes, these are just random thoughts at midnight.