spring cleaning

winter is almost over.
temperature has started climbing.
i see the crystals slowly melting.

im so looking forward to spring
i can see the leaves starting to grow back
the gloomy icy sheet fast fading

i have to do my cleaning now
taking care to put everything back in order
im expecting him to arrive soon

the dust and cobwebs, those that clouded my judgment
i sweep them away
everything in order, everything the way it was supposed to be

it has been quite a chill, a year and a half
but the wait's going to be over soon.
he'll soon be here, he'll soon be here

overheard

while walking along the shops of bonifacio high street
two little boys in front of one male apparel shop
looking at their reflection in the mirror
"ako si fashionista!" shouts one as he poses

did i overhear it right???

about 6 or 7yo, shouting 'fashionista'???

brought a smile to my face :)

caveat: this is about the Holy Eucharist

for those who believe, no proof is necessary.
for those who dont believe, no proof is possible.

Frédérick Jézégou

d ultimate in confrontations

only for those with patience to watch ate guy and ate vi mega-emote

as in...

my follow-up aura reading

i originally scheduled my follow-up sitting with aura reader for my birthday a few months back. our scheds didnt match. eventually i forgot all about it, though i remained so mindful of her readings last year, particularly about meeting TOFM. and when june ended, my hopes fell. when july ended, it sank to even lower depths.

i met up with a blogger recently, first time for us to meet. as he talked about the accuracy of the readings of his prognosticator, i became curious and wanted to get the number. the funny thing, we had the same reader! it just re-affirmed my belief in aura reader.

this morning, still feeling a bit weak, i immediately booked an appointment with her for the afternoon. finally, my sitting pushed through!!!

hi cc! you're looking good! what brings you here? do you have some questions or do you just want a reading?

well i do have a question though i also am interested in getting a general reading. well.. its about lovelife...

hahahaha. kaw talaga, cc! kung sa career di ka nagpapa-reading. para sa relationship talaga!!!

she emphasized (she couldn't emphasize this more) the importance of my health. she saw a tired hazy aura around me. she insisted that i should be checked up. nothing fatal or debilitating, but still requiring immediate medical attention.

then she was able to sense my transfer of residence. she told me to put it off for early next year. i shouldn't do any movements within this year.

next year, year of the tiger, will be extremely good for me. all the stars are aligned for a fire horse! i should see most aspects of my life blossom next year.

finally, TOFM talk. i showed her the picture of him. the immediate reaction "ay gusto ko siya". kung kayo pa rin hanggang feb 25, yan na yan. that's going to be a long relationship. my heart was skipping fast.

but im still single. im not in a relationship yet with him.

you will be soon enough. mabait yan. brutally honest. im not sure parang there's another one pa for you. hmm. does his name have a letter _?

yes.

ay siya na nga. yan na. sige uwi ka na. hahaha you will like what you see (in him). and he will like what he will see (in you). you'll need to be quite directive and straightforward with him. you have to tell him what you expect.

there's going to be a constant irritant, an ex of his. he's going to have a hard time letting this guy go. only because he feels that it should be the other one who should stop seeing him. and he looks up to him. sophisticated raw.

otherwise, mabait siya. basta before you commit, you should specify that you won't tolerate this ex. in no uncertain terms. he needs to be told that. he's a player. just like you. hahaha but that shouldnt be a problem. his zodiac sign is perfect you, firehorse. and next year will be wonderful for both of you. you can be in a business together. you'd do well. wag lang this year.

you know, aura reader, last year you told me that id meet him middle of the year. i was waiting for him in june and july.

hahaha cc, the middle of the year in the chinese calendar is august!

i left aura reader with a huge smile on my face. she's like the best friend you hardly get to see. but everytime you do meet, you pick up easily where you left off.

let's see how this story develops.

speedy recovery

feeling much better now. fever gone. feeling guilty about missing workouts, though. thanks for the get-well messages, dear readers! somehow, that helped me recover faster.

bothersome though is that aura reader senses that i am still quite sick. i decided to book myself for a general executive check-up next week. i havent done that in 4 or 5 yrs simply because there was a time our HMO took it out of the deal. but i think it is high time i do.

it's an overnighter. ill probably do ten to fifteen diagnostic tests, including complete blood work-up, stool, urine exam, ultra-sound, xray, ecg, stress tests, the works. they should throw in a digital rectal exam, too, methinks.

a part of me fears learning what ails me. what lurks beneath my sexy exterior (wishful thinking). but i need to face the fear. i hope i was able to get a reservation for next week.

wish me luck.

sick cc

im down with fever. geesh i hate this. i dont easily get sick. last time was probably last year. but when it hits me, it hits me hard. thank God for sweet people who offer to take care, family and new friends. but alas, this is something i must do on my own.

but can i really rest? i got major board meeting tomorrow. i cant afford to be sick. i hope and pray ill feel better tomorrow. somebody advised rest and warm milk. reminds me of mom. :)

good night.

bipolar emo

my emo started with being all sappy and hopelessly romantic, listening to 'finally', then 'last time', then 'on my way to you'... wishing for that one person...

then it began to swing the other way, towards depressing songs: 'pangarap koy ikaw (basil valdez)', 'nag-iisa, wala ka na', the day you went away'.

emo, two sides of the same coin.

then a woman said, speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

and he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

from The Prophet

the emo continues...

many thanks for the insights, dear readers! im wishing more of those blog-couples will respond. :)

give a listen to this song by fergie. just heard it during the wedding. loved it. i know my time will come, finally.

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what's the deal on online romance?

people, i want to hear your thoughts. online romance, anyone? currently in it? or have been in one? or know of couples who met online?

by definition: totally no contact in the real world prior to meeting online. could be through any online means: blog, g4m, mIRC, fb, friendster, YM

in a presentation i watched recently, as much as 30% of american couples met online. im amazed at the figures. a few months back, fabcasters were at tristan's despedida and we were surrounded by online couples (mostly through the blog).

i have a few questions:

why the popularity?
are the chances of relationship success higher or lower because the couple met online? why?
how do you increase chances of relationship success for an online romance?
how do you 'sift the chaff from the grain', knowing the plethora of posers, nuisance players out there?

weepy at weddings

just attended another nice wedding. last week it was the renewal of vows of a 50-yr marriage. this week was the more typical wedding of two beautiful souls. i got teary-eyed in both occasions.

during the march, particularly the bridal procession. then there's the exchange of vows. my eyes well up.

im suddenly wishing i could have a wedding of my own. i could have a ceremony where i declare to my creator, to one and all my love for this person, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer...

id like to see my family, his family, our friends all around cheering us, happy for us, wishing us the best, praying for our relationship.

in the background, strings play a solemn canon by pachelbel. im looking at his eyes and seeing so much love.

fantasy sequence ends here. for one, i dont even have a partner. for two (hehe), it aint legal, hell, our love is considered a sin! i guess im just your average sappy plu, hopelessly romantic, still living in that fantasy world where two men fall in love, get married and live happily ever after.

maybe i well up precisely because i can't ever have this. i can never turn this fantasy into reality. especially since i really have nobody to call my own.

another emo moment brought to you by cc.

"i remember ninoy"

ive always found the acronym they came up with - ATOM, august twenty one movement - so cool, so... nuclear. which for me is so apt, considering what ninoy's death did for the country. the country imploded for three years before people power.

i was still in college when ninoy was assassinated. i remembered being glued to the tv, eager to watch the coverage of his arrival. then in a matter of minutes, he was already dead. i was shocked that it all happened real time. there was suddenly pandemonium inside that plane.

i really felt what he did, to come back to manila, was heroic. his life was definitely at risk. he was a political ingenue who threatened marcos. yet he wanted to stage a political comeback, to challenge marcos and free the people. he paid dearly with his life.

on a different note, i like this bench campaign. love the 'eyeglass' creative handle. another example of how they have made hero worship contemporary and hip. :)

"cc, the bachelor" part IV

welcome back, contestants! hello cc! how are you today?

doing good, thanks! excited to tell these guys about the different date activities you've lined up for us.

right you are, cc! but before that, i need to introduce you to some more candidates vying for the cc heart! let's welcome albert!

hey, cc, hi there. im albert, 34yo, working at a call center. i also dabble in photography and am into events part-time. i love doing events, really creative, out-of-the-box kind of parties. and for you, cc, ill throw the biggest, most wonderful party you've ever had... and ill propose right there!

wow! we are already talking about proposals here? nice to have you, albert!

cc, may i introduce you now to john...

hi cc, im john, your regular sexy skinhead. an HR practitioner by day and a full-time lover by night. im 30yo and i love singing. id love to serenade you with the sweetest songs.

thanks, john! id like us to do a duet. hahaha

ok now we are up to 8 lucky contestants, all eager to be part of cc's life. hey cc, what do you have in store for them?

hey guys, thanks for being here. im truly flattered you've shown a lot of interest in being part of my life! well, the show has lined up the following activities where i hope to get to know you more... and i hope you get to know me too. i personally approved these activities because i like doing these myself.

yes contestants, thanks cc, first off. a whole day workout with cc. you'll get the chance to be his workout buddy and give him the workout he wont forget, without breaking his neck. we'll be picking out only three of you to have this one-on-one sessions with cc.

next we are off to visiting the orphanage cc holds dear to his heart. here, we will be holding a big children's party for the wards of the institution. all of you will be assigned kids to take care of. some of you will be joining cc as he entertains his own set of children. you'll have to design the game that will allow you and cc to interact best with the kids and have lots of fun in the process!

this will be followed by an out-of-town trip to... mt pinatubo. cc has always wanted to try out hiking and mountaineering. and for another three of you, you'll be hiking and camping for an overnight stay up there. you'll have your moments with cc on the way up. cc loves a good photographer so make sure you try to capture the best shots.

after that tiring climb, we all come together for a party at cc's new house, to be hosted by his parents. cc loves his parents dearly and seeks their approval when choosing a partner. so it's 'meet the parents' crossed with 'birdcage'. time for all of you to put your best foot forward!

our first activities! are you all ready? let the games begin!

konti pa

what price, peace?

honesty is the best policy.

i want to be honest about the way i feel towards a sibling.
i want to tell her how i hated the way she hurt our folks.
I want her to know how much i loathe her for always thinking the world revolves around her and her problems.
so many things in this world. and its not all about her.
im itching to make her feel the pain of having been neglected by her all these years.

but what good will all this honesty do?

she will probably be furious and turn the tables on me.
we will get into this big argument and write each other off.
she will not certainly not change because of my honesty.
and my folks, who manage to forgive her, will be deeply saddened if they realize we have burned our bridges.

if it wont change her. if it will result in more pain, with a fallout beyond us.
why do i want to be honest in the 1st place?

i want to express myself not for her sake but for my sake.
i want to come clean. i want to get it off my chest.
i know that i would also manage to get even by hurting her with such honesty.
honesty was all about me.

for the sake of peace. for the sake of self-sacrifice.

i choose not to be honest.
i choose peace over honesty.
i make everybody happy, including myself.
yes, i made me happy.
happy because choosing not to be honest
was really self-sacrifice. and self-denial.

i know some would ask.

what price, peace?

500th post

this is officially my 500th post. hooray. hooray.
i never thought this li'l exercise would stretch this long.
im no amazing writer. but ive got amazing readers. :)
thanks again for taking time off to follow this old f*g's story and more.
happy 500th to me. hehe

BUI: alchohol and SoBe dont mix

it's bad enough that im starving. couple this with red wine and you've got one major hang-over.

and add to that sexual abstinence and you've got a recipe for depression. hahaha

was out drinking with officemates before going to a blogger's party. i got wasted early on. and now my head's throbbing like a c**k about to shoot its load. horny and nobody to unload on...

aimless blogging just before hitting the sack.

sorry people. good night.

(this was better off as a tweet)

"cc, the bachelor" part III

i could tell, cc, that you are getting more excited! im sure you'll get even more excited when you meet our next candidate - carlito!

voice over: im carlito, 31yo and currently working as a manager in one of the best spas in quezon city. i enjoy working out and cooking. and i will make sure that when cc tastes my paella, he'll fall in love with me.

another dude out to get you through your stomach, cc!

arrgh. what will happen to my diet? hahaha nice bod, carlito.

okay, one more candidate to meet, cc. im sure you'll also enjoy getting to know moses, the last but certainly not the least.

voice over: hi cc. hi people. im moses, 28yo and a fashion designer and fitness buff, as you can see from my physique. i could tell that cc is a fashionista himself. i would love to make clothes for you, that will even make you hotter and sexier.

hey, moses, you look familiar. were you in another reality tv show?

blushing. yeah but that was so last year. hahaha

there you have it, cc... all six candidates vying for your attention, from such diverse backgrounds. whom will you pick? well that will depend on how each of them will fare in the coming activities. who will get the proverbial final rose? all this when we come back...

curious case of an fbb

fbb - facebook buddy

this fbb, ill call him 'marissa' (hehe) requested that i add him as a friend in fb a few weeks back. i took a look at the profile and liked what i saw, muscular, cute and very appealing, based on the 4 photos in his profile. i quickly approved and even wrote him a welcome message. (he was obviously new at fb, with only 6 friends then)

the following day, he replied to my message and that started a thread. that same afternoon, a friend, legal eagle, suddenly texted me 'do u kno marissa?' i smiled to myself and asked him why. "boss, may katawan. in-add ako. siya kaya eto?" i replied "sige, subukan mong i-meet." "ikaw na lang, cc. lagi naman ako."

that night, i checked out his fb profile again. suddenly, he had 60+ friends and we had like 6 friends in common! something tells me that he was picking from my friends.

the following day, another friend asks me about him. "do you know this marissa?" huwat??? his ok face and nice bod was getting him a lot of traffic!!! so i didnt know if i should take this guy seriously.

one day, we were both online and we started chatting marissa and cyberflirting. though at the back of my mind, i felt he was probably chatting with everybody else. i pursued the correspondence. he shows some wit. and sincerity.

a few days after, legal eagle confirms that marissa has also been chatting with him. but the chat took a weird turn. legal eagle has always doubted about marissa's identity. that he could possibly be a poser. and when legal eagle asked him his landline, suddenly there was no reply. and worse, marissa deleted his profile.

hmmm. but i chatted with him that night. and though i didnt push him hard to give me his number, he actually even gave me his address. and we had a nice, flirty chat. i didnt think he was a poser. and we were already talking about meeting up soon.

i've begun to actually give marissa a second look. from the way he was chatting, to the way he looked, to his zodiac sign (which was ultra-compatible with mine), i was beginning to look forward to chatting with him.

that was two weeks. and though ive been online and fb'ing, he was never online again. or at least i never saw him online again.

was he a poser? or was he just after some cyberflirting? or was he just not into me? ill never know, really. but you know how it easy in cyberspace. you never really know what you're getting.

"cc, the bachelor" part II

welcome back! let's meet our contestants, the PLU dates for cc! let's start with candidate no 1, bacchus!

hello chris! and here's a rose for you, cc!

voice over: hi, im bacchus. i work for an events management firm. im 27yo, originally from ilocos, but based here in manila. im a very simple guy, promdi at heart. i enjoy going out, the gimmick spots. im also very proud of my province and id love to take cc there sometime. hi mom.

wonderful, bacchus. and you've got great smile!

and great simples, chris!

moving on, let's meet candidate no 2, enigma!

voice over: my name is enigma, a registered nurse working in a hospital in my hometown. im now 28yo looking forward to a rewarding career in nursing, hoping to share it with cc. i used to paint, since that is what my hometown is known for. and id like to give cc my painting of him soon.

that's so sweet, enigma! what do you think, cc?

definitely, though if it's going to be an abstract rendition. hahaha

so we have an artist in the group! now we call on jacob!

voice over: hello people! welcome onboard, im jacob your flight attendant flying the friendly skies! hahaha yes, im an international f/a, having just completed the training. im only 24yo and i grew up in cavite. being in the service industry, i will make sure that cc gets all the attention and service he deserves, from head to toe!

i will count on that, jacob! hahaha

our next candidate, let's welcome moony.

voice over: hi, im moony. i work in a salon in qc as a senior stylist. im from the ricelands in the north. im 27yo and since i grew up taking care of rice fields, i will make sure that cc will never run out of rice. and i can only promise him the best haircut he'll ever get, cut with love!

but im on a south beach diet, moony! hahaha

there you have it, folks, our first four candidates. let's give them a warm round of applause...

TO BE CONTINUED

celiba-cc endeth

i really thought i could stretch it to forty days. spirit was willing... but flesh encountered temptation like no other.

legal eagle told me about him last year, a hot encounter somewhere. he gave me the number and we were texting. it didnt amount to anything. he was based in the southern tip of SLEX. and he didnt seem as interested. i checked his friendster account and was blown away by the pics. he was prime beef. and at that time, he already had 1000+ friends. (he looked like he was quite proud of the way he looked)

he was nice enough to greet me on my bday. and i did attempt to visit him down south. but too much hassle. so that was a contact that was to remain inactive... until last thur 1130pm.

i got a 'hey there' text from him, which was such a surprise. i replied with a tentative 'hi' and that started the correspondence. turns out that he's based nearer me so he's touching base with people around the area. lucky me.

and that correspondence, flirtation and all stretched to friday. and we set a date to meet up.

we were throwing questions at each other through text, attempting to get to know each other in a short span of time. one question i asked "do you have sex on the 1st date?" was answered with "only if i dont like the person as much." "because if i do, i want him to like me beyond sex." hmmm. good answer coming from a hunk like him.

perfect. im not planning to have sex either.

so we met up. he wanted to hang out in my place. no problem with that. we were having wine, good conversation when he popped the statement "lets make out". i didnt know if he was serious. and i started having nervous laughter. "im going to have to say no to that. not that you're not attractive. its just that i want to be celibate for this period. besides, that only means you actually dont like me a lot."

he went to my bedroom and took of his shirt. and revealed the massive chest and shoulders, the creamy white skin. and laid down. he motions me to sit down beside him. "whats this about"

"well, im just exercising some self-control. like i want to have sex only if i feel there's a future with the guy. i think ive had enough of casual sex with total strangers."

he looked at me, with those beautiful eyes. "im no stranger, right? and there might be a future here, right?" he teased me.

here was a person i used to just fantasize about. an image in cyberspace, with the great face and great body. here was that person, all ripe for the taking.

"i should be having sex only with my boyfriend-to-be." i gulped.

"then consider me your boyfriend for the next two hours." he pulled me close and kissed me.

and what followed was the end of a promise i wanted to keep, to be pure and chaste for a couple of weeks.

"cc, the bachelor"

good evening! lets all welcome our plu bachelor for the season, corporate closet!

cc, tell us something about yourself.

hi chris! well, im 43yo, c.e.o. of *beep*. i've been working hard for my career most of my life. i think it's high time i settle down to find TOFM, the one for me... well the plu for me.

that's wonderful, cc. corporate types like you rarely have problems looking for dates, right?

i wish that were the case, chris. but that's not entirely true. i've had a couple of relationships but sadly, none of them really lasted. ive met some really wonderful guys but TOFM seems elusive.

i guess so, cc. well, that's what we are here for. we are here to introduce to you some of the most eligible plu's this side of manila. are you eager to meet them?

definitely, chris, very excited. i feel strongly that one of them will be TOFM!

TO BE CONTINUED

readers, what 'activities' would you suggest that cc do with his dates?