Monday, November 30, 2009

vacation complication

just got back from a trip. it was a barkada thing. the barkada i met through ex-partner. booked way in advance, we got a pretty good deal at the resort, nestled atop a cliff, with a picturesque view of the sea.

it was my first time to join this barkada for a long vacation. it was also my first time to be on a vacation with ex-partner and his current.

i had mixed feelings. i thought he would decide not to join anymore since he saw on the yahoogroup that i was joining. but he did, and he signed up his partner, too. his current happens to be the guy we fought about when we finally broke up. yes, they are still together.

ex and i, we still don't talk. he still refuses to talk to me. and i have not made any attempt to talk to him either. hence, i didnt know whether i should push through with this trip or not. well i felt that i should. i should because it is a common barkada. they want me to come with them.

it ended up to be a good vacation. we avoided each other. but i managed to talk and be nice to his current partner. contrary to what others were saying, i really dont hate the guy. i dont blame him for what happened to us. i just feel uncomfortable with ex. he's the one who refuses to talk to me.

i had tons of fun bonding with the rest. but it still wasnt a GREAT vacation. i still felt uncomfortable not talking to someone, avoiding someone when we are all traveling as one big group. our friends didnt make a big deal of the situation. there was no teasing. but all in all, i would have enjoyed more if i was at peace with everybody in the trip.

and as much as i tried to ignore him, ignore them, i find myself hearing his comments and his discourses. and i would be reacting to these inside my head. usually a snide remark.

i wish we didnt have to be so antagonistic towards one another. i just couldnt bring myself to try to mend the fence because of the high probability of being rebuffed. my ego just can't take that.

so despite that nice vacation, i am left wanting. it could have been more relaxing if there was peace and harmony.


Anonymous said...

This entry could be a yuletide wish introduction.

"Sana itong christmas may peace and harmony na."

Hope it eventually does pan out to be better. At the least civil sana.

If I was his current, I would question him even more about his unwillingness to forgive. Parang hello? You have me now. Why the hate?

Oh well.

Anonymous said...

basta ikaw, wala ka ng hangups, okay na yon. :) wala ka naman control sa kanya.

crossandcloset said...

Your vacation seemed to add more undue stress

joelmcvie said...

"Why the hate?"

Pride, I guess.

Ming Meows said...

don't be afraid to do the first move.

Anonymous said...

@mcvie: f@ck pride if you have nothing to be proud of. I've seen too many lost opportunities because of pride... and I blow a gasket whenever I hear someone say "Pride is all that I am left with, so I'll hold on to it even if I die a bitter and starving person."

love > pride any day. If he can't let his pride go and move on for the love of his new partner then it sure is weak...

....*ahem* ayan napa-rant na naman ako. ><

joelmcvie said...

@LOBSTER TONY: Blow a gasket kung blow a gasket ka na, eh megaknown talaga, sis. Panahon ito, teh; lahat naman tayo walang laban kay Father Time.

Time > love > pride

*Ahem* napa-"shrug my shoulders" mode na naman ako hahaha