Sunday, January 20, 2013

Friendship Circles: To Widen or To Tighten

I've always advocated ever-expanding one's circle of friends. I remember someone saying something like "one should make a new friendship every year." Ang strict ng requirement! My pink world of friendships "exploded" with the internet, primarily because of my blogging. So suddenly, I count many more people as 'friends', many of them raiders and fabcast listeners.

It came as a surprise to hear a friend of mine, from the non-online golden days mention that at as age advances, one should actually be pruning, not expanding, one's list of friends. At a certain point, you already know what kind of people you'd like to hang out with, what your interests are. And beyond that, you have already 'tested' your friendships through thick and thin, through sick and sin. You don't need new friends. You already have more than enough.

That got me thinking. Firstly, I wondered if this is really a matter of improving definitions and classifications: from acquaintances all the way to bff's. Have I simply been too loose with my definition of "friend"? Maybe I should reserve that title for those with whom I have really shared some of life's ups and downs.

I do have to admit that with some of my new-found friends, we have really yet to "try" the friendship through stormy weather. So maybe I should just re-classify them as "acquaintances"? Yet I know them a lot more than that.

My friend, of course, is also coming from the perspective of having the time and effort to nurture friendships as relationships. Do I really have the time to invest in developing all these friendships? Or would I be stretching myself too thin?

As I tried to argue that some of this new people I meet are very interesting, interesting enough to make me want to spend more time with them. And he shot that one by questioning my motivation. Am I really, truly interested in the person in pursuit of a friendship, or am I really flirting? Gulp.

Anyway, I ask you, dear raiders, what is your take on this?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Hustin said...

para sa akin, tinuturing kong kaibigan yung mga bago kong nakikilala sa blog man o twitter (like you). I take the term 'acquaintance' as a level of friendship. lahat naman dun nagsisimula. it's up to us if we would nurture that friendship. Nurturing the friendship or any relationship starts with a person's interest in getting to know another person. Dun din naman nila malalaman kung okay lang sila bilang magkaibigan or pwede pang i-push :) hehe

rudeboy said...

While I can count my close friends on the fingers of two hands, I wouldn't go so far as saying one doesn't need any more friends.

Age and attrition prune enough friends from our lives as it is. I think your friend's advice to make at least one new friend a year has merit, in that regard.

While one's bosom buddies are an exclusive club, one can never have too many friends. The quality of these friendships, of course, is another matter altogether.

Anonymous said...

I can only call friends; those people whom I know will be there for me if I call them in the middle of night. The rest are just acquaintances.

Tony said...

This is another case of labels getting in the way because they are just to limiting. We are all travellers and people we meet through our journey are just that, people we meet through our journey. :D

Macintosh said...

Finally something new to read :). Forgive me for quoting the bible. But here it says. (Im not really sure what chapter:verse, but its in proverbs). ....Pause. Looking through my bible app ....Well i actuallly found it. Hehe. Here.

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24 ESV)

Your friend seems to be right about pruning..

joelmcvie said...

What's my take on this?

(pause for effect)

You're really, truly just flirting.


Seth said...

i know who my "real or true friends" are.

but it wouldn't hurt to meet more people for you also need to share and learn from others and expand your social networks for whatever purpose it may serve

the more we mature, all the more should we be able to reach out to our community. im sure younger generations will also pretty much go through the same hardships as we did.

one can perhaps limit people labeled as "friends" but shouldn't necessarily limit and isolate oneself.

Anonymous said...

There is no such thing as strangers only friends you haven't met :) how deep? Depends on how you are willing to share.

Marky Boy said...

I agree with McVie. Either that, or nilalandi ka lang din ng ibang friends.


UrbanKnight said...

Labels... they're all just that. It was really nice meeting you all last night. I'm an instant fan of your blog.


Guyrony said...

Acquaintances are met any time of the year.

Friends, however, can only be met once in a lifetime.

Anonymous said...

it's definitely flirting, but nothing wrong with that :)