I started my Monday in the most upbeat of moods. I haven't been so high in a long time. I was reflecting the weekend past and I just kept on smiling. I flooded timelines with my exuberance. And the most significant experience was the tangible, physical component of that high. I had a heart that was happily beating fast. I was quite light-headed. And I kept on seeing the beauty of the morning, the clouds and sunlight. I could go on and on.
I went to my meeting cheerful and perky. And I knew people were quite relieved that the boss didn't have "S" (sumpong). So I was cracking jokes, making people feel at ease. But as the meeting stretched, and the problems and issues started being discussed, I felt the good vibes start to be defeated by realities... and stress.
Then, just as I was hoping to get some endorphins going at the gym, my aging body slaps me to reality. My injured rotator cuff hasn't healed yet. It's been there since I strained my shoulder almost two weeks ago. I had very limited range of movement. And needless to say, I couldn't do shoulder workout at the intensity I needed. Damn!
The final blow came as I was going to do a chore at the condo. And I forgot the keys in the office. Despite all my preparations for that chore, I still forgot the keys. Damn again!
There I was, in the dumps. And I was desperately trying to recall the feelings of exuberance in the morning. But none came back. Until I got a call from him. And the smiles and the laughter just bubbled to the surface.
But when that settled, I realized that the base feeling of it all was still this serenity, when all the highs and lows have been stripped away, a serenity founded on being thankful for all that I do have and enjoy.
Midlife mood swings? Maybe. Which is why I feel that we should not really hang up on being "happy" or "high" per se. And aim, instead, for the basal sense of inner peace and calm, no matter what the circumstances.
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