Thursday, December 6, 2007

how is partner coping...


apologies to reader JCP. i havent responded to his comment on my post. so i dedicate a post to you. as i understand, you are in the same boat as my partner - meaning, you have a partner who recently cheated on you, that you are aware of. and that you have not broken up with him.

how is he? i really can't say for sure how partner is. all i can say is that things are not back to normal yet. i receive a few texts from him. none of these show any sweetness or warmth. all are very perfunctory. i text him and email him, and i still put our terms of endearment. sadly, those terms no longer appear in his texts or emails.

so i am now guessing that he remains hurt. and because of that, he doesnt want to be sweet to me. beyond that, i dont know what motivates him to remain cold and withdrawn.

honestly, i am at a loss, too. i am admittedly at fault for what i have done. but i am now starting to wonder how long this punishment will continue. i don't know anymore how long i can sustain this relationship without receiving any sense of love and warmth from him. i crave intimacy, as i have always had. and this cold treatment, this punishment he has been inflicting on me may just wear me down permanently.

so jcp, i am truly sorry if you happened to be the one lied to, cheated on... and if i were your lover, i would have already begged for your forgiveness and assured you that it wouldnt happen again. but i also want to tell you that should you have chosen to stay and forgive, please forgive and forget... as hard as it may be, please trust again... because if you feel you won't be able to trust anymore, please do not prolong the agony by staying. move on...

7 comments:

joelmcvie said...

CC, I find it very interesting that you used the term “punishment” to describe your partner's behavior (perfunctory SMS, no terms of endearment in emails). “Punishment” implies that Partner has a malicious intent in withholding affection from you.

Yes, it IS possible that he is punishing you; like you, he too is only human and can deliberately choose to do hurtful acts. But is it also possible that your partner's behavior is a consequence, not a punishment, of your infidelity? Is it possible that while you see it as “punishment”, he sees it as “giving himself time to heal”; unfortunately, it’s taking him longer than you wanted?

Your request of “please forgive and forget” is reasonable. But it seems you want him to behave according to your timetable.

So since you’re thinking about your needs, why not ask yourself: How long will you wait for Partner to heal, before you consider looking for a new partner?

closet case said...

hello mcvie. thanks for the thought-ful comment.

punishment - my interpretation, based on how i think partner acts or reacts. in the past, he has acted/reacted by deliberately holding back. tinitiis niya ako. but again, just my interpretation.

he may really be just healing. and i dont know when it will end.

funny, you're the second person to assume that i will be looking for a new partner if i finally break up with partner.

i guess that's what i project. because honestly, if i do break up with partner, i don't intend jump into another relationship immediately.

how long can i wait? i really can't answer... this is such agony for me...

joelmcvie said...

Teka, whose punishment is it ba, partner's or yours? :-)

JCP said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
summer said...

My partner left me a week after getting married. It seemed as if he stole all of our considerably "very first" as husband and wife. We can actually live a fine life here cause we both have work and doing well both in our field..but he denied the fact that he did it for his parents(who are well-off naman)..Since then I got tired of being the old sweet me and communicating to him as well. Because of your post I realize how he feels towards what I've been showing him..So sad that it's just too late cause I've fallen out of love for him already..Thanks anyway!!! Seemed familiar b? yeah it's me your smashing partner!!!

JOSH said...

all d hurting still continue... i still cannot point a finger on whose fault it is, hehehe, but sure hope that all is well that ends well.....

closet case said...

mcvie! siempre yung punishment ko no???

summer-partner! wow. i already guessed it was you! so sorry to hear what's happening... we should have that coffee sometime...

josh, thanks for wishing us well...

jcp... another post for you...