Wednesday, December 12, 2007

a response

amazing how enlightening JCP's comment was to me. i really had not talked to partner about this 'crisis' we are in.
i cant help but react to some of the points he mentioned, as if it was really partner telling me how he was feeling...

partner, i am so sorry for the pain i have caused you. the agony you must be going through. but i can assure you that there was no protracted grief over the break-up with enigma. i didnt even feel that there was any choice to be made (between you and enigma). it was and it will always be you, partner...

i still love you but i confess that my love remains an imperfect love. being imperfect means i cannot sustain this love without you by my side, without feeling some love, some tenderness, some intimacy. selfish, yes. but at the very least, honest, finally.

i want to make it work. i want to give you the time and space to heal but we must continue communicating. please do not just withdraw. tell me how you feel, let it out. and if you can, tell me how i can ease the pain. i try but i cannot always second-guess.

let's not fall into the trap of just being together for togetherness' sake... for all my faults and shortcomings, i really deeply apologize...

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

i hope you didn't just post this on your blog hoping that, somehow, partner will read it.

call him. or even better, fly to wherever he is and tell him personally.

but you have to let him know how you feel.

good luck!

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

i do hope that there is still something left to salvage. if the foundation is strong then half the battle is won. i hope you both pull through.

closet case said...

i posted this because i was reacting to JCP's comment... i have told him this... and we will soon be discussing this...

john, maraming salamat...

chismoso said...

hi. found your blog through MGG.

Anyway, i think your lover has a tendency to brood. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to you when he's still boiling mad....

I, personally, am like that. Whenever I'm angry with my partner, i avoid him until such time when I can calmly analyze and explain what emotions were going through my head.

Best of luck to you. I'm pretty sure you guys can work it out

Anonymous said...

i hope you find peace in the future. i hope you find love you so search.

there's such sadness in your writing.

:)

markus said...

this is the lover's crossroad.. it has been a while that you are on this situation. i really dont know how long it should be - we all have our own timelines. this situation happened to me not too long ago.. well i was in the shoes of partner.

i asked myself.. how much do i love this guy? how much am i willing to do for him? how much can i take to forget the past and start anew? so many questions and all the answers are always right before our eyes.. they were always there... finally, i realized i love this guy too much to let go of him and i can't have him out of my life... i had a heart to heart talk with him.. i laid it all out in the open and i told him i still care and love him and willing to move forward and forget the past. "if you really love someone...fight for this love..." because i did..

closet case said...

thanks people, for dropping by. your comments are very therapeutic for me...

chismoso - you are so right. he is the brooding type. thanks for wishing me, wishing us well!

thanks, anonymous one. sadness in my heart ebbs and flows...

markus, thanks so much. i guess partner is really assessing the relationship now, his love and how much he wants to still commit to after all that has happened... i am happy that i have your relationship as an example of a happy ending...