something new, something old

the kiss was strangely unfamiliar. i was surprised, thinking that this was nothing new. but then again, so much has changed that everything between us was again unfamiliar... an enigma.

we've been going out a couple of times since i broke up. i knew he was pleased that we were going out again. i guess because he enjoyed my company. that first time he sat beside me again, he gently squeezed my thigh... a move i felt 'intimate'. yet i was playing cool, even torpe, i guess. we talked and updated each other. he wanted to hear about the break-up. and he played the role of friend well.

i didnt attempt to be intimate. and i sensed he was not going to either. so there we were again, second-guessing. now that sounds familiar. we went out again. and still , the 'friendliness'. i missed him, yes. but i didnt want to send wrong signals. so i played it safe and in a sense, distant. but i still had that fondness for him, for his smile, for his eyes. and i sensed he knew that.

the last time we saw each other was for non-personal reasons. he needed my help for something. and when that was accomplished, we were there alone looking at each from across the table. the tension of whatever kind, was in the air. we were making idle talk. he asked about my dates. he teased me about how i seem to have a lot of dates. 'ikaw talaga...'

the awkward moments had to end. he had to leave. he got up and gave me a hug. and i hugged him back. and i felt a soft kiss planted on my neck. then he pulled back. he looked at me as i looked at him, smiling. 'oh bakit ka nakangiti?' wala lang.

another hug. and another pull back. this time there was just those eyes looking at me, my lips... then he closed his eyes. and my lips found his. and at first his lips remained quite closed. until i felt a surrender as his lips parted and let mine in.

unfamiliar. different. but not strange. sweet. and eventually nostalgic. the kiss lingered. and i felt how much he missed me. but i also sensed hesitation. a lot of hesitation.

he knows very well how i feel now. how i am enjoying this single life. how there are other lips. and i knew he is not comfortable with it. and he is probably wondering why he should get into anything with me again. after all that pain.

i guess he suspended all of that for that moment. and though it started unfamiliar, that kiss eventually brought back the memories and the affection.

enigma left. and i smiled.