...cut deep
i was at a party with a date. one of the guests was some sort of crush ng bayan, an elusive bachelor with impressive credentials. most of us there found it fascinating that he finally came to one of our parties and actually stayed a while to have fun.
i had a crush on him, too. though i didnt pursue him because he seemed to have his sights on another, a good friend. but this time was a rare opportunity. and as we were cajoling him, teasing him, my date whispered "you are shamelessly flirting with him. it's so blatant, not a hint of subtlety."
that was a slap on my face. not a welcome one. but a needed one. i thought i could get away with flirting with him clandestinely. unconsciously, it was for all the world to see. and i felt so ashamed i shut up all throughout the ride going home with him.
he said it not with so much malice. yet the words cut deep. and i could only bow in shame.
from a raider, i get this comment:
been your reader for quite a while and you seem to like being the one adored. why not try pursuing someone you really like who's oblivious to your presence? guys who are easy to bed are easy to forget. on the other hand, guys who want their suitors (?) go the extra mile are worth keeping.
challenge yourself. always getting what you want the easy way just dont cut it. i mean, aren't you tired of these situationships you're getting yourself into?
good luck and advance birthday greetings!
-piscean-
this made me think more than twice. you seem to like being the one adored. how totally transparent, totally wanting affirmation. up to this point, it's still that need to be affirmed. this serial situationships i've been having are motivated by these. not just from the people i date but from my friends, my acquaintances who find it amazing i seem to have all these dates. a different date every party. a parade of trophies. much like the way i display other possessions. i have been so mean and cruel.
piscean's 2nd point i also found worth pondering. i would be humbled so much by someone who doesnt care much about "me". it has always been natural of me to go out or ask out those i find interested in me. now, i am challenged to find that someone i truly like who is oblivious to me.
another paradigm shift. the realizations, the learnings never stop. the most powerful ones are painful, not just to me but to others i hurt.
i am so sorry.
17 comments:
though u acknowledge the facts.... u truly have not fully acknowledged it. see.... u used quotations marks on the word me ("me"). Like its not YOU... like its someone else, like a 2nd YOU.
If you look for someone who isn't interested in you... WHAT'S THE POINT? He'll just tell you, "Let's just be friends." And then what? Throw yourself at his feet despite that? Kakain ng lupa, ala-Melanie Marquez?
"I'm gonna make you love me" ba ang dramang ito?
try mo sundan ang yapak ni maria clara para maiba naman.
i have that similar situation.. when i unconsciously flirt with my crushes and although it hurts.. i welcome a slap in my face to make me realize that i was.. so i can avoid a very traumatic experience. I think you should thank your date for that slap in the face. :)
This makes everything sound so difficult, good luck though :) really.
I think they already had closure.
Tama ba?
Lots of realizations in this post. Only makes me realize how this would end... This would literally test your EGO, and your 'affirmation' department, which you might be disappointed.
PG
CC,
A little harmless flirting should be a no-big deal. We flirt all the time, with friends, with acquaintances but when you're with a date, there are some lines you shouldn't cross. Tsk tsk... (Nanermon!)
and I loveeeee McVie's reply. Hahahaha. Mcvie naman, parang ang LALIM ng pinanghuhugutan ng sagot mo ah!
Kane
love that point @mcvie. i guess at the very least there must be some interest, interest not in the trappings of cc.
@m_m the lenten season would be perfect time to follow maria clara's footsteps
@dhon i did not thank him then. pride was toohurt.
@guyrony yes, there is closure.
@pg ego needs a beating
@kane i did cross that line. thought there were no lines in gray areas
this seems a very self-indulgent post. it sounds you want to play ill-get-you-because-you-dont-adore-me game because asking out persons who truly liked you is boring and you have had enough of it.
a similar thing happened to me once. the thing is i'm such a bad flirt, when i try to do it no one recognizes it. haha when i'm just being friendly, they call me a flirt. haha sana may flirting 101 no?
as for those you hurt, i hope u feel better. you can only punish yourself for so long. :D
nangyayari talaga yan... nabasa ko d2.
http://www.greenbodytalk.com/forums/glbt-and-discreet-relationships-b122.0/
WTH? who doesn't want to be adored?
sorry, but i think wanting to be liked, adored, desired, etc. is one of the most normal things in the world.
as for the challenge, i agree with mcvie's point; but more importantly, what is the point of liking someone oblivious? if this is just a challenge, a level up from the previous conquests then its no better than what youve had. you're still going to get a trophy albeit a bigger one.
I think CC wants reciprocity now, more than ever.
CC, the point is you are still learning. Hindi pa huli ang lahat.
Would you have made these realizations without the benefit of the experiences you went through?
-MDA
@KANE: Honey, hindi lang malalim ang pinanghuhugutan... galing pa sa impyerno ang hugot! Bwhahahaha!
there is nothing wrong with wanting to be adored, loved, cared for, etc etc etc.
the problem is, wanting it more than you want to be with another person. when this happens, you're just conceited.
I guess what really cuts here is the realization that you do not care about the person you are with as long as you satisfy your wants. A strike on your ego. A slap on your thinking that you can get away with anything.
anyway, just my two cents.
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