let it be

its been a month and i am still reaching for the unreachable... star.

and dreaming the impossible dream of him and me becoming one.

after the first week of almost no messages, i get a behind-the-scenes view from his friends. he likes me a lot. they were shocked at the way he was talking to me that night. the way he was so comfortable. the way he flirted. they never saw him like that before. because he is truly an introvert. he shuns the limelight. he rarely opens up to people though he is genuinely nice, polite and reserved. a true gentleman.

but not on the night we met. they couldnt believe how we were having a great time together, and how fast we became 'touchy'. maybe it was the wine. but they told me it was me.

and they reprimanded him dearly for it. although they (the friends) were actually setting us up, they never thought we would click instantly. and their guilt overtook them. and remorsefully, they told him to proceed with caution. because he is still in a relationship. because i just came from a disastrous one. because i would just be the loser.

that was why he stopped the texts.

but soon thereafter, i bonded closely with his friends. and although they kept on saying that they were not out to destroy their relationship, they kept on building me up with him, and him with me. and they started to plan (connive) on how we would get together again, despite the prison warden's tight guarding.

i joined their group for dinner last sunday, advance celebration of his birthday. i was seated farthest away from him. and i finally met his lover. his nice but... nice lover. one of his friends whisper: di sila bagay no? hahaha

but i maintained my distance. and i watched him, admired him from afar. and i saw how much his lover adored him. and how they were actually sweet to each other. i felt the knives piercing my heart.

and today, i finally got to spend some time with him, without his lover. in his office as we celebrated his birthday. again, another successful connivance of his friends, ang mga konsintidor. though they would deny this to high heavens.

and he seemed so happy to see me there. and i gamely joined in the fun. and we would talk casually.

i couldnt look at him straight. i melt. and i seem to feel him that way, too. we were both suppressing the urge to be sweet. knowing how inappropriate it would be. and the moments were awkward in a sweet, romantic way. *sigh*

i dont know where this would lead. but im proceeding with care. im just expressing how i feel towards him. he confided to his friends how confusing it was for him, too. how much he likes me. how much he knows he'll just hurt me. and all he could say was "let it be"

and so it will be as it should be... and it dont know what it will be. and how i will be...