waking up

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hi. salamat at nakarating ka. akala ko di na tayo magkakaroon ng chance mag-coffee man lang.

kumusta naman ang trabaho? dami rin load no? at least, patapos na ang sem. puro grades na lang.

thanks for the party ha! ang bait bait ng friends at staff mo. mahal ka talaga nila. siyempre, nahiya lang ako nung games pero game pa rin naman.

ok ba yung sukat ng shirt and shorts? sana. bagay sa iyo yun. pinili ko talaga.

i really wanted to say some things kaya ininvite kita ngayon. siguro naman, di ka na magugulat sa mga sasabihin ko. di ko naman talaga itinago ang mga nararamdaman ko.

alam mo, i never realized that a person like you actual exists. seriously. walang bola. you are such an amazing person. i call you the perfect person. sorry if i embarrass you. i just had to say it.

pero di lang naman yun ang gusto kong sabihin. i want to be honest in telling you that i'm in love with you. i want to tell you to your face, no matter how weird or funny. mahal kita. ang sarap ng pakiramdam na mailabas ko na finally.

before you reply... not that im expecting a response... i want you to know that i am very much aware of your circumstances. that you are in a loving relationship of 19 years. and i value that, too.

napag-isip-isip rin ako na. you are too good for me. di kasi ako mabait na tao. alam mo naman ang naging history, especially with my latest ex. i cheated on him. although my ideal is still to be faithful and monogamous, i didn't do it then. and frankly, i am a player. i am also enjoying the casual sex. wow. nahihiya akong aminin lahat eto sa iyo.

but the point really is, i could not deserve you. at least not now. too many warts and pimples. i am really not such a nice, beautiful person. and you deserve only the nicest person. and maybe that's who your lover is.

so im saying i love you and goodbye. hahaha. parang kanta. pero totoo. huwag ka ng mangamba na guguluhin ko ang buhay niyo. di ko rin kasi kayang maging 'friends' talaga with you. di rin naman ako totally mawawala. we still have our common friends, and the parties that hopefully, ill still be invited to.

ang ititigil ko eh yung mga hello text. i am drawing the line. kung business, business lang. pangako ko sa iyo.

meanwhile, i will work at being better person. to finally start integrating my selves. i want to be able to eventually say that i really do deserve a good, nice, beautiful person because i have tried my darndest best to be good and nice, and integrated. uumpisahan ko na.

at kung sakaling magkakaroon tayo ng pagkakataon sa future, ill be very happy. di ko sasabihing maghihintay ako. basta sana kung malaya ka, sana pagtagpuin tayo ng tadhana. at mangyayari na maipapadama ko sa iyo ang pagmamahal ko.

sorry for the drama. i just want to be able to cut clean.

salamat for the opportunity na makilala kita. wala kang katulad. pero masaya pa rin akong may tao palang tulad mo.

sige, go na tayo.