dear fellowfab miggs recently posted this thoughtful letter from a straight female reader (!) she calls herself J. and a major part of her letter is about her girl friend's (two words) brother whom they suspect is gay. read the post first.
the letter got me thinking...
it is so natural for us to indulge in speculating about a person's sexual preference. it makes for good story-telling. until one become's the subject of speculation.
in those circles where i am not out yet, i remain the subject of speculation (or at least, i used to be. i guess im too 'confeeermed' to be speculated on. hehe). i hated the feeling. i felt so paranoid. i felt scrutinized, analyzed and dissected. then ultimately laughed at.
i felt like shouting to them to just stop. what business was it of theirs what my preference is? i wasnt doing them no harm. i just wanted them to leave me alone.
whether li'l brother is gay or not, maybe older sister and friend could lay off the speculation? i know how it feels to be in his shoes. and it is terrible.
of course, reader J has some very noble intentions. she gave her friend links to gay bloggers to give her a glimpse of gay life. to help her understand possibly what her li'l bro may be going through. but i want to tell her teasing him about his friend doesnt help! it will not make him disclose to her any more likely. he will feel alienated. and ridiculed. and that will just make him withdraw rather than open up.
sure, get to know more about the gay lifestyle. hang around some nice gay friends (like the fabcasters, LOL) but lay off the speculation and analysis. and just let him be. whether or not her brother turns out to be gay or not, it would do her well to have a variety of friends, including LGBT.
and besides, being gay is just one aspect of who we are. beyond being gay, we are also sons and brothers and friends and employees and bosses and athletes and writers... you get the point.
experience li'l brother by getting to know him for all he is. sexual preference is just one aspect of who he is.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
7 comments:
I think the feeling of ridicule and alientation is mostly only in our heads.
If J has all the while been the loving and trustworthy sister that she is (as she should be gay or no gay), I'm sure that the chiding and dropping of hints would be something her bro would simply smile at.
I guess you can't say the same for officemates. It's completely different situation :)
I've read the letter from MGG. I have another reflection on the reason of giving the girl friend the link to MGG blog. We know Migs. He is a very open-minded person and I say an "expert" in the many aspects of the gay person's life especially in his struggles (the doubts and pains of growing up gay and the need to be accepted by the persons closest to him -his family). Migs' blog can teach the sister so many things about humanity, acceptance and love of others. In the event that her brother turns out to be straight, at least we have added one person to be more understanding and respectful of the life we have and the lesson that a person must not be judged by his/her appearances and sexual orientation.
First, thank you for sharing your thoughts. :D
There were some aspects to the story that I chose not to write in my letter. I only wanted to share what happened with Migs (and tell him how much I appreciate his blog, and yours and the others as well) and tried to be vague with details. Maybe I went a little too much.
As for the teasing, actually, it sort of helped, or at least broke some tension. When my friend did it, she noticed that her brother had a smile on his face. Though he didn't open up, he did not exactly denied anything either.
So maybe it depends on what kind of teasing one does. And, of course, the kind of relationship between the two. My friend and her bro are very close.
scrutinized, analyzed and dissected. ahaha. familiar ako jan.
the girl didn't realize that she is the problem.
@jedd btw, J is the friend of the sister. yes, it could be all in your head, and that becomes paranoia. family and officemates, yeah, apples and oranges. but both could still cut deep.
@anonymous definitely! she pointed her in the right direction by showing the mgg site!
@girl. HEY J! thanks for the visit and the insight! im glad it actually worked out much better than how i understood it! thanks for liking the fabcasts!
@nowitski and we know how a specimen on a microscope feels like!
@ming ouch! harsh! hehe
I feel you with the ridicule and alienation feeling. Naramdaman ko na yan. Although I‘m not exactly in the closet (except from my family) but hindi rin ako ung tipong pagsisigawan ko ito dahil la din namang tao na pinagsisigawan ma straight siya. my workmates were talking behind my back regarding my orientation at may mga bastos na jowk na di ko maappreciate. We‘re not all cock eating maniacs right?
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