Playlists: Sex

a wonderful thing this iPod revolution and the convenience of the "Playlist" for cross-gens like me (oh di ba, bagong term - cross generational: people who can relate to other generations! hehe) in my time, vinyls and audio cassette tapes, i'd borrow the LP's and the albums and record them on the tape, choosing only those that i like. that saves me from buying the entire album and allows me to put together songs of the same theme.

i remember a Madonna Extended Play tape. then i had my New Age Piano series. then a friend came up with the Inspirational tape (those feel-good and do-good ones like 'man in the mirror', you know, the good, the true and the beautiful world-peace kind). it was quite an effort. i'd have to assemble all the albums together. and that doesnt happen always. so sometimes, there are half-finished cassettes, with only the A side done. i invested in some nice audio equipment (turntable, tape deck, ampli) and bought the high-end cassettes (chrome cassettes, i think?) for better sound reproduction (yeah, this turns geeky...)

fast forward. the Playlist and mp3's! uber-convenient. and with those, i have expanded my playlists list to include so many themes!

im always in the look-out for more songs to add to my lists. ill share some of these lists with you, and i'd like to know what you would add to them in keeping with the theme. ill start out with the most basic of instincts.

i made a playlist of songs ill use as a background for sex. LOL. well, those songs that stimulate me because of the melody, the lyrics. i actually once brought this to a hook-up and played it while we were going at it. well, it actually distracted me more. LOL. i wanted to have the cinematic feel to the sex part with the music but i became conscious of the music, less of the sex. i was trying to time the kissing, the fellatio with certain songs. hahaha. but we both managed. haha (and my playmate was amused that i actually had a sex playlist!)

anyway, a caveat. this spans decades of music, all mixed up. haha. so feel free to tell me what songs make you feel like...

I Want Muscles, Diana Ross
Sexual (Li Da Di) (Afterlife Chillout Remix),Amber
Father Figure, George Michael
Justify My Love, Madonna
You Make Me High, Toni Braxton
Inside Of Me, Madonna
That's the Way Love Goes, Janet Jackson
Fast Love, George Michael
Slow, Kylie Minogue
Slave To Love, Roxy Music
I Need You Tonight, INXS
Don't Stop The Dance, Bryan Ferry and Roxy Music
Don't Cha, Pussycat Dolls
I Wanna Fuck You, Akon feat Snoop Dog
Buttons, Pussycat Dolls
Fever, Madonna
Strange, Grace Jones
Principles Of Lust, Enigma

time travel

nothing like looking at old pictures to transport you back in time. (though technically, scents / odors can evoke even more vivid memories. because the olfactory center in the brain is beside the seat of memories (limbic system). geek alert)

i have picture frames in dire need of pictures. collected throughout the years. mostly gifts from friends and colleagues. so i brought out all the old photographs (yes, they used to be printed on hard paper in MY time).

id like the pics to represent milestones, maybe. significant points in the cc timeline.

some of those ive chosen:



as a five year old in my beloved jaguar. the start of my fascination with cars. that was such a special toy. my frustration was not having enough space to play with it in the house.

a portrait when i was 16, taken by a photojournalist-friend of tatay. it was actually part of a family portrait. and i remember feeling how i ugly i was with my thick-rimmed glasses. the photographer lent me his raybans instead. and i was transformed. that's when i realized that i wasn't so bad looking. but i just had to lose those spectacles.

my college graduation pic (20yo) taken by the 'in' photographer then chat peypoch. (LOL so dated!). for the session, i brought a grey shirt and a white tie. i wanted to be different from all the rest with their white shirts and colored ties. i remember chat commenting that i looked like a mafia don. hmmpff.

that picture turned out really well (of course with much editing!). as i was looking at it, i realized how hopeful i was then about life. i was about to finish college. i was raring to go out and look for a job and start earning more. (i did some part-time work like tutoring in college) and i knew that the first thing i was going to do was to get contact lenses, and start building my body.

at that time, i was already exposed to the 'straight-acting gay', though it was still quite unpopular. it used to be called 'macho-gay' (ang pangit ng dating, no?) and my role models were based on american books and movies (the front runner comes to mind). but i had made my choice to embrace my homosexuality and love another man. but i wasn't going to do it as a flamboyant 'beauty-parlor' type. (i'd reserve that for the fabcasts. LOL)

three frames down. about five more to go. ill be looking for pics as an instructor in peyups, as a fledgling account executive in an ad agency and one during my stint with the government. my career is such an integral part of my 'self', i suppose. and it's that part of me that has really brought in the material gain.

good luck to me to find the time to do this. :-)


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Running Tour: Baywalk, Puerto Princesa

a hagedorn monument. baywalk area reclaimed from the sea. displaced squatters were supposedly given condo-type housing fronting this.

a pleasant view. 1.5km from the hotel.

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idle ranting

im guilty of not writing as often. i seemed to have filled up my schedule that blogging became less of a priority. work load actually remains the same. no teaching assignments this months so im actually less pressured.

but ive been so serious, too serious about my workouts. my running. my weight training. it's eating up a lot of my time. worse is that the results are fluctuating. it's so frustrating. and i hate the way my mood just changes so abruptly once i measure up and get disappointing results. im starting to feel burned out. im hitting a wall. my body's aching. im sacrificing all that yummy food. and yet, i feel i have not accomplished what ive set out to do.

which is why i guess im starting to do voice lessons. so i wont get too pre-occupied by my flab. funny though is that learning to sing is actually very difficult! i thought my teacher would just give me easy pieces, thinking he would classify me as a baritone. but no! im being pushed towards being a tenor. and im now finding it so hard to reach those notes.

it's all about getting into the head tone, and unlearning my tendency to go falsetto or do 'birit'. he has given me all the techniques. and im having difficulty practicing. am i setting myself up for another frustration? maybe. i dont know.

but i also know im not about to give up. yet. not with my workouts. not with my voice lessons.

not. yet. just let me rant about it. and blog at the same time. hehe


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The Chona Fabcast Part 1A

Subtitle: Bakla, Bakla, paano ka ginawa?

oh di ba? may part 1 na, may A! Trust the editing expert McVie to maximize the time and minimize the idle chatter. haha. This fabcast started out as a podcast about the gay accessory known as 'fag hag'. then it evolved to be about one particular faghag, mgg's fag hag (because she was the only one in attendance). Then it became a fabcast about something else. The twists and turns of live recording. LOL.

so this is the first part.

Download this Fabcast (right click and save)


The Chona Fabcast, Part 1A
Music credits:
“Por Una Cabeza” by Carlos Gardel
“Memory” by Sarah Brightman
“You’re In My Heart, You’re In My Soul” by Rod Stewar

Thursdays with CC: Balancing Act

A critical component of that much-misused term EQ (emotional quotient) is the ability to balance conflicting interests. You will be exposed to different stakeholders who will have agendas very different from yours or from each other. the higher up the ladder you rise, the larger the perspective you will be exposed to. internally, you will get to interface with the different operational units. externally, your input-output stakeholder reach also expands (vendors, suppliers, agencies, clients, influencers, government).

though on most occasions you will represent one side of the negotiation (or conflict) table, you will also get the chance to moderate and remain the third party. during these times, you will need to show that all parties have had their chance to air their sides, or at least believe that they have been heard and understood. listening is so critical. so is empathy. echoing their sentiments, paraphrasing it to show your comprehension will be the necessary evidence of this.

sometimes, all it takes is for people to know and feel that they are sincerely understood, even if ultimately, the outcome will not be of their preference.

of course in other times, judgment will need to be made. you will weigh options and sides based on fairness, merit, impact, urgency, greater good or lesser evil. a compromise may be the best, if there is possibility of one.

finally, your ability to deliver the outcome will depend, again, on the skill of communicating empathy. then you will need to be resolute. firmness becomes important as opposing parties may still try to influence the outcome. your impartiality and comprehensiveness in arriving at the decision will be greatly appreciated ultimately.

feel good about the decision. continue to communicate to the parties involved, beyond the table. build those bridges. you might need to walk on them sooner or later again.

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musical journey begins

just finished my second voice lesson. finally got this 'to do before i expire' item. though i have had this at the back of my mind (even posted this before, methinks), how it finally started was so spur of the moment.

after getting tired of all the pop and dance playlists, i just shifted to my classical music playlist. it was a refreshing change, listening to orchestra and classical voice on the way to the office. then an impulse to just post an fb/tweeter shout out: im looking for a voice teacher, thinking nobody would take me seriously.

but many friends actually did! the comments and pm's started coming. i was in no hurry so i just took note of the names and the suggestions. but one friend went as far as calling the teacher he was wrote me about. and asked on my behalf about accommodating me! he excitedly called me up and gave me the teacher's details.

not wanting to sound half-hearted, i called up teacher and quickly set up a first meeting, a trial tutorial of sorts.

a performing tenor, teacher quickly wanted to establish my seriousness, my commitment and my musical inclination before he signed me in. that first lesson was already very informative. he was technical and cerebral abouit his approach. and he took pains to go into the anatomy of singing. he was strict, too, about form and posture. i knew right away i was going to learn from him. and he seemed to see enough hope in me to include me as a student.

so the journey officially began.

what is my objective? i want to be able to perform, to sing to friends, family and even clients when asked. no, not to mount my own concert. but i'd like to be able to develop this voice enough so i can confidently sing if i needed to, and if i wanted to.

and it could only be classical or operatic singing for me. i want to be a purist in this respect. i am also attracted to the beauty of the classics and the discipline needed to interpret with justice.

my dad was making fun of it, though. he still recalls my attempt to learn piano about 12 years back. and how i dropped it after a few sessions. so im guessing he thinks this will be a short-lived romance.

i hope not. well, it really is up to me, isn't it?

i've got my homework. just practice on a few pieces on my own. wait for him for the vocalizations. remember the lessons of today. much to learn and unlearn. this is going to be a long journey. it started with a single note.



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consider... subaru

i like cars. i like looking at them. i find cars sexy. im not a technical guy. i only understand enough to appreciate engine displacement, power, categories.

i've been noticing a lot more subarus on the road lately. forester. impreza. and one or two legacies. i actually entertained the thought of getting one. i like that not too many people drive it (then). i like the 'stability' of the horizontal engine. and lately, i've been liking the looks of it. and i read the reviews. really good reviews about performance. on the downside, maybe maintenance costs will be high. and im not sure of resale value.

but if i were to shop for a car within its class, i'd give the subaru a second and third look, and possibly a spin around the block. id have a hard time choosing between this, a toyota and honda.

the beauty of the black swan

amazing movie. dark but triumphant. how do you mix the two? successfully for the director! i love the way she unraveled. yet, it seemed that in the end, it wasn't a decline to madness. it was actually an ascent to perfection of an art.

perfection is liberating, ultimately. bravo.

Love Links Generations Parts 1 & 2

Fabcasters in Cougartown

Story first. PC and I were having dinner with my sister and her family. She is just two years my senior. PC was talking about his mom and mentioned her age. My sister blurted out "Oh my! we are batch mates! i mean, we belonged to same class!" and we all started laughing, me, a bit nervously. then she continued "naku! i can't get over the idea that your mom is my age. I can't imagine having a son as grown up as you!" more laughter. i wanted to take that steak knife and go for her jugular!

yeah. PC could actually be my son, too. i could have had him when i was 20yo. LOL. so we have a love spanning generations. not just one. HAHA. and here is the rest of the fabcast talking about it lengthily not necessarily wisely. LOL

PART I

Download this fabcast (right click and save)


Music credits:
"Fashionista" by Jimmy James
"All Things (Just Keep Getting Better)" by Widelife With Simone Denny
"I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman" by Britney Spears
"Bawa't Bata" by the Apo Hiking Society

PART II

Download this fabcast (right click and save)


Music credits:
"Bless The Beast And The Children" by The Carpenters
"S&M" by Rihanna

and there's a third part!

gospel musings

warning: religious post

my mom remarked how much she liked last Sunday's gospel. how we shouldn't worry about what to wear, what to eat. be confident that God will take care of those details. if He takes care of that for the sparrows and the dandelions, He would certainly pay more attention to our needs.

that verse was preceded by the statement that we cannot serve two masters: God and money. we will end up hating one and loving the other.

when we worry about 'the material stuff', where will i get tomorrow's keep, how will i pay for that marvelous it bag i love so much, we are actually serving Sir Money. we are at his mercy. we worry incessantly. we obsess.

and though we may profess faith, do the rites and rituals, our minds and hearts are choked by the worries of the world. we really do not serve Him as he deserves.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness"

if we should worry about anything at all, we should be worried about giving God what he rightfully deserves. seeking how to pay Him back for all the blessings He has bestowed on us. God, through Jesus life and death, has essentially "paid forward". He suffered much for us even if we are truly undeserving so we don't have to be consigned to eternal damnation.

when we seek to do what is right, true and just, it is not to earn 'brownie points' for a ticket to heaven. we seek to do that only as our way of 'deserving' the salvation He has earned for us. of thanking Him for that supreme sacrifice. nothing we do will add to His glory. but we do it because it is the right thing to do. because He deserves it. nothing more.

let's not be slaves to money by worrying about making money, payments. let us be servants of God instead by worrying about how to make each act, each behavior deserving of His love and sacrifice. He has paid forward. Let's think about how to pay back by paying forward to another person!



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cc turned a year older

another year again. halfway through this fifth decade of my life.

physically, im in my best form. the update to my nutrition counseling: i finally attained the 17% body fat percentage goal i set (measured at 17.8%) when i started the program 20 weeks ago. two weeks behind schedule. but it still feels incredible.

i love the feeling and the look of it. particularly when im pumping iron during my weight training days. i actually get to see the muscle striations as i pump and flex. just like the magazines. lol.

downside, even at this body fat percentage, i still have ab flab. yeah. sigh. yes, there are the first two upper abs that have started to show. and the adonis belt, too (pc told me that this is the term for those sexy obliques at the hip area). but the area of my belly button retains the flab. as someone once commented, my belly button looks like a smile because of the flab. that's why there are no pictures to show on the blog.

a reader asked why the obsession with numbers and figures. i think im built that way. i'm extremely goal-oriented. and for a slow-burn project like body shaping, one needs to be motivated by numbers for some immediate progress feedback. results from going from 20% to 18% may hardly be noticeable. but i get motivated to continue since there is tangible (numerical) feedback.

on the other parts of my life. i have reached a level of peace with My Creator. and it came about the middle of last year, when I reconciled internally that mutually consensual sex will not lead me to perdition. when i stopped tormenting myself with guilt over casual sex and learned to embrace it as natural for a healthy biological male.

then it loosened it's grip on me. the idea of casual sex. previously, the concept (that it was mortally sinful) made me more compelled to indulge. i found myself desperately trying to resist then ultimately giving in then going through the guilt trip then the cleansing. that vicious cycle was just so exhausting.

but now, even as i remain sexual, and attracted to beautiful men, the 'pull' of casual sex is less alluring. the emotions still well up inside, but would eventually ebb. and i have found more peace.

and coincidentally (or fatefully), just around the same time, i met a person online (yet again) who seemed much much more than a romp in grindr heaven. even as i was still dating and meeting up, i started a conversation with a very intelligent, refined, cultured law student with the cutest smile. so seemingly out of place in that meatshop. and the rest, of course, is ... ourstory. pc & cc.

re-discovering love and its joys, and some of its exasperations, is a gift of 2010 for me. and as we embark on this journey with our first steps, i am both excited and peaceful.

and because we are still at the infancy of being together, my friends would have to forgive me that i have not been as much in touch as before. they will have to allow me to nurture this first, to a level of comfort and security. then i shall be with them more often.

family and work have always been my biggest blessings. and despite the challenges of the environment, i remain so excited with work. i do love what i do. i love it so that i love teaching it, too. and it has given me rewards to enjoy life with. and enough to share with family and other people i have started to embrace as part of my extended, growing family. and it just fulfills me so that i could have all these people to love and help.

45 years and counting. that seems so old. that IS so old. but i wouldnt't want it to be any other way.

i love my life at 45.

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Running Tour

im discovering a new way of getting around, particularly for seeing sights. running.

it started in corregidor. and did it again here in singapore. where it is safe to just get up and run. yesterday, from my hotel i ended up in chinatown. a short run actually. even saw the gay bars tantric, taboo. haha

this evening, i ran until the marina bay area where the now-famous marina bay sands hotel towers over. amazing.



and i caught their version of sunset at the bay




and i continued my run till nightfall all around the bay. i passed the quays and the fullerton.



it was amazing.

and back in the marina bay shops mall.



from there, i took a cab home. haha. too tired to walk all the way back

sorry for the resolution. all pics were taken by my phone.

i think ill start an arranged running tour back in manila! it's carlos celdran on nikes. haha

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