Monday, December 12, 2011

ceo nightmares

i had this terrible dream last night. it was how this competitor of ours has finally won. and we no longer enjoy the patronage we used to have. i was announcing the massive layoffs to the people. the mood was so sad. and i was also being pounced on by the board. my presentation was being riddled with bullet holes, i felt so bad.

i guess that is the heart of my anxieties lately. this fear of terrible things to happen to the company. my nightmares when i was a kid included your usual ghosts and devils. but i remember being haunted by... numbers. yes, numbers that would appear randomly, getting bigger and bigger, overwhelmingly.

eventually, i'd have more personal anxiety dreams. of fighting with my parents. of shouting matches with siblings. then eventually, with lovers. all very personal. reflecting my current preoccupations with my life.

only now do i recall company related dreams. bad dreams that had me panting, sweating. i guess this reflects the scope of responsibilities now. what i do, what i decide impacts so directly on people i manage. and i have being wracking my brains trying to come up with answers to problems. solutions. strategies. oh my head aches just thinking about it.

im in a blue zone now.

5 comments:

Martin said...

Sounds terrible, but if there's anyone who can avert managerial crisis--I'd bet on you haha.

Grant said...

It's alright. Worrying about your organization comes with the territory of running one. It may not be on your job description, but it's part of the game.

That's why we have this history of CEOs having heart ailments and other illnesses. You carry on your shoulder the weight of the organization's fate.

I've been a CEO too and I learned to carry the role with confidence and knowledge that doing my best is enough. So just do your role the best you could.

Richard Jaravata said...

keep this in mind: "This too shall pass." =)

Grant said...

It's part of the game. Though it's not on your job description, carrying the fate of the organization on your shoulders goes with the job.

I've been a CEO too. Having the confidence and the knowledge that you're competent to do the job and you're doing you're best is enough.

Reg from YM said...

Maybe its your mind preparing for such a contingency.