i had this terrible dream last night. it was how this competitor of ours has finally won. and we no longer enjoy the patronage we used to have. i was announcing the massive layoffs to the people. the mood was so sad. and i was also being pounced on by the board. my presentation was being riddled with bullet holes, i felt so bad.
i guess that is the heart of my anxieties lately. this fear of terrible things to happen to the company. my nightmares when i was a kid included your usual ghosts and devils. but i remember being haunted by... numbers. yes, numbers that would appear randomly, getting bigger and bigger, overwhelmingly.
eventually, i'd have more personal anxiety dreams. of fighting with my parents. of shouting matches with siblings. then eventually, with lovers. all very personal. reflecting my current preoccupations with my life.
only now do i recall company related dreams. bad dreams that had me panting, sweating. i guess this reflects the scope of responsibilities now. what i do, what i decide impacts so directly on people i manage. and i have being wracking my brains trying to come up with answers to problems. solutions. strategies. oh my head aches just thinking about it.
im in a blue zone now.