Sunday, March 18, 2007
what's your "coming to terms" story?
this is one of my classic conversation starters - how did you realize that you had M2M attractions? i enjoy the stories, an entire gamut of ages, scenarios and experiences that have been intimated to me.
mine is not particularly interesting, though. i started out straight. duh. seriously, from about five to eight, i was kissing my girl classmates, playing with the nipples of my yaya, and being sexually stimulated by my dad's playboy, penthouse magazines. then i entered an all-boys school. then i had asthma. i couldnt get into sports because after a few minutes of running around, i'd be gasping for air. i had to go for more cerebral pursuits - i turned to reading Nancy Drew. :) and getting drawn to others like me - the maximo oliveros story circa 80's or better yet maximo meets bagets.
so i went from being the sissy nerd to actually getting attracted to some of my hunky classmates. it was confirmed through a wet dream starring one particularly hunky classmate! i was terrified! summer of 78, after graduating from elementary, i was having a chummy-chummy thingie with a straight classmate. that eventually became my first boyfriend.
high school was just great for me, for us! for whatever reason, our straight classmates were COURTING us! and we had the best to pick from: the captain of the varsity basketballl team, the captain of the varsity football team, the officers of CMT (chuva military training)! it actually became quite a status symbol for these guys, some of them quite good looking, to have 'gel-friends' (that's us). it was so 'in'. i even got to say NO to some suitors! (mapili ang lola mo).
funny though - i didnt have sex with any of my boyfriends in high school. we went as far as torrid kissing (that's how we used to call it). why? sex was still scary for me.
it was only in college that our barkada started feeling the 'urges'. i guess it was only around this time that i finally came to terms with my sexuality. i was having boyfriends yes but the fact that i didnt cross the sexual threshold meant for me that it was just a phase. that was how i was denying myself.
during freshman year at that public school in diliman, i came out to my parents (not entirely of my own volition). and that's another post.
so dear reader, how did YOU come to terms with your 'self'?
Posted by closet case at 2:15 PM