a first ever

"i love you... nagulat ka ba?"

"... thank you."

"kala ko sasabihin mo 'i dont blame you'"

laughter.

we were already in each other's arms, going at it. when he said that, i stopped.

"di ka pa ready, di ba?... kailan ka ba magiging ready?"

suddenly, i felt that sexual energy going south.

"may maasahan ba ako sa iyo?"

im still there, on his chest as he asks me. and suddenly im out of words. i didnt know how to say "No... walang papupuntahan eto"

"im really enjoying single life now. and i can't put a timeline. di ko alam kung kailan ako magiging ready to commit.... im seeing other guys and i tell them all the same thing: let's have fun and not expect."

"ok lang... marami pala kaming dini-date mo... sige let's have fun."

we tried to pick up. couldnt anymore. for the first time, i felt sex left the room. and for the first time, i had a totally unconsumated experience.

we dressed up and i took him home.

"can i still call you 'be'? ... actually, ive waited for you for 12 yrs. what's another 12, di ba? bahala na..."

he left the car. and i went home.