PLU n H4H

im toasted like a roti bun (sweet inside!). not entirely a welcome change. 1) when people are commenting that im getting fairer (w/o glutathione, puhleese) 2) when i forgot my sunblock hence my arms look like i have those whole arm bands worn by tricycle drivers.

saturday we were at habitat for humanity site. we were going to build houses for the have-less.

it was an eye-opener for me, for fitness first-pumped me. no workout there could have prepared me for this!

we had to be there by 8am. a lady engineer oriented us on SAFETY (all caps supplied). and that meant wearing the hard hat at all times and gloves while working at the construction site. and we were shocked to realize that we were going to start from zero. we all had that notion that we were going to do the painting stuff. no way. we were going to (1) mix cement, gravel, water (2) pour them into the foundation (3) move the pre-made cement bricks closer to the house area, which they call 'hauling'. so we are talking about a site that has totally no shade. and the sun was so kind to be up the entire time. of all the cloudy and rainy days during the week, saturday had to be the sunniest of all days.

as haulers, we quickly became worker ants, forming a line from brick 'quarry' to the 'house site', a good 20 meters away. 15lb bricks went down the line. i assembled them into neat blocks. all in the blistering heat of the sun. after 20 minutes of that, i was already sweating like a pig. it was not easy. and it seemed endless. suddenly the time seemed AGONIZING slow.

we welcomed the morning 10am break! complaints were flying all over. what on earth was i thinking? and it aint over yet. after 15 minutes, it was back to work.

we then shifted and tried the cement mixing and pouring. no machines here. just us mixing the gravel, sand and cement with water using those heavy shovels. then we needed to pour them into pails, which were carried down to the foundation area and poured. this was definitely the hardest. my poor heart was pounding. it was so hard to mix and pour into buckets. i really had to stop from time to time. just too tiring.

1130 am break. THANK GOD. no amount of fitness first workout prepared me for this. lunch served. rest again. 115pm, back to work. more brick hauling this time. under the afternoon sun. HAAAAAY.

and then God smiled at me. well specifically one volunteer. a cute, bedimpled young guy with his companions arrived to help. actually earlier. but i was just too busy to notice him and the rest. and when God smiles he also makes a joke. They turn out to be seminarians. and this is their main advocacy. and as they chatted with me and found out i was ah single, dimples began to invite me to become one of them... something in his smile made me smell something else. but i wasnt about to steal God's property. so i let them be.

my colleagues couldnt be convinced to finish the work till 430pm. we had to stop during the 3pm break. And we left, not without handing dimples my card... 'in case he needs our services...' i was pooped.

building those houses aint no joke. now i know what hard labor means. i was literally baked in the sun and working my butt off. i have found new respect for laborers (for what used to be just lust. hehe)

im wondering how it would be if we were one big group of PLU's helping out? would probably be a riot, dont you think? a riot that serves a higher purpose!

galit sa free time

that's what my friends have been saying about me these past few months:

- work has been hectic because so many activities happen during the 3rd quarter
- extra-curricular activities include: being officer in an alumni association, a trade organization and a religious organization. all of them, unfortunately i have pending projects with... big projects. that also take up my evenings and my saturdays at times
- nano-enterprise takes up my sundays
- will start teaching again in two institutions. one is grad school. UGH. major preps for that.

and i still need to go to the gym 3x a week (down from 5x), play badminton 1x/wk, spend time with my parents (usually dinners at their place) and sneak a date here and there (usually weekends unless i get really horny)

hopefully, all this will pass. funny, just a few months ago, i was wondering how i could be busier, to keep my mind off my failed relationship. and as predicted by 'the secret' what i focused on expanded. now ive got my hands full, including my feet.

so even as i am so attracted to crush/ed and bewitched by doctor summa cum laude, i really wouldnt know how to squeeze a relationship.

and about dr scl, i sent him an sms last sunday. he texted back: he was glad i sent him message. a few exchanges lang. "masarap ka kausap kagabi. sana maulit uli ang kuwentuhan. i hope we can be good friends."

good friends?? dami ko na kayang good friends! di ko kailangan ng isa pang good friend! hahaha

of course, polite me posted a smiley and said 'let's arrange that sometime. textan tayo"

he hasnt texted since that sunday. and as i think of him a lot, i think of the futility of it all. so dahan-dahang naglalaho na rin ang aking matinding paghanga sa kanya.

natutuwa ako ngayon kay cuba gooding jr. he slept over the other night (yes, i had to squeeze that in because of an urgent biological need) he was fun to be with. and i really found him so adorable and sexy. he's the bulky type, semikal with nice lips and eyes. para talagang mulato. speaks with a slight lisp pa. super lambing. downside, di ako nakatulog kasi hanep makayakap. well, bata pa naman at 22yo.

maski walang free time, maisisingit talaga ang libog. hehe

the good ones...

just met the perfect man.

cute chinito. within my age range but looks half his age.
trim body, not necessarily toned but enough.
PhD, summa cum laude, super smart, humble, fun
not into gimmick. maintains a close-knit circle of friends. for them it's dinner and coffee.
and hung like a horse (JOKE. i have no idea)

wow. where on earth have you been all my life? hehe

just met the perfect man, it seems.

of course he's attached. taken. committed.
for the past 18 years of his life.

the spark. yeah, it was there. and i felt it was mutual.

my mind starts wandering. getting ahead of reality.

we start seeing each other, clandestinely. short texts at work. coffee here and there.
the conversations are deep, lovely and engaging.
but we do not jump into bed. a part of me prefers this. let my sin be minimized.
and we avoid talking about how we feel.
but we also cannot deny the need to see each other more and more.
and suddenly, i cannot hold it anymore.
i tell him ... goodbye. he won't accept it. he tells me that he feels just as much.
and he will not let go that easy.

it's the enigma story in reverse. suddenly, i'm enigma. and i'm hearing him say exactly the same things i told enigma. and i'm realizing how incredulous it all sounds.

how i'm just walking into a heartache. no, heartaches. particularly his lover of 18 years. and in the end, i will be the big loser in this.

loser. the game hasnt started and im already a loser.

so much for my attempt at writing short stories. the good ones are already taken, always.

di ko na kaya eto

friday night. i planned to meet one of my fubus for a round or two. i save up for the weekend. ive made it a point not to mix business with monkey business. so weekdays are dedicated to work. dates are minimized and usually pure and immaculate (hahaha)

due to some pressing engagements (both his and mine), that round would have to be late. i was able to squeeze in time at the gym not to work out but to 'relax' at the sauna.

i saw him. i havent seen him here before. young, stocky, er-like, sexy. he reminded me of a pinoy Cuba Gooding Jr. and as he was in front of the mirror, i was casually looking at him. and he noticed. and he made some glances my way to, a glance even as i sauntered inside the steam room.

he didnt follow immediately. but he followed anyway. and luckily it was just the two of us. (surprising for that time) i didnt lose any time 'doing the choreography'. and neither did he. (i noticed the growing hardness behind the towel) so it was groping and, surprisingly, kissing. that scared me. only because it's hard to keep track of people who might just come in.

it had to be bitin. we had stayed lucky too long. but i knew i wanted to consummate. i got his number shortly after.

after my activity, i was able to quickly arrange the meet-up. and i whisked him off to the condo. wow. that was really great. he was hot. yet it had some nice tender moments. next image on my mind: he looked like those hot latinos from kristen bjorn.

after i dropped him off, i was doing some partying at the neighborhood bar. sarap uminom.

past 1am, i get message from mr fubs (apologies for the sound-alike with a blogger) and he was primed and wanted to see me. the stud in me said yes. and soon enough he was here. and we were at it. good grief, just two hours ago, it was cuba jr. and then the stud in me gives way to the senior citizen. i was taking looong. and i was getting tired. nangangalay na kaya ako. hehe. but thankfully, my pecker still delivered, albeit belatedly.

i was spent. and i knew i can't do this anymore. reality check. =(

affirmed...yet...

im feeling affirmed tonight.

im touched by the way some of my dates have signified wanting something deeper with me. they are all nice people. i enjoy being with them at different levels. and im really flattered that they see me as someone they'd like to have a relationship with.

but i just dont feel that 'spark'. and besides, im just too busy now to commit. (or maybe that's just my excuse. even though i was told by aura reader not to commit this year. haha).

the range; from 21 to twice that. hihi. cute no? i try to squeeze in time to be with each one from time to time. kaso, some would want to meet more frequently. i cant offer that. i know they get hurt. especially since they cant make demands. im sorry but i can go against what i feel.

but truth of the matter. well... yung gusto ko di naman ako gusto. irony of ironies. or maybe i like him precisely because he doesnt like me?!? all i know is that i still think of him. but not as much as before.

karmic retribution? haha. or... i just cant have everything. (i shouldnt anyway)

brief encounters, sequel

no. 1

he texted a few days after. i was excited to receive his text. after a few exchanges, i asked him out.

"hang out? cge minsan cguro" was the tentative reply.

i texted him again after a day or two. no response. so yun lang yun. hehe

no. 2

on the way back to manila, we were exchanging texts.

"punta ka sa unit ko minsan." cc
"sure. anytym bro"
"nand2 k rin s resto?" cc
"yup. ns may fountain kmi."
"punta k uli cr. kta tyo. hehe" cc
"y? chu2pain mu b aq dun? naku. my budget yan. hehe"
"huh? kala ko 4 fun lng! hehe" cc
"lam mo n yun"
"ah ok. cge nxt tym n lng. tnx" cc

and that ended that exchange quickly. yes, i pay for sex. but i wont pay him. =)

yun lang! =)

brief encounters

No. 1 - at the salon

im having my haircut. i am having fun with my stylist and the rest of the badings of the salon. across me is bagets, with cap, obviously waiting for someone to finish a haircut or something. casual glances make me suspect. hmmmm. i see the girl he is waiting for. (may girlfriend? parang di sila bagay) but girl turns out to be sister and they are both waiting for mother dear having hair dyed.

more eye contact. then as i am almost done, he gets up and goes to the convenience store across the street. signal for me? but i couldnt follow yet. i am still cleaning up, fixing myself and paying. kainis. he returns with a drink.

i go out to get something from the car. (my calling card) I come back and thankfully, he is still there. and as i try to see how i could possibly give him my card clandestinely, my driver pulls up with the car. as i step out of the salon, he steps out, too, again going to the convenience store...hmm...

i couldnt resist. i ask the driver to pull over at the store so i could pick up something. with my heart pounding, i rush in, trying to look for something to buy. i amble over to his side and strike up conversation. his face lights up. cute smile. then i offer my call card and ask him to call me. yes

No. 2 - at a gasoline station somewhere in la union

one of the pit stops going up to baguio. we are on our way to manila. as i walk out to go the rest room, a guy with a nice bod, in shorts and shades glances at me. he was taking his time in front of the mirror. hmmmm. my heart goes pounding again.

i walk out to the convenience store beside, he follows me but is greeted by his companions. hmmm. no chance to get his number here.

i stand outside and i notice him following me. i grab my cellphone from my car and go back to the rest room. he follows and proceeds to take a leak, as if. he gives me a preview from the side. but zips up in case someone goes inside. I quickly ask him for his number and he obliges. i leave him be and go back to the car.

another one bites the dust

salising inaasahan

i met him when he was still the partner of a friend, actually an ex-m.u. (mag-un). i thought he might even be jealous of me because i shared something with his lover, my friend.

they didnt last very long. and it was a bad breakup, according to my friend. we'd bump into each other at the court and just say hi. so i was surprised when one day, he came up to me and asked for my number.

he has been asking me out but my sched was pretty tight. until one sunday evening when i arrived from an out of town trip. knowing how tired i was, he offered to give me a massage at his place. i've heard this before. and yes, i was tired (and horny) so i decided to drop.

we chatted before he reminded me that i still had body massage pending. i took a shower, wore shorts he lent me and proceeded to massage position. i was wondering how we'd get to sex from here.

he gave me a good enough massage. and as he worked on my legs, he started working on my d**k, too. he stripped me naked and proceeded to give me the best b**w j*b i've had in years. it was like he hasnt tasted meat in years with the way he was at it. and best part, i was just lying there enjoying it. i tried to reciprocate by groping him but he seemed really content just eating alone -).

after i came, he whispered "ang easy mo naman. akala ko may pakipot pa ng konti. joke."

i came home with a smile and yet that last line bothered me. i was thinking whether i should have played hard to get.

and then i realized that we had different expectations. he was actually doing the ligaw thing, expecting a few dates first (he kept on asking me out). and he was probably also half-expecting i was not going to agree to the massage. while i had my usual 'hada' mind-set. i was out to get laid.

but he enjoyed how it turned out anyway. and so did i. even though i enjoy seducing, i also feel great (affirmed) when i am recipient of a seduction. i just hope he doesn't expect anything more to develop.

lolo memories (happy grandparents' day)

i was named after my grandfathers from both sides. they have both since passed away.

my paternal grandfather i didnt have much recollection of. he was reaching senility as i was growing up. but i remember a mild-mannered old man, a man of few words, a man who let his wife (lola) run the show. he was one of those who still believed that drying old batteries in the sun would rev them up. he had a raspy voice, was not very affectionate towards me. but i remember him with much respect. he seemed a very upright, moral man.

my maternal grandfather i remember very well. he lived up to the ripe old age of 99. he was an engineer by profession, worked with the government, built some of those roads down south. and in contrast to lolo from tatay side, he led a very 'colorful' life. he has children probably with five different women. and he actively maintained two families, each with five kids. my poor lola was almost driven to insanity dealing with it. during that time, wives just didnt leave their philandering husbands so she resorted to weird coping mechanisms (like kulam, black candles, etc.)

i found his sexual appetite amazing. i recall one particular christmas eve. my mom just found out that one of the household help was pregnant. she was a 'slow one'. so we were all wondering who knocked her up. she first pointed at one of the kanto boys as the father. but after coming from a family gathering, the girl's mom finally revealed whom it was. yes, my lolo.

we found out how he would entice her with some cash and/or candies in return for 'putting out'. and that explained why she kept on treating us to candies and snacks!

while all the members of the family were in shock, i found the entire episode amusing and truly amazing.

we stayed in the house he built. when my lola passed away, it was just him and the rest of us (mom, dad and siblings) staying with him. every morning, he would be already be having his coffee at the dining table. and all of us would pay our respects before leaving for school. i remember seeing him pat my each of my sisters on their back, while talking to them. and curiously, that pat would extend down to their fannies. (they cringe every time. my poor sisters)

maternal lolo was a real ladies man. i saw pictures of him during his youth. gwapo siya talaga. and he was a charmer. life of the party. always smiling. no wonder.

i must be a sum of both lolos. i proudly carry "III" in my name and say that it is from both sides. and as i see some of my paternal lolo in me (dedication), i could see more of my maternal lolo lurking in me!

happy grandparents' day!