running... again

suddenly, they are everywhere. runners and fun runs. half marathons, full marathons, 10K at lahat ng K.

it used to be just a group of people i'd see in quezon memorial circle, in up, along roxas blvd. sure there have always been fun runs. but only the really serious runners went to these regularly.

now everybody seems to be running. so many bloggers run, and runners blog.

i actually used to enjoy running. i love feeling the breeze, hearing the music. i love passing the scenery, whether sunrise or sunset. i used to run leisurely (more of jog) in qmc early mornings. sometimes, i get more than just sweat. i pick up a few runners too. hehehe but that was before, when i still had the resolve to wake up early.

i'd do the treadmill in fitness but i get bored easily. it's just one scene im looking at. then pain started to happen. i painfully realized that i was running with my flat feet in the wrong shoes, in the wrong way. so i gave it up.

about two years back, my brother in law introduced me to chi running. and after putting off reading that for more than a year, i finally finished it and realized i could run again, despite my flat feet.

and with the strict form and focus of chi running, i started doing it again.

i am slowly building up my mileage and even my pace. im not going to rush into it and injure myself again. i know, i know... i aint young no more.

now im rediscovering the love of running (ok, fine, maybe fast paced jogging lol). running in up during sunset, on that acacia-lined oval could really be so wonderful.

this solo sport is really just me against myself. it's pushing me to improve every time, to be focused, to tune out and zone in. each run is an accomplishment, if you beat certain personal bests. and i havent even started to mention the health gains and the calories burned.

no, you won't see me joining any runs yet. im too oc-oc id probably worry myself to death preparing for it. right now, it's just me, my music and that oval. and going for better everytime.

celebrations

six celebrations. i had to plan for six dinner parties because of my diverse networks and because of my small place. it had to be in the new house, a sort of house warming cum birthday celebration.

i started last saturday and completed two by sunday evening. im trying different set-ups for each so i could see which one maximizes the space without feeling claustrophobic. saturday was sit-down dinner, family style. that means the food was served on the table for sharing. sunday was buffet cocktails with two stations.

im figuring that the optimum size for gatherings on the POS is 16 pax. the sunday set-up looked good, methinks. the weather and the plants were all cooperating. and i believe even the mosquitoes were unusually behaved. i would have wished for more breeze though.

i chuckle at the comments: bath house inspired. so many nooks and crannies. my bathroom is orgy room. ang plu talaga! but the best ones ive heard talked about the homey feel of the house, the light, positive vibe. i guess the comes from the intent of the house - a labor of love for my parents primarily, in their twilight years.

i may not have that romantic love in my life, but the love of family and friends more than compensates. and for that i am truly grateful.

words that ring true...

...cut deep

i was at a party with a date. one of the guests was some sort of crush ng bayan, an elusive bachelor with impressive credentials. most of us there found it fascinating that he finally came to one of our parties and actually stayed a while to have fun.

i had a crush on him, too. though i didnt pursue him because he seemed to have his sights on another, a good friend. but this time was a rare opportunity. and as we were cajoling him, teasing him, my date whispered "you are shamelessly flirting with him. it's so blatant, not a hint of subtlety."

that was a slap on my face. not a welcome one. but a needed one. i thought i could get away with flirting with him clandestinely. unconsciously, it was for all the world to see. and i felt so ashamed i shut up all throughout the ride going home with him.

he said it not with so much malice. yet the words cut deep. and i could only bow in shame.

from a raider, i get this comment:

been your reader for quite a while and you seem to like being the one adored. why not try pursuing someone you really like who's oblivious to your presence? guys who are easy to bed are easy to forget. on the other hand, guys who want their suitors (?) go the extra mile are worth keeping.

challenge yourself. always getting what you want the easy way just dont cut it. i mean, aren't you tired of these situationships you're getting yourself into?

good luck and advance birthday greetings!

-piscean-

this made me think more than twice. you seem to like being the one adored. how totally transparent, totally wanting affirmation. up to this point, it's still that need to be affirmed. this serial situationships i've been having are motivated by these. not just from the people i date but from my friends, my acquaintances who find it amazing i seem to have all these dates. a different date every party. a parade of trophies. much like the way i display other possessions. i have been so mean and cruel.

piscean's 2nd point i also found worth pondering. i would be humbled so much by someone who doesnt care much about "me". it has always been natural of me to go out or ask out those i find interested in me. now, i am challenged to find that someone i truly like who is oblivious to me.

another paradigm shift. the realizations, the learnings never stop. the most powerful ones are painful, not just to me but to others i hurt.

i am so sorry.

kailangan lang mailabas.

ganito nga siguro habang tumatanda.
mas lalong nagiging emo.
dati ang term ay 'sensitive'
ngayon, emo na.

ang hirap lang isipin na parang di na marunong tumibok yung puso
yung tibok na pangmatagalan
maski sino siguro ang iharap sa akin
hanggang umpisa lang ang kilig
lalaho at magsasawa rin

sinusubukan ko naman
di ako nagkukulang sa pagsubok
kaya nga pinapasok yung gray area na yan
para hayaang mag-develop yung damdamin

kaso, maski mahaba man o maikli yung period na yan
yang situationship na yan, sa wala rin nauuwi

palapit pa naman ang birthday ko
akala ko maiiba na ang tema ng buhay ko
hay di pa rin

ang kailangan ko na sigurong tanggapin
ay talagang wala nang para sa akin
sa kalawakan ng mundong eto
kasi ako ang may problema
ako ang ayaw mag-commit
ako ang sawain
ako ang takot

sana mapigilan ko na rin ang sarili kong
magkagusto
para di na ako makasakit ng tao
kung bato rin naman na ang puso ko
sana isama na rin pati mata ko, pandinig ko
pakiramdam ko at puson ko

i swear this sounds like a telenovela monologue
apologies.

WARNING: here's another one...

and in my continuing emo mood, i present another oldie. look at this as my way of teaching you young 'uns some music history.

here are some excerpts that resonate...

the hardest thing ive ever done is keep believing
there's someone in this crazy world for me...

...I used to say no promises lets keep it simple
but freedom only helps to say goodbye...

...i know i ask perfection of a quite imperfect world
and fool enough to think that's what ill find

My Plants on the POS

plant on top is called yesterday, today and tomorrow. i bought this with no flowers at all. this is the first bloom. it changes from violet to pink to white (hence the name! machong-macho no?)
middle photo - blue/violet forget me nots and the yellow lantana. the forget me nots are in full bloom
bottom photo - same plants at a different angle showing the foxtail palms

CAUTION: HOT SURFACE

kay aga-aga, uminit ang ulo ko...

WARNING: Emo Moodstorm Passing

What kind of fool am I
Who never fell in love
It seems that I'm the only one
that I have been thinking of

What kind of man is this?
An empty shell-
A lonely cell in which
an empty heart must dwell

What kind of lips are these
That lied with every kiss
That whispered empty words of love
that left me alone like this

Why can't I fall in love
Like any other man
And maybe then I'll know what kind of fool I am.

What kind of clown am I?
What do I know of life?
Why can't I cast away the mask of play
and live my life?

Why can't I fall in love
Till I don't give a damn
And maybe then I'll know what kind of fool I am


toys cannot compensate.
they merely distract.
an old, old song asks the question.
no answers though.

another toy

finally, i bought this audio-video surround receiver (AVR) from denon! i've always dreamed of a professional audio set up to accompany the LED & blu ray. this avr is a good entry level, i was told. i love the way all my equipment will connect to this. i've connected the blu ray, 2 dvd players, vhs (yes i still have that), ipod and cable tv! and with just one HDMI cable, it goes to the LED TV. amazing! it's 7.1channel, with multi-zone capability (i can put two speakers in another room/zone. i can have music in that room while watching dvd in the bed/main room, all from one amplifier.

i'm waiting for the speakers to arrive. i bought dali front, center and a polk sudio sub. but for now, i've connected my old speakers and they're sounding great!

i designed the chest of drawers cum av cabinet myself. the avr sits on the middle shelf, the blu ray on top, dvd 1 on top of the vhs on shelf 1, the old dvd 2 on the last shelf. i dont have to leave the room no more...

suddenly i see them everywhere

i never took notice of plants before. only if these are arranged beautifully in a garden or some landscape.

but now that i have developed this love for flora, im seeing plants, appreciating it everywhere. i start to appreciate the bouganvillas all abloom on walls and fences along the way. i've been passing the same roads for years and years. only now do i notice the beauty in such simple things. even plants in make-shift pots, as long as they look healthy, cared for, i notice and am grateful for.

im turning green, and not just because i have a hybrid vehicle now. im turning green because i really see the beauty in a green world.

and the best part of it is... its always been here. i just never bothered to see.

then reality

i arrived ahead of iggy at the appointed place, a wholesome family restaurant that served alcohol drinks. he was apologetic, arriving late. and it was the first time i saw him wearing just a plain v-neck shirt. he maintains himself well.

i was unsure of how this would turn out. so i played it very conservatively, making sure that the conversation remained business-like. and that was what happened pretty much. iggy was excited to share some other product offerings he was developing on his own. and he felt strongly about how useful it would be for the company.

his face is just lovely to look at. gwapo talaga para sa akin. save for the receding hairline (which fits him and he doesnt bother to conceal), his eyes, his nose, his lips, his skin was just perfect.

business talk gave in to some small talk about personal lives. he is married, very much, with kids. and i noted how he glowed talking about his daughter, his son.

he asked me a bit of myself. i hesitated to say much, except for the usual 'safe answers' (busy with work, personal projects, gym, etc) and he didnt probe either. the first meeting was short. after just two drinks, we decided to call it a night. and to keep in touch once there are developments on the proposal.

as i left, i had just one word in my mind- DILF. he is one certified DILF. but that DILF will remain a fantasy, out of my reach.

so i start the process of disengaging my self. i did assure him my support for the product in as far as i would review the need for it. so after that, i wasnt expecting much.

what puzzles me from time to time would be those 'hey kamusta ka" messages out of the blue. and the occasional "takbo naman tayo". and there was this time he was asking if i needed a cellphone. i told him i dont. he was offering two n97's for sale at a good price. i told him id try to offer it at the office. then i got a follow-up message "bigay ko sana sa aking new found friend for his birthday very soon kaso can't afford ako" wtf? i found that message uncalled for. a pa-sweet message? i just answered "its the thought that counts, im sure appreciated niya yun!"

but what the hell. the guy is just being a true salesman, a salesman who believes that a friendship is the best foundation for a sale!

dilemma

a dear friend's dilemma:

she's advanced in age has shied away from regular check-ups, hospital-phobic. a fervent catholic. cheerful, sweet and just beautiful.

she discovered lumps in her breasts. tried to ignore but felt them anyway. she was finally convinced to have it checked. medical advice was surgical removal soonest.

with more people finding out about her condition, opinions start pouring in. both for and against the surgery. of course, the pro-camp is clearly medical and traditional (early detection, lower risks, etc). the anti-camp talks about alternative ways of healing, of faith intervening, of surgery complications.

she is leaning towards not having the operation. the costs, the anxiety, the depression after, the dread of knowing that it will be cancer. and the plethora of alternative ways of healing. ultimately, she sees it as a test of her faith. that Jesus will heal her.

what would you tell her?

up close and personal

"i know you'll really find the service very useful for your employees. thanks for seeing me on such short notice. i've really been bugging your driver to get me an appointment with you."

i was stunned. here in front of me, finally, was innova guy (iggy for short). after weeks of fleeting glances by my window, he's inside my office, sitting in front of me.

i find him extremely attractive. more so now, up close. the nose, the lips, the penetrating eyes. the diction is good, the voice is manly.

and the wedding ring where it should be.

"thanks, iggy. ill just wait for your proposal. ive discussed my concerns about the product. id like to see how you'd address them." a firm handshake and he walked out the door.

its just so funny to think that it has finally happened. i have finally met him. and he's every bit as delish. hehehe.

walking back to the office after lunch, i saw him outside, chatting with my driver. he waved and i waved back, with a huge smile and left them. a few minutes later, i receive an sms.

"hey cc, this is iggy. this is my number"

"got it, iggy. glad you got my full name right."

"hahaha, i needed practice for that."

"well, your last name is pretty hard to spell, too."

"its 100% pinoy. btw, do you drink?'

my eyebrows started to rise. "yeah, not much though. a bottle or two. you?"

"same here. just two bottles. if you're not too busy, lets have a drink soon."

my eyebrows were all over the place. "sure. ill check my free time"

"great"

the hardinero in me

i never thought id actually enjoy doing this.

since i started buying plants for the new house, particularly those for the peace of sky (POS), ive been bitten by the gardener's bug. its amazing how de-stressing gardening could be. every morning, i spent some time with the plants, misting their leaves (the gardener usually has watered them). my landscape architect-friend encourages me to talk to them. so i do. i tell them about my sexcapades. LOL. seriously, i do say hi to the plants. he chose perennially flowering plants for the POS. and its been so exciting seeing the plants start to grow and bloom.

everyday, i notice something new. a new growth here. a bud showing up there. and it gives me such immense joy. truly! my friend is pleasantly surprised to see the plants acclimatized so soon to the new home. plants do go through some 'shock' transferring from the soil they were used to, to the new environment. sometimes 'nagtatampo' muna.

but my plants seem to have a very short learning curve! i already see the buds coming out, new leaves in different places. so beautiful...

signs of old age, maybe? hahaha but then again, i wouldnt mind growing old in the company of these plants... when they are in full bloom, ill start to post some pics!

pocahontas on steroids

avatar, that is. a belated review. yeah, yeah, im such a loser having watched the movie just now. 3D imax. cool. my problems with 3D: one of my eyes is not as clear as the other. so there is some impairment there. and it takes some adjustment. i was getting dizzy during the first scenes (in the sleeping chambers). the foreground elements become distracting at certain points, put there to relay depth. finally, there's still motion blur. this, i guess, will improve soon. well this is the future of movies so i might as well get used to it.

im just so amazed with director james cameron. how does he do it? how could he know the pulse of a new generation of movie goers so much to be able to create this mega blockbuster? how could he do it so consistently? this used to be steven spielberg's domain.

actually, everything in avatar is on steroids. nature and technology, all notched several levels up. love the bioluminescence during night time. floating islands? with waterfalls? omg.

indigenous people. so 80's. i would have thought they'd be referred to using more advanced terminology. hehe.

like the twist: our hero is physically challenged. who gets to play out a dream, a fantasy in real life.

neural remote control of another biological entity, a hybrid. i can now imagine the blu ray version having a long discussion of the possibilities of such as an additional feature.

on the downside. well, characters are pretty one-dimensional, clearly delineated. especially the corporate honcho. ouch. hehe

i hope there is no sequel or prequel. hehe. that doesnt seem to be cameron's style. can't wait for the blu ray.

luna-sex

midnight. fullest of moons of the year on a cloudless night.
the landscape bathed in this glow of luna's light
romance not just in the air. in the foliage. in the concrete.
in the stars.
a torso bare, on the lounging chair.
skin shimmering in this luminescence.
hands, lips glide. surface on surface, smooth meets hard.
then.
wave upon wave. spasm upon spasm.
closed eyes see. ecstasy. surreal.
bodies spent. not a drop wasted.